The Oozinator
May 12, 2006 12:09 PM   Subscribe

the questionable super soaker. How did this get past the marketing department? A gun that shoots shots of white slime? The product review on the Anazon site has been deleted and locked after a flood of joke reviews of the toy which exploited its pornographic similarities.
posted by Liquidwolf (98 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite

 
BUKKAKINATOR!

HA! First one in!
posted by deusdiabolus at 12:18 PM on May 12, 2006


I for one, would love to meet the genius who came up with the concept for this product.
posted by freq at 12:19 PM on May 12, 2006


Dude, regular squirt guns are plenty bukkakelicious.
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:19 PM on May 12, 2006


That is absolutely hilarious. If you follow the link to the videos post popular linking source they have deleted amazon reviews of the actual gun.
posted by deviantlnx at 12:21 PM on May 12, 2006


So this oozinator -- it vibrates?
posted by rosemere at 12:21 PM on May 12, 2006


That's even more ridiculous than I realized from reading peoples blog entries about this. Some of the Amazon reviews have been archived elsewhere.
posted by pombe at 12:21 PM on May 12, 2006


more, including some of the cached amazon comments.
posted by sergeant sandwich at 12:21 PM on May 12, 2006


gah!
posted by sergeant sandwich at 12:22 PM on May 12, 2006


Please be real please be real please be real please be real...
posted by jon_kill at 12:22 PM on May 12, 2006


ytmnd has been having a field day with this.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:26 PM on May 12, 2006


It's real. 29 bux at toysrus. Wife wouldn't let me buy it.
posted by Lord_Pall at 12:28 PM on May 12, 2006


Wife wouldn't let me buy it.

Tell her if buy it, she'll get a pearl necklace!
posted by clearlynuts at 12:29 PM on May 12, 2006


*rimshot*
posted by NationalKato at 12:30 PM on May 12, 2006


Zing!
posted by Mach5 at 12:32 PM on May 12, 2006


*rimshot

That's a whole other genre!
posted by ursus_comiter at 12:32 PM on May 12, 2006 [1 favorite]


It's real.
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:35 PM on May 12, 2006


Customers tagged this item with
First tag: bukkake (The Rocketdyke. "rocketdyke" on May 11, 2006)
Last tag: bukkake

bukkake (1)

posted by stinkycheese at 12:37 PM on May 12, 2006


God bless the Internets. And Hasbro. My day is made.

*wipes trace of Ooz from eye*
posted by everichon at 12:37 PM on May 12, 2006


Gotta love the expressions on those young boy's faces as they're hit with a healthy spurt of "bio-ooze".
posted by stinkycheese at 12:38 PM on May 12, 2006


I'd be the guy sitting at the Super Soaker Inc. boardroom table during the product pitch thinking, "Am I just being childish? Why is nobody else saying anything? Should I say something?"
posted by Adam_S at 12:38 PM on May 12, 2006 [3 favorites]


Man, it's cool how Presidents get to play with these prototypes before they hit market.
posted by NationalKato at 12:39 PM on May 12, 2006


I'd love to have heard the discussion whereby they agreed on "bio-ooze" as a suitable description of this...stuff.
posted by stinkycheese at 12:40 PM on May 12, 2006


I really want to see someone claim this is one of the (spurty, drippy) prongs of the homosexualist agenda.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:43 PM on May 12, 2006


"Blaster comes with 10-ounce cartridge of bio-ooze. "

Heh. What about refills?
posted by jefbla at 12:43 PM on May 12, 2006


Damn, I knew I should have saved those amazon comments.
posted by If I Had An Anus at 12:44 PM on May 12, 2006


Man, I saw a commercial for "Berries & Cream Dr. Pepper" the other day that ended with "you'll be buried in cream!"

Buried in CREAM?
posted by 235w103 at 12:45 PM on May 12, 2006


Heh. What about refills?

You make your own! That's the beauty of bio-ooze.
posted by NationalKato at 12:48 PM on May 12, 2006


At least they didn't name it "The Money Shot."
posted by ancientgower at 12:48 PM on May 12, 2006


Yeah, even after it was made didn't anyone from Hasbro sit down and watch that commercial and think "Hey....this looks almost ... obscene"?
The first kid's ecpression is hilarious.
posted by Liquidwolf at 12:50 PM on May 12, 2006


Metafilter: Blast 'em with a shot of icky bio-ooze!
posted by The Bellman at 12:53 PM on May 12, 2006 [1 favorite]


Go easy on the Hasbro people. It takes a lot of spunk to make a toy like this.
posted by Gamblor at 12:53 PM on May 12, 2006


*rimsho -- damn, I'm out of ooze. :(
posted by NationalKato at 12:54 PM on May 12, 2006


I hate spunk.

posted by Lou Grant at 3:54 PM EST on May 12
posted by rosemere at 12:55 PM on May 12, 2006


I can only presume that "The Sperminator" already had a patent taken out on it.
posted by greycap at 12:56 PM on May 12, 2006


Cum on. Grow up.
posted by rollbiz at 1:01 PM on May 12, 2006


They should get Skeet Ulrich to promote it.
posted by NationalKato at 1:03 PM on May 12, 2006


.
posted by mazola at 1:04 PM on May 12, 2006


Wow. That kid really shoots from the hip.
posted by dobbs at 1:07 PM on May 12, 2006


Or Ron Jeremy.
posted by WidgetAlley at 1:08 PM on May 12, 2006


StrasbourgSecaucaus, that's. just. wrong.
posted by horsewithnoname at 1:09 PM on May 12, 2006


Good work.
posted by horsewithnoname at 1:09 PM on May 12, 2006


AW SKEET SKEET MOTHAFUCKA!
posted by Mayor Curley at 1:10 PM on May 12, 2006


Fill it up with whisky & it's the Boozinator! Excellent for walking down the street & getting blitzed with your buddies.
posted by stinkycheese at 1:14 PM on May 12, 2006


I think we've discovered Peter North's secret.
posted by Cyrano at 1:15 PM on May 12, 2006


I can't believe no one's posted this yet... so I must

posted by jdfan at 1:23 PM on May 12, 2006 [1 favorite]


See also: Polaroid Pop Shot.
posted by zpousman at 1:24 PM on May 12, 2006


posted by NationalKato Man, it's cool how Presidents get to play with these prototypes before they hit market.

White House Intern with blue dress sold separately.
posted by fandango_matt at 1:27 PM on May 12, 2006




ken ... oh, ken!!!
posted by pyramid termite at 1:29 PM on May 12, 2006


Any bets on how long it takes for them to pull the product?
posted by raedyn at 1:37 PM on May 12, 2006


I thought you were supposed to pump it?
posted by stinkycheese at 1:38 PM on May 12, 2006


perhaps it was inspired by pedro the donkey (text, nsfw, really funny)
posted by pyramid termite at 1:40 PM on May 12, 2006


first this, then the USA national Bikini team?

BTW, you've got meme on your shoes...
posted by I, Credulous at 1:43 PM on May 12, 2006


"pull the product?"

heee!
posted by I, Credulous at 1:44 PM on May 12, 2006


Sure, we're all having a good laugh here. But this is further proof that Teh Secret Homosexual Agenda is ruining our society. WHAT OTHER EXPLANATION FOR THIS PRODUCT IS THERE?!?!?!?
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:54 PM on May 12, 2006


Sploozinator
posted by kirkaracha at 2:00 PM on May 12, 2006


You just know that the reason this idea got green-lit is because with a normal super soaker you get the ammunition for free. This is Hasbro's version of Mach 3 razor inserts or proprietary printer cartridges; it's something that they can get a continuing income for.

That said, this may be one of the funniest things i've seen in months. It's like a marketing perfect-storm of cluelessness and greed all coming together in a fantastic product that is going to cause them no end of embarrassment.

And the idea of getting one is very tempting, so well done Hasbro!

Re: being in the Hasbro board room

i was totally thinking of the scene from The Loop:

'You can Jack It while you listen to Celine Dion'
posted by quin at 2:02 PM on May 12, 2006


That reminds me, my copy of Bio-Ooze Gulping Whores #23 is due back at the video store!
posted by kimota at 2:03 PM on May 12, 2006 [1 favorite]


Skeet Ulrich?
posted by mkultra at 2:06 PM on May 12, 2006


The Card Cheat is right!

But it's never felt so good to be soooo wrong.....
posted by eyeballkid at 2:09 PM on May 12, 2006


mkultra: skeet
posted by quite unimportant at 2:22 PM on May 12, 2006


I'm going to name my Oozinator "The Billy C."
posted by five fresh fish at 2:25 PM on May 12, 2006


Does the commercial actually say "Major pumping required" at the end? Yes, folks, I think it does.
posted by Kelly Tulsa at 2:29 PM on May 12, 2006


OMG. I have to buy one of those things.
posted by delmoi at 3:00 PM on May 12, 2006


I'd never seen an actual commercial for a splooge canon before...
posted by juiceCake at 3:01 PM on May 12, 2006


Fantastic!

This product really fills my needs. Now I can stop jacking off into my own squirt gun. I was really starting to chafe.
posted by Parannoyed at 3:19 PM on May 12, 2006


And who can forget Mattel's memorable Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 vibrating broom toy?
posted by killdevil at 3:20 PM on May 12, 2006


Who could possibly have green-lighted this--let alone created it, without knowing exactly what it looked like? This isn't 1950, fer chrissakes.
posted by everichon at 3:20 PM on May 12, 2006


The first kid's ecpression is hilarious.

His voice says "Eeew, yuck," but his body language says "Oh yeah, all over my tits!"
posted by PhatLobley at 3:23 PM on May 12, 2006 [3 favorites]


So, this broomgun, it vibratesshoots white stuff?
posted by kalessin at 3:48 PM on May 12, 2006


I have to wonder what was going through the developer's head. I mean, half the population already has an Oozinator.

Is this one of those Affirmative Action things?
posted by lekvar at 4:01 PM on May 12, 2006


Come to read this thread and there are 69 comments.
posted by qwip at 4:06 PM on May 12, 2006


Those Hasbro guys have ... fertile imaginations.
posted by Malor at 5:29 PM on May 12, 2006


This toy seems to be reminiscent of an ejaculating penis, does it not?
posted by Zozo at 5:55 PM on May 12, 2006


I just busted a nut gut reading this thread.
posted by ludwig_van at 7:03 PM on May 12, 2006


Any bets on how long it takes for them to pull the product?

I'm not worried; I don't leave the house without my back-up piece.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:11 PM on May 12, 2006


"His voice says "Eeew, yuck," but his body language says "Oh yeah, all over my tits!"

Thanks PhatLobley, I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
posted by crunchyk9 at 8:41 PM on May 12, 2006 [1 favorite]


*dies*
posted by mrplab at 9:05 PM on May 12, 2006


I warned a certain billboard company I was keeping a super soaker near my bedroom window. (the billboards are just outside said window, the employees like loud rock.)

A friend suggested I use this item instead. I thought he was joking about it.

Now that I see it, I wish he were.

Yet, I secretly find it totally awesome.
posted by gummi at 9:12 PM on May 12, 2006


My wife is always telling me to keep my Oozinator away from her....now I see why. You could put an eye out with that thing. Safety first!
posted by UseyurBrain at 9:21 PM on May 12, 2006


Stings like a sonuvabitch when it gets in the eyes, I hear.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:37 PM on May 12, 2006


Just *holding* one of those Oozinators looks like it would bump up your testosterone levels...
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:13 PM on May 12, 2006


This is my second favorite obscene toy ever.

My first remains the one killdevil mentioned.
posted by anjamu at 11:15 PM on May 12, 2006


Yes, but can you use it to remove earwax?
posted by lovecrafty at 1:09 AM on May 13, 2006


You know, this would make a lot of sense if it turns out it was designed by HR Giger.
posted by macdara at 1:12 AM on May 13, 2006


Experminate!! Experminate!!
posted by asok at 2:21 AM on May 13, 2006


More:

"1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

= Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
Ooz or Lose!, May 4, 2006
Reviewer: Ima Retard "Ima" (USA) - See all my reviews

I'm not sure if any one else is having this problem with their Oozinator but mine developed sores and started to flake. It also started to turn redish and became itchy to hold. I usually pump my Oozinator with much force while tightening the belt around my neck but now it just hurts to hold the Oozinator. I asked my wives if it seemed a little odd looking and they had a conserned look on there 13 year old faces. My Oozinator usually shoots out the 10 ounces of Goo its supose to, but now it sprays a vibrant red mist wich is starting to concern me. So I went to Toys-R-Us where I first discovered the Oozinator in the kids area and ask the clerk if they could check my Oozinator. I wipped it out and 3 employees vomited at the site. I never got my money back and am now righting from a prison cell. Good news is my cell-mate loves my Oozinator and I cry my self to sleep.....thank you Oozinator!?"

*****************************************************************
amazon.com product review quotes:

I swear half of the reviews on Amazon were made to be full of innuendo. That's horrible.

"Downside- All the pumping and excitement really tuckers you out for about half an hour after you use it, but before long you're all set to give'er another go even if your tank is running low!"

"Use a microwave oven to warm the goo up before you load it into the oozinator for an even more fun time "

"if you ever run out, you can just fill it up with more! all the kids in the neighborhood will come, and play with you!"

"One of the best innovations in group fun since the sleepover. I tested this toy out with some of my best girlfriends, and they all enjoyed being splattered with ooze. The only downside is your hand gets a might tired after pumping your gun during long durations, so be sure to have a friend to help you pump it out. Once I had pretended the gun was stuck, and had my friend pump it while the nozzle was pointed at her face. She gave it a cock and was disdained to find her face covered in ooze! Some got in her mouth and she choked on it, she swallowed some but said it tasted kinda salty. I wouldn't recomment swallowing it, but it's non-toxic, so it won't kill you to try."

"This toy is outstanding. I bought one at Fascinations Adult Store. You can refill the cartridges by yourself if desired. The first batch of goo that came with it was not warm or salty, but I've since corrected that problem."

"This toy is wonderful! I love spraying all the neighborhood boys with my bio-ooze. This toy shoots for quite a distance and the tank holds quite a sticky load. We laugh and play then afterwards we go in the back and get the boys all cleaned up."

"I just love hosing down the neighborhood kids with my bio goo. Thank god this toy came around. It's so much easier to save up your bio goo rather than running around with your pants down if ya know what I mean"

"especially effective on neighborhood girls"

*****************************************************************
-NO DATE-
My uncle who got me the Oozinator always wants me to ooze all over my own face over and over while he records it with his new handy-cam... Sometimes he likes me to hit myself in the face with it. I wish i never got this stupid oozinator now. I am confused.

*****************************************************************

Fun with all the boys, April 30, 2006
Reviewer: Father O'Mally (Boston) - See all my reviews
This toy is wonderful! I love spraying all the neighborhood boys with my bio-ooze. This toy shoots for quite a distance and the tank holds quite a sticky load. We laugh and play then afterwards we go in the back and get the boys all cleaned up.

Was this review helpful to you?

*****************************************************************

"4 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

= Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
I love my GUN, May 2, 2006
Reviewer: Robert K. Lancaster - See all my reviews

I love my gun, however i have discovered a potential problem for others. My big problem is my Wife. She never lets me shoot it inside. She is always saying "take it out, take it out" I tried telling her that for some reason it just feels better to shoot it inside. She says it makes a big mess. I asked her if there is anyway to compromise on this and we came up with an awsome idea. In stead of shooting it inside she is willing to let me spray the warm good anywhere outside it want. So yesterday afternoon I tackled her to the ground and shot the warm sticky goo all over the small of her back. Gotta love the GOO! "

*****************************************************************

" = Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
Ooze just shoots too quickly, May 4, 2006
Reviewer: Harold Carroll (Richmond, KY) - See all my reviews

As much fun as this toy is while it lasts, it does indeed tend to shoot the ooze much quicker than I would want. It's good for me but my partners don't enjoy it. "

" = Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall

*****************************************************************

Make sure to lock your door, May 4, 2006
A Kid's Review
My parents are strongly against playing with my oozinator alone, they want me to know a someone first and WAIT a while till I can use my oozinator. I thought this was stupid so I often lock my door and play with my oozinator alone. I also get with my buddies and friends, and we play with our oozinators together when we leave the house. And sometimes, we get on the computer or read magazines to help us learn how to shoot ooze better

Afterwards, we go around, oozing everyone in town. Everyone loves our ooze! They also like the gun, and often want to play with it too! We're nice, so we often let them ooze us, too.. BUT MAKE SURE YOUR PARENTS DON'T CATCH YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR OOZINATOR. They say it's unnatural, but we just want to have fun!"
posted by youarenothere at 6:03 AM on May 13, 2006 [1 favorite]


I'll bet they'd sell more product if they used popular media stars in the commercial. Like, say, the Olsen Twins.
posted by sidereal at 7:34 AM on May 13, 2006


I'm probably going to regret that.
posted by sidereal at 7:34 AM on May 13, 2006


WHY did they make the ooze white and not bright green, like all good ooze is supposed to be?
posted by sonofsamiam at 8:23 AM on May 13, 2006


Every single one of those reviews was helpful to me.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:32 AM on May 13, 2006


omfg this is funny...
posted by mad_little_monkey at 12:43 PM on May 13, 2006


WHY did they make the ooze white and not bright green, like all good ooze is supposed to be?

Funny story (third hand, honest) -- a female friend watcher her first porno movie at a young age up in the attic of the house on an old TV and VCR.

The TV was so old that its Tint had gone out of whack.

Until much later in life, she was convinced that semen was the exact lime-green color you're thinking bio-ooze should be...
posted by abulafa at 12:50 PM on May 13, 2006


Come again? It isn't lime-green?

Damn, I should probably have a doctor look at this...
posted by five fresh fish at 2:02 PM on May 13, 2006


If the tint was screwed, wouldn't she wonder why the people were unnatural pallors as well, or did she assume they had some sort of leprous, porn-star specific pigmentation disease?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:44 PM on May 13, 2006


my bet is that any tinting would stain...but the idea of actually releasing a product that lets children squirt gobs of white goo on each other...well...
posted by 6am at 3:43 PM on May 13, 2006


The USA can now rightfully claim itself Bukkake Nation. I suppose there are people that consider this a proud accomplishment.

Thank you, Hasbro CEO Alfred J. Verrecchia! You deserve a 35 percent increase in the cash compensation part of your paycheque! And you deserve that $1.5 million bonus, you smart dog, you!

Thank you, too, to the innovation, creativity, and technical know-how of leading companies like Hasbro. Purchase this product, and support the USA in retaining its valuable lead in the market of pædo-bukkake weaponry! Support the pride of Made In America!
posted by five fresh fish at 3:59 PM on May 13, 2006


The amazon tag of "this gun clearly fires human semen" hasn't been removed yet.
posted by nomisxid at 3:58 PM on May 15, 2006


this post is almost, but not quite, eponysterical.
posted by Hat Maui at 3:20 AM on May 17, 2006


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