DEFINATELY not in Kansas anymore.
April 9, 2006 5:30 PM   Subscribe

The Warriors of Oz "The Heroes of Oz as You've Never Seen Them!" You got that right. Three words: "Warrior Maiden Dorothy". Not Safe For Wizard Fans
The picture on the site doesn't do justice to all the excruciatingly awful detail, but if you get a Sunday dead tree newspaper, there's an ad in most coupon sections.
posted by wendell (47 comments total)

 
They'll go great with my Jesus figurines.
posted by Frank Grimes at 5:35 PM on April 9, 2006


Man yhese are awesome. Teh best yet. Wow!

/rushes out to rent The Wiz.
posted by Gungho at 5:37 PM on April 9, 2006


Dorothy appears to have had a run-in with Jabba the Hutt.
posted by interrobang at 5:39 PM on April 9, 2006


In similar vein, Todd McFarlane's Twisted Land of Oz series of figures.
posted by raygirvan at 5:45 PM on April 9, 2006


Reaction one: Kinda cool, if you allow yourself to forget it has anything to do with the Wizard of Oz, and as long as you don't give it more than the ten seconds it deserves. Guys are still allowed to like nearly-naked women, aren't we? At least "Dorothy" isn't depicted as underage.

Reaction two: Warrior maidens are not necessarily scantily-clad. At all. (The one in back, in the armor. Yeah, that's Britomart.)

But those Todd McFarlane figures are LAME. As are all things Todd McFarlane.
posted by JHarris at 5:47 PM on April 9, 2006


You like that emerald city @#*!? Huh? Do you?
posted by Wolfdog at 6:04 PM on April 9, 2006


raygirvan, I knew if I put this up on MeFi, somebody would point out something even worse, and you have. But please notice the similarities between both NonCowardly Lions and how both Dorothys are wearing silver-colored boots.

JHarris, you are obviously not talking about 21st Century Warrior Maidens.
posted by wendell at 6:12 PM on April 9, 2006


Nice hellhound Toto.
That doesn't look much like a cowardly Lion, though.
posted by Aknaton at 6:13 PM on April 9, 2006


Wow, these are almost as great as the "edgy" Loonatics makeover.
posted by hattifattener at 6:44 PM on April 9, 2006


Dorothy really doesn't look like a maiden in that outfit. Not traditional definition '1-b', anyway.
posted by Shane at 7:00 PM on April 9, 2006


Could be worse. Could be Oz fanfic.
posted by Creosote at 7:05 PM on April 9, 2006


Where are the ruby slippers?
posted by The White Hat at 7:08 PM on April 9, 2006


It's a cowardly were-bear, duh.
posted by freebird at 7:15 PM on April 9, 2006


Britomart is an archetypal warrior maiden, but her prime virtue in the Faerie Queene is Chastity.

Which doesn't mean that she doesn't kick ass. 'Cause she does. In an early English Protestant way, that is.
posted by JHarris at 7:19 PM on April 9, 2006


It could be alot worse, it could be collectible figurines of Britney giving birth.
posted by fenriq at 7:21 PM on April 9, 2006


That little punk's trying to tackle Jesus!
posted by redteam at 7:29 PM on April 9, 2006


Love to see the Jeff Koons version of those Jesus figures.

And MacFarlane's 'cowardly lion' has a spear in his back, subtle touch!
posted by rawfishy at 7:38 PM on April 9, 2006


Great. It's like Kingdom Hearts: L. Frank Baum edition.

Wofdog wins, btw.
posted by sourwookie at 7:44 PM on April 9, 2006


DEFINITELY not in Kansas anymore.
posted by davidmsc at 7:51 PM on April 9, 2006


You know, I just ran a search on the page for "Frank" or "Baum" and nothing turned up. That's like selling a remix of "Moonlight Sonata" and not crediting Beethoven.

Asshats.
posted by sourwookie at 7:53 PM on April 9, 2006


how? why? who?
posted by kimdog at 8:08 PM on April 9, 2006


Growing up we always had two christmas trees, there was the one regular tree, that presents went under, and then there was always the Oz tree. A gold mesh ribbon for the yellowbrick road, and about 4 or 5 of each character from a variety of Oz ornament collections. These figures are totally gonna kick those other Oz ornaments' asses come Christmas this year.
posted by jrb223 at 8:13 PM on April 9, 2006


Obviously these assclowns never saw "Return to Oz", or read any of the books for that matter.

I eagerly await the sequel: "CARE BEARS: EXTREME CARING EDITION. NOW WITH MORE GUNS AND TITS."
posted by loquacious at 8:28 PM on April 9, 2006


They're no dumber than McFarlane's, really.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 9:44 PM on April 9, 2006


I found todd mcfarlane's statues much more intresting, honestly. The linked ones were hackwork.
posted by delmoi at 9:47 PM on April 9, 2006


i kinda like the fact that the Scarecrow is an archer with [what looks to be] a flaming arrow. There is a sort of perverse irony in that.

Also, is that the Tinman or a Cylon? Seriously, the only real weapon from Wizard of Oz was the Tinman's Axe and rather than go over the top with some sort of axe-like weapon of mass destruction, the choose a picture that completely conceals the blade.

Lame.
---

Bah! On closer look it's just a bit of straw. Clearly i gave the designers more credit than they deserved.

Dorthy though... i'd hit that. Scary hellhound Toto or no.

[And while i'm pointlessly complaining, WTF is with not giving Dorthy ruby slippers/ boots? i mean, it's not like it was a plot point or anything...]
posted by quin at 9:50 PM on April 9, 2006


In the book, the shoes were silver. They rubified them for the movie because of the newfangled color film, as I recall.
posted by Gator at 9:55 PM on April 9, 2006


In the book, the shoes were silver.

Really? i guess i have to admit, i haven't read the book. [And because of that, i now feel a bit like an ass.]

i suppose i can see that though. The 'Golden Age of Hollywood' with what they were paying to put the color on screen, the idea of using silver, which easily could have been rendered in black and white would be kinda silly.

So, ok. Per Gator, i retract my dismissive statements about the ruby slippers/ boots.

Still, Dorthy as a warrior chick has the potential to be damn hot. And if they felt the need to go with silver, go-go boots would have a sexier choice. Don't get me wrong, combat boots are my thing, but the ones they chose are just too small; in the end the designers should have followed the path carved by Tank Girl and the movie producers that preceded them.

Big Ruby Combat Boots == hotness.
posted by quin at 10:26 PM on April 9, 2006


quin writes "Really?"

Hell yeah. Shit. I loved those books.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:31 PM on April 9, 2006


And as long as i'm complaing without having read the book, what's with the crystal on the staff? i can sort of tolerate the morning star they gave her as a weapon [because in the real world, that is something you don't want to get hit with]

But was there something in the book about a magic crystal or some-such?
posted by quin at 10:35 PM on April 9, 2006


Hmm...in Wicked, I think that the shoes started out silver, and then became ruby...or something like that. Makes more sense now.
posted by bingo at 11:14 PM on April 9, 2006


So, I see the woman from the original Everquest box, Beast from Beauty and the Beast, the Terminator and.. Well, hell, I don't know what the Scarecrow is supposed to be.
posted by jmhodges at 11:18 PM on April 9, 2006


quin, was there something in the book about Dorothy being a half-naked adult?

I don't think either these or McFarlane's are high art, but if I had my choice, it'd be the ones in the FPP.

For Hamilton Authenticated's figures don't really seek to interpret The Wizard of Oz. They just took the characters as a kind of theme to make dumb fantasy figurines. They are what they are, nothing else, and there is no angst in their construction.

On the other hand, McFarlane's Oz stuff gives me that same creepy feeling I got back from looking at the box art for American McGee's Alice. The feeling that someone who really should know better missed an important point somewhere along the line, and no one with the power to stop him was smart enough/cared enough/bold enough to steer him right.

From the description of the Dorothy figure: "Bound and blindfolded, this exotic Dorothy is being branded by a group of evil little Munchkins. She may never find her way back to Kansas." Anyone who represents Dorothy as being "exotic" has missed the point.
posted by JHarris at 11:49 PM on April 9, 2006


I can't believe nobody's mentioned the Penny Arcade/American Greetings thing yet.
posted by dansdata at 12:18 AM on April 10, 2006


Oh my.
posted by Joeforking at 12:38 AM on April 10, 2006


quin, was there something in the book about Dorothy being a half-naked adult?

As i admitted, i never read the book, though i did play all th way through Alice and i /Loved It./

Given my limited experience with the source material, i never viewed Dorothy as a sexy beast. i mean Judy Garland is cute and all, but i wouldn't have gone the dom route that Mcfarlene obviously felt was necessary.

Though, i DID read Through the Looking Glass, and i thought American McGee's take was nothing short of genius. particularly how he dealt with the Chesire Cat.

Either way, my chief complaint lay with the lack of bad-ass-ness of the supporting characters, and i still stand by that.

It's a cool concept that could have been better executed.
posted by quin at 1:04 AM on April 10, 2006


JHarris writes "On the other hand, McFarlane's Oz stuff gives me that same creepy feeling I got back from looking at the box art for American McGee's Alice. "

Speaking of McGee.... Hasn't he been talking about doing an Oz game/film for years now, in the same vein as the Alice game?
posted by mr_roboto at 1:06 AM on April 10, 2006


I would have given the heartless tin man a coal-fired steam engine into which he thrusts live kittens for extra power. The brainless scarecrow, whose look would knock birds dead from the sky, would be anencephalic. The cowardly lion would be a multiphobic paranoid who clawed everything that frightened him. Dorothy would absorb each witch she kills, and she would eat flying monkeys and munchkins.

Or I would make the scarecrow Jesus Christ, Dorothy his mother Mary, and...
posted by pracowity at 1:39 AM on April 10, 2006


Amazing that one's eyes can bleed so much, and yet still be able to see Warrior Maiden Dorothy.

My curiosity on this sort of thing is always who exactly is buying them. There must be more satisfying experiences for the fan of semi-naked ladies with phallic staves, and likewise for the fan of The Wizard of Oz. Where on Earth is the audience?
posted by tannhauser at 2:27 AM on April 10, 2006


I've definately got nothing against women wearing next to nothing. Hell, I'll pay to see women wearing next to nothing. But what is it with calling women wearing next to nothing "warriors"?

I know the chainmail bikini is a venerable tradition in hack fantasy art, but sheesh, get over it already. Get the artist to draw "the warrior woman bathing" if you wanna see her naked, but for Athena's sake let the poor woman wear proper armor if she's supposed to be ready for battle.

Don't even get me started on the absurdity of armor for female characters in MMORPG's, and how the same armor that on a female character is essentially a chainmail bikini, is fully covering on a male character.

I can't be the only guy thinking "dude, grow up, you want to see porn go buy some", can I?
posted by sotonohito at 3:55 AM on April 10, 2006


"SURRENDER DOROTHY"? Hell, no!
posted by pax digita at 4:42 AM on April 10, 2006


"quin, was there something in the book about Dorothy being a half-naked adult?"

You should read Philip Jose Farmer's A Barnstormer In Oz. She's wholly naked in one memorable scene in that book.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 4:48 AM on April 10, 2006


Here's the classic example:
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
posted by sotonohito at 4:59 AM on April 10, 2006


A Barnstormer in Oz. I've seen that book in the collection of a friend. Maybe I could hunt it up....

By the way, Philip Jose Farmer has a posse has a website.
posted by JHarris at 7:25 AM on April 10, 2006


Warrior Princess Dorothy huh? Man, everyone knows Princess Ozma could totally wipe the floor with Dorothy.
posted by ktoad at 10:43 AM on April 10, 2006


Wow. I must have been out of it this morning. It's Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, not Dorothy, who sexes up some magic. I guess I was thinking of the infamous Garland nude scene that was cut from the film. Or did I dream that?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 12:24 PM on April 10, 2006


I had a prof who was an Oz nut. He once hijacked an office-hours session to tell me about the little people tearing up the US en route to Hollywood—like a tiny, 200-member rock band, they were.
posted by cortex at 6:29 PM on April 10, 2006


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