Comments on: Nature Happens

Nature Happens

docpops — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:27:52 -0800

Bear v. monkey

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:31:12 -0800

Yeah! I got $20 bucks on the monk....uh, never mind.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:38:52 -0800

I can't wait to eat that monkey.

By: Squid Voltaire

Squid Voltaire — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:40:07 -0800

By: horsewithnoname

horsewithnoname — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:42:26 -0800

I will not post a stupid joke about eating macaque.

By: docpops

docpops — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:44:42 -0800

I wonder if the Sloth bears got fed up with their eponymous stigma and will now be referred to as 'bad-ass monkey shredders'...

By: quite unimportant

quite unimportant — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:47:44 -0800

horsewithnoname: Eating macaque isn't so bad. It's sucking macaque that makes people stare.

By: malphigian

malphigian — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:51:02 -0800

Tiger v. monkey

By: birdherder

birdherder — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:53:39 -0800

Colbert was right.

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:57:02 -0800

When I grow up, I want to be a tiger-taunting monkey.

By: jonson

jonson — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:57:20 -0800

Monkey vs Dog

By: jonson

jonson — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:58:25 -0800

Eating macaque isn't so bad That's what I've been trying to convince the wife!

By: smackfu

smackfu — Mon, 15 May 2006 15:58:35 -0800

The PDF that isn't linked in the article. More photos. Animal lovers beware.

By: horsewithnoname

horsewithnoname — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:00:25 -0800

First they came for the macaques. And I did nothing because I was busy taking a picture.

By: exogenous

exogenous — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:00:40 -0800

The PDF has Dutch text a gory pic of a bear enjoying stringy monkey meat.

By: exogenous

exogenous — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:04:47 -0800

"a" -> "and a" Also, I ran some of the Dutch through Babelfish and it's pretty disturbing: Under loud clamour and din by it being been scared publicly roar to understand given the poor monkey with rests to leave. The bear macaque small in proportion in panic by fright wire the gracht has jumped in but in the accompanied going fall of wire has gone with. Violently shocking state the macaque to its shoulders in water whereas the volt hunts by him gone. A terrifying schouwspel against which most of the parents protect their children. Roar lijken stand look on them the monkey clearly to want on a small distance and with a combination of bladders and spit make that it is its own debt. "then you had but must remain on your own country!", lijken want say them in the eyes of our people.

By: mediareport

mediareport — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:08:24 -0800

Tiger v. monkey Omigod, thank you for that. A nice reminder that the park's statement, "they are and remain wild animals," can mean hilarious play as well as awful death.

By: gurple

gurple — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:12:52 -0800

Eating macaque isn't so bad (quite unimportant) ... That's what I've been trying to convince the wife! (jonson) jonson, does your wife even know quite unimportant?

By: annieb

annieb — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:18:27 -0800

By: Lazlo Hollyfeld

Lazlo Hollyfeld — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:22:01 -0800

Cat v. Bear (at about 56 seconds).

By: furiousxgeorge

furiousxgeorge — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:23:09 -0800

Godless killing machines without a soul.

By: fatbobsmith

fatbobsmith — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:31:33 -0800

Monkeyfilter

By: beno

beno — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:38:20 -0800

Some nasty detais from the Dutch text: The poor creature stood in the water for a while getting electroduted by the fence. Those bears usually eat only termites and fruit. Yet three of them went nuts and tore the monkey to pieces and devoured it in a could of dust. Goodnight!

By: beno

beno — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:38:54 -0800

cloud

By: parallax7d

parallax7d — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:40:05 -0800

Great video Lazlo! The cat and dog punching each other was priceless.

By: salvia

salvia — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:41:16 -0800

Wow, monkeys and bears are cool. Maybe we shouldn't let them go extinct after all... frustrated sarcasm directed at no one in particular

By: twiggy

twiggy — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:53:36 -0800

Already read it on fark. It was sad. .

By: languagehat

languagehat — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:59:49 -0800

From the first link: the harmony was temporarily disturbed Yes, that's how I like to describe the Vietnam War.

By: eritain

eritain — Mon, 15 May 2006 17:24:04 -0800

... and, in other news, exogenous has discovered the long-lost first draft of Lucky's speech from Waiting for Godot.

By: azaner

azaner — Mon, 15 May 2006 17:33:20 -0800

Conan v. Bear

By: parallax7d

parallax7d — Mon, 15 May 2006 17:35:29 -0800

Imperialistic European empires have conscripted massive armies of Gorillas and Chimps in an effort to locate the hidden laboratory fortress of the great ape king DR. CONGO.

By: parallax7d

parallax7d — Mon, 15 May 2006 17:36:11 -0800

(from salvia's link)

By: maryh

maryh — Mon, 15 May 2006 17:49:05 -0800

terrifying_schouwspel This will go under 'T' in my new book, Name Your Sock Puppet While You're Drinking.

By: es_de_bah

es_de_bah — Mon, 15 May 2006 17:58:16 -0800

DAMN IT!!! My roommate and I have a running argument: If humans die out, who will in the battle for top species, monkeys or bears? I always maintained that monkeys could use their superior agility, intelligence, and tool using skills to compensate for their puny size, but now i'm having my doubts. This is especially disheartening. Poor little bugger. (all links are youtube movie links. the second one is kinda violent)

By: parallax7d

parallax7d — Mon, 15 May 2006 18:05:14 -0800

Well if humans die out I'm pretty sure the monkeys and bears go with us. Even if a plauge kills off 100% of humanity you know we will nuke this ball to the stone age before we let those lousy bears take over the planet.

By: es_de_bah

es_de_bah — Mon, 15 May 2006 18:07:33 -0800

quit peeing on my zootastic apocolytpic parade, parallax7d!!!

By: briank

briank — Mon, 15 May 2006 18:09:11 -0800

So does this mean that the Bear goes on to face the Robot in the semifinal round?

By: squasha

squasha — Mon, 15 May 2006 18:16:31 -0800

damn, dirty bears!

By: ikkyu2

ikkyu2 — Mon, 15 May 2006 18:22:19 -0800

Could a typical young macaque, armed only with a knife, (say, six or eight inches long) be trained to consistently "win" fights with a grizzly bear? Assume no element of surprise.

By: Mitrovarr

Mitrovarr — Mon, 15 May 2006 18:29:59 -0800

es_de_bah: I don't think bears have much of a shot, really. They aren't particularly intelligent as animals go, and aren't really that well adapted for tool use. Also, they're non-social. Monkeys are widespread enough in Africa and Asia that they'll probably make it through humanity's death throes, assuming any macrobiotic life survives, so they're the most likely torch-carriers. Other forerunners for the next sentient species are cetaceans and the more advanced mollusks (octopuses and squids are quite intelligent for animals and well equipped for tool use.)

By: Slithy_Tove

Slithy_Tove — Mon, 15 May 2006 18:35:32 -0800

More photos. Animal lovers beware. 'Animal lovers' don't believe that animals eat each other? Animal lovers need to wise up. And maryh wins the thread!

By: bim

bim — Mon, 15 May 2006 18:50:00 -0800

Hey, that's nature. What do folks expect -- wild animals to sit around the campfire holding hands and singing kumbaya? There was a time when I enjoyed visiting zoos. The zoo in Cincinatti was an annual trip at one point. And I've been to the Baltimore Zoo many times as a child and a few times as an adult. But then I came to my senses. Why are these animals stuck in some artificial environment for snot nosed kids and their parents to gawk at? Let them entertain themselves some other way. Jeezus.

By: Crotalus

Crotalus — Mon, 15 May 2006 18:57:45 -0800

The tiger vs. monkey vid was great. Wich it was in higher res. Brachiation is nature's coolest mode of locomotion. I wish I could be a gibbon for a day.

By: c13

c13 — Mon, 15 May 2006 19:02:04 -0800

I hate monkeys. fuckers...

By: birdherder

birdherder — Mon, 15 May 2006 19:03:53 -0800

What about Bear v Shark?

By: thejoshu

thejoshu — Mon, 15 May 2006 19:04:22 -0800

monkey vs. robot

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Mon, 15 May 2006 19:15:23 -0800

I was at the zoo in DC and saw several young chimps chase and almost catch a squirrel. Didn't catch him, damnit.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Mon, 15 May 2006 19:24:56 -0800

If humans die out, who will in the battle for top species, monkeys or bears? If movies have taught me anything, it is humans will only die out because someone creates a breed of monkey/bear hybrids who then run amok. So the bonkeys (or grizzrillas, or orangubears) will inherit the earth after they're done bashing in our heads and feasting on our brain-goo.

By: azaner

azaner — Mon, 15 May 2006 19:41:24 -0800

What about Bear v Shark? Bear apparently wins.

By: cellphone

cellphone — Mon, 15 May 2006 19:55:24 -0800

The macaque is not being televised.

By: hortense

hortense — Mon, 15 May 2006 20:00:55 -0800

Monkey style coitus interruptus

By: RustyBottoms

RustyBottoms — Mon, 15 May 2006 20:11:08 -0800

poor baby

By: Wet Spot

Wet Spot — Mon, 15 May 2006 20:12:23 -0800

Crab vs. pipe.

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Mon, 15 May 2006 20:15:33 -0800

Yikes. glad that didn't happen while I was at the zoo.

By: sidereal

sidereal — Mon, 15 May 2006 20:22:49 -0800

It's Monkey Payback time. Just you watch. Give 'em a couple of days.

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Mon, 15 May 2006 20:28:03 -0800

Joe and Monkey

By: overanxious ducksqueezer

overanxious ducksqueezer — Mon, 15 May 2006 20:49:23 -0800

Is this part of their enrichment program? For the monkeys, not so much.

By: fshgrl

fshgrl — Mon, 15 May 2006 20:50:46 -0800

I don't think bears have much of a shot, really. They aren't particularly intelligent as animals go Only some primates are smart, lemurs are about as intelligent as cheese. Most of the smaller monkeys are about squirrel-ish. Bears are really pretty smart and widely distributed plus they sleep all winter so if we nuke the place in November-ish they will have a distinct advantage.

By: squeak

squeak — Mon, 15 May 2006 21:15:03 -0800

Meanwhile, the reaction from the macaque community was mixed. poor monkey :(

By: hortense

hortense — Mon, 15 May 2006 21:25:14 -0800

Dark portrait Howdie.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Mon, 15 May 2006 22:45:08 -0800

Bear vs. man.

By: jonson

jonson — Mon, 15 May 2006 23:17:45 -0800

Bear vs. man.

By: maryh

maryh — Mon, 15 May 2006 23:49:09 -0800

Deer vs. man.

By: joshuaconner

joshuaconner — Tue, 16 May 2006 00:23:36 -0800

bear v. monkey

By: IronLizard

IronLizard — Tue, 16 May 2006 02:02:29 -0800

O RLY? Unfortunately, no video.

By: rhymer

rhymer — Tue, 16 May 2006 05:34:16 -0800

The bear spanked the monkey.

By: Ber

Ber — Tue, 16 May 2006 05:46:19 -0800

I used to live near the Minnesota Zoo, in Apple Valley MN. We'd hear stories about the enclosure for the Siberian tigers. They had about a 10 acre area, complete with a natural pond. And what came into the tiger enclosure never left the tiger enclosure. I heard stories about peacocks, woodchucks, ducks, Canadian geese (people from suburbs usually cheer when they hear about that) meeting instant dismemberment. It seems that the waterfowl assume they're safe out on the water, plus they've never seen a predator that can move or leap like that. A running leap for a big cat like that is easily 30 feet+. And because they're bred in captivity and don't know what to do with a corpse after they kill it, they usually just leave it there or toss it in a corner. The best legend was of two swans, flying into the tiger area and softly landing in the pond. A group of girl scouts are right there and are impressed by the beautiful swans. One of the tigers comes creeping through the tall grass and launches into the pond. The swans never knew what hit them. And apparently when a big cat plucks the head off a long-necked waterfowl, the blood kinda fountains up. Exit a troop of screaming, bawling girl scouts. I hope the kids got some kind of grief counseling. The zoo had cross country ski trails in the winter. They used to run an ad that featured a photo of a tiger surrounded by snowflakes and licking its lips. The caption read: So, how fast can you ski? Now they sell it as a poster. I love it when a zoo has a sense of humor.

By: terrymiles

terrymiles — Tue, 16 May 2006 15:11:52 -0800

Eaten by 3 bears eh? Porridge not good enough anymore?

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Fri, 19 May 2006 09:58:41 -0800

The lion enclosure at the DC zoo had a resident duck family a few years back; dunno if it's still there. Mama and babies would swim happily around the moat, safely behind the electric wire. The lions didn't seem to even notice them. Never saw that in the tiger area, though.