Comments on: The Ruling Class.

The Ruling Class.

dhartung — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:02:13 -0800

Inside the White House .... brought to you by Something Awful. Elaborate SA put-on, or so insane it must be true? I can't decide. DailyKos summary. [morey]

By: dhartung

dhartung — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:02:25 -0800

If this is real, this guy must be wanting to get caught, like that DHS guy who was telling "kids" online that he was DHS. I hesitated to post this but it's already at DailyKos so ... Surely some tipping point has been reached when the WH has leaks coming out at SA. I wonder if there are so many nowadays they can't begin to police them, or if that's the theory he's using. Or if it's real at all (hey, the SA crowd give him plenty of shit and he doesn't fold). There are some hilarious bits in there, like the whole bit Condi Rice's perfume, or the White House cheese. The explanation for Scottie McClellan makes as much sense as anything else. I just wish he'd had something about Bush's backpack. I really liked his description of the inside reaction to an unfolding (or threatening) scandal, though.

By: crunchland

crunchland — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:06:21 -0800

um. "Donald Rumsfeld wears iced underwear?" And you wonder if it's possibly true?

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:08:05 -0800

I'm guessing it's fake but it's so creepy because of just how realistic it sounds. I can totally believe the shit-smelling gums and desk narcolepsy thing.

By: WidgetAlley

WidgetAlley — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:09:35 -0800

Even if it is fake, it's a bit scary how easily believable stories like that are. I didn't even have a "naaaaaaaaaaaw!" reaction, just, a "yeah, that sounds about right."

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:10:40 -0800

Swallowing hydrogen peroxide solutions is particularly dangerous, as decomposition in the stomach releases large quantities of gas leading to internal bleeding. No wonder Cheney looks so froggy all the time.

By: callmejay

callmejay — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:10:46 -0800

Not credible. At all. So Tom Ridge wears his socks inside out. I can see how that could be known. But he flips out if forced to wear them right-side out? When would that happen? Does the President get a kick out of ordering Tom Ridge to turn his socks rightside out? I can't believe I even posted in this thread.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:13:57 -0800

If this is real And this low level, Something-Awful-posting janitor/message boy/intern knows about Bush's impotence how, exactly? Unless the poster is Jeff Gannon?

By: briank

briank — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:18:15 -0800

The cheese story is almost certainly true. I have been reading a children's book to my daughter about the giant wheel of Vermont cheese that was given to Thomas Jefferson. Apparently it became a custom, rather like the Thanksgiving turkeys and so on.

By: bondcliff

bondcliff — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:20:40 -0800

Donald Rumsfeld used to play Lumpy Rutherford on Leave it to Beaver. You read it, it must be true.

By: craniac

craniac — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:21:17 -0800

Here is a variant of that message

By: mkultra

mkultra — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:22:00 -0800

I hesitated to post this Stick with your gut instincts. People with enough WH clearance to know those things don't belong to the SA forums. C'mon, man...

By: peeedro

peeedro — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:22:55 -0800

No wonder Cheney looks so froggy all the time. Nah, that H2O2 info you picked out of wikipedia concerns concentrated hydrogen peroxide( >50%). What you'd likely use for mouthwash would be 3%. I'm more curious about Whitehouse sleep-overs that must have occurred for this person to know about everyone's sleeping and dressing habits. Also, isn't the Whitehouse lawn mowed by robots?

By: mr.curmudgeon

mr.curmudgeon — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:23:34 -0800

I Want To Believe!

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:25:19 -0800

Tom Ridge isn't even in the government any more.

By: doctor_negative

doctor_negative — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:25:50 -0800

All of these weird physical problems are directly linked to the fact that sustaining a human form for long periods of time is very stressful for the alien reptiles.

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:27:40 -0800

When I read the wikipedia article about h2o2, I thought that it saying "10 times the volume of a 3% solution" means that a 3% solution would expand 10x in the tummy. Color me chastized.

By: stinkycheese

stinkycheese — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:35:16 -0800

I want to Smell!

By: poppo

poppo — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:36:47 -0800

holy cow, true or not, this guy is a hell of a writer. creative, deadpan, detailed, and convincing. i am having trouble not NOT believing it

By: poppo

poppo — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:37:49 -0800

correction: i am having trouble NOT believing it

By: jack_mo

jack_mo — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:38:04 -0800

Elaborate SA put-on Elaborate, no, put-on, yes.

By: interrobang

interrobang — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:41:29 -0800

THEINHKO posted: What is the most outrageous thing you have seen or heard whilst working? Many things rank up there, but the one that immediately comes to mind is coming upon Wolfowitz in the office, clutching a cellular phone with white knuckles, slamming his set of personal pictures face down on his shelf one by one, each time screaming, "CUNT! CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT!" True or not, it's pretty damned entertaining.

By: poppo

poppo — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:44:48 -0800

It IS elaborate, and creative, and thoughtful. Read his take on the creation of DHS: Homeland security started as a really awesome idea to revolutionize the huge structure of administrative agencies within a centralized cabinet. It was really really awesome at the time and everyone was excited about it, even people like me who usually have nothing to do with this crap. It got bogged down because there was a shortage of good talent to design and put into it at that given moment, and people who felt they were owed political favors would resent being passed over for positions. The result is a horrible mess which is exacerbated by the fact that the resulting organizational structure was never refined or even properly DEfined. Instead of a slick cock-like penisular totem pole of speed, you have a horrible turf-war of budgetary battles, ship-jumping, and intra-administration head-hunting. There was a string board at the beginning, showing links between various organizational units, and when the Homeland Security was getting proposed, it looked like a thing of beauty. Everyone was jazzed. Then compromises happened and it turned into a horrible tangled mess, and just by looking at it on the board I could tell that no good would come from it. Look at the detail in there, like the string board. Fantastic.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:52:03 -0800

True or not, no idea. But if it is fake, the restraint shown is pretty remarkable. I'd be trying to toss in a crappy aside or minor exchange or something between myself and an official.

By: gigawhat?

gigawhat? — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:52:10 -0800

It reads like something written by John Hodgman, he of The Areas of My Expertise and recently the Daily Show. Hilarious, but totally bogus.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:56:03 -0800

Yeah, the whole thing with "Condi smells so good the kitchen staff gathers round smelling her napkins" stuff is pretty Hodgmanic.

By: xammerboy

xammerboy — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:57:51 -0800

If it's a prank it contains just enough truth to make it seem real. A lot of these I have heard before as rumour or just make sense. Some I know to be true, like the Macro WH used for Whitehouse. Personally, I've always suspected that Bush was being treated for some kind of psychological condition that was interfering with his ability to cognitively function. I know that sounds like a huge insult, but I really don't mean it that way. It's just my perception.

By: VulcanMike

VulcanMike — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:59:03 -0800

And this low level, Something-Awful-posting janitor/message boy/intern knows about Bush's impotence how, exactly? The accounting reads like a combination of firsthand personal knowledge and internal heresay. Having been in many a place ruled by gossip, I certainly wouldn't be surprised if it were true (or truthy, as gossip goes)...

By: poppo

poppo — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:59:56 -0800

The underground structures are fucking astounding, but nobody ever gets to see them. Most federal buildings, by design, have tunnels underneath them large enough to drive one jeep through. Whenever I can find an excuse, I try to go down there, but my usual excuse doesn't work because it's impossible to unintentionally "get lost" inside the white house. You can't use a picture cellphone here but that is the same for any federal building. More excellent detail. Mostly true regarding the picture phones (they're not supposed to be allowed, but I've worked in a FOB and had one daily), and have also heard of the tunnels that ran from my bldg to another

By: poppo

poppo — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:01:34 -0800

I have to agree on the Condi-obsessed-with-her-smell-thing though. That one is too far out.

By: Nelson

Nelson — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:02:11 -0800

craniac, that variant comes after the Something Awful post. Probably a copy. I've been looking for information online that pre-dates the SA post that might corroborate it, without much success.

By: poppo

poppo — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:03:11 -0800

I find so much of this believable, but this really is the dealbreaker for me: If anyone finds this out for me I will give them payment for the information. Everyone loves how Condi smells and we do anything we can to sniff her while she isn't looking. If I knew what perfume she wears, I would simply soak a sock in it and writhe in orgasmic excstacy without having to stalk her everywhere she goes. After she shook hands with Putin, he sniffed his hand again and again. Her aroma is heavenly and legendary throughout the world.

By: Ryvar

Ryvar — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:06:02 -0800

Fake, but really well done. Worth an FPP in any case.

By: empath

empath — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:09:46 -0800

I don't care if it's true or not, it's fucking beautiful. Definitely "Best of the Web"

By: poppo

poppo — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:11:00 -0800

Corroboration OR source material for the Condi-perfume thing here: Hundreds marched to Blackburn town hall dressed in orange boiler suits and screamed at her as she arrived for a press conference. Yet Ms Rice greeted it all with a red-lipsticked smile and a heady wallop of fragrance that seems to have left grown men powerless in her wake.

By: craniac

craniac — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:12:26 -0800

The variant I posted is not an earlier version, but you can see the author adding to the original, which is sorta interesting. All of these weird physical problems are directly linked to the fact that sustaining a human form for long periods of time is very stressful for the alien reptiles. Ha, that wins the thread, hands down.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:12:54 -0800

Just so's you know, I work in a secure part of a secure floor of a secure building for a security agency. Most people here have picture phones and flash drives in their pockets. What most amazes me is this guy's level of access. What job does he have that he sits in the bathroom while Cheney shits, watches Condi check her email, Bush take his meds and Ridge put on his socks? Very funny though.

By: furiousthought

furiousthought — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:13:25 -0800

This is really entertaining. I wonder how far someone could string people along making up things like this if that is what they were doing, which I'm not ruling out here. I've run across a couple of details that in my mind don't jibe with known incidents, but supposing for a minute that the poster does know these things, he's still conveying his impression of what's going on. I don't know, man. Hey, Martin Random, what about Batboy?

By: CunningLinguist

CunningLinguist — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:15:03 -0800

supposing for a minute that the poster does know these things Um, why?

By: poppo

poppo — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:18:05 -0800

Just so's you know, I work in a secure part of a secure floor of a secure building for a security agency. Most people here have picture phones and flash drives in their pockets. Yes, but we're not supposed to. It's plausible that this rule is actually enforced at the White House.

By: furiousthought

furiousthought — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:21:49 -0800

why? Well, you can go along with the story for a little while, and feel entertained, or completely refuse to, and feel superior. I choose A. Doesn't mean I'm going to believe it's gospel truth for the rest of my days or even until lunch.

By: xammerboy

xammerboy — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:26:00 -0800

Just so's you know, I work in a secure part of a secure floor of a secure building for a security agency. Most people here have picture phones and flash drives in their pockets. At my workplace for a couple months we were not allowed to use cellphones with cameras for security reasons, so I can easily believe this is true of the WhiteHouse. In fact, if it's not true it should be. Kinda common sense.

By: themadjuggler

themadjuggler — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:26:05 -0800

Three devices he uses to be really convinces: 1) Self-doubt - When he says "I don't have any direct information on this because the guys with him at the time are not talking. This is totally unconfirmed, but I think it is plausible," you want to believe him because he's admitting the possibility of being wrong. Normally a conspiracy theorist comes out an makes outrageous, unambiguous claims. 2) Temperance - While his stories may be a bit far-fetched, her throws in the more normal Condy Rice portrait: "Despite all of this craziness, there is nothing strange whatsoever about Condoleeza Rice." A crazier account would find something equally ridiculous for everyone. 3) Ties to Reality - As someone above mentioned, these rumors vaguely fit in with things we know are real: eg. Bush's former drug problems + current stupor = Lots of anti-depressants. Also, I like how he waxes poetic with that last bit about the lonely bureaucrat.

By: dhartung

dhartung — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:26:59 -0800

Thanks, Ryvar, poppo, empath and Pollomacho. Even if it is just a well-executed mind-fuck, it's fantastic -- an all-time classic SA thread. There are so many nifty turns of phrase (like why Condi can get away with personal websurfing, or John Bolton) mixed with really insightful things about how the WH sees Congress as a herd of cats or starry-eyed Young Republicans as a sort of cannon-fodder, and things that rang absolutely true to me -- like he says he doesn't own a TV, which matches more than one political wonk I've known (it's a cross between the temptation of addiction, the need to leave your work at work, and complete and utter disregard for the daily issue circus). The political writer this brought to mind for me was Christopher Buckley and his classic satire The White House Mess. Incidentally, SA clocked me out on my 20th page, so I had to switch browsers to read the last two. That thread has been locked and so it is not growing. There was also discussion about moving it to a private area within SA.

By: themadjuggler

themadjuggler — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:27:14 -0800

~~convinces~~ convincing... oy.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:40:52 -0800

"The explanation for Scottie McClellan makes as much sense as anything else." It's actually pretty well-known among pressfolk. To be fair, that's how all press secretaries act, and that McClellan is better at it than most is well backed by many, many public accounts. I mean, the level that it's not even particularly corroborating.

By: CunningLinguist

CunningLinguist — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:42:01 -0800

you can go along with the story for a little while, and feel entertained, or completely refuse to, and feel superior. Well, I was highly entertained without ever believing for a second it was true.

By: furiousthought

furiousthought — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:56:31 -0800

Then congratulations! You have achieved both! Or something. Whatever, this is a silly exchange.

By: I Love Tacos

I Love Tacos — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:56:51 -0800

Condi Rice makes the best tacos.

By: suckerpunch

suckerpunch — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:02:05 -0800

Another choice quote : If a plan is possible, no matter how evil-sounding, it is written down, considered, and chucked or saved. could probably, if wanted to, find a document proposing the assassination of the president of france which is of no vintage later than 20 years old. It means nothing, because many people here are busily trying to think outside the box in their action proposals, and the first thing most newbies think outside the box about is stuff beyond the pale like butchering babies or assassinating people. It's edgy! Look at me! This is beautiful stuff.

By: stratastar

stratastar — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:10:48 -0800

The level of detail is freaking fantastic. Wolfowitz is known for having many affairs so the pictures and cunts story was definatly amusing. His views on the political process sound interesting and rational too

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:12:37 -0800

God, I love this quote: "Cheney, I think, has some kind of reptile brain that operates on a level of humor which is so basic and ponderous that sometimes his jokes sound like regular (or particularly stupid) comments, and slip under everyone's radar."

By: TechnoLustLuddite

TechnoLustLuddite — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:12:38 -0800

A very entertaining piece of fan fiction. "The White house is planting its own men among the press agents at press conferences." That, i believe.

By: stratastar

stratastar — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:21:50 -0800

"This is the disclosure calculus. If there is an actual prosecution which proceeds past the preliminary stages, like to an indictment, nobody will blame you for leaking. If you run too soon, you're outed as a leaker and you're finished. If you run too late, you stand a good chance of going to jail. If you leak and then the investigation stalls and then fails, you are really fucking double dog finished with your buddies. Find a new line of work, or lecture at some colleges or something. Also, there will be containment strategies which governs who squeals and who goes on a vacation of silence. This is handled by somebody within the party. If you violate the containment strategy then people get very very angry and you are finished in this town, buddy. The prosecutor's game in these situations is to freak people out enough, or cause them enough personal grief, that they violate the containment strategy and cause the house of cards to fall." i love it!

By: graymouser

graymouser — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:22:38 -0800

The view of the government sounds about right; from their perspective everything's just a tool. The problem is -- there's nothing that's going to clean up Washington. The democracy isn't broken by one side or the other; it's run by money, and if the gravy train can get by with just one more paint job, a swap out of the old corrupt officials (replaced with new, less well-known soon-to-be corrupt officials) it won't ever be scrapped. The notion that we can vote to fix it is itself part of the system.

By: Drexen

Drexen — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:38:04 -0800

I'm pretty sure, for myself, that this guy is working at the White House. Personally, I think he is at least (for the most part) honestly reporting what's swirling around in the WH rumour mill.

By: mooncrow

mooncrow — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:38:59 -0800

If it's not true, then it should be. Brilliant stuff. I'm pretty conviced it is the truth, from an insider. The Condi perfume thing is annoying though -- I can't stand the woman, especially since hearing about her New York shoe shopping trip while Katrina drowned New Orleans.

By: mullacc

mullacc — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:39:11 -0800

These stories remind me of Bob Graham's diaries. Though Graham's diaries are real while these are probably not.

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:39:21 -0800

Cute voyeuristic details aside, this is the money quote:

Democracy as a government relies upon the ability of factions to compromise on divisive issues through rational debate instead of violence. The current political power brokers have figured out how to short circuit this process by focusing national attention on issues which are based on differences of non-negotiable, irrational moral sentiment, and are thus not subject to resolution through rational reconciliation. They've broken democracy.

I don't care who he is or if he's lying, this and similar quotes are where he nails it. Then there's this, on Katrina:

This is the one thing I can't talk about, because all of our sphincters are clenched about it still, and we are all genuinely perplexed about why the shittastrophe has not swept through the hill. I didn't see any of the press coverage when the thing hit because I was incredibly busy with something, but I did check the clippers. I think that somehow, the existence of the hurricane was so interesting and easy to report that they totally gave up on exposing our evil negligence. It's kind of like dick cheney speeding to his lawyers to cover up a major government-wide tax evasion conspiracy and hitting someone on the way, flinging incriminating documents everywhere. They're gonna report the dead body and what the fuck paper? I have to read PAPER? THERES A DEAD BODY RIGHT THERE JESUS GET THAT ON FILM.

If he's a fake, he's a genius fake.

By: mr.curmudgeon

mr.curmudgeon — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:41:54 -0800

The mere fact that I can even fathom *half* of the claims in his thread as being true, seriously makes me consider leaving the country.

By: mr.curmudgeon

mr.curmudgeon — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:44:12 -0800

The "They've broken democracy" comment is really disheartening because it is so obviously true. Thus the immigration and abortion issue in '06. Just as we had the "blowjob" in 2000, and "God & Gays" in 2004. As a nation, we can NOT rationally debate these issues.

By: piratebowling

piratebowling — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:45:07 -0800

To me, this sounds like ust amazing fiction. A friend of mine, who often has too much time on his hand, will create elaborate thoeries about individuals, then ofthen write stories in incredible detail based on these theories. They become believeable, because the theories fit in with what we know about these people, and the outrageous details are usually very well scattered. To me, this reads a lot like that. Amazingly entertaining, possibly containing a grain of salt, but probably just faked. Great read, thank you.

By: piratebowling

piratebowling — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:46:11 -0800

man, sorry for the typos. I'm tired.

By: fullerine

fullerine — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:50:24 -0800

Martin Random was the author of the Fecal Lasagne thread on SA which was previously discussed.

By: ijoshua

ijoshua — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 12:17:55 -0800

fnord

By: surferboy

surferboy — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 12:32:32 -0800

Hope Snopes is on the case.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 12:48:47 -0800

"Cheney, I think, has some kind of reptile brain" Indeed.

By: dyaseen

dyaseen — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 12:53:37 -0800

I don't know how much of this is true, but his list of ways to fix the system is 100% dead on, not to mention nonpartisan: A) Democrats win clear majority in either House or Senate and initiate investigations. B) Massive campaign finance reform, C) supreme court's money = free speech ruling overturned, D) corporations no longer given the rights of people. Edit: While I'm at it E) End all tax subsidies. Fuck, reform the entire tax code. F) Bring back the estate tax and sharply tax estates worth over 50 million. G) Switch back to a college grant system instead of a loan system H) Pass a law making it an ethics violation to appoint anyone who has helped with your campaign to any judicial or administrative positions.

By: dyaseen

dyaseen — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 13:05:48 -0800

Uh, I meant everything after the first one was nonpartisan.

By: prodigalsun

prodigalsun — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 13:45:08 -0800

Ok, This is a well written hoax. The major slip up was saying they were able to get rid of Ridge because Brownie screwed things up. Ridge was already long gone. Chertoff was running things by then. I've enjoyed the hell out of it myself.

By: spock

spock — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 13:58:13 -0800

That freaking SA thread is growing faster than I can read it.

By: dilettante

dilettante — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 14:08:35 -0800

Reminds me of this, somehow: "I immediately recognized The Ibogaine Effect -- from Muskie's tearful breakdown on the flatbed truck in New Hampshire, the delusions and altered thinking that characterized his campaign in Florida, and finally the condition of "total rage" that gripped him in Wisconsin." - Hunter S. Thompson.

By: smackfu

smackfu — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 14:21:56 -0800

That freaking SA thread is growing faster than I can read it. Actually, it's been closed/locked since the 10th. Given that threads are locked by the author, I guess he wrote everything he wanted to.

By: odinsdream

odinsdream — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 14:43:49 -0800

Many of us have made this comparison [Comparing Tom Ridge to Adam West], and I'm sure we didn't help his descent into madness at all. Some people working around him would do stuff like whisper inaudibly and then deny doing anything at all, or subtly slip nonsensical words into their discussions. We all WANTED to see him freak out, if only because none of us would get blamed. After the rat incident people wanted to put like toupees and other hairy objects in his desk drawers but he had a personal assistant watching his office at all times to guard against this, so nothing was ever successfully planted. I'm glad for this, because I think he might have put himself in the hospital if he grabbed anything bulkier to beat his own legs with, and there's no telling what he would have done a second time. He also had this weird thing where he always wanted there to be a lot of blankets, no matter what he was planning, he demanded many many blankets, both for himself, and as supplies for his people. We wondered about this but never found out why.

By: Joeforking

Joeforking — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 14:50:24 -0800

Piss poor

By: stratastar

stratastar — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 15:03:53 -0800

The other thing that gives it away is that he talks about how D.C. is dangerous, and he hates it. Please.

By: RufusW

RufusW — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 15:06:38 -0800

D.C is kinda dangerous outside the toy-town isn't it?

By: mazola

mazola — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 15:24:14 -0800

I WANT TO BELIEVE

By: ninjew

ninjew — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 15:25:49 -0800

This is actually the least believable anecdote, but it is recorded historical fact, and I encourage anyone who is interested to research it and discover its truth for themselves. Back in the very beginning, on an anniversary of the states were joining the union, they'd send gifts. Philledelphia or Vermont, or one of those states, gave a gigantic, wagon-sized wheel of cheese. It was kept in a room and whenever there was a social event, they'd run in there, cut off the disgusting rancid mold, and start serving the still-good undercheese. After they had mined the thing and pockmarked it enough that cutting off the rancid portions was really difficult, they wheeled it out and rolled it down a hill into the river. The room has been remodelled several times but still people complain about the odor, so it is seldom used, not even for storage. I personally can't smell anything in there, so I think a lot of it is just a placebo effect. I have heard the cheese wheel story before as well. There was even an early Sorkin-era West Wing show involving it. And I laughed out loud about it being rolled down a hill into the river. True stuff or not, it's still funny.

By: dhartung

dhartung — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 15:28:55 -0800

Well, I've had two friends mugged in D.C.... Yeah, he slipped on the Cheney/Rumsfeld IED-in-the-pants thing, and the Ridge/Chertoff business too. Ridge resigned right after the election and Chertoff was confirmed last February. After Katrina it actually did seem like Chertoff was going to fall on his sword, too, for a few days, but he didn't -- that may have helped the confusion. Nevertheless, Ridge is one squirrelly dude, and he was almost Defense Secretary instead of Rumsfeld. Can you imagine? I kinda hinted above that my theory is that there were broad hints in the thread that it was being cooked up behind the scenes -- and possibly "Martin Random" is a composite persona. I know they've done something along those lines in the past. Still, some damned good conjecture, and I don't even care if the shit about iced jammies is silly and over the top, there is great writing there, funny and insightful. I'm bummed that nobody picked up on my thread title, which is an allusion to the brilliant Peter O'Toole satire The Ruling Class. It gave me the same giddy laugh-myself-silly apoplexy.

By: xammerboy

xammerboy — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 16:09:04 -0800

At first I thought this has to be a joke, then I found it remarkably believable. The replies were so great. In the end though I returned to the assertion that Rumsfeld iced his underwear and couldn't believe I had fallen for it even for a second.

By: Dean Keaton

Dean Keaton — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 16:13:15 -0800

It's great, wether or not it's real.

By: RufusW

RufusW — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 16:22:52 -0800

'Iced his underwear' - why slip up early when you've got a lot more solid stuff to rely on later?

By: Substrata

Substrata — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 16:32:08 -0800

my analysis: he's the real deal. but to distract he throws things in he heard from colleagues, so he is low-mid in the WH, with anecdotes from mid-mid and a few personal encounters. still, the Diebold Ohio elections will come to haunt the USA.

By: JHarris

JHarris — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 19:31:03 -0800

You know, I almost want dios to respond to this thread. Not because I think these stories are true or that he'd be offended, but because I think it'd be kind of neat to be laughing with him for once.

By: rob511

rob511 — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 19:38:56 -0800

Condi Rice makes the best tacos. In which sense, ILT?

By: lazywhinerkid

lazywhinerkid — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 20:32:22 -0800

I really wanted to believe this stuff -- and maybe still do believe some of it is vaguely true -- but the fact that your man Martin Random also wrote the story about the crazy roommate that fullerine mentioned above makes me really really suspicious that this is just a dude who likes to entertain people. I also find it interesting that he claims that the story about the cheese is "actually the least believable anecdote" but is likely the most well-known and believable one of all. Methinks he's a smart writer trying to throw people off the trail. He's a pretty smart rhetorician in a way...

By: Edgewise

Edgewise — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 21:03:47 -0800

Yeah, Random is one clever sonofabitch whether this is true or not...I'm strongly suspecting not but at times I found myself believing in spite of myself. That is DAMN good writing (again, whether true or not).

By: Space Coyote

Space Coyote — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 21:12:45 -0800

The very very cogent analysis of what's wrong with government that he sneaks in there is some of the most effective propaganda (in a good way) that I've seen in ages. It sucks people in with the gossip, doesn't beat you over the head with preachiness, but gets across a very good argument that most of the audience will take away and understand whether they believe the juicy bits or not. If there are guys as smart as him who drink the republican koolaid no wonder they have such scary electoral success.

By: MonkeySaltedNuts

MonkeySaltedNuts — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 23:36:34 -0800

By: JHarris

JHarris — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 23:58:03 -0800

If there are guys as smart as him who drink the republican koolaid no wonder they have such scary electoral success. How much of it is his intelligence, and how much is just the perspective granted from his position? In any case Space Coyote, not all of us can decouple intelligence from moral sense.

By: moonbiter

moonbiter — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 03:01:17 -0800

He claims that Rumsfeld has pleurisy that causes him to closely-control his laughter and breathing. Pleurisy is an inflammation of the pleura, which is a membrane surrounding the lungs. I've had pleurisy, and it sucks. But I've never heard of chronic pleurisy, so this makes me think he's making the whole thing up. Any MeFi doctors want to clear that up for me?

By: asok

asok — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 04:45:34 -0800

You can have pleurisy for a while, my friend had the effects for at least 8 months. I can imagine an old man might have it for longer. YMMV It is a great meme and very much post worthy independent of any truthiness in the gossip. As he has done it before with the room-mate story, it would be amazing if the same person were to live in such interesting times.

By: mecran01

mecran01 — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:38:39 -0800

If there are guys as smart as him who drink the republican koolaid no wonder they have such scary electoral success. Well, one of the points I thought he was trying to make is that the whole game is about power, and ideology is just a convenient tool.

By: donkelly

donkelly — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 22:01:06 -0800

Apparently he shut the thread down soon after someone pointed out that he claimed to be in law school only a few months ago. I stayed up way too late reading this last night. Good writer and maybe even a budding political theorist.