For real men

May 3, 2006 7:56 PM

Manlyweb.com-- One Real Damn Manly Site. We set out to create a web site for real men. Men who do their own engine work. Men who don't just read it for the articles. Men who know that good whiskey doesn't need to be mixed with anything, except maybe an ice cube or two.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste (79 comments total)

I ran into it when I was googling for a picture of legendary oil well firefighter Red Adair.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 7:57 PM on May 3, 2006

Ice cubes?

Pussy.
posted by lumpenprole at 7:58 PM on May 3, 2006

Real men put neither ice nor the letter "e" in their whisky.
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:59 PM on May 3, 2006

I drafted several snarky comments, but then I realized this website is so not worth the energy.

But hey, they have a list of "Plaboy" centerforlds.

Pla indeed.
posted by Miko at 8:06 PM on May 3, 2006

Penisfilter.
posted by loquacious at 8:16 PM on May 3, 2006

This site is for gay guys who fanatasize about really, really butch men, right - guys who would never be with another man - except for just them?

'Cause it really don't make sense any other way.
posted by Jos Bleau at 8:20 PM on May 3, 2006

Wait... they list John Wayne but not Yakima Canutt? Nancy boys.
posted by brundlefly at 8:27 PM on May 3, 2006

Because real men hate good web design.
posted by dreamsign at 8:33 PM on May 3, 2006

Ice cubes?

Pussy.
posted by lumpenprole

haha! nice one.
posted by nola at 8:48 PM on May 3, 2006

Biographies of Real Men. And the other men are...... ??
posted by salvia at 9:03 PM on May 3, 2006

I know karate, voodoo too,
I'm gonna make myself available to you,
I don't need no make up, I got real scars,
I got hair on my chest, I look good without a shirt.
posted by homunculus at 9:13 PM on May 3, 2006

Salvia: The other men are metrosexuals...
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 9:33 PM on May 3, 2006

Hef was the Original Metrosexual, wasn't he? The pipe aside. I remember reading somewhere that he liked the concept.
posted by raysmj at 9:41 PM on May 3, 2006

I brought a real man home once, but my mom made me let him go.
posted by Goofyy at 9:44 PM on May 3, 2006

Manliness? Manliness!
posted by tweak at 9:51 PM on May 3, 2006

I ran into it when I was googling for a picture of legendary oil well firefighter Red Adair.
Hey, my habit of over-explaining myself when I post lame FFPs is starting to catch on!
posted by wendell at 10:18 PM on May 3, 2006

FFP? nevermind.
posted by wendell at 10:18 PM on May 3, 2006

Miller: John Wayne was a fag.
All: The hell he was.
Miller: He was, too, you boys. I installed two-way mirrors in his pad in Brentwood, and he come to the door in a dress.
posted by facapulco at 10:59 PM on May 3, 2006

>Ice cubes?

>Pussy.

You're a big damp girl if you put your whiskey in a glass, never mind the ice cubes.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:07 PM on May 3, 2006

You're a big damp girl if you put your whiskey in a glass, never mind the ice cubes.

I prefer my whisky cut with gasoline, served out of a live lamp socket. Poured into my cut-open arm. It helps my creative process when I'm designing dresses for big game hunters.
posted by Extopalopaketle at 12:05 AM on May 4, 2006

its a good idea, but it somehow fell flat
posted by Deep Dish at 12:30 AM on May 4, 2006

*bows to Extopalopaketle*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:32 AM on May 4, 2006

Yes, but can they replace the motor drive belt on an IBM Selectric II? No? Then they are clearly wimps, unfit to be called 'men.'
posted by nlindstrom at 1:51 AM on May 4, 2006

that's right, welcome to 2004, Manlyweb.com!
Indeed. Real Men are always a minimum of two years behind.

And laughable American men have a picture of Jack Daniel's for a "bottle of whiskey". Truly the Cosmopolitan of whisky: fruity, sweet and truly effeminate. And don't get me started on what they consider beer in that country... (yeah, yeah, America has several good beers, but it's gonna take a lot more than that to wipe the taste of Bud outta my mouth)

Their sports guy Andy looks like a real athlete too. A true man's man.

This is probably the most manly thing about the site:

Well, it was a great idea while it lasted. Our latest round of hosting problems have most likely killed the blog, at least for now.

Not really like anyone was checking it out anyway...

Cry me a river, you big manly manman you.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:25 AM on May 4, 2006

...googling for a picture of legendary oil well firefighter...

If it's not a legendarily well-oiled firefighter, it's not worth my time.
posted by kittyprecious at 6:40 AM on May 4, 2006

I realize this isn't AskMe, but there was a great obituary on Red Adair in the Economist. Unfortunately it's been archived and you can't read it without a subscription. Here's a link anyway.
posted by clockwork at 6:47 AM on May 4, 2006

Real men have more taint.
I learned that on Mefi.
posted by nofundy at 7:15 AM on May 4, 2006

Steven,you're like a moth to a flame where gender politics is concerned, aren't you?

Dag, if I had committed such eternal comedy gold to the great networked void, I'd shy far, far away from such discussions...but that's just me.
posted by adamgreenfield at 7:32 AM on May 4, 2006

The whole boozer cliche is really tiresome. I blame the damn English. They lose an empire and choose to hide behind a bottle and insist it's somehow not pathetic.
posted by nixerman at 7:57 AM on May 4, 2006

Real men put neither ice nor the letter "e" in their whisky.

That silent 'h' seems pretty swishy.

They lose an empire and choose to hide behind a bottle and insist it's somehow not pathetic.

Hey, yeah, how come alcoholism is the terrible curse of the post-Soviet states and Eastern Europe, but a fine English tradition?
posted by sonofsamiam at 7:59 AM on May 4, 2006

Because their accents are cuter. And their men less manly.
posted by dame at 8:50 AM on May 4, 2006

What kinda sissy has to put up a goddamned website to tell the world he's a man?
Can I also take this moment to point out, for future reference, how this was not a n00b putting up an incredibly shitty link but rather a triple-digiter? Just want that noted the next time the saw about how us $5s are ruining things is trotted out.
posted by klangklangston at 9:50 AM on May 4, 2006

klang, the guy's a known jackass. Bringing this to his attention, I'm afraid, hasn't stopped him from making a fool of himself in the past, and I'm sure it will make no discernible difference going forward.
posted by adamgreenfield at 10:54 AM on May 4, 2006

And laughable American men have a picture of Jack Daniel's for a "bottle of whiskey". Truly the Cosmopolitan of whisky: fruity, sweet and truly effeminate.

Oh, you done done it now, boy.

And don't get me started on what they consider beer in that country... (yeah, yeah, America has several good beers, but it's gonna take a lot more than that to wipe the taste of Bud outta my mouth)

**shatters bottle of Brooklyn Lager/Third Coast/Fat Tire/Otter Creek/Sweetwater/Harpoon/or good old Miller High Life on the Bar, spits out tabacky, prepares to fight to the death over slight to American beer. Probably ends up compromising and downing a Beam Green/Beamish boilermaker with slimepuppy.**
posted by kosem at 11:03 AM on May 4, 2006

Hef was the Original Metrosexual, wasn't he? The pipe aside. I remember reading somewhere that he liked the concept.

He only does that to get chicks.

They lose an empire and choose to hide behind a bottle and insist it's somehow not pathetic.

Or they simply enjoy a drink. You should try it sometime.
posted by jonmc at 11:07 AM on May 4, 2006

it's gonna take a lot more than that to wipe the taste of Bud outta my mouth

So... who's Bud and why do you have his taste in your mouth?
posted by grubi at 11:15 AM on May 4, 2006

Hefner? He’s a pimp.

Yeager I can see. They missed a lot of others though.

“What kinda sissy has to put up a goddamned website to tell the world he's a man?”

Fuckin’ A.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:59 AM on May 4, 2006

Here's a quick test to see if you're a metrosexual. Which statement do you agree with more?

A: "Salma Hayek is an amazingly intelligent woman and accomplished actress, isn't she?"

B: "Salma Hayek sure has one hell of a rack, don't she?"
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 12:36 PM on May 4, 2006

And if you establish a church dedicated to Salma Hayek’s ass?
posted by Smedleyman at 12:55 PM on May 4, 2006

Real men aren't obsessed with whether or not people think of them as "real men." Women notice this, and these guys tend to get more dates.

And what klangklangston said.
posted by bardic at 12:58 PM on May 4, 2006

Seriously, now, Steven, I'm fascinated with your self-evident belief that you're posting to an audience of like-minded souls, the kind who would appreciate your Salma Hayek comments.

Don't you get that you're not in the local Warhammer 40,000 club, or whatever?
posted by adamgreenfield at 1:15 PM on May 4, 2006

Seriously, now, Steven, I'm fascinated with your self-evident belief that you're posting to an audience of like-minded souls, the kind who would appreciate your Salma Hayek comments.

Well, pretty much any discussion of any of Salma's body parts, up to and including her bile ducts is welcome as far as I'm concerned. Appreciating a woman's brains, charm and personality and liking boobies are not mutually exclusive propositions.

I think the site was a failed attempt at satire is all, not the grand cultural division both sides of this debate seem so desperate for it to be. Why are you all so hot on the idea of cultural polarization?
posted by jonmc at 1:39 PM on May 4, 2006

Umm, Adam, have you looked at Salma Hayek? She's hot. She's a famous actress because she has an attractive body. It's really not sexist to say that a Hollywood actress is a sex symbol.
posted by dagnyscott at 1:48 PM on May 4, 2006

I couldn't care less about cultural polarization. I don't even know what that means.

I just think that there's a difference between your own apartment - where you can go on and on about "boobies" all you like, and I'll defend to the death your right to do so - and the lobby. In the lobby, to a great extent the onus is on you to act in a way that the other people who share the lobby will be comfortable with.

Steven's site is his apartment; if he wants to pursue his sad obsessions there, far be it from me to stop him.

Metafilter's the lobby. You come to the lobby and you act like a hurf-durf ten year old, and I'm going to say something. I'm most likely going to say it politely at first - because we all do have to get along, and because I'd like to think I deserve the same consideration - but I will escalate.

I'm not arrogating to myself any right beyond that of any other resident. I don't own the lobby; I own my apartment. But I have a stake in what gets said and done in the lobby, sure I do.

So, to reframe this in terms any New Yorker would recognize, Steven's the guy who hangs out in the lobby, annoys the hell out of the doorman and the delivery guys, and basically skeeves out most of the women passing through the space, who do their damndest to ignore him.

If he's developmentally disabled, you put up with it, because he can't help himself. But if he's intellectually competent, sooner or later you call him on it, because it's about as attractive as someone hanging out in the lobby all day with drawers full of semi-liquid shit. It can be dealt with, and it should be dealt with, and he's the person who should deal with it.
posted by adamgreenfield at 2:01 PM on May 4, 2006

All this aside, I looked at the website and it's shit, imho...
posted by ob at 2:06 PM on May 4, 2006

Fuck off, adam. Things were going swimmingly until you decided to renew your umpteen-year-old vendetta.
posted by five fresh fish at 2:42 PM on May 4, 2006

adamgreenfield: i don't understand. what makes you think this is SCDB's website? the "we set out to create" bit comes from the site itself, and quoting from a site you link to in the FPP text is fairly common around here. my apologies if i've missed something here, but i'm pretty sure the "i ran into while i was searching for x" means it's not his site.

i had a look at your FPPs. to me, they're boring. so maybe you and i are interested in different things, but i'm not shrilly posting in your threads about how you're a menace to the community. so why are you doing it here? if you're not interested, just move on. if you find the content objectionable, flag it. but if you've got some personal axe to grind with SCDB, this ain't the place. also, remember that you speak for yourself, not "the community". the only obnoxious, boorish behavior i see in this thread is yours.
posted by sergeant sandwich at 2:45 PM on May 4, 2006

aye aye sergeant sandwich .

lets duke this one out like REAL MEN and have some bare knuckle boxing .
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:47 PM on May 4, 2006

in fact lets have a huge manly (and not at all homoerotic)
punch up right here in this thread !

THWACK !
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:50 PM on May 4, 2006

Seriously, now, Steven, I'm fascinated with your self-evident belief that you're posting to an audience of like-minded souls, the kind who would appreciate your Salma Hayek comments.

Don't you get that you're not in the local Warhammer 40,000 club, or whatever?

Seriously, now, Adam, hasn't it occurred to you that I'm not being even slightly serious about any of this?

Lighten up.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 3:06 PM on May 4, 2006

*breaks chair over everyones head*
posted by sgt.serenity at 3:09 PM on May 4, 2006

lets duke this one out like REAL MEN and have some bare knuckle boxing

pillowfight!
posted by sergeant sandwich at 3:09 PM on May 4, 2006

*fills pillows with bricks*
posted by sgt.serenity at 3:10 PM on May 4, 2006

Adam methinks you doth protest too much. To keep your analogy going, you're the guy who hangs out in the lobby, tattling on all the guys checking out the daily ass parade. "Oh Miss! That man back there was TOTALLY checking you out. I'm disgusted by that-- want me to call security?"
posted by cell divide at 3:11 PM on May 4, 2006

Adam must be a metrosexual.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 3:13 PM on May 4, 2006

*hits someone over the head with a fire extinguisher*

rarrrr !

I AM THE KING OF THIS THREAD !
posted by sgt.serenity at 3:15 PM on May 4, 2006

awesome!
posted by sergeant sandwich at 3:15 PM on May 4, 2006

A real man would prefer this one.

You must be a metrosexual.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 3:21 PM on May 4, 2006

I WANT TO PUT UP SHELVES FOR THESE WOMEN.
posted by sgt.serenity at 3:23 PM on May 4, 2006

REAL MEN USE CAPS LOCK
posted by sgt.serenity at 3:23 PM on May 4, 2006

I'm tempted to post those fateful words "YHBT. YHL. HAND." but I wasn't trolling with this post, or with any of the comments I added to it. I was just trying to have fun.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 3:25 PM on May 4, 2006

You must be a metrosexual.

yes. the manly kind.
posted by sergeant sandwich at 3:28 PM on May 4, 2006

I'm tempted to post those fateful words "YHBT. YHL. HAND."


WHAT IS THAT MEANT TO MEAN , YOU BIG GIRL ?
ARE YOU TRYING TO LET US KNOW YOURE ILLITERATE ?

HAVE A KNUCKLE SANDWICH !
posted by sgt.serenity at 3:28 PM on May 4, 2006

Reid Fleming, World's Toughest Milkman, will kick all your asses.
posted by dammitjim at 3:38 PM on May 4, 2006

It's tough to be metrosexual in a small town.

No manicurists, for one thing.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:40 PM on May 4, 2006

Tell me that this woman doesn't know exactly how good she looks, and isn't proud of it. (Especially at age 40.)
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 4:00 PM on May 4, 2006

I just shaved my nads. When can I whip it out?
posted by Mean Mr. Bucket at 4:23 PM on May 4, 2006

"Tell me that this woman doesn't know exactly how good she looks, and isn't proud of it. (Especially at age 40.)"

Doesn't mean she wants your ass all dribblin' on her.
posted by klangklangston at 4:42 PM on May 4, 2006

Because Salma Hayek is the perfect example, in terms of looks, wealth, talent, and good fortune, of everywoman.

Dude, try meeting some girls IRL.
posted by bardic at 4:53 PM on May 4, 2006

I'm technically a woman so I'm probably not supposed to be posting here and spreading my estrogen around like a pastel plague but I have to say, I'm straight and a feminist and think the website is stupid but even I have to admit that Salma Hayek has a very nice rack.
posted by LeeJay at 5:45 PM on May 4, 2006

And, what the hell, George Clooney is a damn fine-looking man. Viggo Mortensen, too, for that matter.

Salma's nice, but I prefer Audrey Tautou in her Amélie role. MMmmmm.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:53 PM on May 4, 2006

VIGO!
posted by klangklangston at 6:15 PM on May 4, 2006

I'm technically a woman

As opposed to philosophically?

I always get Selma Heyak and Sandra Bullock confused. There's always one of them hanging round outside my bedroom window, giggling. I wish they'd stop.
posted by Sparx at 6:46 PM on May 4, 2006

Salma Hayek's dress in those photos was an architectural masterpiece. I never knew mere cloth could cantilever flesh so well. It was a great bold color choice and had nice shimmery fabric, too; it was one of the best Oscars dresses in years, and it especially stood out among all the pale washed-out cream and beige crepey schmattas that most actresses were wearing this year.

Also, her boobies are seriously awesome - but I hope saying that doesn't magically make me a "real man", because I'm rather fond of being female.

That being said, the boobs are probably fake.
posted by Asparagirl at 8:39 PM on May 4, 2006

the boobs are probably fake.

Blasphemy!
posted by homunculus at 10:32 PM on May 4, 2006

* protects ladies in thread *
posted by sgt.serenity at 10:48 PM on May 4, 2006

This thread isn't manly until Miguel turns up. Bunch of fuckin' jessies.

*headbutts sgt.serenity*
posted by longbaugh at 6:20 AM on May 5, 2006

Did I miss the fisticuffmanship?

*punches self in face*

Look, let’s get Miss Hayek out here and respectfully ask her to disrobe so we can...uh...er... kinda lost track of where I was headed with that...
posted by Smedleyman at 3:41 PM on May 5, 2006

I can beat any man in the house.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:45 PM on May 5, 2006