Comments on: Butt formula

Butt formula

swift — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:13:30 -0800

I like (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V butts and I cannot lie.

By: Clamwacker

Clamwacker — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:16:54 -0800

I'm still waiting for someone to begin classifying each butt. I want numbers on Jessica Alba, Vida Guerra and a multitude of other specimens.

By: rxrfrx

rxrfrx — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:17:13 -0800

You fancy yourself an ass-girl-woman, eh?

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:18:41 -0800

No comment.

By: Malor

Malor — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:21:58 -0800

Ooh, it's got lots of parentheses and stuff, it MUST be true!

By: nebulawindphone

nebulawindphone — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:24:00 -0800

Yeah. What does that formula mean anyway?

By: TimeFactor

TimeFactor — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:28:12 -0800

"Slender thighs and a hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7 will frame the perfect bum, well perfectly." Hunh? Waist bigger than hips? I don't care if Dr. Holmes wins the Nobel Prize in Buttology, he don't know jack about butt.

By: handee

handee — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:30:32 -0800

So David Holmes, a lecturer in psychology at Manchester Met, has done a questionnaire. Great. His areas of expertise are listed on his website as: Stalking, Offender Profiling, Abnormal Psychology, Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, Psychopathy, Forensic Psychopathology, Autism, Criminology, Nonverbal Behaviour, Media Psychology, Parapsychology, Personal & Pathological Relationships, Public Interest Psychology, Lifestyle Psychology, and arses. OK so the last one's a joke, but hey, so's his research.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:32:43 -0800

This is an equation relating various subjective measures, not a function that gives some kind of assessment as output. Article and writing are very unclear. D⁺. Please ~~rewrite~~ don't write.

By: Cookiebastard

Cookiebastard — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:33:21 -0800

Butt clusters? Ew.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:33:44 -0800

Could we have some images in this thread, please? Just for demonstrative purposes, you know.

By: geoff.

geoff. — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:33:45 -0800

Where's cellulite in the equation? You can have a perfect ass and look like an acne scarred 16 year old.

By: elpapacito

elpapacito — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:40:31 -0800

And a girl friend of mine figure the perfect equation for penis it is lim x->inf f(x)=x^2

By: emelenjr

emelenjr — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:40:46 -0800

Having RTFA, cellulite is represented in the equation by T, for skin texture.

By: Malor

Malor — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:43:46 -0800

And it is, of course, quite simple to reduce skin texture to a number. *rolls eyes*

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:44:32 -0800

I like (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V butts and I cannot lie. You other Mefites can deny, but when a girl walks in with a large hip to waist ratio, V, and a round C in my face I get sprung.

By: Malor

Malor — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:46:22 -0800

By the way, it would have been thoroughly inappropriate, but quite funny, if you'd used the title "Grecian Formula" instead. Did I actually just type that?

By: Drexen

Drexen — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:12:55 -0800

Those scientists!

By: NinjaTadpole

NinjaTadpole — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:21:29 -0800

bookmarked

By: yerfatma

yerfatma — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:25:00 -0800

Bears repeating.

By: NinjaTadpole

NinjaTadpole — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:26:01 -0800

... Not being "with" much of modern celebrity, I had no idea who Vida Guerra was. She sounded like a 50's movie star. Google has therefore just given me a small seizure.

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:28:05 -0800

I am incredibly upset about this, having established the Beyonce-Alba Gluteal Supremacy Theory over a year ago. Expect Prof. Willis and myself to examine legal options immediately.

By: grex

grex — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:37:23 -0800

For the analysis of callipygian women, I would refer Mefites to the real expert on the subject. (NSFW)

By: poppo

poppo — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:38:51 -0800

The Mets have the best record in baseball. Try explaining that with your fancy formulas.

By: geekyguy

geekyguy — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:47:39 -0800

I, also, want to thank you, Clamwacker, for Vida Guerra.

By: elpapacito

elpapacito — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:52:16 -0800

But why is Oliver Willis a black man AND Phd in Bootyology ? Coincidence ? It's a mistery , I can't teach you.

By: jon_kill

jon_kill — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:58:57 -0800

*deep breath* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

By: dame

dame — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 07:06:15 -0800

Any theory that has Kylie rating higher than J.Lo has a fatal flaw.

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 07:16:25 -0800

But why is Oliver Willis a black man Umm... I'm guessing his parents were a factor in that?

By: Nicholas West

Nicholas West — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 07:18:24 -0800

Presenter: You have a new theory about the women's bottoms. Miss Elk: Can I just say here Chris for one moment that I have a new theory about women's bottoms? Presenter: Er... exactly. (he gestures but she does not say anything) What is it? Miss Elk: Where? (looks round) Presenter: No, no. Your new theory. Miss Elk: Oh, what is my theory? Presenter: Yes. Miss Elk: Oh what is my theory that it is. Well Chris you may well ask me what is my theory. Presenter: I am asking. Miss Elk: Good for you. My word yes. Well Chris, what is it that it is - this theory of mine. Well, this is what it is - my theory that I have, that is to say, which is mine, is mine. Presenter: (beginning to show signs of exasperation) Yes, I know it's yours, what is it? Miss Elk: Where? Oh, what is my theory? This is it. (clears throat at some length) My theory that belongs to me is as follows. (clears throat at great length) This is how it goes. The next thing I"m going to say is my theory. Ready? Presenter: Yes! Miss Elk: My theory by A. Elk. Brackets Miss, brackets. This theory goes as follows and begins now. All women's bottoms are thin at one end, much much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is my theory, it is mine, and belongs to me and I own it, and what it is too.

By: dansdata

dansdata — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 07:18:53 -0800

Dr Oliver Johnson's formula for the newsworthiness of bullshit formulae.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 07:19:38 -0800

Combine this with my Unified Butt Theory and we got the makings of a Nobel. Although I'd prefer to do a little more [cough] research first.

By: adamrice

adamrice — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 07:27:04 -0800

I am reminded of that pioneering paper, A Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown.

By: thanatogenous

thanatogenous — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 07:39:16 -0800

I think I'm going to have a giant poster of that equation in my room. "Oh, you guys wanna see the perfect ass? I've got a poster of the perfect ass in my room"

By: dios

dios — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 07:41:14 -0800

Where are the pictures? And if we are going to post pictures, can I request some specific versions?

By: dances_with_sneetches

dances_with_sneetches — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 07:55:47 -0800

It took us only 101 years to get from e = mc^2 to (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V And who says science doesn't progress?

By: milovoo

milovoo — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 07:57:22 -0800

I think the formula more accurately indicates the slowest newsday ever! (I can't believe this was on the front page of some papers) (I also find it sort of offensive, objectifying and all that, but whatever, I guess)

By: WCityMike

WCityMike — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:05:55 -0800

Now, wait a minute. That's the formula for nice butts. Sir Mix-A-Lot liked big butts. Therefore, you really should've said: I like 2*((S+C) x (B+F)/T = V) butts and I cannot lie.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:09:35 -0800

Now, wait a minute. That's the formula for nice butts. Sir Mix-A-Lot liked big butts. Big butts are nice butts. (I also find it sort of offensive, objectifying and all that, but whatever, I guess) Our theory indicates that milovoo's butt is too tightly clenched. (I'm sorry, dude, but if I resisted that straight line my head would've asploded. But truthfully people of all genders and persuasions like ogling ass, so no reason to get uptight about it)

By: Secret Life of Gravy

Secret Life of Gravy — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:15:10 -0800

While women preferred the larger, curvier behind of Lopez, men found Minogue's pert symmetry more agreeable. Is this a British thing? Because the men that I have talked to/ known intimately have expressed a preference for the "larger, curvier." But maybe I only know Big Bottom Lovers?

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:18:07 -0800

well, SLoG, they do make the rockin' world go round...

By: milovoo

milovoo — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:20:53 -0800

Our theory indicates that milovoo's butt is too tightly clenched. Maybe, whatever. I certainly wouldn't want to stand in the way of any butt-ogling folks, but I do sure hope there are not any other 'perfect' formulas being generated. The world needs more variation not less.

By: Mike D

Mike D — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:27:37 -0800

My theory is that being asked to assess one's bottom is like being asked to analyze a stool sample.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:28:13 -0800

Oh, I agree with you there, and I prefer the big juicy ones, to the Kylie-little-boy butts singled out by the theorem myself. And hell, I think we need more frankness about this kind of stuff, not less. A few minutes ago while out having a smoke, I was thinking to myself: in gay men's bars everybody is very up front about the fact that they're all displaying and appraising eachother. It would be really cool if straight bars were like that, but instead when we go out hunting booty we have to pretend we're just there to drink and play darts as if to acknowledge the true purpose of our mission would jeopardize civilization. I've had way too much caffeine.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:33:29 -0800

My theory is that being asked to assess one's bottom is like being asked to analyze a stool sample. Oh, I agree with you there, and I prefer the big juicy ones

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:37:32 -0800

Oh, fiddlesticks.

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:40:40 -0800

I don't get the formula. Which variable is the "score"? The article references 80 as a perfect bottom, but both sides of the equation are butt-variables. Yes, I'm taking this way too seriously.

By: horsewithnoname

horsewithnoname — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 08:43:49 -0800

Wolfdog shoots...and he scores.

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 09:42:20 -0800

But maybe I only know Big Bottom Lovers? The bigger the cushion.

By: Optimus Chyme

Optimus Chyme — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 09:43:25 -0800

The "equation" makes absolutely zero sense from a mathematical standpoint. Ugh.

By: afx114

afx114 — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 10:57:27 -0800

Talk about mud flaps....

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 11:03:26 -0800

Ah, mudflaps. Important for protecting the tires, and also an unexpected venue for self-expression in the form of Yosemite Sam pointing his pistols and saying 'Back Off,' Calvin peeing, and shillouttes of well-endowed nude women... Hey I'm just following orders..

By: afx114

afx114 — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 11:15:42 -0800

I was actually referring to Big Bottom, but the literal interpretation is just as fascinating.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 11:18:14 -0800

I know you were, dude. I just can't help myself sometimes

By: 999

999 — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 13:12:11 -0800

Mike D: My theory is that being asked to assess one's bottom is like being asked to analyze a stool sample. Like this you mean?

By: afu

afu — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 13:41:46 -0800

Kylie Minogue over j lo? Brit's have no taste in women. J lo's ass isn't even that big any more.

By: the_bone

the_bone — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 14:15:21 -0800

"Kylie would score amazingly well on sphericality and symmetry. Her bottom is pretty much perfect in these areas, more so than the likes of Charlotte Church or Jennifer Lopez, who have more curvy posteriors," he said... While women preferred the larger, curvier behind of Lopez, men found Minogue's pert symmetry more agreeable. So, um, let's arbitrarily make Kylie Minogue the standard for perfect butt-osity. Who cares what those women think? (disclaimer: i'm a guy, and definitely prefer the "j. lo" model)

By: Skygazer

Skygazer — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 14:28:20 -0800

I don't think you can use a goddamned formula to describe the perfect derriere. That would be like applying a formula to measure the beauty of a blue sky or the skin tingling charge of a lovely smile. It's a mysterious natural phenomenon. And dare I say a quixotic exercise. I can spot a lovely female posterior under 12 layers of clothes from a half mile away and the times when said posterior has landed in my lap, said posterior has always lived up to my discriminating standards. The day I need to a formula to know when I'm looking at a nice ass is the day I ask them to pull the plug. Thank you and good night....

By: BillyElmore

BillyElmore — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 15:28:47 -0800

Watching a young woman load some boxes in the back of her SUV the other day caused me to pause. This was a lovely sight to ponder until some rude traveler honked the horn. Not being a math sort, but speaking purely as a scientist, we're talking tight pants that I believe nicely held the archetypal great ass. While there was a comfortable waist to hip ratio, there was so much more that math couldn't express. The actual buttocks' spread would best be known by imagining one's hands hefting a healthy watermelon slice on a warm day of summer. I know I imagined just that. This particular butt, not too big, or small, but nicely rounded, had my vote to ascend immediately to Plato's perfect realm. There were those two ubiquitous rounds of the gluteus maximum naturally forming, and suggesting ripe fruit. Healthy, so healthy, fresh fruit. But then there were those exquisite secondary rounds that tightly form somewhat inside firm thighs, and are indeed best seen from the rear. I saw them at their best. I couldn't help but thinking Apple, bitable apple. What's all that damn horn honking? I'm speaking of scientific observation here. What's the drool on my keyboard?

By: soma lkzx

soma lkzx — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 18:48:52 -0800

are you hefting that watermelon, BillyElmore? are you... racist?

By: Sparx

Sparx — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 19:33:10 -0800

Kylie has been winning Rear of the Year awards decades before anyone had ever heard of J freakin' Lo, you ignoramuses. And I'm not even an assficianado.

By: priested

priested — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 05:48:42 -0800

Six-Mix-A lot, Baby Got Back, Thesaurusized (honor to McSweenys for the Idea), Abridged Oh my supernatural being, Becky, look at her fleshy mounds above her legs it is so extensive She appears to be one of those spoken rhyming vocals guys romantic and/or sexual involvement Who can explain the nature of those spoken rhyming vocal guys? They only converse with her because she has the appearance of a somebody who receives money in return for sexual intercourse I mean her fleshy mounds It's just so extensive I can't believe her fleshy mounds are so round Suspended over there I mean, it's flagrantly wrong or unmitigated Look, she's just so belonging to an ethnic group with dark skin I enjoy big fleshy mounds and I cannot say something that is untrue to deceive you You other brothers can't refuse to acknowledge That when a girl walks in with an extremely small physical length around her stomach And a globular thing in the front of your human head You become more likely to move rapidly upward or forward in a series of rapid movements um...next verse?

By: soyjoy

soyjoy — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 12:49:41 -0800

My astonishingly perceptive contribution to this discussion is as follows: Hell YEAH to everybody who already said that J.Lo beats Kylie. My theory is that they made a mathematical error in generating the formula and are too lazy to ferret it out.

By: nthdegx

nthdegx — Sat, 15 Apr 2006 02:18:34 -0800

Jesus.... some of the comments on some of those photos at Flickr. "Hi - still one of the best pics - delightfully restricted - I wouldn't be able to stop myself licking from your **** to your ***** while you took off these jeans ! What happened in real life ? M"