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the perfect penis ?
March 29, 2006 3:01 PM   Subscribe

the perfect penis? (very NSFW) guy injects silicon into his groin for several years and ... well...
posted by vronsky (115 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
o god
posted by Dean Keaton at 3:02 PM on March 29, 2006


This is just a guess, but I'm thinking you meant silicone, not silicon. In either case, OUCH!
posted by skeeter1 at 3:07 PM on March 29, 2006


please tell me that's fake.
posted by jessica at 3:07 PM on March 29, 2006


That's a hell of a long way to go to to "challenge peoples ideas of what a penis should look like." It looks heavy to the point of pain.
posted by sgrass at 3:08 PM on March 29, 2006


Silicone - sorry
posted by vronsky at 3:09 PM on March 29, 2006


his eyes give him away as a complete nutcase. A heavy nutcase.
posted by pmbuko at 3:12 PM on March 29, 2006


What a prick.
posted by papakwanz at 3:14 PM on March 29, 2006


dear god no.
posted by puke & cry at 3:16 PM on March 29, 2006 [1 favorite]


yet another reminder that the world is filled with completely fucked up people, but you wouldn't know by looking at them.
posted by crunchland at 3:17 PM on March 29, 2006


Oh my dear lord. That is pretty gross.
posted by arcticwoman at 3:17 PM on March 29, 2006


Looks like he got some silicone into his lips too.
posted by arcticwoman at 3:17 PM on March 29, 2006


My guess is that if he's able to have an erection, he'd pass out and fall over. As would anyone watching.
posted by allen.spaulding at 3:18 PM on March 29, 2006


Somebody please prove that this is a prosthesis. Please.

Can't sleep. Dicks will eat me.
posted by rosemere at 3:20 PM on March 29, 2006 [2 favorites]


Why silicone? Why into his penis? Why? And what is that thing going to look like when he's 80? The weight alone should take it at least down to his knees.
posted by LeeJay at 3:21 PM on March 29, 2006


There's no way that it actually gets erect. The original erectile framework is buried beneath tons of silicone blubber. Nope, this thing is for show, only.

Which makes it really pathetic.
posted by BobFrapples at 3:21 PM on March 29, 2006


banger = mash
posted by rob511 at 3:22 PM on March 29, 2006 [1 favorite]


That's not a package - it's luggage!
posted by Zack_Replica at 3:24 PM on March 29, 2006


And yet 36GGG's get entire websites devoted to them.

What' s the difference? Would women find this as attractive as some men find hugely-distended breasts? Would it be more attractive if it retained more of its original shape versus blobbing into an almost amorphous mass?

The subject is clearly fucked up in da head. But the point raised is a provocative one.
posted by the sobsister at 3:25 PM on March 29, 2006


Where's glider when you need him?

I see this as no different than castration play or anything else. One more thing to stick in the big bucket of, "Different strokes for different folks," I carry around in my head.

What's so special about YOUR penis, anyway? Huh? HUH??
posted by Baby_Balrog at 3:26 PM on March 29, 2006


This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for fighting, this is for - O DEAR GOD!!
posted by papakwanz at 3:28 PM on March 29, 2006


Why couldn't he just buy a Hummer like other insecure guys?
posted by R. Mutt at 3:28 PM on March 29, 2006


This was actually part of "penis week" on Channel 4. All of the docs are easily torrent-able for those of us not in the UK.
posted by FreezBoy at 3:30 PM on March 29, 2006


you should check out the dude's forum (way NSFW).
posted by psychobum at 3:38 PM on March 29, 2006


Thank god this doesn't play properly in Safari.
posted by designbot at 3:38 PM on March 29, 2006


Please tell me it's April 1st and my watch is just wrong.
posted by notmydesk at 3:39 PM on March 29, 2006


The weight alone should take it at least down to his knees.

According to the spam I've been getting, that's what every woman wants.

Can I claw my eyes out now?
posted by bpm140 at 3:42 PM on March 29, 2006


Not to be a prude, but can we resist posting the cheesy, nudity oddball sex videos? I believe there are thousands of college kids who have sites solely for this purpose.
posted by usedwigs at 3:44 PM on March 29, 2006


no. no, we can't. sorry.
posted by crunchland at 3:45 PM on March 29, 2006


This is definitely one of those mefi threads where it's better to read the comments than follow the link.
posted by selfmedicating at 3:46 PM on March 29, 2006


usedwigs, this was better than 50% of today's FPPs. Just sayin'.
posted by rxrfrx at 3:50 PM on March 29, 2006


Somebody please prove that this is a prosthesis. Please.

Nope, definitely real.

There's no way that it actually gets erect.

Nope, and your man doesn't care about that, apparently - having his crazy big knob was clearly all the erotic satisfaction he needs.

The documentary series was pretty good, on the whole, though I really could've done without seeing this bloke's preposterous ultracock - I found it way more distressing than the footage of a penis extension surgery, or the images of a man who had a lengthier replacement for his micropenis (actual medical term!) specially grown on his arm.
posted by jack_mo at 3:54 PM on March 29, 2006


Looks kinda like a Shmoo. Think it likes to be kicked?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 3:57 PM on March 29, 2006


Wow, he gets a lot of praise in that forum.
posted by tellurian at 3:57 PM on March 29, 2006


Still not as bad as this guy.

Dudes, be nice to your penis, it's the only one you've got.
posted by dgaicun at 3:58 PM on March 29, 2006


I guess my ideas were challenged.
posted by PHINC at 3:58 PM on March 29, 2006


That is totally crap.
posted by caddis at 3:59 PM on March 29, 2006


Looks like he got some silicone into his lips too.

according to his tagline on the forum site linked above, he's had 16ml of silicone put into his lips. and "650ml in the dick, 2000ml in the balls, and 1000ml in the ass," for those of you keeping records.

for what it's worth, you know, I feel better about my penis having seen his.
posted by carsonb at 4:00 PM on March 29, 2006


Bee Sting, many bee stings. definitely!!!
posted by adnanbwp at 4:00 PM on March 29, 2006


And yet 36GGG's get entire websites devoted to them. What' s the difference?

Breasts are a visual sexual indicator, likely by evolutionary (or intelligent) design.

The penis is a tactile thing built for direct reproductive function.

Needless to say, my notion of what a penis should be has not been challenged.
posted by pokermonk at 4:05 PM on March 29, 2006


Would women find this as attractive as some men find hugely-distended breasts?

I'm a woman, and there are not enough words in the language for "no, I do not find this size of penis attractive."

However, via psychobum's link, you'll find a post by a girl who saw him on TV and tracked down his forum to say this.

And the guy says "I get erections, but obviously, silicone doesn't get 'hard,'" and that "I'm still able to achieve orgasm and of course, it always feels good. :D" -- and yes, I'm creeped out.
posted by booksandlibretti at 4:06 PM on March 29, 2006


I guess if you get some serious STD that keeps anyone from ever wanting to have sex with you again, you might as well turn your genitals into a science experiment.
posted by HTuttle at 4:06 PM on March 29, 2006


That would be a nightmare to have, but the guy does actually seem to be content and happy with the thing. A bit nuts, but, hey, can't have everything.
posted by zardoz at 4:08 PM on March 29, 2006


It burns! It burns!
posted by coldon at 4:09 PM on March 29, 2006


"Take THAT, 1950s society!"
posted by Moistener at 4:17 PM on March 29, 2006


i found another man with a really big cock.
posted by psychobum at 4:20 PM on March 29, 2006


Wow - I read the comments before looking, and I figured he had some long appendage, not a giant, vaguely round mass in his pants.

If he's happy good for him, but why modify it so you can't really use it? Different strokes.... (I crack myself up...)
posted by jalexei at 4:22 PM on March 29, 2006


I also love that the extremecock website is a dot org - gives it a veneer of scientific inquiry...
posted by jalexei at 4:24 PM on March 29, 2006


So I'm watching this thing, and I'm appropriately weirded out, but then I think, "well, it's not like he's totally whipped it out yet, so this could be a fake..."

And then he does. And a part of me dies a little.
posted by Cyrano at 4:55 PM on March 29, 2006


welcome back to the front page, massive cock.
posted by allen.spaulding at 7:31 PM on March 29, 2006 [2 favorites]


Hey, what did vronsky ever do to you?
posted by dgaicun at 7:40 PM on March 29, 2006


Talk to you later!
posted by Mid at 7:41 PM on March 29, 2006


It's back up!
posted by Ryvar at 7:43 PM on March 29, 2006


That fucking weird bloated dick better speak in a high pitched voice and wear a tophat and spats when it goes out for an evening, all I'm saying...
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:49 PM on March 29, 2006


Self-induced elephantitis. What a prick.
posted by IronLizard at 7:59 PM on March 29, 2006


I call it the blob.

Nuff said
posted by asok at 8:10 PM on March 29, 2006


a certain case of a man whose cock and balls are bigger than his brain
posted by pyramid termite at 8:22 PM on March 29, 2006


It's kinda funny how on his site it says "Click to Enlarge"...
posted by c13 at 8:29 PM on March 29, 2006


It's kinda funny how on his site it says "Click to Enlarge"...
posted by c13 at 8:29 PM on March 29, 2006


And yet 36GGG's get entire websites devoted to them. What' s the difference?

In my world, none. They're all hideous monstrosities. I cannot imagine who finds those women attractive.

...but I'll say one thing: the next few decades are gonna see some truly bizarre old people. Mark my words.
posted by aramaic at 8:31 PM on March 29, 2006


D:
posted by jenovus at 8:35 PM on March 29, 2006


If you liked that, you'll love this.

NSFW ick ick ick. Hint: Google images for "vacuum pump." For the love of god don't click that.
posted by fungible at 8:43 PM on March 29, 2006


I too held out a teeny weeny (what?) bit of hope that it was fake until he hauled it all out and I was crushed (though not as crushed as I would be, say, if his penis had landed on me).

He says he's challenging people's idea of what a penis should be.

So please post if you're looking at this and thinking, "Yessir, now THAT is what a penis should be!"
posted by veggieboy at 8:52 PM on March 29, 2006


I disagree that Breasts are a visual sexual indicator, evolutionary speaking. There are plenty of societies in which breasts are pretty non sexual, seen only as a means for delivering milk to babies. Breasts are a "sexual" indicator only in relation to society.
posted by edgeways at 8:58 PM on March 29, 2006


I won't be impressed until he can make it sing "Oklahoma!."

Shit, anyone can inject stuff into their skeezer-pleaser. Showtunes is where it's at.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 8:59 PM on March 29, 2006


i am against this.
posted by glenwood at 9:05 PM on March 29, 2006 [1 favorite]


That's a potential WMD.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:11 PM on March 29, 2006


I was expecting to be shocked.

And I was.

shudder.
posted by delmoi at 9:11 PM on March 29, 2006


For reference: this post was deleted, a MeTa discussion ensued, and it was undeleted.
posted by ChasFile at 9:26 PM on March 29, 2006


Does he play piano?
posted by homunculus at 9:37 PM on March 29, 2006


I blame circumcision.
posted by kika at 9:41 PM on March 29, 2006


Where does he get all that silicone? Can you just call up, say, The Silicone Hut and order 3 lbs of medical grade silicone? To inject into your penis? It doesn't seem right somehow.
posted by maryh at 9:43 PM on March 29, 2006


what an idiot. I don't see the point in 36GGG whatever breasts either - it's just stupid either way. I guess there's just weirdos all over the place though who love it...

what a fucked up world we live in.
posted by Jelreyn at 9:43 PM on March 29, 2006


Can't we possibly derail this into an argument about circumcision? Okay, I'll start.

I'm sure glad he's circumcised, otherwise that penis would be gross.
posted by tula at 9:44 PM on March 29, 2006


Oh, hey, kika's in the game! Yea!
posted by tula at 9:45 PM on March 29, 2006


glenwood, I beseech you, rephrase.
posted by rob511 at 9:45 PM on March 29, 2006


Oh god, now I have a Barney song stuck in my head... When you have a ball, you have the greatest toy of them alllll...
posted by maryh at 9:50 PM on March 29, 2006


Nope, not gonna click it and none of you can make me.
posted by fenriq at 9:55 PM on March 29, 2006


And yet 36GGG's get entire websites devoted to them.

What' s the difference?


Ok, the difference is that huge breasts can exist naturally, not on tiny skinny women, of course, but breasts store fat, and very, very fat women can have very, very big breasts. Sometimes even small women can have disproportionately large breasts. But only disease or infection would make a man's penis bloat up to resemble a dead elephant seal.

I must begin to try to forget this unholy episode.
posted by tula at 10:20 PM on March 29, 2006


*gets home from work, clicks link, claws out eyes*

Hey, Claire! Wanna see a picture of a guy with elephan...

What? There's already an elphantitis quip? Damn.

JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION, CLAIRE!
posted by loquacious at 10:24 PM on March 29, 2006


And if you would like to try scrotal inflation yourself, click here to order a Scrotal Inflation Kit. (Via ZombieTime)
posted by growabrain at 10:25 PM on March 29, 2006


Okay guys, here's an easy rule of thumb. If you have injected so much Silicone into your penis that you can no longer pee standing up it's time to stop.
posted by Bonzai at 10:39 PM on March 29, 2006


His knob looks like these folks had a child they don't talk about. The one in the attic, y'know...
posted by Ohdemah at 10:41 PM on March 29, 2006


I watched it with no sound on. Is there any mention of how heavy it is?
posted by arcticwoman at 10:54 PM on March 29, 2006


A bit nuts, but, ...

No, that's a lot (of) nuts.

Generally, I think it's a good rule of thumb to avoid injecting anything into certain parts of one's body.
posted by moonbiter at 11:01 PM on March 29, 2006


Metafilter: That's not a package - it's luggage!
posted by bluno at 11:17 PM on March 29, 2006


I disagree that Breasts are a visual sexual indicator, evolutionary speaking. There are plenty of societies in which breasts are pretty non sexual, seen only as a means for delivering milk to babies. Breasts are a "sexual" indicator only in relation to society.

And in my Gender and Culture class we read Biological Exuberance and various academic articles that argue that the idea that sexual organs are "built" for reproduction (as in a penis is built for a vagina) is heteronormative. A penis is very often used for reproduction, but it is much much more than that.


Where does he get all that silicone? Can you just call up, say, The Silicone Hut and order 3 lbs of medical grade silicone? To inject into your penis? It doesn't seem right somehow.

In Greensboro, NC I knew a guy who wanted tits but couldn't afford the surgery. He found (in Greensboro) a black market for silicone that he had injected directly into his chest. The result was fairly realistic.

What made him weird though was that he changed his name to Marina LaFever.)
posted by Jesse H Christ at 11:33 PM on March 29, 2006


Oh well, I thought he funnier when he just put a glove on his head and inflated that.
posted by kingfisher, his musclebound cat at 3:48 AM on March 30, 2006


Saline scrotal infusion!!
posted by beerbajay at 4:47 AM on March 30, 2006


must..erase..image..from..mind..!! (begins to sing Yellow Submarine)
posted by haikuku at 5:19 AM on March 30, 2006


You guys are missing the most hilarious part. His forum was part of Something Awful's Weekend Web round-up.

The kicker?

Injecting all that silicone into his groin almost fucking killed him.


posted by Optimus Chyme at 5:42 AM on March 30, 2006


650ml in the dick, 2000ml in the balls, and 1000ml in the ass

Metric! Awesome! He's got one thing straight, at least.

As mentioned earlier, it was just a clip from a longer "My Perfect Penis" set of programmes that Channel 4 (a great source for insane documentaries) showed a while ago. We watched them all. My wife (a USian) was frankly astonished: "This is on TV?".
posted by meehawl at 6:23 AM on March 30, 2006


...Breasts are a "sexual" indicator only in relation to society....

A penis is very often used for reproduction, but it is much much more than that.

The originally posed questions about 36GGGs are in the context of the sexuality of each, which I'll still extend (har har) is a matter of form versus function. (There's also a specific heterosexual framework to those original questions.)

While I think most people aren't going to be attracted to either the gargantuan breasts or penis, the fetish culture for the 36GGGs is bound to be larger since the breasts are still fulfilling their [sexual] role [in our society]. The "perfect penis", on the other hand, has abandoned its basic roles.

Size relates to different things in different ways. Just because I'd like a large apartment, doesn't mean i want an equally large mp3 player. Just because peni (tee hee) and breasts are related to sexuality does not mean size relates to them in the same way.

If I could turn my penis into an ipod, though.... THAT would challenge people's notion of what a penis should be.
posted by pokermonk at 6:28 AM on March 30, 2006


Okay, yeah, that squicked me right the hell out.

That said, isn't just injecting silicone into your body a really freaking bad idea? I mean breast implants are at least pouches and, theoretically anyway, not supposed to leak the material into the body.

So... wth?
posted by Talanvor at 6:36 AM on March 30, 2006


I've covered this subject extensively on BMEvideo (and yes, it still works) and BME.
posted by glider at 6:39 AM on March 30, 2006


In an effort to find the link in that gif file, I googled the guy's forum name. According to a message [nsfw] he posted a few weeks after that one, Optimus, he's decided that his hospital stay was unrelated to his silicone activities, and so his story continues.
posted by crunchland at 6:40 AM on March 30, 2006


Oh, and here is the link in that gif file.
posted by crunchland at 6:43 AM on March 30, 2006


...oh dear sweet negligent God... how do you create people who DO this kinda crap... WTF?!
posted by Doorstop at 7:01 AM on March 30, 2006


And yet 36GGG's get entire websites devoted to them.

What' s the difference?


You can still have sex normally with 36GGG breasts-- this guy, I'm not so sure about. He certainly isn't putting it into me!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:06 AM on March 30, 2006


It takes a special kind of crazy to ignore the possible dangers of silicone injection.

He looks like the perfect next meal mate for Jocelyn Wildenstein.
posted by zarq at 7:34 AM on March 30, 2006


You can still have sex normally with 36GGG breasts

And what, pray tell, exactly constitutes "normal sex" with breasts?

Even with his massively distended Buster Gonads I could still shove my cock inside Mist Mark's arse. Or lick his salty balls. Form does not always trump function.
posted by meehawl at 7:43 AM on March 30, 2006


According to a message [nsfw] he posted a few weeks after that one, Optimus, he's decided that his hospital stay was unrelated to his silicone activities, and so his story continues.
posted by crunchland at 6:40 AM PST on March 30


Self-delusion never fails. Nice find, crunch.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 8:56 AM on March 30, 2006


If I had contracted a disease that had a similar effect on my own private parts, I'd probably be contemplating suicide right now. It's unfathomable to me that this guy did this to himself.
posted by psmealey at 9:42 AM on March 30, 2006


I used to think my own sexual proclivities were weird and embarrassing. I was so, so wrong.
posted by Maisie Jay at 11:17 AM on March 30, 2006


I couldn't bear to watch most of the video, but what are the odds this is actually a joke/prank/scam?
posted by ParisParamus at 11:24 AM on March 30, 2006


Sadly, Paris, the chance of this being a hoax is highly unlikely. I truly wish it were.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:42 AM on March 30, 2006


Just when you think you've seen everything the 'net has to offer, someone/something else shows up.
posted by deborah at 7:07 PM on March 30, 2006


Completely random - now that I'm home and got a chance to watch this I found myself giggling over the fact that the print hanging behind his head is a famous Ernst Haas shot of Central Ave. (Route 66) here in Albuquerque.
posted by FlamingBore at 7:14 PM on March 30, 2006


Wow. So the guy pumped himself for television, showing off his odd obsession, and damn near dies from it. What a thing.

Humans are very odd.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:30 PM on March 30, 2006


Yer jus' jealous.
posted by dgaicun at 8:15 PM on March 30, 2006


I'd be okay with this if he didn't get all pretentious about it at the end of the interview. "Forcing people to question what a penis is for?" What a crock of shit.
posted by brundlefly at 8:59 PM on March 30, 2006 [1 favorite]


What a crock of shit.

No, that'd be the 1000cc he's injected into his ass.

I'm still wondering about that, as little as I want to.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:36 AM on March 31, 2006


This guy is the Yin to the "nullo" guy's Yang. Or something. maybe they should get together.
posted by beth at 3:18 AM on March 31, 2006


If they got together, would they end up going off half-cocked?
posted by five fresh fish at 9:57 AM on March 31, 2006


Bollocks!
posted by shnoz-gobblin at 4:50 PM on March 31, 2006


do you mean sillycun*
posted by baker dave at 4:38 AM on April 3, 2006


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