Holy haircuts, Batman

April 28, 2006 1:57 PM

The worst haircuts on MySpace, and the superheroes they resemble - round one, and round two.
posted by greycap (67 comments total)

As a City of Heroes/Villains player and former comic book enthusiast, this just made my Friday.

I am utterly impressed with how obscure the characters they found were and how their poses were similar to those in the pictures.
posted by eisbaer at 2:05 PM on April 28, 2006

Is the Sensor look-alike in the second link deliberate?
posted by nthdegx at 2:06 PM on April 28, 2006

Worst haircuts on MySpace?? It's a neat project, and some of those haircuts are not so great, but for the most part it looks like a list of all of the people I'd want to hang out with, if I were forced to hang out with a bunch of mySpacers.

What's wrong with this, for example? Looks like my kinda person:

posted by Squid Voltaire at 2:07 PM on April 28, 2006

I knew this was going to suck and it didn't. Pretty good, actually.
posted by sonofsamiam at 2:09 PM on April 28, 2006

Best part (from top of link two):
"Magical Grid Of Bad Emo Hair®"

And what the hell was up with this? (Although the mating pair necessary to produce that was spot-on)
posted by mystyk at 2:09 PM on April 28, 2006

You crack me up, Squid Voltaire!
posted by nthdegx at 2:11 PM on April 28, 2006

It was ok, but don't these kids get made fun of enough? It's like they found the most interestnig people on myspace (a challenge in and of itself, I'm sure) and then just made some "lookit the funny haircut" jokes.
posted by illovich at 2:15 PM on April 28, 2006

I think the subtext of all these haircuts is "Ask me about my abusive uncle."
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:15 PM on April 28, 2006

[this is good]
posted by sucka_mc at 2:16 PM on April 28, 2006

On second thought -- the matching of the photos with the Marvel characters does show a level of comic book familiarity that is remarkable, if not a bit disturbing.
posted by illovich at 2:16 PM on April 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

Oh please - don't fall for that "most interesting" I'm so different crap.
posted by nthdegx at 2:18 PM on April 28, 2006

I bet all of these people get laid more often then the guy who wrote the article, and has such an in-depth knowledge of comic books.
posted by delmoi at 2:18 PM on April 28, 2006

Whenever people feel the need to do this much "expressing" themselves with their hair, it's a pretty good bet that they're not much good at expressing themselves with words.
posted by fugitivefromchaingang at 2:18 PM on April 28, 2006

That was pretty funny but I wonder if the author would submit a pic of his own haircut so that all of us more-witty-than-thous can out wit him with some of his own medicine. No haircut is safe, if you really think about it.
posted by afx114 at 2:20 PM on April 28, 2006

MetaFilter: no haircut is safe
posted by nthdegx at 2:22 PM on April 28, 2006

The guy's name is Rob, and he has a picture of himself at or near the bottom of both of those posts. Also, I could swear this is a double-post somehow, but I'm not sure, maybe I saw it somewhere else a while ago.
posted by furiousthought at 2:26 PM on April 28, 2006

That was pretty funny but I wonder if the author would submit a pic of his own haircut so that all of us more-witty-than-thous can out wit him with some of his own medicine. No haircut is safe, if you really think about it.

actually, both of the authors make appearances at the end of round 2.
posted by skammer at 2:27 PM on April 28, 2006

Wait. Is this SeanBaby? I used to CRACK UP at seanbaby.com which did sport evidence of a massive comic-book collection.
posted by chinese_fashion at 2:28 PM on April 28, 2006

I bet all of these people get laid more often then the guy who wrote the article, and has such an in-depth knowledge of comic books.

Yes, but they have to hump other clowns. And sure, you can get it on with a clown if you need to, but the remorse that you feel as soon as you ejaculate will make you swear to yourself that you will never do that again.
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:29 PM on April 28, 2006

That was pretty funny but I wonder if the author would submit a pic of his own haircut so that all of us more-witty-than-thous can out wit him with some of his own medicine.

Um, the last two entries on the second link are the authors of the post. And the young woman, Tamar Levine, turns out to be a pretty talented photographer ...
posted by bcveen at 2:30 PM on April 28, 2006

Damn, way too slow ...
posted by bcveen at 2:31 PM on April 28, 2006

Jeffrey Cunt Star? (from the 2nd annual)

That kind of sounds like a Marvel comic book character already.
posted by palinode at 2:32 PM on April 28, 2006

As does TIM CATA5TROPHE aka distorted_fashionfuck.
posted by nthdegx at 2:37 PM on April 28, 2006

Whenever people feel the need to do this much "expressing" themselves with their hair, it's a pretty good bet that they're not much good at expressing themselves with words.


Whenever people feel the need to do this much "expressing" themselves with pointless, mean snark, it's a pretty good bet that they're fucking ugly.

I mean, seriously. Holy shit. So these people have a different sense of what looks good to you. Apparently this is a valid reason to make all sorts of assumptions about them. How utterly crushingly fucking predictable, how unthinkingly tribal and how pointless.

The worst thing is that the superhero comparison idea was actually pretty funny. Without the senseless meanness, this could have been good.
posted by terpsichoria at 2:47 PM on April 28, 2006

Good call, terpsichoria. I'm really astounded that someone who is obviously fairly into comics (although these days I suppose it isn't that hard) would be so aggressively anti-weirdness.

"Hurh, hurh, I don't know if its a boy or a girl!" Fercrissake, leave comics out of this and go rape some strippers, or whatever it is the jocks are doing these days.
posted by Squid Voltaire at 2:53 PM on April 28, 2006

Mayor Curley: "Yes, but they have to hump other clowns. And sure, you can get it on with a clown if you need to, but the remorse that you feel as soon as you ejaculate will make you swear to yourself that you will never do that again."

That's not what you said the last time!

Seriously: nice post, way funnier than expected, and the people listed really brought it about themselves. Come on, they styled themselves up like that and then posted pics of themselves on the internet; they get the attention they so obviously seek and we get a nice chuckle. It's a fair trade in my opinion, and I don't mean to condescend or put them down...
posted by PontifexPrimus at 2:58 PM on April 28, 2006

You guys can suck the fun out of anything. I've earned my right to laugh at dumb teenage fashion - I used to be a raver.

Snark on.
posted by hypocritical ross at 2:58 PM on April 28, 2006

Is that what jocks are doing?
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:59 PM on April 28, 2006

Right - can I just point out that "Whenever people feel the need to do this much "expressing" themselves with pointless, mean snark, it's a pretty good bet that they're fucking ugly." is *not* a good call, and neither is your "go rape some strippers" revenge stereotype. There is next to no meanness in the linked site or in this thread. Ease off. Get your hair seen to.
posted by nthdegx at 3:00 PM on April 28, 2006

hypocriticasl rss, complete with aztec court jester type baggy tracksuit nonsense?
posted by nthdegx at 3:01 PM on April 28, 2006

Great post. Plug in a few keywords in a profile search and you'll get the cream of the crop for those hair styles. Wonder what else you start a 'worst of list' from the stuff you find from myspace? hmm.
posted by ozreiuosn at 3:04 PM on April 28, 2006

nthdegx: I don't wanna talk about it.
posted by hypocritical ross at 3:05 PM on April 28, 2006

Whenever people feel the need to do this much "expressing" themselves with pointless, mean snark, it's a pretty good bet that they're fucking ugly.


Ugly on the outside or ugly on the inside?
posted by fugitivefromchaingang at 3:07 PM on April 28, 2006

Yeah, this could have been done better.

But I do appreciate seeing some that hair as "art". Some of those were really beautiful. That is once you get over the anti-vanity "holy crap that must take six hours a day to maintain" kind of initial reaction.

Whenever people feel the need to do this much "expressing" themselves with pointless, mean snark, it's a pretty good bet that they're fucking ugly.

Back in the day (early 80's) just having "spiky" hair and an ear ring got you beat up. Adding a tattoo and , golly, you were obviously a villain or on parole. Though I don't think we dreamed of the elaborate styles some of those kids have created.

How people change. I remember one "punk" girl friend's look was so "exotic" she leveraged it into a modeling career. It was a catholic school girl thing with a bright red stripe in her hair. "Crazy", huh? Hell. My mom probably does that much now.

It's funny. Now I'm past forty I put about as much thought into my personal grooming as it takes to put back on the clothes I wore the day before in the reverse order I took them off when I fell into bed. As for hair style? I used product once and my co-workers we like "What? You going on American Idol or something?"
posted by tkchrist at 3:07 PM on April 28, 2006

nthedgx, I'm not standing up for the 'raping strippers' thing, since that wasn't me, and I'll admit that my post might not have been the most constructive way to respond, but how is 'it's a pretty good bet that they're fucking ugly' any different to 'it's a pretty good bet that they're not much good at expressing themselves with words'?

As for meanness, we respond to what we see. I see meanness in the link, and some - albeit a lot less - in the thread. You apparently don't. Fair enough - neither of us is going to convince the other to see something they don't. But honestly, if my comment was worth highlighting as 'not a good call', why was the one I quoted not?
posted by terpsichoria at 3:08 PM on April 28, 2006

You've got to be cruel to be kind.

In the right measure, of course.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:12 PM on April 28, 2006

"But honestly, if my comment was worth highlighting as 'not a good call', why was the one I quoted not?"

Because one was a stated opinion and one was a knee-jerk overreaction, at least as I saw it. Without going into an analysis of rock, punk, goth and other alt cultures, and this is coming from someone who has had friends from all of them, there is at least a kernel of truth to the original statement. Obviously self-expression is great. Obviously. But do you think these guys or expressing themselves, wearing a uniform, trying too hard or what? That doesn't need an answer. All I can say is that in my experience there's some truth to what fugitivefromchaingang said, and absolutely no basis for your ridiculous response. There are many ways to mount a convincing defence of alternative cultures, but calling someone fucking ugly isn't remotely close.
posted by nthdegx at 3:17 PM on April 28, 2006

If skammer is right then the perceived cruelty would be self-reflexive, which is the way I take most of the comments here.

The absolute similarity of so many of the pairings lead me to believe there's some collaborative effort here.
posted by xod at 3:26 PM on April 28, 2006

Okay, but equally I can say there's a kernel of truth in my statement and not fugitive's - that in my experience, people who make sweeping criticisms of a whole section of society because of their appearance tend to be doing it as overcompensation for insecurity about their own lacking looks. It's not actually something I think is true, and I would never have made the statement as anything other than a response to something equally stupid, but surely you can see that neither statement has any innate truth to it. Again, your experience might lead you to believe one has a kernel of truth and mine might lead me to believe that another does, but it doesn't save either statement from being stupid, insulting, unfounded generalisation.

On the other hand, I am impressed at how much some of the myspace kids' hair looks like the superheroes'. Some of the resemblances are eerie. The actual content's cool - I just could have done without the commentary.
posted by terpsichoria at 3:32 PM on April 28, 2006

Nice to see that the Visual Kei look on Westerners looks as ridiculous as they do on the Japanese bands that use it. A plus for effort, but I'm going to have to take away some points for lack of originality for some of those. ;)

I liked this though, it was funny and well written (and the comic book comparisons were pretty spot on). Nice fpp to read when you're having a really bad hair day like me. (which is my own fault for falling asleep with wet hair I suppose)
posted by kosher_jenny at 3:32 PM on April 28, 2006

people who make sweeping criticisms of a whole section of society because of their appearance tend to be doing it as overcompensation for insecurity about their own lacking looks.

So, I'm ugly on the outside.

What's so terrible about noting how pretentious these kids are? Isn't that the point of the site?
posted by fugitivefromchaingang at 3:41 PM on April 28, 2006

For the record, I'm ugly on the inside - saintly - but ugly nonetheless.
posted by xod at 3:50 PM on April 28, 2006

Your favorite haircut sucks.
posted by jenovus at 3:52 PM on April 28, 2006

Did you read the bit I wrote straight after that, fugitive? You know, the bit where I said It's not actually something I think is true, and I would never have made the statement as anything other than a response to something equally stupid? I don't know what the hell you look like. You don't know how articulate these people are. Both our statements are groundless.

There's nothing 'so terrible' about all this unthinking mockery, either. It's unpleasant at worst, but it's an unpleasantness that was, to me, dominating the tone of the discussion here, so I thought I'd try to make some sort of counterpoint to it. I've not gone and decided I'm in charge of the tone on Metafilter or anything, but if I find the tone of a thread really unpleasant, I can't think of a better way to attempt to balance that than to make a comment challenging it. On the other hand, I'm getting a distinct feeling we're running the risk of bogging the thread down in arguments about assumptions and subcultures and things, so we should probably take it to email if there's anything else to say.

Although seriously, how on earth do you know these kids are pretentious? You've only seen a photo of them.
posted by terpsichoria at 3:57 PM on April 28, 2006

Hilarious. Also, for all the haters, I bet two things:
1. The authors did not intend this to be a mean-spirited beatdown, but rather a humorous send up of their social groups. That is evidenced by the self-entries and the comments in those self-entries. With maybe a couple of exceptions, the humor was mild and genial.
2. The people in the photos probably have a sense of humor about the whole thing, like when goths make fun of themselves.

They look so obscure, they look so obscene.
posted by Falconetti at 4:02 PM on April 28, 2006

Jay's hair is so unbelievably stupid, even the world of comic books could offer nothing close to the abomination occuring on his head. But if he did have a super hero alter-ego, we assume its origins would involve Boy George mating with a Magic Coral Garden.

posted by smackfu at 4:30 PM on April 28, 2006

I remember sean baby having some pretty fucked up hair back in the day.
posted by delmoi at 5:08 PM on April 28, 2006

Heh, Tamar lists her "Super Powers" as "Super-human hypocrisy"
posted by delmoi at 5:10 PM on April 28, 2006

Also both authors are pretty good looking, so I guess I'll have to retract my statements about them not getting laid.
posted by delmoi at 5:11 PM on April 28, 2006

posted by Extopalopaketle at 5:24 PM on April 28, 2006

As someone who enjoyed elaborate fucked-up hairstyles in highschool, I assure you the grand majority of these folks would be flattered to get a spot-on comparison to some obscure comicbook character. Actually, a lot of these cuts were highly likely done explicitly to mimic the comparison character in the first place - the Wolverine guy for instance.

Jeffree Cunt Star was also already mocked by the hilarious Fashion SWAT team on SA in their brutal MySpace mock-fest: "Picture Jeffree Star sitting alone in his apartment and picturing Jeffree Star riding a pegasus"
posted by dgaicun at 9:20 PM on April 28, 2006

I thought that some of the goths were pretty original and looked like interesting people. He was spot-on about the emo kids, though. Seriously, when will these people go away?
posted by Afroblanco at 9:22 PM on April 28, 2006

Everyone's ugly on the inside.
Seriously, I just grabbed four random people off the street and sliced them open, and they're really, really gross.

Anyhoo, I think the thing is that hardly any of these folks are smiling. Grimacing, yes, sneering, yes, pouting, yes, but there is a serious smile deficit.
If you have some wacky hair, at least look like you're enjoying it!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:01 PM on April 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

whew!

*puts on hat, just in case*
posted by sexyrobot at 10:30 PM on April 28, 2006

terpsichoria: "Whenever people feel the need to do this much "expressing" themselves with pointless, mean snark, it's a pretty good bet that they're fucking ugly.

Yes! Jeezus fucking christ, what's wrong with wanting to be adventurous with your appearence? I myself have very normal hair at the moment, and don't have any particular plans to do anything crazy with it. But if you think that you can divine with your amazing sense of judgement that anyone with an extravagant style is doing it for the most impeachable of reasons, then you're just deluding yourself, IMHO, and I don't think it points to particularly admirable motives on your own part.
posted by Drexen at 3:49 AM on April 29, 2006

Uh, I don't mean "ugly" in, you know, the obvious way. Or rather I didn't pay attention to the end of the quote I was quoting. But you get the idea, right? Hurr hurr durrr.
posted by Drexen at 3:52 AM on April 29, 2006

Lashing out against nothing and using the F word some more. You've talked me round.
posted by nthdegx at 4:20 AM on April 29, 2006

This was my favorite line (from the first link):

Hair Style:
The Smurf-Took-A-Shit-On-Billy-Corgan
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 4:33 AM on April 29, 2006

Kids: "Look at me! Look at me!! Look at me, dammit!... Hey, what're *you* looking at?"

A commonplace, but still entertaining.
posted by sic friat crustulum at 4:59 AM on April 29, 2006

Lashing out against nothing and using the F word some more. You've talked me round.

Uh, actually that's fair enough. Not sure why I was quite so vehement in defending a bunch of MySpace kids. I blame George Bush.
posted by Drexen at 6:46 AM on April 29, 2006

Holy shit, stop whining! This was incredibly mild.
posted by ludwig_van at 7:02 AM on April 29, 2006

furious star >>>The guy's name is Rob, and he has a picture of himself at or near the bottom of both of those posts.

Also webmaster of the official Nine Inch Nails site, photographer/director, creator of the dancing baby (yes, that one) and a bloody nice guy to boot.
posted by saturnine at 7:41 AM on April 29, 2006 [1 favorite]

I will never forgive him for the dancing baby.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:17 AM on April 29, 2006

As to expressing oneself with hair, it's a pretty natural idea; the consensus seems to be that our always-growing human head hair evolved as such to be shaped and styled for communication, about your rank in the tribe and such.
posted by abcde at 12:36 PM on April 29, 2006

Heck, some of these photos don't look all that much different from those books all salons have lying around. But some of the others, well, suddenly I feel a need to hug my goth/punk teens.
posted by annieb at 4:01 PM on April 29, 2006

This was awesome/hilarious and very well done.

The people bitching about it need to unclench.
posted by blacklite at 7:38 PM on April 29, 2006

That really was awesomely well done. The ability to find the perfect comic book image, in the same pose, for each person far surpasses the kind of encyclopedic knowledge I usually associate with knowing what page of what issue Batman first said "That's not what he wants us to think", or the like.
posted by bugbread at 7:21 AM on April 30, 2006