Send big dogs after her/That bite her bum

April 21, 2006 11:55 AM

Long live our noble queen.
posted by Mayor Curley (55 comments total)

Scared me there, Mayor. I scanned the headline and assumed the worst.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:00 PM on April 21, 2006

I bet all you Americans feel a little smug over there in your 'Free' world. Little do you know that paragraph C, subline D, Part 24AZQ1-BA of the Patriot Act 2 abolishes elections, heralding the reign of King George the 1st of Americaland.
posted by Meccabilly at 12:01 PM on April 21, 2006

Those Philip quotes are crazyinsane:

* "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?" (1995)

Said to a driving instructor in Scotland.

Awesome!
posted by OmieWise at 12:03 PM on April 21, 2006

I can no longer see the name Prince Philip without hearing Simon Pegg say "You fat-handed fucking c*nt!" in that one Big Train sketch.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:06 PM on April 21, 2006

And then there's the Steve Bell cartoon about Prince Philip, which contains the immortal lines:

Why does Prince Philip hold his hands behind his back when he walks? [watch him at an official function, he does]

It's to emphasise the words as they emanate from his posterior.
posted by greycap at 12:08 PM on April 21, 2006

The Queen learnt to drive in 1945 when she joined the Army.

53) The Queen sent her first email in 1976 from an Army base.

79) Technically The Queen still owns the sturgeons, whales and dolphins in the waters around the UK.
posted by edgeways at 12:11 PM on April 21, 2006

* "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" (2002)
Said to a blind woman with a guide dog.

Wow, is that true?
posted by mullacc at 12:20 PM on April 21, 2006

King George the first of Americaland

All Hail King George the Dim!
posted by Bonzai at 12:28 PM on April 21, 2006

Ha ha! I am no woman's chattel!
posted by PurplePorpoise at 12:28 PM on April 21, 2006

I must kill...the Queen.
posted by loquax at 12:31 PM on April 21, 2006

87) The Queen's tears cure cancer, but she has never cried.
posted by trondant at 12:31 PM on April 21, 2006

90) Every 80 years the queen rises from her grave to feast on flesh of the living.
posted by Meccabilly at 12:37 PM on April 21, 2006

The Queen sent her first email in 1976 from an Army base.

In 1997, The Queen launched Buckingham Palace's first official website.

Not too much of a gap in there, huh?

Over the course of her reign, the queen has tried to square the circle of a modern monarchy commanding respect in the age of global media.

Is "squaring the circle" a British idiom? I've never heard it.

Also, I have carefully reviewed all of the pictures, and I have reached the conclusion that the queen ought to be encouraged to wear a crown much more often. Daily, in fact. It wouldn't hurt if she had one she could sleep in, too; if you're going to have a monarch, you may as well do it properly.

Furthermore, I feel it is worth noting that the person fourteenth in line for the crown is named "Margarita." It would be wrong to suggest that her path to the crown be facilitated, but come on -- there's a chance at a Queen Margarita!
posted by booksandlibretti at 12:41 PM on April 21, 2006

"Squaring the circle" is a pretty common phrase. Or at least I've heard of it.
posted by boo_radley at 12:44 PM on April 21, 2006

Back in the ‘50s, she was quite sexy, in a sort of difficult to believe but yes… She was! In a kind of, you know, the ‘50s skirts, “Hey, fancy the Queen! Got a picture of the Queen on my locker door, yeah! Shag the Queen!”

In the ‘60s, London and Britain was hip for the first time since the Civil War! And the Queen should have gone with it, slipped straight in there, short skirts, E-type Jag, cigarette… (mimes smoking while speeding) The police coming over,

“Hey, lady, you’re speeding!”

“Fuck off, I’m the Queen! Where to now, Phil? Read the map the right way, for God’s sakes!”

-- from Eddie Izzard's Glorious
posted by George_Spiggott at 12:50 PM on April 21, 2006

Nice Eddie Izzard reference in the title, btw.
posted by davejay at 12:50 PM on April 21, 2006

53) The Queen sent her first email in 1976 from an Army base.

Damn it, you mean to say that the fucking Queen of England has been on the Internet longer than I have?
posted by Johnny Assay at 12:51 PM on April 21, 2006

books:

Squaring the Circle
posted by blackfly at 12:54 PM on April 21, 2006

Inbreeding. Not a good thing. ;)
posted by bim at 1:12 PM on April 21, 2006

Long live the singing Queen ! In other news, after thousand years of tyrans, despots, kings, emperors , popes and and assorted variety of self-legalizing criminal, some people still like to hail their oppressors, because a new ignorant is born every second. Ignorance is the great enemy, forget Osama.
posted by elpapacito at 1:14 PM on April 21, 2006

redaing the list of "accomplishments" really hammers home how bloody useless the monarchy are, doesn't it? fucking dorgis.
posted by andrew cooke at 1:17 PM on April 21, 2006

Nice job on the first ever use of the tag "crinklies".
posted by blue_beetle at 1:18 PM on April 21, 2006

I've heard several news stories lately about ordinary folks that she's invited to her birthday party from around the various nations she's head of. Apparently people who are also turning 80 today are being rounded up and flown to England to have tea with her. I find that kind of charming, really.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:25 PM on April 21, 2006

Great post, M.C., thank you.

I was really blown away by the official portrait (now my dekstop wallpaper) of the Queen. She just looks like some old lady. I mean, can you imagine what people would have thought, even fifty years ago, if that had been the public presentation of Her Royal Highness, the Queen of England?
posted by Squid Voltaire at 2:08 PM on April 21, 2006

BTW, Lord Snowdon's official portrait on HRH's official website is the worst photo of her I've ever seen. She should send him to the Tower!
posted by darren at 2:12 PM on April 21, 2006

Thanks, blackfly, I knew the math meaning; when I Googled, that was all it was bringing up, so I didn't check out Wikipedia. It just means "trying to do something impossible"?
posted by booksandlibretti at 2:13 PM on April 21, 2006

happy birthday you old bag. I just watched the fireworks at Kew from our house, impressive show!
posted by 6am at 2:24 PM on April 21, 2006

In the ‘60s, London and Britain was hip for the first time since the Civil War! And the Queen should have gone with it, slipped straight in there, short skirts, E-type Jag, cigarette… (mimes smoking while speeding) The police coming over,

“Hey, lady, you’re speeding!”

“Fuck off, I’m the Queen! Where to now, Phil? Read the map the right way, for God’s sakes!”

-- from Eddie Izzard's Glorious

That's what Princess Margaret was for.
posted by lagavulin at 2:29 PM on April 21, 2006

Eddie Izzard ftw.
posted by jeversol at 2:31 PM on April 21, 2006

Not like I need an excuse, but I'm going out drinking after work to celebrate her birthday. If anyone cares to join me, you're more than welcome.
posted by antifreez_ at 2:37 PM on April 21, 2006

booksandlibretti: Kinda. I'd say squaring the circle is 'reconciling two incompatible objectives'. So if in writing a technical document for a lay reader you include all the techy detail in a way that's still really accessible, you've squared that particular circle.
posted by athenian at 2:38 PM on April 21, 2006

Apparently people who are also turning 80 today are being rounded up and flown to England to have tea with her. I find that kind of charming, really.

Let's wait and see if she releases these elderly hostages before we pass judgment here.
posted by trondant at 2:59 PM on April 21, 2006

String the old bitch up. Her and her entire worthless, anachronistic family.
posted by Decani at 3:22 PM on April 21, 2006

antifreez_, I'll join you by proxy. God save that old queen.
posted by cortex at 3:26 PM on April 21, 2006

Much obliged, Doctor cortex.
posted by antifreez_ at 3:29 PM on April 21, 2006

* "If you stay here much longer you'll all get slitty eyed." (1986) - Said to British students in China.

This will always be my favorite. As for the Queen being 80... well, she doesn't look a day over 65. We didn't get a day off work though. Bah.
posted by saturnine at 3:43 PM on April 21, 2006

I like the royals. They seem fun. Maybe I wouldn't like them if we lived in the same city, but from a distance, they look rather interesting.
posted by JanetLand at 3:53 PM on April 21, 2006

trondant wins!
posted by litlnemo at 4:13 PM on April 21, 2006

King George the 1st of Americaland

King Charles & Queen Camilla, more like it. *shudders*

Unfortunately, the PM downunder cynically screwed the movement to remove the queen as our head of state by rigging the terms of the debate, but one of the memes floating around is that if & when that retard Charles ascends to the throne, we will ditch the monarchy ASAP, by whatever means possible.

(no offence towards retards intended...)
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:22 PM on April 21, 2006

In celebration of Brenda's day, I offer this.
posted by Decani at 4:23 PM on April 21, 2006

It's my birthday as well today

I have always been a republican.
posted by brilliantmistake at 4:50 PM on April 21, 2006

From the Queen's Wikipedia entry:

During the V-E Day celebrations in London, she and her sister dressed in ordinary clothing and slipped into the crowd secretly in order to celebrate with everyone without being recognised.

Coooool.
posted by stray at 5:16 PM on April 21, 2006

I like the royals. They seem fun.

Well hell. You just totally changed my mind about obscene privilege, genetically-determined wealth and disgraceful, class-riddled anachronistic bullshit. "They seem like fun" Shit! I never thought of it like that before! YAY! God save the fucking queen! Wheee! It's so easy when you turn your mind off!

That Di, though. She was a real princess. A real fucking princess. I should know too: I gave her one up the Gary Glitter before she met Charlie. Two spritzers and her sphincter got slacker than Liberace's after an amyl overload.
posted by Decani at 5:21 PM on April 21, 2006

deep breaths, Decani, deep breaths
posted by cortex at 5:56 PM on April 21, 2006

many of the comments on the bbc web site from royalists replying to republicans have pointed out that if the queen wasn't the head of state, then tony blair would be

i think that's a rather powerful argument

hmmm ... maybe we in the u s ought to have her as queen, also ... better than having you know who as our head of state
posted by pyramid termite at 9:00 PM on April 21, 2006

No, no, no, PT--

The solution is for America to become a constitutional monarchy, with the Bushes, the Clintons, the Reagans, the Kennedys, and the Gores as the constantly dueling ruling families, duking it out for who gets to be head of state for the each four years.

Then we completely separate the head of state from the government, switch up Congress into a parliamentary system, make the Prime Minister the head of government, and pretend like the last twenty years never happened.
posted by thecaddy at 9:21 PM on April 21, 2006

*mental picture of decani in 17th century clothing, signing Charles I's death warrant with a look of glee*

Although I do agree with you...
posted by greycap at 12:19 AM on April 22, 2006

As a young milk-snatching victim I became a supporter of the monarchy the day I heard the words "President Thatcher". Brenda may be "obscene privilege, genetically-determined wealth and disgraceful, class-riddled anachronistic bullshit", but at least we haven't got that grinning fuckwit Blair on our stamps.
posted by fullerine at 12:42 AM on April 22, 2006

As a young milk-snatching victim I became a supporter of the monarchy the day I heard the words "President Thatcher". Brenda may be "obscene privilege, genetically-determined wealth and disgraceful, class-riddled anachronistic bullshit", but at least we haven't got that grinning fuckwit Blair on our stamps.

Too right. I look at the Queen, compare to Tony Blair, then I look at France (much as I love the country and people), see President Chirac and think "Cthulu save the Queen!"

I do think the spin-doctors behind the throne will have really missed a trick if Charles ever gets the chance. They'd do much better from a PR standpoint if they could finagle the throne going straight to golden-boy-looks-like-Di William.

In end of the day though, I like the monarchy because they have no real power, and they get all the tourists coming to see Buck Palace, the changing of the guard and all that Royal fluff - and spend plenty of cash buying all that plastic crap and postcards to go with it.
posted by ArkhanJG at 2:40 AM on April 22, 2006

Hmm, I've just thought of an even worse scenario. Tony Blair becomes incapacitated, Vice President John Prescott becomes Head of State.



If that doesn't make you a monarchist, I don't know what hell would.
posted by ArkhanJG at 2:51 AM on April 22, 2006

ArkhanJG: In end of the day though, I like the monarchy because they have no real power (see third paragraph from bottom)

Though I concede the decision was made by the Foreign Office rather than Herself.
posted by Kiwi at 3:41 AM on April 22, 2006

It's a messy system, dating back to parliament letting Charles II retake the throne after the English Civil Wars, with many of his priviledges technically intact, but with the idea that he wasn't to do anything without their permission.

Take for example the forming of a new government, or a formal declaration of war - theoretically, they Queen could cause a real constitutional crisis if she actually tried to extert some of her nominal powers (those that aren't limited by Parliamentary Act, anyway), rather than just parroted what the Government tell her to. It's a typically British solution, with decades or centuries of precedent and judgment being used rather than actual rules written on paper. Depending upon your point of view, this is a good or a bad thing.

I will agree that the biggest real influence the Queen has is the operation of the Privy Council, a non-parliamentary organisation that used to BE the government, but is now very much a rump organisation (staffed largely, but not entirely by parliamentarians) that is largely used to act as a final point of appeal for decisions dealing with Crown Dependencies, such as Diego Garcia and Jamaica, both of which were controversial.

Basically, the House of Lords (British 2nd chamber, bit like the US Senate) is the final court of appeal for mainlaind UK (though the European Court of Human Rights is higher still for human rights cases IIRC), while the Queen appoints a Judicial Committee of the Privy Council for 'advice' as a final court of appeal for cases within Crown Dependencies and some laws of Commonwealth countries, and even some professional or religious organisations, such as the General Medical Council, who punish doctors for misconduct.

Note, the Constitutional Reform Act of 2005 will strip many powers of the Judicial Committee, House of Lords and Lord Chancellor (don't ask), and invest them in a new Supreme Court, if and when that finally gets done. This was needed partly as a result of devolution, where Scotland and to a lesser extent Wales, got their own parliamentary system separate from that of the UK-as-a-whole, for local legislation. There's also been major reform of the House of Lords itself, though that has stalled somewhat.

Sorry for the length and complexity of this in what was a light-hearted thread, but the UK governmental system is VERY complex, and I've barely scratched the surface here.
posted by ArkhanJG at 4:33 AM on April 22, 2006

I like the royals. They seem fun.

Well hell. You just totally changed my mind about obscene privilege, genetically-determined wealth and disgraceful, class-riddled anachronistic bullshit.

That sounds kind of fun, too. If one was on the receiving end of the privilege and weath, anyway.
posted by JanetLand at 6:14 AM on April 22, 2006

If
posted by andrew cooke at 6:18 AM on April 22, 2006

The queen is an old biddy.
posted by splatta at 10:50 AM on April 22, 2006