Do-it-yourself funerals

March 12, 2006 11:15 AM

Home funerals Think the cost of funerals is out of control? Do it yourself!
posted by annieb (79 comments total)

I found the thought of doing a home funeral to be a bit of a throw-back to the 19th century, and early 20th. I don't know what states don't allow this, but one of them's probably mine. ;o)
posted by annieb at 11:17 AM on March 12, 2006

Nice post, annieb. I've been toying with the idea of just being wrapped in a wool blanket and buried under the huge oak tree in the back yard.
posted by sluglicker at 11:34 AM on March 12, 2006

Somewhat related is this company doing natural "green" burials. There was mefi thread about it a couple years ago, but I can't find it.
posted by wsg at 11:46 AM on March 12, 2006

My dad always said to put him on an ice floe.
posted by onegreeneye at 11:46 AM on March 12, 2006

annieb, don't you mean home funerals are a throwback to all of human history? The 19th, early 20th centuries was when the practice of burying loved ones personally, stopped.

I think it's a shame really, especially considering the funeral "home" business in it's current incarnation. People should be allowed to do this, just notify the sheriff, and dig the hole 6 feet deep.
posted by kuatto at 11:47 AM on March 12, 2006

You're right, kuatto, all of human history. And it's true, the costs of modern 'Funerals' are more than can be afforded by many families. Of course, you could donate your remains to science. They return you, cremated, about six months to a year later, no charge. Even to be cremated, they try to get you to buy a casket. For what? Just set me on a pyre and burn me up...
posted by annieb at 11:52 AM on March 12, 2006

DIY - I'd like to dig a hole into the side of a mountain in the deserts of northwest Nevada and mummify myself and all my belongings and seal up the hole with a giant rock and rest eternal.
posted by stbalbach at 11:53 AM on March 12, 2006

When my mother died several years ago (and we were going the cremation route), my sister and I called around to some funeral homes to see how much it cost.

One funeral home guy had the nerve to say to me in a snotty voice, "Well, I can see that cost is an issue." They actually expect you to damn near give them a blank check!

My sister and I still laugh about this dude's attitude years later. Funeral homes prey on folks when they are vulnerable.
posted by bim at 11:53 AM on March 12, 2006

The most important thing to remember: what you want and leave instructions for will not necessarily be honored by those left in charge after you die.However, if your plans are inexpensive, your heirs are more likely to honor them.
posted by Postroad at 11:59 AM on March 12, 2006

My mother says that when she goes, I should put her in a garbage bag and leave her by the curb.

I say "Mom, why would I waste a perfectly good garbage bag?"
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:00 PM on March 12, 2006

For information/muckraking about funeral costs and regulations and scams, see The American Way of Death Revisited, by Jessica Mitford. It was updated sometime in the 90s, before her own death.
posted by dilettante at 12:05 PM on March 12, 2006

This has to be a joke.
posted by fandango_matt at 12:06 PM on March 12, 2006

Although I do not live in Texas anymore, most of my family still resides there. My mother and step-father set aside an acre on their ranch as a "burial plot" for the family.

At first, one of my sisters and I discussed how odd this sounded.... but then my older sister passed away. We held the ceremony in my mother's garden, and then buried her on my family's property.... quite nice, actually.
posted by bradth27 at 12:08 PM on March 12, 2006

stalbach - I like your style.

I wonder how hard it would be to collect a hundred euthanized chihuahuas and have them in the cave with you...
posted by PurplePorpoise at 12:11 PM on March 12, 2006

Aren't there laws in many states, promoted of course by the funeral industry, specifically prohibiting you from doing this? It was my impression that home funerals are illegal in most places.
posted by LarryC at 12:23 PM on March 12, 2006

#stbalbach: I'd like to dig a hole into the side of a mountain in the deserts of northwest Nevada Jerusalem and ... and seal up the hole with a giant rock
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 12:29 PM on March 12, 2006

I think the laws are against burying bodies in the yard (wait, that sounds like some sort of serial killer MO). I think the prohibition extends to where you are buried, not where your funeral is held. I could be wrong, though my grandmother was buried under a tree she picked out in Maine some years back (cremated, of course, so I guess the placement of ashes doesn't matter). Anyone out there know the legalities involved?
posted by annieb at 12:33 PM on March 12, 2006

My wife and I are doing a home birth in a couple months.
I don't see why we can't do a home funeral when that time comes.
posted by Balisong at 12:34 PM on March 12, 2006

annieb, excellent FPP. A lot of well known people dying these last few weeks, a number of them discussed here in MetaFilter, from Don Knotts, Betty Friedan, Dana Reeve to Milosevic. Interesting to think about the practical details of the mortal remains. Discussion of home and D.I.Y. funerals is more common these days for a variety of reasons. There is a home funeral movement and a number of good books on the subject, including Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers. “Final Arrangements,” May 2001 Issue of Consumer Reports. And a Funeral Consumers Alliance.

I've thought about what I'd like to have done with my body after I exit this mortal coil. I'd like to try and make it as affordable/convenient as possible for those taking care of my remains. There are a few basic sites, like this one and more extensive info here. Here are a few of the state-by-state legal statutes about Caring For Your Own Dead.
posted by nickyskye at 12:50 PM on March 12, 2006

Here is some info on state laws. It says: Caring for your own dead is permitted in ALL states with the following conditions or exceptions: ...

I particularly like the quote

Funeral directors are not licensed in Colorado, so anyone can be a "funeral director."

posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 12:52 PM on March 12, 2006

Here is a website for a PBS special "A Family Undertaking", it includes an "Ask and Expert" section. Skimming through the Q&As, it looks like home funerals are legal in most places, though with a confusing number of state and local restrictions/permit requirements for things like transporting a body. Where you can bury your dead is tightly restricted within city limits. It sounds like something you really need to have prepared for ahead of time. The Funeral Consumers Alliance helps people bury their own dead and deal with the funeral industry.

/where is ColdChef for this thread?
posted by LarryC at 1:00 PM on March 12, 2006

I want my funeral to be the most expensive celebration of the death of a human being imaginable.

As per my orders, my heir will be required to construct a massive pyramid with a launch tube protruding from its center.
After my body has been carefully mummified, I wish it to be shot into high orbit, where it will remain for exactly 100 days, until it breaks orbit and careens into the sun.
posted by Tennyson D'San at 1:03 PM on March 12, 2006

ICE OFTEN CRUCIAL

Heh.
posted by eustacescrubb at 1:04 PM on March 12, 2006

The home funeral movement, however, is not likely to drive a stake into the well-established death-care industry
there's something about that sentence...
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 1:35 PM on March 12, 2006

I've left careful instructions to my family. When I die, they are to let me rot a bit in a non-air-conditioned room for a few days and then throw my corpse into the lobby of the White House. Sounds reasonable.
posted by allen.spaulding at 1:42 PM on March 12, 2006

The tradition here in Kyrgyzstan, and I think in other parts of the ex Soviet Union, is to have the body on display in the apartment where the person lived until it's time to take them to be buried.

It's a little strange for me as an outsider. They leave the lid of the coffin propped up down at the front landing, advertising the opportunity for one and all to come see the open house / view the dead guy.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:44 PM on March 12, 2006

I've left careful instructions to my family. When I die, they are to let me rot a bit in a non-air-conditioned room for a few days and then throw my corpse into the lobby of the White House.

LOL
posted by nickyskye at 1:54 PM on March 12, 2006

The first time I'd heard of a home funeral was in the Australian documentary Losing Layla. I cried for hours after seeing poor Layla in her mother's arms after she'd been dead for a week. And then I attended a Maori funeral, where the open coffin lay at home for a week before being shipped back to the marae for burial.

I think it's a great idea, allowing people to say everything they want to their loved one before their bodies are gone for good.
posted by goo at 1:58 PM on March 12, 2006

I want a Jazz Viking funeral. Brass band procession with second lining, followed by being burned on a raft.
posted by brundlefly at 2:11 PM on March 12, 2006

And then my father did say to stick him out by the curb in a hefty bag on trash pickup day.

I think we'll spring for one of those nice heavy duty big 'ol leaf bags. Something like the 30 gallon size. Might as well go all out :>
posted by bim at 2:20 PM on March 12, 2006

My old man told the story about an eccentric farmer who held the funeral for his wife at the farm. After they lowered the coffin into the grave, the guy walked over to his bulldozer, fired it up and filled in the grave (I assume he dug the grave with the bulldozer also).
There's a graveyard in the middle of a huge woods on the eastern shore of maryland that has been used by a black community for many years (hundreds?) It is now surrounded by the fields of private farms, so they load the coffin on a hay wagon and tow it to the cemetary with a tractor. The only way I know about it is my car broke down and I asked the person who lived in the nearest house if I could leave it there. She said just don't block the right of way to this dirt road and told me the story.
posted by 445supermag at 3:38 PM on March 12, 2006

I think a veteran is entitled to a flag and a free burial space in a cemetery such as Willamette National Cemetery in Portland, Oregon. The rest of the procedures - embalming, cremation, urn, casket etc., would be paid for by the veteran's estate.
posted by Cranberry at 4:15 PM on March 12, 2006

445supermag, cool story. There are black cemeteries like that all over the south and east coasts. It's remarkable that it is still operational, things do not change quickly on the Eastern Shore of MD.
posted by stbalbach at 4:41 PM on March 12, 2006

bim writes "Funeral homes prey on folks when they are vulnerable."

It's a good idea to plan even if you don't prepay.

I'm indifferent to where my funeral takes place but I want to be cremated in a casket of my own manufacture. I've started collecting wood for this purpose already. Though I've started to think that I should crank out a back up casket just in case I don't get the primary done in time.
posted by Mitheral at 4:47 PM on March 12, 2006

/where is ColdChef for this thread?

Reading the thread and kind of laughing to myself.

Here's the thing: you have to get to the nature of what a funeral is, and it's not just a disposal process. It's a way to honor the life of the individual.

I can't tell you how many people tell me daily, "Oh, when I die, I don't want a fuss. Just bury me as simply as possible, with as little cost to my family as possible." And I fight the urge to ask them why their monastic impulses don't extend to their life as well as their death. There are cheap cars, cheap homes, cheap food. So, why don't you live your life so that a cheap funeral is at least in line with your purchasing trend.

But I don't. Because I know it's a futile discussion. People think they are the ones who will break mankind's obsession with honoring the dead. But the truth of the matter is, when their time comes, their family and the ones who love them will probably honor them with a (admittedly expensive) casket and burial service. Or they'll cremate them (in an also admittedly expensive process) and either treasure their ashes or scatter them.

I make a decent living, sure. But I daily deal with things that many people would be emotionally and physically devastated to deal with. I'm not asking for a prize. I have trained for this. It's a job, like others.

But sometimes it's more than a job. Sometimes, it's a ministry. I don't work for SCI or any of the funeral conglomerates. I work for my family's funeral home. Started by my grandfather and his brother, sold to my father and his brother, and now I work side by side with my two sisters and my brother. And we care for the dead.

Am I opposed to home funerals? Not at all. It's a noble idea. It's a way for a family to take care of the final needs of their loved ones. But it's simply not feasible for most people. Your mom may be a great cook, but that doesn't mean she could easily cater your wedding.

I could go on and on about health issues and purging fluids, how hard it actually is to dig a six foot hole (it sucks without a backhoe), and the difficulty in jumping through the legal loopholes necessary to have the government recognize that you are, in fact, no longer of this earth, but until you're faced with the situation, it's hard to know how clearheaded you'd be.

Despite what another poster said about how undertakers prey on the bereaved, I've seen more dishonesty in the clergy than I have in the funeral industry. They're not all saints, but they're not all used car salesmen either.

So, continue to plan your body disposals and elaborate send-offs, because a healthy view on death can help you lead a happy life...to much of life is spent fearing death. But keep in the back of your mind that when you finally trip the light eternal, your closest loved ones will be so bereft at the loss of you that they'll be functionally useless to take care of you.

And then, I'll get a call in the middle of the night, and I'll get up and put on my black suit. And I'll come to where your body lies, and I'll carefully remove you from the hospital or your home, or from the side of the road. And I'll tell your relatives to come see me in the morning, and we'll decide what to do next. And I'll take your body and have it prepared so that the last time they see you on earth, you're not covered in blood or sickly pale. And I'll wash and dress you, and make you look as best I can. And I'll try to give you a ceremony befitting your status in the community and in the world, to your family's specifications. I won't sell them a casket or a vault or a cremation, but they can buy all of those from me. I provide the start of closure. And that's what I do.

Sorry for going on and on like this.
posted by ColdChef at 4:47 PM on March 12, 2006

Many people today live or work away from their homes or families and when they die they have to be shipped back. I recently learned that morticians get a free airline ticket for every fifteen bodies they ship by air.
posted by roboto at 4:47 PM on March 12, 2006

Now to address a few things in this thread:

People should be allowed to do this, just notify the sheriff, and dig the hole 6 feet deep.

Fine for folks living in the country, not so good for urban centers.

Of course, you could donate your remains to science. They return you, cremated, about six months to a year later, no charge. Even to be cremated, they try to get you to buy a casket. For what?

Not necessarily true. Science (or SCIENCE!) has more bodies than it can use. Especially here on the Gulf Coast. Science turns bodies away 80% of the time. What's a good candidate? Died young, lived lightly, left a good corpse. Everyone else? Not so much. Oh, and you will usually be charged for the cremation. As for as getting you to buy a casket, we never do that, because it's ridiculous to us, too. Think cardboard box.

The most important thing to remember: what you want and leave instructions for will not necessarily be honored by those left in charge after you die.However, if your plans are inexpensive, your heirs are more likely to honor them.

True to a certain degree. I've had plenty of families come in and, despite their loved one's requests, they've upgraded on the goods and services. Funerals are for the living, not the dead, and I'll honor you any damn way I feel like it.
posted by ColdChef at 4:55 PM on March 12, 2006

Aren't there laws in many states, promoted of course by the funeral industry, specifically prohibiting you from doing this? It was my impression that home funerals are illegal in most places.

Home funerals? No problem. Home burials? Whole different thing, varying from state to state and also town to town.
posted by ColdChef at 4:56 PM on March 12, 2006

Also, Tennyson D'San call me. We'll talk.
posted by ColdChef at 4:57 PM on March 12, 2006

I think a veteran is entitled to a flag and a free burial space in a cemetery such as Willamette National Cemetery in Portland, Oregon. The rest of the procedures - embalming, cremation, urn, casket etc., would be paid for by the veteran's estate.

They also get a vault, a headstone, and the space above (or below) them for their spouse. They do, though, have to pay for the rest themselves.
posted by ColdChef at 4:59 PM on March 12, 2006

I recently learned that morticians get a free airline ticket for every fifteen bodies they ship by air.

I think that's only on JetBlue, but I'm all over that!
posted by ColdChef at 5:00 PM on March 12, 2006

Wow ColdChef, moving post. A next door neighbor of mine burned to death. She had no relatives in America and I was grateful when her two kind co-workers arranged for the local funeral home to take care of her body because I was lost about what to do, all the steps involved. Would it be alright if I asked you in AskMeFi, what are the basic steps of dealing with the body of a person who dies?
posted by nickyskye at 5:02 PM on March 12, 2006

ColdChef writes "how hard it actually is to dig a six foot hole (it sucks without a backhoe)"

I can verify that, I've dug a hole that size by hand twice. Once in sandy silt and the second time in clay. Took me three days the first time and five the second. Mind you I was wheelbarrowing the dirt away too but still not a fun or fast job.
posted by Mitheral at 5:06 PM on March 12, 2006

what are the basic steps of dealing with the body of a person who dies?

I'm not sure what you mean. Do you mean what "we" do or what you should do?
posted by ColdChef at 5:07 PM on March 12, 2006

Oh wow, you're quick in replying. :) Thanks. I meant what should I do? "Can anyone tell me about the legal, practical stages/steps of dealing with a person who dies, their dead body? I live in NYC but imagine the steps must be pretty similar all over the US and Europe too." sort of question.
posted by nickyskye at 5:16 PM on March 12, 2006

ColdChef: JetBlue, USAir, & Delta for sure.

The ickiest part to me is the embalming process. Is it mandatory? I guess you would need it for an open casket funeral, but would you have to for a closed casket? Do people ever get freeze dried? Are there any cool new technologies?
posted by roboto at 5:23 PM on March 12, 2006

Well, I know this won't be a popular answer (and it'll of course sound self-serving), but when a person dies, my recommendation would be to contact a local funeral home. They'll know all of the ins and out of the local laws and they're trained to handle everything involved. I'd be hesitant to recommend handling this type of thing yourself, for the reasons I stated above.
posted by ColdChef at 5:25 PM on March 12, 2006

ok, thanks.
posted by nickyskye at 5:28 PM on March 12, 2006

The ickiest part to me is the embalming process. Is it mandatory? I guess you would need it for an open casket funeral, but would you have to for a closed casket? Do people ever get freeze dried? Are there any cool new technologies?

It's not required for a closed casket, as long as you do it quickly. Otherwise, the smell can be...offputting. I've heard that freeze drying is happening somewhere in Europe, in fact, it was posted here on MetaFilter. It hasn't taken off here yet, though.
posted by ColdChef at 5:28 PM on March 12, 2006

roboto, there is the plasticized option. :)
posted by nickyskye at 5:29 PM on March 12, 2006

ok, thanks.
posted by nickyskye at 7:28 PM CST on March 12 [!]

I'm not trying to be dismissive, please believe me. If I can help you in any way (and this goes for any MetaFite) feel free to email me.
posted by ColdChef at 5:30 PM on March 12, 2006

It's important to note that not all families are that gregarious with friends far and wide wanting to stop by to pay their respects. Never mind the situation where a surviving spouse has extremely shaky finances. Never mind dysfunctional families.

If folks want a big blowout for a funeral and can afford it, that's there perogative. But there is nothing wrong with skipping a big shindig -- and folks shouldn't feel remiss for choosing that. Everyone's circumstances differ.

As far as people not wanting cheap cars and such, yet wanting a cheap funeral, there's an easy explanation. The deceased was around to enjoy a nice car. S/he isn't going to get much of a thrill -- cheap or otherwise -- out of a fancy funeral. It would be better to let the spouse or kids keep the money to spend on something more critical.

Regarding the expense of a cremation, it was very reasonably priced. It cost about $800 (5 years or so ago) from a funeral home that was part of the Cremation Society of America. The funeral home was very nice, everyone was respectful, and the family had a last visit before doing the paperwork.

By comparison, most non-affiliated funeral homes wanted far more than for the same simple cremation (without any public viewing or service). That, in my estimation, is a rip-off and constitutes preying on people when they are vulnerable. I can't speak for what happes elsewhere in other funeral homes. I am relaying my personal experience.

The bottom line is than funeral homes are a business.

ps. When it came time to pay, we looked around and my sister decided to put it on her credit card. This later gave us a good laugh and seemed fitting given my mother compulsively spent and had run the credit cards up to the max! I could go on, but I won't. It was like something out of a Faulkner novel. And we haven't even gotten to my aunt who carries a gun in her purse and was pissed about how we did things....
posted by bim at 5:30 PM on March 12, 2006

As far as people not wanting cheap cars and such, yet wanting a cheap funeral, there's an easy explanation. The deceased was around to enjoy a nice car. S/he isn't going to get much of a thrill -- cheap or otherwise -- out of a fancy funeral. It would be better to let the spouse or kids keep the money to spend on something more critical.

Some people value the knowledge that they laid their loved one to rest in a shiny box and surrounded them with flowers. As I said, the funeral is for the living. We do what we do because it give people peace of mind. That's what they're paying for. As I said, I don't sell these things, people buy them from me.

The bottom line is than funeral homes are a business.

I respectfully disagree with your bottom line, but it's hard to argue with experiences like yours. I hope that the next time you're faced with something like this, you find a funeral home with more compassion.
posted by ColdChef at 5:36 PM on March 12, 2006

ColdChef, I understand completely where you're coming from, and have no issues with them as like expensive funerals, but ...

I have lived my live on the cheap, with great pleasure and gusto. When I got married, we cooked the food and catered it ourselves, and used other cost-saving measures, and depsite my having an enormously large family, brought it in cheaply and with everyone at least saying they had a good time. I've never paid more than $500 dollars for a car. And so on.

When I die, I'd be perfectly happy to go in a cardboard box, and when my loved ones die, I'd be perfectly happy to put them in a cardboard box, and do not think I will be dishonoring them or myself by doing so. I'll honor and remember them in my own way.

I realize that there are health issues, and legal issues, and it will not be free, but ... it seems like most of the options are So. Incredibly. Expensive. It's not that I have an issue with the idea of an expensive funeral, burial, or cremation, it's that it seems so hard to find one that ISN'T expensive. That is genuinely my preference, and I dislike that the choices offered genuinely seem to be expensive, or ... more expensive.

I understand that, in crisis, opinions can change, but ... darn, it would be nice to have the option.
posted by kyrademon at 5:47 PM on March 12, 2006

CC -- Some folks value all the funeral hoopla and some don't. I completely understand why some folks may want that. My point was that there is nothing wrong with NOT wanting all that. We didn't need or want a shiny (expensive) box with lots of flowers. And we had more than enough peace of mind.

And I'm sure you do your job well and you truly seem like a compassionate guy. But a funeral home is a business. It's a job. Funeral services aren't free. The whole saga that I described took place in Baltimore. And we called about a half dozen funeral homes to see what the deal was. They were all way over priced as compared to the CSA affiliated funeral home that we ultimately chose. We all were very satisfied and said that the same place was just fine with us when we died.

Anyway, no hard feelings, coldchef. :)

...and this thread exemplifies what I like about MeFi folks. There is no question to large or small to be addressed here in MeFi usual unique fashion.
posted by bim at 5:52 PM on March 12, 2006

kyrademon writes "It's not that I have an issue with the idea of an expensive funeral, burial, or cremation, it's that it seems so hard to find one that ISN'T expensive."

Check out burial societies if there is one in your area. Basic services here start from under $500.
posted by Mitheral at 5:56 PM on March 12, 2006

They'll know all of the ins and out of the local laws and they're trained to handle everything involved.

Indeed. The last time I saw a DIY burial was in "Goodfellas".
posted by gimonca at 5:58 PM on March 12, 2006

When I die, I'd be perfectly happy to go in a cardboard box, and when my loved ones die, I'd be perfectly happy to put them in a cardboard box, and do not think I will be dishonoring them or myself by doing so. I'll honor and remember them in my own way.

I hope I didn't suggest that any other way would be dishonorable. Because that's not how I feel. I believe in the right service for the right family. I only mentioned what I did to show that there is "value" in an expensive coffin inasmuch as the family values it. But, you are exactly right, if you don't put any value in it, you shouldn't feel the need for the extravagance.

I understand that, in crisis, opinions can change, but ... darn, it would be nice to have the option.

The best thing you can do is start planning as soon as you can. Today if you'd like. As people have mentioned, there are burial societies everywhere (and if there isn't, feel free to start one), and that can keep costs at a level that is comfortable to you.
posted by ColdChef at 6:09 PM on March 12, 2006

Thanks for this FPP, though I do think you could have added a few more links for further reading.

I'm gonna look into home burials, I think that I could do it, though it sounds like being prepared before someone dies is key.

Thanks ColdChef, for speaking so well to your oft loathed industry. You've changed my mind--a little.
posted by recurve at 6:11 PM on March 12, 2006

Thanks, ColdChef and Mitheral. I'll look into those.
posted by kyrademon at 6:12 PM on March 12, 2006

Amusingly enough, the first google hit for:

"burial society" cheap

turned out to be

this ask metafilter post.
posted by kyrademon at 6:24 PM on March 12, 2006

re: freeze drying & new mort tech:

"Why don't you get Granny to blow them out?" cracks Tim...

"You know that Granny Esther can't do that," Gloria admonishes. "If you don't blow out the candles, then there'll be no presents for you, young man."

"Whatever!" spits Tim, ripping off his birthday hat and throwing it to the carpet. "This birthday sucks! I'm too old for this. I'm not a baby anymore. I want to go hang out with my friends." Phoenix New Times
posted by roboto at 7:04 PM on March 12, 2006

Here's that 'freeze-dried, vibrated to powder' post.
posted by tellurian at 7:10 PM on March 12, 2006

When I go, I would like my remains run through a power shredder Fargo-style and sprayed into a shallow earth basin around a fruit tree out the back, then covered with twelve inches of woodchip mulch; my fondest wish is to be reincarnated as apricots.

Any clues as to how to get that done, CC?
posted by flabdablet at 7:19 PM on March 12, 2006

(The Preserve-A-Life article is a hoax.)
posted by nev at 7:25 PM on March 12, 2006

coldchef: you are a credit to your industry.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:19 PM on March 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

CC's a credit to the species!

I have lived my live on the cheap, with great pleasure and gusto. [...] I've never paid more than $500 dollars for a car. And so on.

When I die, I'd be perfectly happy to go in a cardboard box, and when my loved ones die, I'd be perfectly happy to put them in a cardboard box, and do not think I will be dishonoring them or myself by doing so. I'll honor and remember them in my own way.

What I planned to say, but better said.

The need for ceremony, I think, is at least in part correlated to the degree with with people are inexperienced with and afraid of death. Me, I've had a lifetime chock full of people kicking off, and much as ceremony and ritual is cathartic, sometimes it's just not all that necessary. Which is what CC eventually ended up saying, as well, I think, so that's all good.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:23 PM on March 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

I plan on rising from the dead.
posted by craven_morhead at 11:05 PM on March 12, 2006

I've handled one death which included two funeral homes. I was fortunate that both had decent operators. One being in Los Angeles and the other Long Island (burial in Brooklyn), you'd think I'd have hit the used-car variety, but I didn't. When my grandfather died, I was shocked at the price charged by the local, family-run funeral home (in Michigan). But I learned my family didn't want to hear about it.

Coldchef is a real gem of a human being, and his words match my experience. It's surprising to me that Death-R-Us chains ever got the upper hand over local businesses.

As for my own remains, cheap is fine by me, but that's really up to what my spouse wants when the time comes. We've talked about it, he leans to the cheap too. For him, I'll bow to the desires of his family, should I be so unfortunate as to survive him (highly unlikely).
posted by Goofyy at 12:21 AM on March 13, 2006 [1 favorite]

When I die, they are to let me rot a bit in a non-air-conditioned room for a few days and then throw my corpse into the lobby of the White House.

No matter WHO's in charge, you'd find people who'd support that.
posted by rough ashlar at 7:44 AM on March 13, 2006

My dad told us (only half-jokingly) that he wanted to be stuffed in a (imagine growling black bear standing up, brandishing its front claws at you) position and placed in the hallway to scare future generations.

Me, I'm for the Swedish freeze drying technique. Although I think I'd rather be re-enfleshed as apples rather than apricots, flabdablet...
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:35 PM on March 13, 2006

I have 30 hobos buried in my basement and doing it at home has saved me no end of headaches.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:41 PM on March 13, 2006

Thank you to everyone for their great links to this thread! And coldchef, I agree with you about the timing. I can't imagine the time and effort it takes to even try to arrange a home viewing. I wish everyone could come across a funeral director as understanding as you, but you are a unique person. I still want to be set afire and scattered in a bird sanctuary! ;o)
posted by annieb at 4:11 PM on March 13, 2006

Once again, CC proves what a fantastic human he is. If I ever die, which isn't on my agenda, I'm going to go hang out in his parlor to expire.

I've actually written some of my wishes in my will, just in case. Basically, I want to be cremated in a ball gown, with my leather jacket and the little cedar boxes of all my various deceased pets. (Well, I figure nobody else will want them after I go, I might as well take them will me and save people the ethical dilemma of what do do with them.) The ball gown, leather jacket and comfy shoes are so I'm dressed for any occasion, cause I dunno if there's a welcoming cotillion at Hel's place, or a long walk...maybe a trip over the Styx...it's just best to be prepared, I always say. So; ball gown, leather jacket, comfy shoes, herd of cats...yep, ready to face the afterlife.
posted by dejah420 at 5:20 PM on March 13, 2006 [1 favorite]

craven_morhead : "I plan on rising from the dead."

I'll do you one better! I'm coming back to feast on the brains of the living.

Astro Zombie : "I have 30 hobos buried in my basement and doing it at home has saved me no end of headaches."

I hope you buried them deep, Astro Zombie.

ColdChef, comment flagged as fantastic. Well put.
posted by graventy at 5:25 PM on March 13, 2006

*steals dejah420's idea*

Also marked ColdChef's first comment as fantastic.
posted by deborah at 6:46 PM on March 13, 2006

Perhaps this is a good finale to this thread -- in case it ever comes up on Jeopardy and such. :>

The economist Jeremy Benthem has some **cough** unique "final wishes."

His sizable estate was left to the University of London on the condition that his body be embalmed in a certain way, stuffed and dressed in his own suit of clothes, and that it attend all meetings of the university's trustees....
posted by bim at 7:53 PM on March 13, 2006

Not bad, but I still prefer the brilliance of Del Close, who gave his skull to the theatre.

(Also, he's already made his stage debut!)
posted by ColdChef at 8:21 PM on March 13, 2006

I still prefer the brilliance of Del Close, who gave his skull to the theatre.

...also quite "unique!" :) People are something else (LOL).
posted by bim at 8:32 PM on March 13, 2006