Comments on: Send big dogs after her/That bite her bum

Send big dogs after her/That bite her bum

Mayor Curley — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 11:55:21 -0800

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:00:45 -0800

Scared me there, Mayor. I scanned the headline and assumed the worst.

By: Meccabilly

Meccabilly — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:01:31 -0800

I bet all you Americans feel a little smug over there in your 'Free' world. Little do you know that paragraph C, subline D, Part 24AZQ1-BA of the Patriot Act 2 abolishes elections, heralding the reign of King George the 1st of Americaland.

By: OmieWise

OmieWise — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:03:07 -0800

Those Philip quotes are crazyinsane: * "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?" (1995) Said to a driving instructor in Scotland. Awesome!

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:06:45 -0800

I can no longer see the name Prince Philip without hearing Simon Pegg say "You fat-handed fucking c*nt!" in that one Big Train sketch.

By: greycap

greycap — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:08:41 -0800

And then there's the Steve Bell cartoon about Prince Philip, which contains the immortal lines: Why does Prince Philip hold his hands behind his back when he walks? [watch him at an official function, he does] It's to emphasise the words as they emanate from his posterior.

By: edgeways

edgeways — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:11:22 -0800

The Queen learnt to drive in 1945 when she joined the Army. 53) The Queen sent her first email in 1976 from an Army base. 79) Technically The Queen still owns the sturgeons, whales and dolphins in the waters around the UK.

By: mullacc

mullacc — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:20:49 -0800

* "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" (2002) Said to a blind woman with a guide dog. Wow, is that true?

By: Bonzai

Bonzai — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:28:29 -0800

King George the first of Americaland All Hail King George the Dim!

By: PurplePorpoise

PurplePorpoise — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:28:50 -0800

Ha ha! I am no woman's chattel!

By: loquax

loquax — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:31:21 -0800

I must kill...the Queen.

By: trondant

trondant — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:31:41 -0800

87) The Queen's tears cure cancer, but she has never cried.

By: Meccabilly

Meccabilly — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:37:37 -0800

90) Every 80 years the queen rises from her grave to feast on flesh of the living.

By: booksandlibretti

booksandlibretti — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:41:52 -0800

The Queen sent her first email in 1976 from an Army base. In 1997, The Queen launched Buckingham Palace's first official website. Not too much of a gap in there, huh? Over the course of her reign, the queen has tried to square the circle of a modern monarchy commanding respect in the age of global media. Is "squaring the circle" a British idiom? I've never heard it. Also, I have carefully reviewed all of the pictures, and I have reached the conclusion that the queen ought to be encouraged to wear a crown much more often. Daily, in fact. It wouldn't hurt if she had one she could sleep in, too; if you're going to have a monarch, you may as well do it properly. Furthermore, I feel it is worth noting that the person fourteenth in line for the crown is named "Margarita." It would be wrong to suggest that her path to the crown be facilitated, but come on -- there's a chance at a Queen Margarita!

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:44:28 -0800

"Squaring the circle" is a pretty common phrase. Or at least I've heard of it.

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:50:23 -0800

Back in the ‘50s, she was quite sexy, in a sort of difficult to believe but yes… She was! In a kind of, you know, the ‘50s skirts, “Hey, fancy the Queen! Got a picture of the Queen on my locker door, yeah! Shag the Queen!” In the ‘60s, London and Britain was hip for the first time since the Civil War! And the Queen should have gone with it, slipped straight in there, short skirts, E-type Jag, cigarette… (mimes smoking while speeding) The police coming over, “Hey, lady, you’re speeding!” “Fuck off, I’m the Queen! Where to now, Phil? Read the map the right way, for God’s sakes!”

-- from Eddie Izzard's Glorious

By: davejay

davejay — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:50:57 -0800

Nice Eddie Izzard reference in the title, btw.

By: Johnny Assay

Johnny Assay — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:51:07 -0800

53) The Queen sent her first email in 1976 from an Army base. Damn it, you mean to say that the fucking Queen of England has been on the Internet longer than I have?

By: blackfly

blackfly — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:54:45 -0800

books: Squaring the Circle

By: bim

bim — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 13:12:02 -0800

Inbreeding. Not a good thing. ;)

By: elpapacito

elpapacito — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 13:14:39 -0800

Long live the singing Queen ! In other news, after thousand years of tyrans, despots, kings, emperors , popes and and assorted variety of self-legalizing criminal, some people still like to hail their oppressors, because a new ignorant is born every second. Ignorance is the great enemy, forget Osama.

By: andrew cooke

andrew cooke — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 13:17:27 -0800

redaing the list of "accomplishments" really hammers home how bloody useless the monarchy are, doesn't it? fucking dorgis.

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 13:18:53 -0800

Nice job on the first ever use of the tag "crinklies".

By: jacquilynne

jacquilynne — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 13:25:33 -0800

I've heard several news stories lately about ordinary folks that she's invited to her birthday party from around the various nations she's head of. Apparently people who are also turning 80 today are being rounded up and flown to England to have tea with her. I find that kind of charming, really.

By: Squid Voltaire

Squid Voltaire — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:08:54 -0800

Great post, M.C., thank you. I was really blown away by the official portrait (now my dekstop wallpaper) of the Queen. She just looks like some old lady. I mean, can you imagine what people would have thought, even fifty years ago, if that had been the public presentation of Her Royal Highness, the Queen of England?

By: darren

darren — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:12:35 -0800

BTW, Lord Snowdon's official portrait on HRH's official website is the worst photo of her I've ever seen. She should send him to the Tower!

By: booksandlibretti

booksandlibretti — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:13:55 -0800

Thanks, blackfly, I knew the math meaning; when I Googled, that was all it was bringing up, so I didn't check out Wikipedia. It just means "trying to do something impossible"?

By: 6am

6am — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:24:48 -0800

happy birthday you old bag. I just watched the fireworks at Kew from our house, impressive show!

By: lagavulin

lagavulin — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:29:32 -0800

In the ‘60s, London and Britain was hip for the first time since the Civil War! And the Queen should have gone with it, slipped straight in there, short skirts, E-type Jag, cigarette… (mimes smoking while speeding) The police coming over, “Hey, lady, you’re speeding!” “Fuck off, I’m the Queen! Where to now, Phil? Read the map the right way, for God’s sakes!” -- from Eddie Izzard's Glorious That's what Princess Margaret was for.

By: jeversol

jeversol — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:31:42 -0800

Eddie Izzard ftw.

By: antifreez_

antifreez_ — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:37:48 -0800

Not like I need an excuse, but I'm going out drinking after work to celebrate her birthday. If anyone cares to join me, you're more than welcome.

By: athenian

athenian — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:38:22 -0800

booksandlibretti: Kinda. I'd say squaring the circle is 'reconciling two incompatible objectives'. So if in writing a technical document for a lay reader you include all the techy detail in a way that's still really accessible, you've squared that particular circle.

By: trondant

trondant — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:59:41 -0800

Apparently people who are also turning 80 today are being rounded up and flown to England to have tea with her. I find that kind of charming, really. Let's wait and see if she releases these elderly hostages before we pass judgment here.

By: Decani

Decani — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 15:22:51 -0800

String the old bitch up. Her and her entire worthless, anachronistic family.

By: cortex

cortex — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 15:26:32 -0800

antifreez_, I'll join you by proxy. God save that old queen.

By: antifreez_

antifreez_ — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 15:29:13 -0800

Much obliged, Doctor cortex.

By: saturnine

saturnine — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 15:43:44 -0800

* "If you stay here much longer you'll all get slitty eyed." (1986) - Said to British students in China. This will always be my favorite. As for the Queen being 80... well, she doesn't look a day over 65. We didn't get a day off work though. Bah.

By: JanetLand

JanetLand — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 15:53:06 -0800

I like the royals. They seem fun. Maybe I wouldn't like them if we lived in the same city, but from a distance, they look rather interesting.

By: litlnemo

litlnemo — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 16:13:53 -0800

trondant wins!

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 16:22:16 -0800

King George the 1st of Americaland King Charles & Queen Camilla, more like it. *shudders* Unfortunately, the PM downunder cynically screwed the movement to remove the queen as our head of state by rigging the terms of the debate, but one of the memes floating around is that if & when that retard Charles ascends to the throne, we will ditch the monarchy ASAP, by whatever means possible. (no offence towards retards intended...)

By: Decani

Decani — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 16:23:14 -0800

In celebration of Brenda's day, I offer this.

By: brilliantmistake

brilliantmistake — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 16:50:50 -0800

It's my birthday as well today I have always been a republican.

By: stray

stray — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 17:16:41 -0800

From the Queen's Wikipedia entry: During the V-E Day celebrations in London, she and her sister dressed in ordinary clothing and slipped into the crowd secretly in order to celebrate with everyone without being recognised. Coooool.

By: Decani

Decani — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 17:21:00 -0800

I like the royals. They seem fun. Well hell. You just totally changed my mind about obscene privilege, genetically-determined wealth and disgraceful, class-riddled anachronistic bullshit. "They seem like fun" Shit! I never thought of it like that before! YAY! God save the fucking queen! Wheee! It's so easy when you turn your mind off! That Di, though. She was a real princess. A real fucking princess. I should know too: I gave her one up the Gary Glitter before she met Charlie. Two spritzers and her sphincter got slacker than Liberace's after an amyl overload.

By: cortex

cortex — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 17:56:20 -0800

deep breaths, Decani, deep breaths

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 21:00:04 -0800

many of the comments on the bbc web site from royalists replying to republicans have pointed out that if the queen wasn't the head of state, then tony blair would be i think that's a rather powerful argument hmmm ... maybe we in the u s ought to have her as queen, also ... better than having you know who as our head of state

By: thecaddy

thecaddy — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 21:21:21 -0800

No, no, no, PT-- The solution is for America to become a constitutional monarchy, with the Bushes, the Clintons, the Reagans, the Kennedys, and the Gores as the constantly dueling ruling families, duking it out for who gets to be head of state for the each four years. Then we completely separate the head of state from the government, switch up Congress into a parliamentary system, make the Prime Minister the head of government, and pretend like the last twenty years never happened.

By: greycap

greycap — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 00:19:55 -0800

*mental picture of decani in 17th century clothing, signing Charles I's death warrant with a look of glee* Although I do agree with you...

By: fullerine

fullerine — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 00:42:47 -0800

As a young milk-snatching victim I became a supporter of the monarchy the day I heard the words "President Thatcher". Brenda may be "obscene privilege, genetically-determined wealth and disgraceful, class-riddled anachronistic bullshit", but at least we haven't got that grinning fuckwit Blair on our stamps.

By: ArkhanJG

ArkhanJG — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 02:40:07 -0800

As a young milk-snatching victim I became a supporter of the monarchy the day I heard the words "President Thatcher". Brenda may be "obscene privilege, genetically-determined wealth and disgraceful, class-riddled anachronistic bullshit", but at least we haven't got that grinning fuckwit Blair on our stamps. Too right. I look at the Queen, compare to Tony Blair, then I look at France (much as I love the country and people), see President Chirac and think "Cthulu save the Queen!" I do think the spin-doctors behind the throne will have really missed a trick if Charles ever gets the chance. They'd do much better from a PR standpoint if they could finagle the throne going straight to golden-boy-looks-like-Di William. In end of the day though, I like the monarchy because they have no real power, and they get all the tourists coming to see Buck Palace, the changing of the guard and all that Royal fluff - and spend plenty of cash buying all that plastic crap and postcards to go with it.

By: ArkhanJG

ArkhanJG — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 02:51:56 -0800

Hmm, I've just thought of an even worse scenario. Tony Blair becomes incapacitated, Vice President John Prescott becomes Head of State. If that doesn't make you a monarchist, I don't know what hell would.

By: Kiwi

Kiwi — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 03:41:15 -0800

ArkhanJG: In end of the day though, I like the monarchy because they have no real power (see third paragraph from bottom) Though I concede the decision was made by the Foreign Office rather than Herself.

By: ArkhanJG

ArkhanJG — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 04:33:14 -0800

It's a messy system, dating back to parliament letting Charles II retake the throne after the English Civil Wars, with many of his priviledges technically intact, but with the idea that he wasn't to do anything without their permission. Take for example the forming of a new government, or a formal declaration of war - theoretically, they Queen could cause a real constitutional crisis if she actually tried to extert some of her nominal powers (those that aren't limited by Parliamentary Act, anyway), rather than just parroted what the Government tell her to. It's a typically British solution, with decades or centuries of precedent and judgment being used rather than actual rules written on paper. Depending upon your point of view, this is a good or a bad thing. I will agree that the biggest real influence the Queen has is the operation of the Privy Council, a non-parliamentary organisation that used to BE the government, but is now very much a rump organisation (staffed largely, but not entirely by parliamentarians) that is largely used to act as a final point of appeal for decisions dealing with Crown Dependencies, such as Diego Garcia and Jamaica, both of which were controversial. Basically, the House of Lords (British 2nd chamber, bit like the US Senate) is the final court of appeal for mainlaind UK (though the European Court of Human Rights is higher still for human rights cases IIRC), while the Queen appoints a Judicial Committee of the Privy Council for 'advice' as a final court of appeal for cases within Crown Dependencies and some laws of Commonwealth countries, and even some professional or religious organisations, such as the General Medical Council, who punish doctors for misconduct. Note, the Constitutional Reform Act of 2005 will strip many powers of the Judicial Committee, House of Lords and Lord Chancellor (don't ask), and invest them in a new Supreme Court, if and when that finally gets done. This was needed partly as a result of devolution, where Scotland and to a lesser extent Wales, got their own parliamentary system separate from that of the UK-as-a-whole, for local legislation. There's also been major reform of the House of Lords itself, though that has stalled somewhat. Sorry for the length and complexity of this in what was a light-hearted thread, but the UK governmental system is VERY complex, and I've barely scratched the surface here.

By: JanetLand

JanetLand — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 06:14:02 -0800

I like the royals. They seem fun. Well hell. You just totally changed my mind about obscene privilege, genetically-determined wealth and disgraceful, class-riddled anachronistic bullshit. That sounds kind of fun, too. If one was on the receiving end of the privilege and weath, anyway.

By: andrew cooke

andrew cooke — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 06:18:35 -0800

By: splatta

splatta — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 10:50:50 -0800

The queen is an old biddy.