Check out my balls!

April 27, 2006 4:28 AM

Testicular Cancer and Testicular Self-Exam #1
Testicle Self-exam #2
Testicle Self-exam #3
posted by notmtwain (47 comments total)

Since my life is dependent on a survivor of this disease at a young age, I urge all of you men to get to know your genitals. Handle with care.
posted by notmtwain at 4:30 AM on April 27, 2006

What, no movie?
I liked http://www.checkoutmybreasts.com better ...
posted by borq at 4:34 AM on April 27, 2006

I was really expecting a movie.
posted by rxrfrx at 4:38 AM on April 27, 2006

kickstart said it best
posted by NinjaTadpole at 4:42 AM on April 27, 2006

Self-diagnosis video[SFW]
posted by notmtwain at 4:42 AM on April 27, 2006

Kickstart did not say it best. A checkoutmybreasts-style video for nut/prostate exam would be great and I'm sure many MeFites would enjoy it.
posted by rxrfrx at 4:43 AM on April 27, 2006

Yes, but can you bop away at them like a boxing speedbag?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:45 AM on April 27, 2006

Tom Green's Self-exam page[NSFW]
posted by notmtwain at 4:46 AM on April 27, 2006

This cancer tends to hit young, so all you young guys watch the vids, drop your drawers and lay on the hands. What you do afterwards is up to you.
posted by caddis at 4:47 AM on April 27, 2006

Also, a chipper and slightly coy presenter would work equally well here. That, or a hairy trucker.

Also, what's been up with Soyouwanna.com for the past six years?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:48 AM on April 27, 2006

Having a friend who survived testicular cancer, but left it until MUCH later than he should have, resulting in it spreading to his lymph nodes and 3 months of chemo, I'm a fairly regular nut-checker myself.
posted by antifuse at 4:48 AM on April 27, 2006

Not knowing what to expect from the links, that bowl of blood-soaked testicles strawberries in the ad in the first link caused me some initial concern and confusion.
posted by slimepuppy at 4:55 AM on April 27, 2006

Hooray for my testicular surgery. There's nothing like seeing the bottom half of your scrotum purple from pooled blood which is leaking out six dubiously-stitched rents carved into it.
posted by Ryvar at 5:24 AM on April 27, 2006

I feel I should add that the above surgery was not entirely successful, although the pains I do get ten months later are nowhere near as bad. It's more like monthly really, really bad headache in my balls that makes it difficult to walk.
posted by Ryvar at 5:28 AM on April 27, 2006

The ultrasound tech says you should always void your bladder before you lift something heavy. Apparently, there are some ugly complications that may ensue if you forget. She's seen them, and it's apparently not all that uncommon.
Welcome to Testicular Health Week!
posted by deep_cover at 5:45 AM on April 27, 2006

Also: Rachel Gets Fruity (previously posted).
posted by Hartster at 5:46 AM on April 27, 2006

Ballsy link.
posted by jonmc at 6:12 AM on April 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

I'd like to think of this as the day when the entire male MeFi population is now typing with no hands.

Seriously, if the Rachel video or any of the more clinical sites encouage you lot to get into the habit of regular examinations, that's brilliant. Of course, straight women and gay men might appreciate the added entertainment bonus of some cheerful, attractive half-naked guy giving us a full, unblurred demo (Sorry, Phil!). Since we're the ones who could then go home and encourage our men to let us handle things if they feel too self-conscious or squeamish, it's win-win all around.

Oy, Ryvar. That's brutal. Glad to hear there's been some improvement with surgery.
posted by rosemere at 6:23 AM on April 27, 2006

Instructional video on this topic should be presented by a Marine Corp instructor using the same matter of fact tone as if he was teaching how to field strip an M-16.

Present this topic as "equipment management" instead of "potential health problem."
posted by BeerGrin at 6:26 AM on April 27, 2006

Metafilter: headache in my balls
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:30 AM on April 27, 2006

Testing, testes...
1... 2... 3...?
posted by pmbuko at 6:33 AM on April 27, 2006

One day I sat down to have a chat with my then manager. Nice guy. Sort of stand-offish most of the time. Very chatty occasionally once you knew him. In any case, he and I were catching up and he up and told me about his fight against testicular cancer. One testicle later and a round or two of chemo and back to work.

I sat quietly and listened, acknowledging his story with respect, appreciation and bewilderment. I went back to my desk wondering why he'd decided to share his story with me at that particular moment. But, it did serve to sensitise me to an unspoken topic amongst men.

Guys. Get to know your testes. I'll be checking my breasts in return.
posted by michswiss at 6:39 AM on April 27, 2006

So, you guys like the Test Icicles?
posted by Sijeka at 6:42 AM on April 27, 2006

Wow, Ryvar, that sounds like what my husband went through as a teen. He had surgery as well and has impressed upon our sons the importance of immediately reporting anything even remotely funky in the testicular neighborhood.
posted by Biblio at 7:32 AM on April 27, 2006

A very good addition to the "Check out my Breasts" post of yesterday. Sadly, because testicles aren't nearly as popular as boobies, I suspect it won't generate nearly as much attention.

In my high school sex-ed class, we watched a breast examination video and a testicular examination video. The idea was to balance the subject matter such that everyone could giggle - boys and girls alike.

What everyone noticed, however, was that the breast exam video featured an extremely attractive woman (like the woman in yesterdays post) while the testicular exam featured a portly, hirsute gentleman. Double standard?
posted by aladfar at 8:08 AM on April 27, 2006

"Hey Peter, man, check out cha - " ah hell ...
posted by Relay at 8:09 AM on April 27, 2006

AFAIK there are some definite risk factors here. Firefighters and chimney sweeps top the scale. Soot and smoke are bads for the nads.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:45 AM on April 27, 2006

I like size 14D testicles, myself.
posted by salvia at 8:57 AM on April 27, 2006

They're like cupcakes.
posted by salvia at 8:58 AM on April 27, 2006

fondle family jewels
detect cancer of nadgers
Live another year
posted by edgeways at 9:11 AM on April 27, 2006

I'm offended by this post. Metafilter shouldn't be such a grrlzone.
posted by Justinian at 9:28 AM on April 27, 2006

Instructional video on this topic should be presented by a Marine Corp instructor using the same matter of fact tone as if he was teaching how to field strip an M-16.

Present this topic as "equipment management" instead of "potential health problem."

No, no no no no no. It should be presented by R. Lee Ermey, and somehow incorporate the phrase "reach-around".

THIS IS MY RIFLE THIS IS MY GU...
posted by scrump at 10:33 AM on April 27, 2006

Anyone here who had an undescended testicle should be especially rigourous about checking themselves.
posted by Grimgrin at 10:56 AM on April 27, 2006

metafilter: Anything even remotely funky in the testicular neighborhood.
posted by shoepal at 11:54 AM on April 27, 2006

As someone who self-examined and made it to the doctor early, I lucked out. The removal and biopsy of the affected testicle indicated that I almost certainly had "stage 1" of the disease, before metastasis. After the orchiectomy, I escaped the need for chemo or radiation therapy, as my blood markers and CT scans consistently came back with no sign of the disease. It's now been 8 years.

I'm glad I didn't take the advice of my urologist and immediately undergo a second surgery, called RPLND (the removal of certain lymph nodes which are the first site testicular cancer typically spreads to). Not only is it a pretty invasive surgery, but I learned from my oncologist that it was not appropriate for my case (stage 1 cancer with the presence of blood protein markers)

It was a hard moment to say "no" to a doctor, not knowing at the time what the next months would bring, but now I believe the bastard just wanted to get me back on the operating table again to make some more money (as he did a few years later when he did my vasectomy—no, I did not get "half off", even though it was half the work for him).

My oncologist, on the other hand, was someone I felt very comfortable with on a personal level—Which is important when the relationship begins with having your testicles handled every few weeks...

Reading back, this may be TMIfilter but I just can't bring myself to not post it. Oh, by the way, it was the left one.
posted by jepler at 12:43 PM on April 27, 2006

no, I did not get "half off"

I laughed.
posted by Ryvar at 2:59 PM on April 27, 2006

orchiectomy

Good lord, what a profoundly disturbing word!
posted by Sparx at 3:27 PM on April 27, 2006

In an attempt to prevent some of you (probably younger) chaps giving yourself a major dose of unnecessary fear, be aware that when you feel the bit behind one of your nadgers you may well feel some sorta-lumpiness going on there. The epidydimus (for it is he) is a strange beast and even a normal one can be felt as an irregularity in the smoothness. However, it is also prone to a variety of harmless (but occasionally slightly painful or uncomfortable) afflictions which can cause it to become more "lumpy-feeling" than you might care for. In particular, there is a beast called the epidydimal cyst which can manifest as a bona fide lump that feels sort of like a hard dried pea and can most definitely give an attack of "OMG I am going to die" for no good reason.

Oh yes, I speak from experience.

Fret ye not, it is not cancer. It is, however, pretty common. If you find something like that do, for sure, get the quack to check it out but don't give yourself a long, black night of the terrors like my 23-year old self did many years ago.
posted by Decani at 3:29 PM on April 27, 2006

Decani speaks the truth. I had an identical presentation of an epidydimal cyst. A quick trip to the family doc, followed by an ultrasound scan, and all was declared well.

As an aside, having your scrotum massaged with a well-lubricated ultrasound wand by a young female nurse is rather embarassing. She was very professional about it, but I think if the gender roles were reversed it would be grounds for a lawsuit.

Just saying. We blokes put up with a lot.
posted by pivotal at 4:27 PM on April 27, 2006

pivotal: heh, indeed. I had a number of recurrences of the pain, discomfort and alarming lumpiness throughout my twenties. Although my initial fear was relieved by the knowledge that I had a cyst, not cancer, I always felt obliged to have each new resurgence checked out. On one occasion I was getting quite a lot of pain so I took myself to the local hospital for a feel-up. They brought in three medical students, one of whom was an extremely attractive young lady. The chief quack gave them a talk about how I was experiencing pain in my cobblers and what did they think?

I then had the delightful and not-at-all embarrassing experience of having my balls clumsily mauled by three gauche med students. When it came to Ms Gorgeous's turn she adopted a very serious look and started squeezing my prunes with significantly more confidence and application than the two zit-faced guys had done. I found this interesting. Sufficiently interesting that I had to think very hard indeed about Margaret Thatcher in order to avoid the situation becoming even more embarrassing than it already was.

The chief asked her what she thought. She replied, "They feel good to me". You can tell I was basically over my fear because I instantly replied, "I bet you say that to all the boys." It then occurred to me that I should possibly have waited until her hands were off my balls before offering that remark but she smiled, and was kind enough not to apply pressure or torsion.

Ah, the indignities of medicine.
posted by Decani at 4:53 PM on April 27, 2006

So Jepler, You gave your left nut? Did you get something good for it? People are always offering their leftie for valuable or rare things.
posted by Megafly at 5:12 PM on April 27, 2006

Funny how this thread turns on the seriousness of this disease and how so many were saved by self-checks. And yet the "Checkout my Breasts" thread was full of size preferences and a wink/wink-nudge/nudge mentality. What, the idea of slow, firm, stroking of one's scrotum, not missing an inch, isn't in the least an invigorating mental picture? Any females out there with firmness preferences for the male genitalia?
posted by annieb at 5:26 PM on April 27, 2006

annieb, me.

No really, your comment is right, but maybe it's because a whole bunch of us women didn't flood the breast thread with, "yeah, but when you examine yourself, do expect to find some ripples under your nipples" or whatever. Though maybe that's because the "hubba hubba" had already started.
posted by salvia at 6:32 PM on April 27, 2006

I checked my balls today. Nice post. Thanks.
posted by sjvilla79 at 8:07 PM on April 27, 2006

Metafilter ate my balls.
posted by caddis at 8:16 PM on April 27, 2006

As an aside, having your scrotum massaged with a well-lubricated ultrasound wand by a young female nurse is rather embarassing. She was very professional about it, but I think if the gender roles were reversed it would be grounds for a lawsuit.

Just saying. We blokes put up with a lot.
posted by pivotal at 12:27 AM GMT on April 28

pivotal, did you know that about two thirds of gynecologists in the US are men?

Just saying.
posted by mosessis at 3:38 AM on April 28, 2006

In an attempt to prevent some of you (probably younger) chaps giving yourself a major dose of unnecessary fear, be aware that when you feel the bit behind one of your nadgers you may well feel some sorta-lumpiness going on there. The epidydimus (for it is he) is a strange beast and even a normal one can be felt as an irregularity in the smoothness. However, it is also prone to a variety of harmless (but occasionally slightly painful or uncomfortable) afflictions which can cause it to become more "lumpy-feeling" than you might care for. In particular, there is a beast called the epidydimal cyst which can manifest as a bona fide lump that feels sort of like a hard dried pea and can most definitely give an attack of "OMG I am going to die" for no good reason.

Mirrors my own experience. Bears repeating.
posted by fake at 5:29 AM on April 28, 2006