Nailed it!
April 21, 2006 7:48 PM   Subscribe

Depression + Meth + Construction Equipment = The new record holder for most nails shot into a brain with the man surviving. Guy tries to kill himself with a nailgun, fails, later goes to the hospital complaining of a headache. The previous record was a guy in Japan that shot 9 nails into his own skull. USA! USA! USA! We're number #1! Also: A picture is worth a thousand words.
posted by mathowie (68 comments total)

 
Fitting post number #1. Insert snark about ATM machine here.
posted by allen.spaulding at 7:52 PM on April 21, 2006


PS: Ouch
posted by allen.spaulding at 7:53 PM on April 21, 2006


Get'r done!
posted by loquacious at 7:54 PM on April 21, 2006


lesson: don't count on nail guns for suicide, the old ways are best.

non snarky, I hope this guy continues to do well, hell have a hell of a story for the grandkids.

I keep hearing that Meth is epidemic in OR, is this true or just scare stories. I was think of moving to Portland, but am a but unsure nowadays.
posted by edgeways at 8:02 PM on April 21, 2006


Best line in the story.

"At some point, he reloaded."
posted by eriko at 8:06 PM on April 21, 2006


meth is an epidemic up here, but it's not like you'll be knifed for someone else's habit. There is a lot of petty crime attributed to addicts but they're usually easy to avoid.
posted by mathowie at 8:07 PM on April 21, 2006


The man declined to publicly discuss his story, telling OHSU officials he is working to recover and doesn't want to risk his job.

Oregon's HR Managers: Consider this an alert of sorts.
posted by grabbingsand at 8:10 PM on April 21, 2006


"If I had a nail gun, I'd nail gun in the mor-or-ning, I'd nail gun in the morning, all over this la-and..."
posted by HTuttle at 8:11 PM on April 21, 2006


I think that's "all over my he-ead . . ."
posted by Medieval Maven at 8:13 PM on April 21, 2006


The guy left the hospital after some weeks, attempted to kill himself again later, and failed a second time.

This guy really, really sucks at suicide.
posted by teece at 8:14 PM on April 21, 2006


Darwin's Nightmare.
posted by ColdChef at 8:21 PM on April 21, 2006


OK, then. Don't get'r done.
posted by loquacious at 8:30 PM on April 21, 2006


OMG Epidemic!

because no one ever tried to kill themselves before the meth epidemic.
posted by delmoi at 8:30 PM on April 21, 2006


The guy left the hospital after some weeks, attempted to kill himself again later, and failed a second time.

Isn't attempted suicide often a 'cry for help'? Where the "victim" doesn't actually want to kill themselves?
posted by delmoi at 8:32 PM on April 21, 2006


When you have a nailgun, the whole world looks like your head.
posted by allen.spaulding at 8:34 PM on April 21, 2006


I don't think all suicide is a cry for help, delmoi. This guy was pretty damn serious the first time. I think he expected to be dead.

I think some people don't really intend to die in a suicide attempt -- but some really do intend to kill themselves (and a failed suicide attempt can make it worse, because they feel like an even bigger failure).

The guy is supposedly back on track, I hope he keeps it that way.
posted by teece at 8:37 PM on April 21, 2006


Isn't attempted suicide often a 'cry for help'? Where the "victim" doesn't actually want to kill themselves?

the guy put twelve nails through his skull. 2 inch nails, with a nailgun. 12 times.

oh man this is making me feel sick
posted by mdn at 8:42 PM on April 21, 2006


Checkit: There are about 20 attempts for every successful suicide. (Approximately 2.9 percent of the U.S. population has attempted suicide—1,760 attempts per day.) via
posted by strawberryviagra at 8:49 PM on April 21, 2006


And he may be better for it:
Only a small fraction of suicide attempts are fatal. Nonfatal attempts might elicit resources and care from others, enhancing economic prospects for those who survive. I expand the standard utility-maximizing model of suicide to include a nontrivial probability of survival and the possibility that the utility function may be affected by the suicide attempt. This expanded model predicts that suicide attempts are more likely when future income may be positively affected by the attempt, conditional on survival. Data from the National Comorbidity Survey show that ex post, individuals who made a suicide attempt had higher incomes than peers who seriously considered suicide but who never made a suicide attempt. Moreover, those who reported making the most serious attempts experienced the largest subsequent effects on income. via
posted by strawberryviagra at 8:53 PM on April 21, 2006


allen.spaulding nailed it...
posted by sfts2 at 9:07 PM on April 21, 2006


Tagging a failed suicide as 'comedy' and 'wacky'?
posted by jouke at 9:08 PM on April 21, 2006


Not only did he reload, from the picture it is pretty clear that at some point he decided that one side of his head had enough nails and switched to the other.

That is so seriously messed up.
posted by quin at 9:10 PM on April 21, 2006


God, it makes my head hurt just thinking about it. I hope he's feeling better now.
posted by JHarris at 9:11 PM on April 21, 2006


I'm so proud to be an American?
posted by atom128 at 9:13 PM on April 21, 2006


My sister has a great forensics book: Dead Men Do Tell Tales. In it are various suicides that were classified as homicides because no one believed people capable of doing what was done on their own, including a man who wedged a dagger into a radiator, point up, and stabbed himself in the head repeatedly with it.

There was a similar incident to the one in this fpp where the attempted suicide shot himself in the head several times. I have to think after four or five shots/nails in a situation like this, you have to be thinking that you've made a grave mistake...
posted by dreamsign at 9:14 PM on April 21, 2006


This comes close
posted by strawberryviagra at 9:24 PM on April 21, 2006


*points nailgun at head*
Thukk! "Ow!" damn...still alive...
Thukk! "Ow!" Thukk! "Ow!" Thukk! "Ow!" Thukk! "Ow!" Thukk! "Ow!"

*reloads* stupid shitty nailgun
*switches hands*
Thukk! "Ow!" Thukk! "Ow!" Thukk! "Ow!" Thukk! "Ow!" Thukk! "Ow!" Thukk! "Ow!"

*passes out*
posted by graventy at 9:25 PM on April 21, 2006


When you have a nailgun, the whole world looks like your head.

This is really funny.
posted by small_ruminant at 9:25 PM on April 21, 2006


Some people believe that acupuncture can cure depression.

It's good to have a professional administer the treatment though.
posted by lekvar at 9:46 PM on April 21, 2006


This is really funny.

Indeed. Ubiquitous alienation and the banality of horrific self-inflicted violence amuses me as well.

Do go on, everyone.
posted by poweredbybeard at 9:50 PM on April 21, 2006


Oregon fucking rules.
posted by docpops at 9:58 PM on April 21, 2006


Maybe we've found the first immortal!
posted by blacklite at 10:00 PM on April 21, 2006


Hey, what can you do, poweredbybeard... we don't know the guy.

Obviously society sucks, but you can only work on your own little corner. And I try. But when I'm sitting here reading Mefi... all I can really do is laugh. Crying got old a long time ago.
posted by blacklite at 10:01 PM on April 21, 2006


Aww crap, i generally try to avoid doing this, but allen.spaulding and lekvar for the win.

graventy for the super-duper win.

And no, it's not funny. A man tried to end his own life. This is certainly a tragic case that should be treated with respect.

However since i don't know who he is, i just have to point out that anyone who shoots themselves in the head 12 times and still fails to die is either immortal (as suggested above) or seriously has the worst luck EVAR.

/disclaimer: i just bought a 2" nail gun and now i'm sure i'll die from shooting it through my thumb.
posted by quin at 10:21 PM on April 21, 2006


Indeed. Ubiquitous alienation and the banality of horrific self-inflicted violence amuses me as well.

Man, what a blockhead.

I'd sure hate to be behind this guy in the airport security line. Talk about special time with the metal detector wand!
posted by Nelson at 10:25 PM on April 21, 2006


Nobody here reads Fark?
posted by Mr. Gunn at 10:29 PM on April 21, 2006


Clearly this thread is "proof' of the disturbing, homicidal, psychopathic state of so many MeFites.
posted by dgaicun at 11:12 PM on April 21, 2006


I'm so proud to be an American?
Where at least I can nail my head.

And I'm so big and strong and nuts
That I won't end up dead

So I proudly stand up next to you
With a fresh clip in my hand

I'll shoot some nails into your skull,
God bless this nail-brained land.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:14 PM on April 21, 2006


ROU, I think I love you despite your xenophobic ways.
posted by jtron at 11:39 PM on April 21, 2006


I hope this guy gets off the meth and becomes a motivational speaker.
posted by jtron at 11:40 PM on April 21, 2006


However since i don't know who he is, i just have to point out that anyone who shoots themselves in the head 12 times and still fails to die is either immortal (as suggested above) or seriously has the worst luck EVAR.

Worst luck? He put 12 nails into his skull and walked away from it.
posted by Ryvar at 11:55 PM on April 21, 2006


How many times did his mother say "You'd forget your head if it wasn't nailed on"?
posted by Cranberry at 12:04 AM on April 22, 2006


1&1/2" - 2" penetration/nails?

Geez, this guy was asking for hurt, not for solitude of eternity.

This is like punching a stapler into your wrist.

If he had access to a "nail" gun, I'm sure tablesaws, or his neighbour's bandsaw - heck that chisel that other guy forgot and left on site - would have made for more for-sure strategies than a bloody fookin' tacking-gun.

Cry for help - and if not, then he's too stupid to commit suicide. I don't know what that says about even the least members of the human species. For all I know, he's fucked more women without contraception than the majority of us here.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 12:05 AM on April 22, 2006


Nail guns don't kill people, people using nail guns... er.. don't really kill people either.

C'mon, I'm sure we can either take the Hillary option, Outlawing all tools, and instant felony by stepping onto a construction site, or the Bush option, bring the army to secure all the Home Depots, Attack Hooters (rather fight them there, than over here), bomb the ACLU and of course, declare Mission Accomplished.
posted by shnoz-gobblin at 12:25 AM on April 22, 2006


For all I know, he's fucked more women without contraception than the majority of us here.

For all I know, demonic energy vampires from the Horsehead Nebula live in his skull and whisper sweet nothings to him day in and day out, trying to convince him to assassinate Nikola Tesla.

But this is MetaFilter. We don't know shit.
posted by IshmaelGraves at 12:32 AM on April 22, 2006


This is like punching a stapler into your wrist.

I'm not so sure, look up "nail gun suicide" (or accidental deaths by nail gun on construction sites) in google scholar. Its not a common suicide method but it is possible to die that way.
posted by squeak at 1:28 AM on April 22, 2006



posted by wakko at 1:45 AM on April 22, 2006


It dosn't suprise me that a nail gun to the head wouldn't cause death. I mean maybe if it was a hundred nails but just 12? It is like a stapler to the wrist, IMO. Except a lot more painful.
posted by delmoi at 2:19 AM on April 22, 2006


If he really wanted to die all he would have to do is OD on meth.
posted by delmoi at 2:19 AM on April 22, 2006


I smacked him in his face with an eraser
chased him with a stapler
and stapled his nuts to a stack of papers
posted by matteo at 2:27 AM on April 22, 2006


huh. reminds me of JSP somehow.
posted by muppetboy at 2:51 AM on April 22, 2006


It is safe to be in a country hit by meth epidemic, with the highest number of gun offences in the world , in which most people possess at least one kind of gun. Safe, very safe ! Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafe !
posted by elpapacito at 3:31 AM on April 22, 2006


It dosn't suprise me that a nail gun to the head wouldn't cause death. I mean maybe if it was a hundred nails but just 12? It is like a stapler to the wrist, IMO.

Is this a troll?

There are arteries all over the brain, and through it. It is one of the most heavily vascularized structures in the human body. About twenty percent of the body's entire blood flow goes to the brain.

Nick just one of those arteries, and it's all over. Blood will squirt out of the artery, forming an ever-expanding blood clot. The skull is a closed space. The brain will be squeezed ever smaller and tighter, eventually stopping blood flow to the brain itself.

Best outcome: death. Worse outcomes: survival with major neurologic deficits or in a chronic vegetative state, and being the drooling center of a legal fight and media circus over whether or not to remove your feeding tube.

Shooting a dozen two-inch nails into your brain is NOT the same as stapling your wrist.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 3:56 AM on April 22, 2006


Double horry for Slithy_Tove for introducing a sparkling of rationality and clue ! Can I have fries with that ?
posted by elpapacito at 4:13 AM on April 22, 2006


Double horry for Slithy_Tove

Horry?
posted by languagehat at 4:38 AM on April 22, 2006


Who says natural selection doesn't work anymore?...Oh, well I guess it doesn't, does it!
posted by GreyFoxVT at 5:28 AM on April 22, 2006


God just decided it wasn't his time, folks.
posted by konolia at 5:32 AM on April 22, 2006


I wonder if he'll be adding an amazon review of the staple gun?

- Hi, this morning I shot a staple flush into the palm of my hand
- This product is dangerous! It does not deserve even a one star rating.
-My first staple was good. On the second staple it jammed up. I pulled on the little rod for reloading and a staple shot past my head. (glad i wear safety glasses).
- Don't buy this, buy anything else, a dangerous tool and it doesn't work.

posted by Lanark at 5:51 AM on April 22, 2006


50 Cent isn't looking quite so hardcore now, is he?
posted by stinkycheese at 6:09 AM on April 22, 2006


Astounded, the doctors gave him a tetanus shot and put him on a helicopter to OHSU Hospital. There, surgeons peeled back his face and removed the nails with pliers and a high-speed drill.

Nurse! My Black and Decker, STAT!

And as nail guns grow more common, nail wounds are increasing, West said.

Oh dear Lord. Excuse me, I have to go hurt myself with my power sander.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:18 AM on April 22, 2006


50 Cent isn't looking quite so hardcore now, is he?

That new rapper "8 Penny" would kick 50 Cent's ass.
posted by Mr_Zero at 7:33 AM on April 22, 2006



posted by squalor at 8:06 AM on April 22, 2006


There is a certain perverse pride welling within me this morning. Viva la Portland.
posted by cortex at 8:42 AM on April 22, 2006


Ha ha! "Personal problems, mental illness and methamphetamine all probably played a role." Laugh at the the silly people who do silly things. This is more Fark than FARK and it was posted by Lord Fark himself. Unbelievable, Flagged.
posted by tellurian at 8:59 AM on April 22, 2006


Laugh at the the silly people who do silly things.

Jeez, lighten up, eh? It's a totally crazy story filled with insane passages like "they peeled off his face and used a drill to remove the nails." Comedy is one way of dealing with extremes. I'm not saying let's laugh at the guy, I'm saying jesus h christ on a pogostick this is the most insane thing I've ever heard of and I didn't even know they keep world records for things like this but apparently they do and maybe there is some perverse humor in this situation of doctors having to remove nails with drills and how the guy just said he had a headache.
posted by mathowie at 9:37 AM on April 22, 2006


tellurian: Ha ha! "Personal problems, mental illness and methamphetamine all probably played a role." Laugh at the the silly people who do silly things. This is more Fark than FARK and it was posted by Lord Fark himself. Unbelievable, Flagged.

Don't worry, you can always tell it's Metafilter because someone is complaining about what got posted. The only topics which don't get complained about are the ones too boring for anyone to post in. It's gotten to the point that I'm not sure what is supposed to go on the front page anymore.
posted by Mitrovarr at 10:04 AM on April 22, 2006


Delmoi,

When I heard "1 1/2 to 2 inch nails", I thought the same thing (underpowered for the job), but then I measured my head (you have little idea how awkward it can be to measure ones head at work), and it's only about 5 inches wide (a little hard to get exact measurements, though), so it actually seems like a fairly decent length for the intended purpose.
posted by Bugbread at 9:13 AM on April 23, 2006


Holy shit!
posted by OmieWise at 6:57 AM on April 24, 2006


« Older Eat less, live more...  |  The Perry Bible Fellowship no... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments