Clubbing a baby seal with a dead queen is murder, only it's really nothing.

April 7, 2006 6:36 PM

Morrissey, famous animal rights activist, is following the example of Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton, jumping onto the bandwagon of using his celebrity status to influence politics the world over. On tonight's agenda: Seal clubbing for fun. Jesus Morrissey has cancelled his tour of Canada, in order to detract from national economy and punish Canada for its evil seal-hunting ways, comparing them to Nazis along the way.

His tour, however, still takes in the sights of Turkey, where even human rights are known to take the back foot. Furthermore, Turkey is a somewhat infamous site for animal rights abuses, and only passed its first law on the matter in 2001, under pressure from Gillian Anderson.
posted by jrengreen (77 comments total)

Morrissey not touring Canada doesn't punish Canada at all.
posted by Mikey-San at 6:41 PM on April 7, 2006

Morrissey is an ass
posted by nola at 6:43 PM on April 7, 2006

Big gaps in the front page make the baby Jesus cry.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:44 PM on April 7, 2006

I thought Moby was the big animal rights activist. Is Morrissey trying to dethrone the king?
posted by Balisong at 6:45 PM on April 7, 2006

Morrissey not touring Canada doesn't punish Canada at all.

...

That was the sound of the point rushing far over your head.
posted by jrengreen at 6:46 PM on April 7, 2006

Celebrities-- is there anything they don't know? And are there even any pretentious kids left to teach? The ones who learned at Morrissey's knee in the 80's back when he was clever and had a talented collaborator should be excused. But anyone who would pay to see Morrissey now is pretentious with a capital L-A-M-E. My guess is that he's cancelling his tour of Canada because it he didn't sell many tickets.

Are you reading that, Morrissey fans? Canada, the country where the mudflap hairdo was cool until 1998 and the home of the "Canadian Tuxedo" think that Morrissey is wicked gay.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:48 PM on April 7, 2006

Moby was still a glint in the milkman's eye when Morrissey released 'Meat is Murder'.
posted by jrengreen at 6:49 PM on April 7, 2006

That was the sound of the point rushing far over your head.

That was the sound of a joke flying past you at subsonic speeds.
posted by Mikey-San at 6:50 PM on April 7, 2006

subsonic =/= supersonic
posted by Balisong at 6:53 PM on April 7, 2006

That was the sound of a joke flying past you at subsonic speeds.

That was the sound of raucous laughter.
posted by jrengreen at 6:54 PM on April 7, 2006

Maybe his point was that even though it was a slow joke, jrengreen wasn't fast enough to catch it?
posted by mr_roboto at 6:57 PM on April 7, 2006

Is it really so, really so strange?
posted by psmealey at 6:59 PM on April 7, 2006

I think Morrissey is divisive enough that this may trigger a wave of Morrissey-spiting seal clubbing.
posted by mullacc at 7:00 PM on April 7, 2006

Subsonic - so it was a silenced joke?
posted by PurplePorpoise at 7:01 PM on April 7, 2006

Who else can we keep out of the country by clubbing seals?
posted by furtive at 7:01 PM on April 7, 2006

On second thought... I really don't know and I really don't care.
posted by psmealey at 7:01 PM on April 7, 2006

Turkey is also named after a bird that is delicious to eat.

ok, so the bird got its name from the country, but you should still eat one
posted by b1tr0t at 7:06 PM on April 7, 2006

I'm not a Morrissey fan, (Smiths were pretty good) but maybe cancelling a small tour in Turkey wouldn't garner much of a headline, while cancelling Canada might bring this matter some time in the media. It is a bit flawed to not cancel Turkey, but just as a vegetarian might wear shoes made of leather, you have to pick and choose your battles, you can't possibly fight everything unjust in the world.

On the larger issue of stars bringing issues, often political, to light, I don't have a problem with it. They feel strongly about something and have the ability to possibly have some effect on it. Who else is going to speak out about issues and reach the slumbering sheepish masses? The government? What motivates them? The intellectual experts? Who pays attention if any intellectual says anything in our culture? And if they do they are usually shunned or told to shut up or are relegated to page Z38.

Unfortunately in this pop culture world, that's what we get. If our only heroes, the only people that have an affect on us are people in the limelight then maybe we need to start to look at why we only pay attention to people that stick in our minds because of the pretty images in print and other media.

I don't have a problem at all with stars pointing out our faults as a society, I do have a problem with the fact that we only pay attention to these people. If a scientist said he was cancelling his lecture in Toronto, do you think it would make it to metafilter. Most likely not.
posted by Sir BoBoMonkey Pooflinger Esquire III at 7:15 PM on April 7, 2006

Godwin's law

Morrissey automatically loses the thread.
posted by yeolcoatl at 7:19 PM on April 7, 2006

You know who else was a vegetarian, loved baby seals, and wasn't Jewish, don't you?
posted by Balisong at 7:21 PM on April 7, 2006

Balisong?
posted by psmealey at 7:24 PM on April 7, 2006

I love baby seals.
posted by Balisong at 7:25 PM on April 7, 2006

Damn! I almost got it.
posted by psmealey at 7:25 PM on April 7, 2006

Rare.
posted by Balisong at 7:26 PM on April 7, 2006

Morrissey rides a cockhorse.
posted by loquacious at 7:27 PM on April 7, 2006

They make cool boots, too... so soft and self waterproofing.
posted by Balisong at 7:29 PM on April 7, 2006

I'm gonna go club me a seal to make sure this continues for future tours. And I'm a vegan. Well, ususally.
posted by glider at 7:46 PM on April 7, 2006

Here in the USA we club humans. Not just in the streets, but in Gitmo, Iraq, Afghanistan, and secret prisons near you!

Can't wait for a Statement from Morrissey about canceling his US dates.

the new record, btw, is killer
posted by tsarfan at 7:46 PM on April 7, 2006

oh please - the SEAL HUNT again? Oh, the humanity.
posted by newfers at 7:51 PM on April 7, 2006

Things can still make a lot of noise at subsonic speeds. In fact pretty much everything you experience in normal life (other then rifle bullets) will be moving at subsonic speeds.

So a point may make a sound while moving at subsonic speeds, although pointing out a it's subsonic speed is redundant. It would seem that Mikey-San didn't know what he was talking about, although he was not technically incorrect in any way. PurplePorpoise really was technically incorrect for making fun of him.
posted by delmoi at 7:51 PM on April 7, 2006

Pass.
posted by hangashore at 7:56 PM on April 7, 2006

Remember when the activists went and spray-painted bright spots on the baby seals so their fur wouldn't be any good to the hunters? God, the polar bears loved that.
posted by fshgrl at 8:09 PM on April 7, 2006

while at sxsw i read in the chronicle's coverage that morrissey was going to do a secret show at an undisclosed non-club venue but when his scouts discovered that said venue was downwind of a barbecue establishment, they put the kibosh on the nascent plan.

i know i'll never be on the same page with a guy who automatically thinks "charnel house" about the same smell i find so, so enticing.

mmmm, charred flesh.
posted by Hat Maui at 8:29 PM on April 7, 2006

I'm not really a Morrissey fan, but the post here complete mischaracterizing what he did and why he did it.

1. He explicitly acknowledged that this was a symbolic gesture:

"I fully realise that the absence of any Morrissey concerts in Canada is unlikely to bring the Canadian economy to its knees, but it is our small protest against this horrific slaughter - which is the largest slaughter of marine animal species found anywhere on the planet."

2. He did not compare them to Nazis; he said that the argument that a given act "provides a job" is a hollow one:

"The Canadian Prime Minister also states that the slaughter is necessary because it provides jobs for local communities, but this is an ignorant reason for allowing such barbaric and cruel slaughter of beings that are denied life simply because somebody somewhere might want to wear their skin. Construction of German gas chambers also provided work for someone - this is not a moral or sound reason for allowing suffering."

It's a slightly overdramatic example, but logically, his argument is fair. A job != moral justification.
posted by aubin at 8:33 PM on April 7, 2006

yay pedanticism

It was a joke about Morrissey. Then it was a joke about a joke that wasn't heard. S'all.

Can we stay focused here on the real issue, that Morrissey sucks?

ha ha i made a snarky and predictable joke about a musician i don't like
posted by Mikey-San at 8:40 PM on April 7, 2006

I read they opened Club Baby Seal downtown this past week.

the paper says it's a hit.
posted by carsonb at 8:48 PM on April 7, 2006

it is our small protest against this horrific slaughter - which is the largest slaughter of marine animal species found anywhere on the planet

except for, you know, all fishing industries everywhere in the entire world.
posted by fshgrl at 8:50 PM on April 7, 2006

I'm not a Morrissey fan, (Smiths were pretty good) but maybe cancelling a small tour in Turkey wouldn't garner much of a headline, while cancelling Canada might bring this matter some time in the media.

"I fully realise that the absence of any Morrissey concerts in Canada is unlikely to bring the Canadian economy to its knees, but it is our small protest against this horrific slaughter"

We all fully realize that Morrissey has toured Canada a number of times, right? And that seal hunting didn't bother him enough to stop until now, the twilight of the light at the end of his lameness? Guess what-- it's not baby seals keeping Morrissey put of Canada. It is his lack of ticket sales. Canada, the country that invented painfully lame before eastern Europe ever heard of it, has rejected Morrissey. He needs to kill himself or just stop touring. Either one is fine provided that normals never have to hear his name again.
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:54 PM on April 7, 2006

The clubbing of the seals seems a little barbaric at first glance, what with 200 lb. men running around in the snow bonking cute little seal pups. However, as far as methods for dispatching animals go it is rather humane if done with skill, correct? A swift blow to the cranium inducing instantaneous unconsciousness? I would certainly prefer that to having my throat slit or shot in the forehead with an airgun or boiled alive or being dragged through the water by my lip and then beheaded. And so forth.
posted by Nahum Tate at 8:59 PM on April 7, 2006

I don't mind anyone speaking their mind, be they celebrity, mefite, or otherwise, but for a bloke who was pretty good with symbols in the rock world, this is a very weak effort. Say your piece, but this symbolic withdrawing of the tour (what, Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver?) does absolutely nothing but produce press to highlight a ludicrous measure.

His statement about not participating in the Feed the World type songs was far better. Something about not wanting to inflict such a horrible song on the world.
posted by juiceCake at 9:02 PM on April 7, 2006

I'm glad that celebrities can still find it in their hearts to save the cute animals.

Still can't get anyone to join my Save The Anglerfish club.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:05 PM on April 7, 2006

Morrissey, famous animal rights activist, is following the example of Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton

So there's an amateur sex tape???
posted by Aknaton at 9:08 PM on April 7, 2006

PLAY SOME FREEBIRD!
posted by Paris Hilton at 9:25 PM on April 7, 2006

*holds up lighter, looks around with arched eyebrow*
posted by freebird at 9:37 PM on April 7, 2006

Fucking rich English has-been musician twats passing judgment on Newfoundlanders and Cape Bretoners trying to make a living. I hope McCartney, Morrisey, and all the other whinging, self-righteous, seal-loving windbags fall off an ice floe. Go shove a hakapik up your ass, fuckwit. Leave our sealers alone.
posted by Dasein at 9:45 PM on April 7, 2006

I'm mildly entertained by this. I mean, Morrissey's got to be at least a multi-millionair by this point. Paul McCartney is an order of magnitude riche; into the billions I think.

The seal hunt employs a few thousand people in an economically depressed part of Canada. If they think it's a big deal, they could probably just buy out the damn industry in one fell swoop.
posted by generichuman at 10:00 PM on April 7, 2006

beyond all else im amused by the comments about morrissey not being able to make ticket sales.. his tickets sell out in a day usually.
posted by trishthedish at 10:44 PM on April 7, 2006

Human rights are irrelevant. Nobody who's anybody cares about people. It's all about cute, fuzzy animals. Surely you know that?
posted by nightchrome at 11:21 PM on April 7, 2006

Your government supports the slaughter of baby seals!

'Yeah?! Well, you make bad music!'

Great arguments guys, very impressive.

Seal clubbing is worse than fishing or meat raising, because the purpose of the latter is to provide a food source. The clubbing is less effective than the bolt through the head that bulls receive, and seals often escape while wounded, to slowly die elsewhere.
Interesting thing is that some people claim the clubbing isn't actually about the fur per se, but more a means to allow the fishing population to grow again after severe overfishing (ignoring the fact that overfishing is due to human effort, not the seals). GreenPeace claims that's the reason they don't spray them anymore.
The Canadian government should create fish reserves, which have proven themselves in other places in the world, so the fish can breed and grow, and the seals don't have to be clubbed. Seal clubbers, like clearers of tropical forests, are trying to make a living. The Canadian government should compensate them, and create new jobs. E.g. the seal clubbers could organise tours where people can watch the seals doing their thing, they sure know where to find them.
To conclude, the comparison between Canada and Turkey is a bad one, the seal clubbing is a direct result of Canada's policy, openly allowing the clubbing to take place and perhaps (if the overfishing theory is true) even encouraging it. The example of Turkey was more of a government unable or unwilling to punish cruelty to animals.
posted by Zombie Dreams at 11:34 PM on April 7, 2006

It's a fucked up concept to kill another species to clothe or feed yourself.

But i guess thats just human nature. Also Bacon can sweet talk a man into cold blooded murder... mmm...
posted by Dreamghost at 12:11 AM on April 8, 2006

Mayor Curley I'm with you. Celebrities should cease being so boringly self-righteous and spend more time on coming up with good art or whatever it is they do.

It should also be noted that Morrissey thought, correctly, that Live Aid was a waste of time and that it was more about people making themselves feel better. After all, has Live Aid and Bob Geldoff made any real impact on Africa? But now the Moz has fallen into the same stupid hole.

And seriously, the new album, killer? Morrissey's first two solo albums were good but since then it's been recurring disapointment.
posted by sien at 12:23 AM on April 8, 2006

I am not sure what it is about old rockstars from the British Isles which make them want to push around Canada.

First we get Bob Geldof trying to dictate Canada's International Development policy to former PM Paul Martin -without recognizing that Martin had more votes than Geldof sold records

Now we get Paul McCartney and Morrissey trying to lecture seal hunters. The thing is, I bet none of the seal hunters wear the fur - the fur is being bought by socialite Paris Hilton types - and I haven't seen anybody giving them a hard time for wearing fur or doing anything to the fur companies or fashion houses. If McCartney, Morrisey and their other celeb friends put half the effort into curbing the demand for fur in fashion circles (which they are much closer to than anyone in the maritimes) that they put into hassling a bunch of people who hold shitty jobs in a region without many opportunities they could probably make fur fall out of fashion and the seal hunters would have nothing to do. Morrisey and McCartney are picking on the seal hunters because they are an easy target that club cute little animals instead of the rich folk who actually create the market. Much as I dislike Steven Harper he was right to ignore these self-absorbed wankers.

Its hard for some people in Atlantic Canada to earn a living these days - mid career people end up doing things like flipping burgers for a living. The seal hunters are feeding their families, they are not the ones buying fur to wear to a nightclub or browsing boutiques.

At this rate, I also wonder what is going to happen when Fatboy Slim and Oasis become "classic rock"....
posted by Deep Dish at 1:44 AM on April 8, 2006

My guess is that he's cancelling his tour of Canada because it he didn't sell many tickets.

We all fully realize that Morrissey has toured Canada a number of times, right? And that seal hunting didn't bother him enough to stop until now, the twilight of the light at the end of his lameness?

sorry, yeronner, but this argument couldn't be more wrong. morrissey makes at least 15K per gig, but in most cases over 20k, even in canadia. you can say he sucks and all, but he's certainly not doing this because he needs some way to attract people to his gigs. if he only does 50 dates a year, that's a cool million, canada and elsewhere.

still and all, it's absurd that the slaughter of seals has any more traction with anybody than the slaughter of cattle or even fookin' chickens for that matter.
posted by Hat Maui at 3:00 AM on April 8, 2006

without recognizing that Martin had more votes than Geldof sold records

this comparison makes no sense. if paul martin made records, they'd be influenced by polka and would sell in the low thousands. check that -- in the hundreds, and only 'cuz dude knows a lot of people.

if bob geldof ran for office, no one would pay $15 to vote for him, and most people would be dumbfounded by the "which one's pink?" question. however, he'd still attract a large number of votes, mainly from people who have never heard "we are the world."

of course, some might point out that this comment makes no sense, which would give me the perfect platform from which to proclaim "it's OK -- I'M DRUNK!!!"
posted by Hat Maui at 3:13 AM on April 8, 2006

Morrissey sure is getting a bit porky for a veggie. He needs to lay off the spuds.

It's funny how so many of these animal rights people really do seem to care more about animals than people. Anyone remember when Chrissie Hynde recommended firebombing McDonalds? Never been able to enjoy those early Pretenders tunes as much since.
posted by Decani at 5:11 AM on April 8, 2006

the real issue here is morrissey refusing to be outshone by his band members - i demand he be locked in a recording studio with either johnny marr , or failing that , graham coxon.
Canada , seals , whatever.
posted by sgt.serenity at 5:35 AM on April 8, 2006

posted by Drexen at 5:52 AM on April 8, 2006

I am not sure what it is about old rockstars from the British Isles which make them want to push around Canada.

Well, they've already fixed all the problems in the UK, so now I guess they want to bring Utopia to the rest of the Commonwealth.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:54 AM on April 8, 2006

I know from personal experience that not all of the seal meat under that fur goes to waste. I do not know how much, but at least some of it finds its way to people's freezers and eventually their tables. Life isn't easy for a lot of people in Atlantic Canada, especially Newfoundland. There's little point in passing up an available food source.
posted by mollweide at 8:25 AM on April 8, 2006

Martin had more votes than Geldof sold records

Ok, can anyone explain the Geldof thing to me? So he played Pink in The Wall, even though he allegedly doesn't listen to Pink Floyd. Also, he was in one-hit-wonder band The Boomtown Rats. Now, Why I Don't Like Mondays is a killer song (ha ha), I'll give him that. But what exactly qualifies this guy for celebrity status? How was he able to pull off Live 8? How come he's always hobnobbing it with the Beautiful People? Is this a case of "more popular in Britian then in the states," or is there something that I'm seriously missing?

/derail
posted by Afroblanco at 8:25 AM on April 8, 2006

This headline is so right. What a contradiction that he's going to Turkey and doesn't decry muslim violence.

Plus I hear Morrisey is transported by vehicles which consume fossil fuels.

So he really should keep all his opinions to himself. Like Jesus. If you're not God, you shouldn't walk around acting like him.
posted by surplus at 10:58 AM on April 8, 2006

As an alternative, howabout we let the seal hunters club Morrissey fans for their concert ticket money?

*affixes daffodil decals to hakapik*
posted by zarah at 11:32 AM on April 8, 2006

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
The top three easiest targets for a bad joke-
3. George Bush
2. Baby seals.
1. Morrissey

pathetic, all of you.
posted by BillBishop at 11:52 AM on April 8, 2006

GreenPeace claims that's the reason they don't spray them anymore.

They don't spray them anymore because the paint ruined their camouflage and guaranteed that a bear would kill them in short order and it made Greenpeace look like idiots.

The Canadian government should create fish reserves, which have proven themselves in other places in the world, so the fish can breed and grow, and the seals don't have to be clubbed.

Where to start? The Canadian government, while not fish stock management geniuses by any means are not solely responsible for the collapse of the fishing industry, particularly cod. Americans and European overall bear a larger responsibility. You could try reading this for some historical perspective. Also they do have fish reserves in the North Atlantic and have for years. Rebuilding fish stocks is not that simple, particularly in the higher latitudes.
posted by fshgrl at 11:59 AM on April 8, 2006

Besides global warming is going to wipe out all the larger ice-dependant species in the next 100 years so if you drive a car? Ride the bus? Use electricity? You are killing baby seals every bit as much as these guys. And after a while they're not going to make more.
posted by fshgrl at 12:01 PM on April 8, 2006

I predict this will backfire horribly - now that we know a little cuddly animal slaughter can stave off a Morrisey tour. Lesser of two evils and all.
posted by magpie68 at 12:45 PM on April 8, 2006

He's right. It's a death for no reason and death for no reason is murder. Do you know how animals die ? It’s not natural, normal or kind. No, it's murder. And who hears when animals cry? Morrissey, that's who.
posted by seanyboy at 1:02 PM on April 8, 2006

Mayor Curley: Morrissey's current lack of ticket sales? Ticket sales are not a problem--Morrissey shows tend to sell out, and his recent two albums have been critically lauded. (and are, imo, his most rocking albums since The Smiths.)

To the Haters: I'd like to smash every tooth in your head ...Goodnight and thank you.
posted by applemeat at 5:58 PM on April 8, 2006

Musicians + politics = enter at own risk
posted by mykescipark at 6:02 PM on April 8, 2006

Seals kill fish just to feed their fat faces. Fat, fat faces.
posted by Citizen Premier at 6:11 PM on April 8, 2006

It's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate.
It takes guts to be gentle and kind.

-Morrissey
posted by BillBishop at 6:27 PM on April 8, 2006

It's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate.
It takes guts to be gentle and kind.

"In my life Why do I smile At people who I’d much rather kick in the eye ?"

Because you're such a gentle, kind man Mozza. Probably.
posted by Decani at 6:32 PM on April 8, 2006

Hang the Dj, Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ.
posted by seanyboy at 11:43 PM on April 8, 2006

To conclude, the comparison between Canada and Turkey is a bad one

Yes, because Canada is Canada, and Turkey has a long way to go.
posted by oaf at 1:51 AM on April 9, 2006

To conclude, the comparison between Canada and Turkey is a bad one

Yes, cos no one's ever made a decent Canducken
posted by bunglin jones at 7:50 PM on April 9, 2006

Surprised Morrissey hasn't boycotted the US and UK after they both questioned him on suspicions of, get this, being a terrorist threat to those governments following criticism of the war in Iraq.
posted by Davenhill at 2:20 AM on April 10, 2006

I'm going to see Morrissey. I like him.
posted by Summer at 6:04 AM on April 10, 2006