Canadian PM has hunger for human flesh.

May 3, 2006 12:22 PM

Canadian PM Stephen Harper eats babies. Or at least that's what many Toronto commuters read on their commutes Thursday, Friday, and Monday (they decided to leave the news up over the weekend). Another case for real news becoming more like The Onion?
posted by patr1ck (58 comments total)

David Cross, on the terror alert system, which seems to be raised whenever things are going bad for Bush: “I’m sure there’s a guy in the White House, ‘Uh, Derek, flip it to orange. Wait, what’s that? Oh, oh shit, the President just killed and ate a Jewish baby -- flip that thing to red …’ That’s the only crazy evil thing for Bush left to do … ‘Mmm, that’s good Jew-baby heart! What’re ya gonna do, Grandma, vote for Kucinich?’”
posted by ND¢ at 12:31 PM on May 3, 2006

These Ontario politicians...first McGuinty eating kittens, and now Harper eating babies. Just nobody eat any tuna, OK?
posted by stinkycheese at 12:32 PM on May 3, 2006

Dimitris Soudas, a spokesman for Prime Minister Stephen Harper, described the hacker's actions as "inappropriate and disrespectful."

And, well, funny.
posted by orange swan at 12:34 PM on May 3, 2006

You're a little dumpling, aren't you, huh? I could just eat you up!
posted by stinkycheese at 12:35 PM on May 3, 2006

Haha! It's funny because it's true!
posted by antifreez_ at 12:35 PM on May 3, 2006

The ingenious hacker made sure that suburban commuters in at least five different cars continued to get his or her subliminal message.

I don't think the reporter knows what subliminal means.
posted by Staggering Jack at 12:35 PM on May 3, 2006

The final line could be the best part:

Nicholls said: "I worked with Stephen Harper for five years and never once did he, in that time, eat a baby."
posted by Robot Johnny at 12:37 PM on May 3, 2006

That's the money quote right there, RJ. I want to see tomorrow's headlines: "Harper associate denies baby-eating allegations."
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:39 PM on May 3, 2006

Just last week, the Star and the Globe had this hilarious picture of a baby pinching Harper's nose. Now of course I can't find it (argh). I wonder if the baby was trying to avoid Harper smelling its irresistable aroma...
posted by stinkycheese at 12:44 PM on May 3, 2006

You know, the Conservatives really need to realize that carrying this off with a laugh and a few pithy quips is their best bet, while the slightest bit of huffiness will make them look like idiots. Canadians LOVE politicians who can take a joke.

Unprepared as Kim Campbell was for being PM, I still have fond memories of the time (circa the flap over Bill "I never inhaled" Clinton) she was was asked if she had ever smoked pot.

She said, "Yes I did. And I inhaled the smoke."
posted by orange swan at 12:44 PM on May 3, 2006

"I worked with Stephen Harper for five years and never once did he, in that time, eat a baby."

(note the bold.)
posted by patr1ck at 12:47 PM on May 3, 2006

Hey, if any Tories are reading this, try borrowing a leaf from W.C. Field's book. He said, "I like children. When they're properly cooked."
posted by orange swan at 12:47 PM on May 3, 2006

Nerd I am, I thought the best part of the story was that the signs were reprogrammed with a remote from Costco (or somewhere like that) and the GO authorities have publicly stated that the signs can't be password protected. The baby-eating is just the tip of the iceberg.
posted by GuyZero at 12:48 PM on May 3, 2006

GuyZero: I noticed that too. The article I read said something to the effect that this is really easy to do, there are any number of ways to do it, and that authorities were surprised it didn't happen more often (!?).
posted by stinkycheese at 12:52 PM on May 3, 2006

Well, maybe being honest about it would be an electoral asset, not a liability.
posted by trigonometry at 12:53 PM on May 3, 2006

You'd almost think they wanted to open the floodgates.
posted by orange swan at 12:53 PM on May 3, 2006

another sign reprogramming.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 1:01 PM on May 3, 2006

It's Canada. Now, if the hacker had claimed "Gordon Lightfoot Eats Babies", there would've been a Mohammed-cartoon-level reaction.
posted by wendell at 1:02 PM on May 3, 2006

No way, wendell. Lightfoot is such a jerk.
posted by orange swan at 1:05 PM on May 3, 2006

Paul Martin eats hash brownies.
posted by stinkycheese at 1:08 PM on May 3, 2006

Anne Murray?
posted by wendell at 1:09 PM on May 3, 2006

I thought the Canadian PM was named Poutine?
posted by slogger at 1:11 PM on May 3, 2006

Paul Martin eats Anne Murray? Yowza.
posted by stinkycheese at 1:14 PM on May 3, 2006

The snowbird has landed - on your face.
posted by stinkycheese at 1:16 PM on May 3, 2006

It certainly wasn't Sheila Copps.
She's nobody's baby.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:18 PM on May 3, 2006

No, Gordon Lightfoot eats Anne Murray...
No, Anne Murray eats babies!!!

(And all Canadians eat Poutine.)
posted by wendell at 1:19 PM on May 3, 2006

Damn, that's my train, I wish I had seen it.
posted by phirleh at 1:20 PM on May 3, 2006

"I worked with Stephen Harper for five years and never once did he, in that time, eat a baby."

That's right folks, Mr. Harper is a changed man. It's been five years since he last ate a baby, and he promises he will never do it agian.
posted by Raoul.Duke at 1:22 PM on May 3, 2006

Sorry. I apparently know as little about Canada as the cartoonist who does Medium Large.

That confessed, let me just say "William Shatner eats everything!"
posted by wendell at 1:26 PM on May 3, 2006

Sun down, you better beward
If I find you creeping round my back stair
And you're a small child
Because I will devour you.
The end.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:27 PM on May 3, 2006

Who doesn't eat babies? They're so delicious!
posted by loquacious at 1:29 PM on May 3, 2006

First, I want to know why this comes up on a search of "harper" and "polygamy". Then let's move on to the baby eating thing.
posted by dreamsign at 1:33 PM on May 3, 2006

Is real news becoming more like The Onion?

I'm curious even though this wasn't real news, it was a hack, which makes it like The Onion becoming more like The Onion, which, I think is also not true.
posted by OmieWise at 1:45 PM on May 3, 2006

See, I thought the money quote was:

The case of "electronic vandalism" prompted red-faced GO Transit officials to pledge the insults would never happen again.

To do so, they will have to power down all the signs on their cars and use special software that is being couriered from the United States to password protect the digital signs, a process that is expected to take three days.

The internet hasn't made it to Canada yet? You guys get software via courier?
posted by bbuda at 1:45 PM on May 3, 2006

A system of vaccum tubes, from what I hear. And I mean hear -- in Minneapolis we can hear the incessant FOOMP of the tubes just north of the border.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:46 PM on May 3, 2006

I post by IPoAC, myself.
posted by bonehead at 1:50 PM on May 3, 2006

I like how the captioned picture makes it clear that he does not, in fact, eat babies.
posted by ninjew at 1:57 PM on May 3, 2006

posted by blue_beetle at 1:58 PM on May 3, 2006

we need to put up a fence so those baby eating canadians don't get our children ... especially gordon downey, who can get behind anything
posted by pyramid termite at 2:07 PM on May 3, 2006

"The case of 'electronic vandalism' prompted red-faced GO Transit officials to pledge the insults would never happen again."

Sounds like a challenge to me.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:16 PM on May 3, 2006

If God didn't mean for people to eat babies, he wouldn't have made them out of meat.
posted by Malor at 2:28 PM on May 3, 2006

Oh, great. Another one.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:31 PM on May 3, 2006

especially gordon downey, who can get behind anything

I was really hoping that Katrina was going to really break the Hip out in the US. Apparently nothing can get those guys airplay down south. Even after they worked it in like that.
posted by GuyZero at 2:36 PM on May 3, 2006

What a perfect way to try to get under the skin of the humorless, drab sourpuss that is PM Harper.
posted by blucevalo at 2:43 PM on May 3, 2006

I want to know why this comes up on a search of "harper" and "polygamy". - dreamsign

I want to know why you were searching for "Harper" and "polygamy". Oh wait. No I don't.
posted by raedyn at 2:45 PM on May 3, 2006

they will have to power down all the signs on their cars and use special software that is being couriered from the United States to password protect the digital signs

Insert the following into the above sentence as appropriate:

"Diebold"
"bwahahahaha"
posted by George_Spiggott at 2:51 PM on May 3, 2006

To do so, they will have to power down all the signs on their cars and use special software that is being couriered from the United States to password protect the digital signs, a process that is expected to take three days.

I think it comes in a type of rom or maybe they'er talking about a specific flasher.

That said, at least we now have a google return for the PM and his dietary habits.
posted by phyrewerx at 2:53 PM on May 3, 2006

That said, at least we now have a google return for the PM and his dietary habits.

What? Do you not follow the news? There was a few weeks when all anyone talked about was Harper's expanding waistline... apparently babies are the only thing Harper doesn't eat.
posted by GuyZero at 3:03 PM on May 3, 2006

GuyZero wins. Ouch!
posted by Zinger at 4:42 PM on May 3, 2006

Well, at least now we know why he's so fired up over child tax credits.

Procreate, my minions! Muahahahaha!
posted by arto at 4:53 PM on May 3, 2006

That's right folks, Mr. Harper is a changed man. It's been five years since he last ate a baby, and he promises he will never do it agian.

Youthful indiscretion?
posted by brundlefly at 7:07 PM on May 3, 2006

I chewed a baby, but I didn't lile it, and I didn't swallow.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:48 PM on May 3, 2006

(And all Canadians eat Poutine.)

I have never tried poutine. I am a bad Canadian.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:14 PM on May 3, 2006

I've tried it and I loathe it, stav. I'm an average Canadian.
posted by orange swan at 5:55 AM on May 4, 2006

stavrosthewonderchicken:
I have never tried poutine. I am a bad Canadian.

I am a dyslexic American. I eat pitoune.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 10:14 AM on May 4, 2006

Perhaps it's me who's reinforcing the stereotype. I get regular cravings for poutine at least once a month. It's like clockwork. Almost like some sort of Canadian male menopause or something.
posted by antifreez_ at 3:11 PM on May 8, 2006

posted by stinkycheese at 10:38 AM on May 11, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harper may have a minority, but that kid has a majority ... OF HARPER'S NOSE!
posted by antifreez_ at 2:47 PM on May 15, 2006