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Nature Happens
May 15, 2006 3:27 PM   Subscribe

Bear v. monkey
posted by docpops (68 comments total)

 
Yeah! I got $20 bucks on the monk....uh, never mind.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:31 PM on May 15, 2006


I can't wait to eat that monkey.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:38 PM on May 15, 2006


.
posted by Squid Voltaire at 3:40 PM on May 15, 2006


I will not post a stupid joke about eating macaque.
posted by horsewithnoname at 3:42 PM on May 15, 2006


I wonder if the Sloth bears got fed up with their eponymous stigma and will now be referred to as 'bad-ass monkey shredders'...
posted by docpops at 3:44 PM on May 15, 2006 [1 favorite]


horsewithnoname: Eating macaque isn't so bad. It's sucking macaque that makes people stare.
posted by quite unimportant at 3:47 PM on May 15, 2006


Tiger v. monkey
posted by malphigian at 3:51 PM on May 15, 2006


Colbert was right.
posted by birdherder at 3:53 PM on May 15, 2006


When I grow up, I want to be a tiger-taunting monkey.
posted by brain_drain at 3:57 PM on May 15, 2006


Monkey vs Dog
posted by jonson at 3:57 PM on May 15, 2006


Eating macaque isn't so bad

That's what I've been trying to convince the wife!
posted by jonson at 3:58 PM on May 15, 2006


The PDF that isn't linked in the article. More photos. Animal lovers beware.
posted by smackfu at 3:58 PM on May 15, 2006


First they came for the macaques. And I did nothing because I was busy taking a picture.
posted by horsewithnoname at 4:00 PM on May 15, 2006 [1 favorite]


The PDF has Dutch text a gory pic of a bear enjoying stringy monkey meat.
posted by exogenous at 4:00 PM on May 15, 2006


"a" -> "and a"
Also, I ran some of the Dutch through Babelfish and it's pretty disturbing:
Under loud clamour and din by it being been scared publicly roar to understand given the poor monkey with rests to leave. The bear macaque small in proportion in panic by fright wire the gracht has jumped in but in the accompanied going fall of wire has gone with. Violently shocking state the macaque to its shoulders in water whereas the volt hunts by him gone. A terrifying schouwspel against which most of the parents protect their children. Roar lijken stand look on them the monkey clearly to want on a small distance and with a combination of bladders and spit make that it is its own debt. "then you had but must remain on your own country!", lijken want say them in the eyes of our people.
posted by exogenous at 4:04 PM on May 15, 2006


Tiger v. monkey

Omigod, thank you for that. A nice reminder that the park's statement, "they are and remain wild animals," can mean hilarious play as well as awful death.
posted by mediareport at 4:08 PM on May 15, 2006


Eating macaque isn't so bad (quite unimportant)
...
That's what I've been trying to convince the wife! (jonson)

jonson, does your wife even know quite unimportant?
posted by gurple at 4:12 PM on May 15, 2006


.
posted by annieb at 4:18 PM on May 15, 2006


Cat v. Bear (at about 56 seconds).
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 4:22 PM on May 15, 2006


Godless killing machines without a soul.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 4:23 PM on May 15, 2006


Monkeyfilter
posted by fatbobsmith at 4:31 PM on May 15, 2006


Some nasty detais from the Dutch text:

The poor creature stood in the water for a while getting electroduted by the fence.
Those bears usually eat only termites and fruit. Yet three of them went nuts and tore the monkey to pieces and devoured it in a could of dust.

Goodnight!
posted by beno at 4:38 PM on May 15, 2006


cloud
posted by beno at 4:38 PM on May 15, 2006


Great video Lazlo! The cat and dog punching each other was priceless.
posted by parallax7d at 4:40 PM on May 15, 2006


Wow, monkeys and bears are cool. Maybe we shouldn't let them go extinct after all...

frustrated sarcasm directed at no one in particular
posted by salvia at 4:41 PM on May 15, 2006


Already read it on fark. It was sad.

.
posted by twiggy at 4:53 PM on May 15, 2006 [1 favorite]


From the first link:

the harmony was temporarily disturbed

Yes, that's how I like to describe the Vietnam War.
posted by languagehat at 4:59 PM on May 15, 2006


... and, in other news, exogenous has discovered the long-lost first draft of Lucky's speech from Waiting for Godot.
posted by eritain at 5:24 PM on May 15, 2006


Conan v. Bear
posted by azaner at 5:33 PM on May 15, 2006


Imperialistic European empires have conscripted massive armies of Gorillas and Chimps in an effort to locate the hidden laboratory fortress of the great ape king DR. CONGO.


posted by parallax7d at 5:35 PM on May 15, 2006


(from salvia's link)
posted by parallax7d at 5:36 PM on May 15, 2006


terrifying_schouwspel

This will go under 'T' in my new book, Name Your Sock Puppet While You're Drinking.
posted by maryh at 5:49 PM on May 15, 2006 [1 favorite]


DAMN IT!!!

My roommate and I have a running argument: If humans die out, who will in the battle for top species, monkeys or bears? I always maintained that monkeys could use their superior agility, intelligence, and tool using skills to compensate for their puny size, but now i'm having my doubts. This is especially disheartening. Poor little bugger.
(all links are youtube movie links. the second one is kinda violent)
posted by es_de_bah at 5:58 PM on May 15, 2006


Well if humans die out I'm pretty sure the monkeys and bears go with us. Even if a plauge kills off 100% of humanity you know we will nuke this ball to the stone age before we let those lousy bears take over the planet.
posted by parallax7d at 6:05 PM on May 15, 2006


quit peeing on my zootastic apocolytpic parade, parallax7d!!!
posted by es_de_bah at 6:07 PM on May 15, 2006


So does this mean that the Bear goes on to face the Robot in the semifinal round?
posted by briank at 6:09 PM on May 15, 2006


damn, dirty bears!
posted by squasha at 6:16 PM on May 15, 2006


Could a typical young macaque, armed only with a knife, (say, six or eight inches long) be trained to consistently "win" fights with a grizzly bear? Assume no element of surprise.
posted by ikkyu2 at 6:22 PM on May 15, 2006


es_de_bah:

I don't think bears have much of a shot, really. They aren't particularly intelligent as animals go, and aren't really that well adapted for tool use. Also, they're non-social. Monkeys are widespread enough in Africa and Asia that they'll probably make it through humanity's death throes, assuming any macrobiotic life survives, so they're the most likely torch-carriers.

Other forerunners for the next sentient species are cetaceans and the more advanced mollusks (octopuses and squids are quite intelligent for animals and well equipped for tool use.)
posted by Mitrovarr at 6:29 PM on May 15, 2006


More photos. Animal lovers beware.

'Animal lovers' don't believe that animals eat each other? Animal lovers need to wise up.

And maryh wins the thread!
posted by Slithy_Tove at 6:35 PM on May 15, 2006


Hey, that's nature. What do folks expect -- wild animals to sit around the campfire holding hands and singing kumbaya?

There was a time when I enjoyed visiting zoos. The zoo in Cincinatti was an annual trip at one point. And I've been to the Baltimore Zoo many times as a child and a few times as an adult.

But then I came to my senses. Why are these animals stuck in some artificial environment for snot nosed kids and their parents to gawk at? Let them entertain themselves some other way. Jeezus.
posted by bim at 6:50 PM on May 15, 2006


The tiger vs. monkey vid was great. Wich it was in higher res. Brachiation is nature's coolest mode of locomotion. I wish I could be a gibbon for a day.
posted by Crotalus at 6:57 PM on May 15, 2006


I hate monkeys.

fuckers...
posted by c13 at 7:02 PM on May 15, 2006


What about Bear v Shark?
posted by birdherder at 7:03 PM on May 15, 2006


monkey vs. robot
posted by thejoshu at 7:04 PM on May 15, 2006


I was at the zoo in DC and saw several young chimps chase and almost catch a squirrel. Didn't catch him, damnit.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:15 PM on May 15, 2006


If humans die out, who will in the battle for top species, monkeys or bears?

If movies have taught me anything, it is humans will only die out because someone creates a breed of monkey/bear hybrids who then run amok. So the bonkeys (or grizzrillas, or orangubears) will inherit the earth after they're done bashing in our heads and feasting on our brain-goo.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:24 PM on May 15, 2006


What about Bear v Shark?

Bear apparently wins.
posted by azaner at 7:41 PM on May 15, 2006


The macaque is not being televised.
posted by cellphone at 7:55 PM on May 15, 2006


Monkey style coitus interruptus
posted by hortense at 8:00 PM on May 15, 2006


poor baby
posted by RustyBottoms at 8:11 PM on May 15, 2006


Crab vs. pipe.
posted by Wet Spot at 8:12 PM on May 15, 2006


Yikes. glad that didn't happen while I was at the zoo.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 8:15 PM on May 15, 2006


It's Monkey Payback time. Just you watch. Give 'em a couple of days.
posted by sidereal at 8:22 PM on May 15, 2006


Joe and Monkey
posted by blue_beetle at 8:28 PM on May 15, 2006


Is this part of their enrichment program? For the monkeys, not so much.
posted by overanxious ducksqueezer at 8:49 PM on May 15, 2006


I don't think bears have much of a shot, really. They aren't particularly intelligent as animals go

Only some primates are smart, lemurs are about as intelligent as cheese. Most of the smaller monkeys are about squirrel-ish. Bears are really pretty smart and widely distributed plus they sleep all winter so if we nuke the place in November-ish they will have a distinct advantage.
posted by fshgrl at 8:50 PM on May 15, 2006


Meanwhile, the reaction from the macaque community was mixed.


poor monkey :(
posted by squeak at 9:15 PM on May 15, 2006


Dark portrait Howdie.
posted by hortense at 9:25 PM on May 15, 2006


Bear vs. man.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:45 PM on May 15, 2006


Bear vs. man.
posted by jonson at 11:17 PM on May 15, 2006


Deer vs. man.
posted by maryh at 11:49 PM on May 15, 2006


bear v. monkey
posted by joshuaconner at 12:23 AM on May 16, 2006


O RLY?

Unfortunately, no video.
posted by IronLizard at 2:02 AM on May 16, 2006


The bear spanked the monkey.
posted by rhymer at 5:34 AM on May 16, 2006


I used to live near the Minnesota Zoo, in Apple Valley MN. We'd hear stories about the enclosure for the Siberian tigers. They had about a 10 acre area, complete with a natural pond. And what came into the tiger enclosure never left the tiger enclosure. I heard stories about peacocks, woodchucks, ducks, Canadian geese (people from suburbs usually cheer when they hear about that) meeting instant dismemberment. It seems that the waterfowl assume they're safe out on the water, plus they've never seen a predator that can move or leap like that. A running leap for a big cat like that is easily 30 feet+. And because they're bred in captivity and don't know what to do with a corpse after they kill it, they usually just leave it there or toss it in a corner.

The best legend was of two swans, flying into the tiger area and softly landing in the pond. A group of girl scouts are right there and are impressed by the beautiful swans. One of the tigers comes creeping through the tall grass and launches into the pond. The swans never knew what hit them. And apparently when a big cat plucks the head off a long-necked waterfowl, the blood kinda fountains up. Exit a troop of screaming, bawling girl scouts. I hope the kids got some kind of grief counseling.

The zoo had cross country ski trails in the winter. They used to run an ad that featured a photo of a tiger surrounded by snowflakes and licking its lips. The caption read: So, how fast can you ski? Now they sell it as a poster. I love it when a zoo has a sense of humor.
posted by Ber at 5:46 AM on May 16, 2006


Eaten by 3 bears eh? Porridge not good enough anymore?
posted by terrymiles at 3:11 PM on May 16, 2006


The lion enclosure at the DC zoo had a resident duck family a few years back; dunno if it's still there. Mama and babies would swim happily around the moat, safely behind the electric wire. The lions didn't seem to even notice them. Never saw that in the tiger area, though.
posted by MrMoonPie at 9:58 AM on May 19, 2006


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