Good teenagers, take off your clothes!

March 28, 2006 7:56 AM

Are Satanic messages hidden in Catholic art?According to the new documentary Rape of the Soul [embedded Quicktime], the answer is, "so completely yes that you could shit." Featuring such experts as Wilson Bryan Key and Judith Reisman, this movie will literally, physically blow your brain apart by cutting little holes in classic art that might conceivably look like three sixes if you arrange them properly, or maybe finding a small patch of red and black that could look like a lumpy Devil head if you're looking for one and squinting. [via]
posted by Sticherbeast (64 comments total)

"...this movie will literally, physically blow your brain apart..."

Ah, what a shame that it, in fact, does not literally do that. </petpeeve>
posted by Plutor at 8:01 AM on March 28, 2006

Have you seen it, Plutor? How do you know it doesn't?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:03 AM on March 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

Adding the word "physically" to the "literally" was me making a little joke on that frequent solecism.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:03 AM on March 28, 2006

so it's like playing a record backwards?

If you look for something you'll find it. sex scandals in the Catholic church would be solved if they would just provide their Priests with a bit of light relief.
posted by twistedonion at 8:04 AM on March 28, 2006

You know, TPS, I don't know that it doesn't blow the viewer's brain apart. But since so much of a movie's popularity depends on word-of-mouth, it seems kind of.. well.. suicidal, neh?
posted by Plutor at 8:08 AM on March 28, 2006

Never heard of Ringu?
posted by NinjaPirate at 8:12 AM on March 28, 2006

Now I want someone to post that Scanners .gif. THANKS A LOT. LITERALLY.
posted by jenovus at 8:12 AM on March 28, 2006

This one?
posted by bpm140 at 8:18 AM on March 28, 2006

Oh man, did I just take a trip down memory lane...I looked up this Wilson Bryan Key guy and came face to face with the image of a Ritz cracker with "sex" all over it. My grandfather had that book when I was 10 or 11 and just beginning to think about that sort of thing. I used to sneak peeks at it whenever we went to his house and felt dizzingly grown-up with my knowledge of subliminal advertising. I still can't eat a fried clam without getting all hot and bothered.
posted by Biblio at 8:19 AM on March 28, 2006

The big tumbler of scotch that Jesus is holding in the Pieta? If you look at the ice cubes through a pinhole camera at daybreak, you can see naked booby girls. True!
posted by maryh at 8:24 AM on March 28, 2006

If all FPP editorializing was like this, I would get behind the practice wholeheartedly.
posted by GuyZero at 8:24 AM on March 28, 2006

I've always assumed that the Catholic Church has been secretly controlled by Satanists for centuries. Why all the emphasis on abstinence, if not to ensure a ready supply of virgin sacrifices?
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:24 AM on March 28, 2006

posted by sonofsamiam at 8:26 AM on March 28, 2006

"...this movie will literally, physically blow your brain apart..."

*head explodes*
posted by ZenMasterThis at 8:27 AM on March 28, 2006

It goes back even further than the rise of the Catholic Church, of course. Paul himself was Satan’s pawn and it's no coincidence that the history of Christianity literally coincides with the history of Satan (nevermind these pesky Yezidis).

It's my fault really — me and all the other dans — sorry about that.
posted by If I Had An Anus at 8:30 AM on March 28, 2006

More info on Judith Reisman's dishonest approach to research:

Reisman's novel contribution is the suggestion that parts of the elaborate descriptions that Kinsey et al obtained by inmates and sex offenders of the children's sexual behavior...[is] evidence that the children were tortured against their will. The documentary "The Children of Table 34", produced by the conservative Family Research Council, purports to tell the story of Dr. Reisman's discovery of Dr. Alfred Kinsey's systematic sexual abuse of 317 male children".

This claim is denied by the Kinsey Institute, who point out that the diaries containing these quotes were written long before the research was started, and that Reisman has had access to the material showing this.
posted by mediareport at 8:30 AM on March 28, 2006

I also hear that there are 25 million Satanists in America who have dark masses where they rape and eat infants after playing Dungeons and Dragons and infiltrating the schools.

This is another instance of Satanic Panic, where what the "investigators" find says a lot more about their twisted minds than anything about the artists. It's shameful, disgusting mass hysteria - people like Michael A. Calace and organizations like WorldNetDaily are responsible for ruining the lives of innocents because they are obsessed with sex and violence and "dark forces."

Note to fundamentalist Christians and other mental patients: there is no conspiracy. There are not millions of Satanists worldwide conspiring to turn your kids into brunch. There is no evidence that such things have ever occurred, and you should be embarrased that you are so easily led astray.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 8:32 AM on March 28, 2006

"...this movie will literally, physically blow your brain apart..."

Shouldn't this be marked NSFW? Unless you have an office with a door, I mean.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 8:35 AM on March 28, 2006

Customers who liked 911 Eyewitness also liked...
posted by Artw at 8:36 AM on March 28, 2006

posted by driveler at 8:37 AM on March 28, 2006

Oh man, you have no idea how long I looked for "SEX" on ritz crackers. Good to see that nutjob is still cranky out crackpot theorys.
posted by puke & cry at 8:38 AM on March 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

YOUR HEAD A SPLODE
posted by JHarris at 8:51 AM on March 28, 2006

In all seriousness, however, the ruling imagery of the Catholic Church is a feast of torture, repressed sexuality (of all kinds) and pained psycho-sexual symbolism. You don't need a conspiracy theory to explain it. One of the reasons the Church has been so successful through the ages is that it provides an arena for these -- as well as other, more admirable and uplifting aspects of human nature.
posted by Faze at 8:57 AM on March 28, 2006

All we really need to do is use the "Bible Code" techniques to find a few "satanic messages" in Rape of the Soul itself, then push that story as wide and as far as possible.
posted by JHarris at 8:58 AM on March 28, 2006

And then as I read Optimus Chyme's comment about satanic panic I realized I was listening to a track from Of Montreal's Satanic Panic in the Attic. Spoooooooooooky. I don't think anyone could ask for any more clear evidence of these dark forces at work.
posted by shinji_ikari at 9:00 AM on March 28, 2006

I'm pretty sure Gene Ray was one of the experts they interviewed in there.
posted by adamrice at 9:00 AM on March 28, 2006

"Sex and horror is the fuel that promotes the scandalous behavior in the Church".

Funny, I'd thought it was enforced celibacy and psychosexual dysfunction. It turns out to be an age-old species of subliminal seduction. I suppose it's worth noting that I lost my virginity only after I ate a Ritz Cracker.
posted by palinode at 9:02 AM on March 28, 2006

This site loads way too slowly for me to care, but I love the phrase "so completely yes that you could shit."
posted by blacklite at 9:23 AM on March 28, 2006

Just when you think these religious nutjobs can't get any more retarded . . .

Two words: Luciferian simulacra.
posted by Toecutter at 9:23 AM on March 28, 2006

It is unfortunate that the internet has only one exploding head gif. This is why we need the semantic web.
posted by craniac at 9:26 AM on March 28, 2006

get banned bent
posted by Gamblor at 9:26 AM on March 28, 2006

Rape infants?! Dang, all I do after a little D&D is eat Cheetos and watch Spongebob.
posted by Sharktattoo at 9:28 AM on March 28, 2006

This trailer makes me want to kill people. It must be because of the all the subliminal satanic imagery!!

or maybe it's because the people who made the film are all complete tools. Literally!
posted by Parannoyed at 9:36 AM on March 28, 2006

Catholic paintings? You should try to listen to Back backwards!
posted by c13 at 9:46 AM on March 28, 2006

"MetaFilter" is really "Love Satan" twisted inside out and sideways and cubed.
posted by HTuttle at 9:49 AM on March 28, 2006

Is this like Infinite Jest? Will I stick my head in a microwave?
posted by iamck at 9:50 AM on March 28, 2006

> Note to fundamentalist Christians and other mental patients: there is no
> conspiracy. There are not millions of Satanists worldwide conspiring to turn your
> kids into brunch. There is no evidence that such things have ever occurred, and
> you should be embarrased that you are so easily led astray.
> posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:32 AM EST on March 28 [!]

But you would say that, wouldn't you.

posted by jfuller at 9:58 AM on March 28, 2006

They failed to note that if you turn Ronnie James Dio's logo upside down, it says "DEVIL".
posted by First Post at 10:06 AM on March 28, 2006

Why am I not surprised tha Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights is in that trailer?
posted by piratebowling at 10:07 AM on March 28, 2006

I also hear that there are 25 million Satanists in America who have dark masses where they rape and eat infants after playing Dungeons and Dragons and infiltrating the schools.

Sort of true, but it's more that we have dark masses where we complain about the lack of decent lighting and write web pages about the adventures our pets have.

Dungeons and Dragons optional.
posted by illovich at 10:09 AM on March 28, 2006

[removed the spamming comment and followup. MetaTalk is on the scene for followup.]
posted by jessamyn at 10:12 AM on March 28, 2006

I dunno, the whole film sounds like some kind of neo-albigensian plot. I love the heavy handed use of baby pictures in the trailer though. Good to see that someone is thinking about the children.
posted by jrb223 at 10:21 AM on March 28, 2006

What's really great about this is the scrambling for an excuse, a reason, other than personal responsibility, for why the church had a rape scandal.

Ostensibly the excuse/reason would be for us, the public, and we would say "Ah yes, that satanic imagery, always a problem. Glad to have that cleared up. I knew the church wasn't bad."

Except their tool of persuasion is...being batshitinsane. Because anything else, anything reasonable (like some clergy men really did want to stick their penises in boys) doesn't absolve them to themselves.

So they've swayed no one, but boy they sure do feel better.
posted by birdie birdington at 10:31 AM on March 28, 2006

This is awesome. I'm totally adding it under the helpful hints on my google page. Yay content!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:03 AM on March 28, 2006

There are not millions of Satanists worldwide conspiring to turn your kids into brunch.

It happens, and it could happen to you. I first got turned on to Satanism the way most people get exposed to new things, at a party. This one cute girl was like "All the cool kids are going to the dark mass", and I wanted to fit in, so I tried it. At first, it was all fun and games and black velvet robes and blood orgies. But pretty soon they're demanding more and more of your time. "We need you to insert these backwards messages into the new Black Eyed Peas release" and "You have to hide sexually deviant imagery in ceiling of the Sistine Chapel". It's like, guys, I have other stuff going on in my life, too, you know.

Then one day you wake up and realize some asshole has spilled sulfur all over your new carpet and it's your turn to feed the goats again, and you say Why am I doing this? Is this even fun anymore? It used to be about savage hedonism and harvesting souls for the Dark Lord, but now it just seems like a job. I'm just glad to have put the whole scene behind me.
posted by Gamblor at 11:07 AM on March 28, 2006

Nice, robocop. Did you know that the AboveTopSecret guys have started a wiki?
posted by If I Had An Anus at 11:08 AM on March 28, 2006

Well, I mean, of course you know. But do they *makes wide arc with hand* know?
posted by If I Had An Anus at 11:10 AM on March 28, 2006

this is the most amusingly written fpp in recent memory.
posted by shmegegge at 11:12 AM on March 28, 2006

If you imagine it will be there then you will find it, eventually.
posted by fenriq at 11:13 AM on March 28, 2006

Yeah, IIHAA, I've seen that. Once The Author gets off his lazy butt and stops playing Oblivion 24/7, there will be many a link to TinWiki.

I think They smile on the Author's efforts as the universe recently conspired to gift him with a free copy of the Conspiracy Encyclopedia.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:24 AM on March 28, 2006

puke & cry - look at the holes. The letters spelling SEX are superimposed on top of one another. Think spelling BOOBLESS on your LCD calculator back in highschool.


posted by PurplePorpoise at 11:28 AM on March 28, 2006

So this movie could easily be dismissed as a silly little piece of extremist propaganda, like the above conversations.

But it's actually playing in national theater chains. How does that happen?
posted by allan at 11:46 AM on March 28, 2006

Ah, what a shame that it, in fact, does not literally do that. /petpeeve


Literally usually has a second meaning of "virtually." /petpeeve
posted by mrgrimm at 12:06 PM on March 28, 2006

That's weak, PurlplePorpoise. Here I thought if I looked long enough I could see sex there. Letters on top of each other? That Ritz could be telling me ANYTHING!
posted by graventy at 1:13 PM on March 28, 2006

petpeeves /petpeeve
posted by foraneagle2 at 1:26 PM on March 28, 2006

I found that trailer very disappointing. Talking heads and crappy After Effects work? Is it too much to ask for grainy, black and white "reenactments" of priests sacrificing goats or something?
posted by brundlefly at 1:56 PM on March 28, 2006

I have a book somewhere that draws out the different "SEX"s. I guess I should dig that out.
posted by puke & cry at 2:23 PM on March 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: Your head asplode. Literally!
posted by zardoz at 4:09 PM on March 28, 2006

The movie: is it rated R for Ridiculous?
posted by Cranberry at 4:48 PM on March 28, 2006

zOHNOES! POEP IS TEH ANITCHRST!!!11 LITERATURELY!!!!1
posted by wfrgms at 7:18 PM on March 28, 2006

OJ DID IT! Literally, er, I mean, virtually!
posted by soyjoy at 7:37 PM on March 28, 2006

Hieronymus Bosch/Bucketheadsplode
posted by hortense at 8:59 PM on March 28, 2006

Me, I'm waiting for Sister Wendy to weigh in on take her measure of this ...
posted by rob511 at 11:44 PM on March 28, 2006

Literally usually has a second meaning of "virtually."

Are you fucking kidding me? Stupid non-constructed languages. I'm moving to Israel and putting my linguistic future in the hands of The Academy.
posted by Plutor at 10:38 AM on March 29, 2006