28 inch biceps go pop
May 28, 2006 6:33 PM   Subscribe

What happens when you build your biceps up to 28 inches? Greg Valentino, the "most hated man in bodybuilding" could curl 300 pounds. Then his biceps popped (youtube). Another interview with the good Mr. Valentino.
posted by Rumple (77 comments total)
 
That is so fucking nasty.
posted by loquacious at 6:40 PM on May 28, 2006


I'm not going to click on that youtube link until it says SFW/NSFW on it. That's a little too horrible-sounding to just go in cold.
posted by blacklite at 6:40 PM on May 28, 2006


Yeah..., I saw the first few frames of the youtube link and bailed before the nastiness happened.
posted by LordSludge at 6:45 PM on May 28, 2006


Let me put it this way, blacklite -- to ensure you're adequately prepared for viewing that video, I recommend staring at goatse 1 hr/day for a month, then upgrading to 2 hrs/day tubgirl for two months. You may now watch the 1st 10 seconds or so of the video with a reasonably low risk of vomiting out your insides. After the 1st 10 seconds, return to an intensive continuous two-week session of staring at tubgirl/goatse alternated before you at strobe speed while your eyes are held open a la Clockwork Orange. After this, you stand a good 95% chance of surviving the rest of the bicep video.
posted by Krrrlson at 6:46 PM on May 28, 2006


ewwwwwwwwwwww
posted by pyramid termite at 6:46 PM on May 28, 2006


Oh god

Krrrlson was not kidding

Please tag this nsfw
posted by thirteenkiller at 6:47 PM on May 28, 2006


Once you pop, you can't stop.
posted by Jimbob at 6:48 PM on May 28, 2006


Krrrlson, thanks for that warning. I came dangerously close.

The "most hated man in bodybuilding" interview is really interesting. I don't think I'd be able to be that, er, incisive talking to a man with two-foot arms.
posted by danb at 6:48 PM on May 28, 2006


I started watching it, but when he started talking about his bicep being like "a giant zit" I had to escape before the inevitable. Don't do steroids, ugh.
posted by tracicle at 6:50 PM on May 28, 2006


This is what you get for all your hard training, saying your prayers, and eating you vitamins...

brotha...
posted by Dreamghost at 6:51 PM on May 28, 2006


This (links to a NSFW link) might be the best preparation for the video (which really isn't that bad ya know.
posted by Rumple at 6:52 PM on May 28, 2006


Yeah, the bicep isn't as bad as that penis.

Nothing is.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:54 PM on May 28, 2006


I would think if he is so freak badazz he would give the SU-FI here.
posted by RubberHen at 6:54 PM on May 28, 2006


The video wasn't that bad. (That is unless I watched the wrong one...) It's from TLC after all.
posted by phyrewerx at 7:01 PM on May 28, 2006


Hell you guys are more gutsy than me. I bailed as soon as I saw the syringe stuck in there in like the first 10 seconds. Ugh.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:01 PM on May 28, 2006


Horribly fascinating. A damn fine post.
posted by brain_drain at 7:06 PM on May 28, 2006


Yeah, after all the warnings, I was underwhelmed. It's not really gross. Just a little blood trickling down his biceps, and some spattered blood on the floor.

The Youtube link crapped out on me at 1:08; here's a Google Video link.
posted by jayder at 7:06 PM on May 28, 2006


I'm at home, and there's no way I'm clicking on that. I know where my squick kicks in.

We have an answer to "How big is too big" now, if we didn't before. (Also, I'm glad this wasn't Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. That would have been a little sad.)
posted by chicobangs at 7:28 PM on May 28, 2006


Since steroids abuse cause impotence, does he qualify for a Darwin?
posted by cardoso at 7:29 PM on May 28, 2006


Yeah, basically a little bloodletting. Not a problem for folks who aren't squeamish about that kinda thing.

For folks who are, it'd be better to avoid.
posted by darkstar at 7:34 PM on May 28, 2006


The first link has a picture of stitches on a large left bicep. I suspect that tells me everything I need to know about the video.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:38 PM on May 28, 2006


My biceps are, I think, adequate to play the world's tiniest violin for this guy.
posted by Tarn at 7:39 PM on May 28, 2006


The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show...
posted by bardic at 7:42 PM on May 28, 2006


When shown a Youtube link talking about a bicep "popping", I was expecting something like a balloon.

What a letdown.
posted by kafziel at 7:44 PM on May 28, 2006


Oh GROSS!!!

That nightmare penis link (seriously NSFW but maybe not safe period) referred to by Rumple (why did I look?) is like elephantiasis or hydrocele gone wrong (not ok if you're already feeling ill).
posted by nickyskye at 7:49 PM on May 28, 2006


f**k any cunt bag

Strange editorial stance bodybuilding.com takes on swearing.

Fascinating post by the way - though, I too, will avoid the youtube link.
posted by meech at 7:50 PM on May 28, 2006


I was expecting a rotten.com-esque explosion of his bicep and subsequent bloody and gutsy mess. At least on rotten a train would have run over his head.

Even so, that guy's arms still make me a little nauseous.
posted by jsteffa at 7:52 PM on May 28, 2006


When shown a Youtube link talking about a bicep "popping", I was expecting something like a balloon.

What a letdown.


No kidding.
posted by j-urb at 8:01 PM on May 28, 2006


It isn't that bad. Jesus. They don't even show that much blood. They talk about (but don't show) "filling two glasses with blood and pus": that might have beed tough to watch...
posted by mr_roboto at 8:01 PM on May 28, 2006


Color me underwhelmed.
posted by dmd at 8:09 PM on May 28, 2006


Something about that guys muscles don't look real. It's like huge, awkward bulges; they don't even look strong, just comical.

And I'm saying it's him in particular; the cartoonishly big dudes in muscle mags do always look intimidatingly strong to me. This guy just looks like balloons inflated under his skin.
posted by dgaicun at 8:14 PM on May 28, 2006


The guy is self-absorbed and has an odd sense of priority and self worth, but I meet ten guys on a weekday I hate more than this guy...

Bodybuilders are a different breed
posted by Deep Dish at 8:27 PM on May 28, 2006



posted by dhartung at 8:30 PM on May 28, 2006 [1 favorite]


"Both artist and medium" goes the cliche...this guy's mediocre in both aspects.
posted by pax digita at 8:43 PM on May 28, 2006


That video isn't nearly as bad as you guys made it out to be. It's not like they actually show his bicep popping or anything.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:13 PM on May 28, 2006


dhartung, I just laughed so hard I nearly threw up.
posted by fusinski at 9:25 PM on May 28, 2006


dhartung wins.
posted by davidmsc at 9:30 PM on May 28, 2006


dhartung: What is this now, Fark?

/is waiting for metafilter to have its own cliche
////really hates overused fark cliches
////////////will probably never escape them
posted by taursir at 9:31 PM on May 28, 2006


dumb motherfucker.
posted by fungible at 9:42 PM on May 28, 2006


MetaFilter: I never got no nut shrinkage... They were still the size of eggs.
posted by Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson at 9:52 PM on May 28, 2006


dgaicun: That's because, apparently, he used a type of bodybuilding oil called synthol that is injected directly into the muscle fiber to increase its mass. So, basically, his muscles are in part like balloons, except that they're filled with some synthetic fatty acid. Gross.
posted by invitapriore at 10:07 PM on May 28, 2006


Body dysmorphic disorder.
posted by gallois at 10:30 PM on May 28, 2006


Poor guy feels terribly self conscious about that itty bitty scar on his arm, he should worry more about his height and hair. The damn bicep never went pop, even after 20 minutes of stabbing with a syringe! Sod all that working out murlarky I'll stick to filling my scrotum with silicone. 150 cc and counting.
posted by econous at 10:34 PM on May 28, 2006


injected directly into the muscle fiber

Well, there you go. For something to pop, be it a zit or a bicep, a water balloon or a gas tank, it needs to be a reservoir of fluid or gas contained in some breachable material (like a layer of skin), and to be put under pressure greater than the material can contain. Normal muscles don't contain such reservoirs, although it could happen to a cyst.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 10:54 PM on May 28, 2006


Okay, I watched it. What a fucknut. But, yeah, sfw.
posted by blacklite at 11:06 PM on May 28, 2006


aeschenkarnos... so minus the steroids and the synthol, would it still be possible to make your bicep pop from gross over-training?
posted by banished at 11:19 PM on May 28, 2006


Good LORD! Not only are that guy's biceps disgusting looking, but the penis guy is even worse (gag). WHY??? WHY would you do that to yourself (either case)? What idiots. I think they both need therapy.
posted by AmyMay at 11:40 PM on May 28, 2006


I saw an interview with this idiot a few months ago, what a dumbass on grass. He actually thinks those ridiculous arms are appealling. But I'm sure he had his needle crew pumping his ego up just as much as his arms. Bleh, it could be worse, I know, but what a waste.

And no, I'm not really interested in clicking the link to see his arm pop.
posted by fenriq at 11:46 PM on May 28, 2006


The pictures of his bicepts before popping are disgusting. I will never understand that particular disorder...
posted by Dunwitty at 11:47 PM on May 28, 2006


As much as those guns give me the heebie jeebies, I can't really criticize the desire to look like that. It's basically the same as any other kind of body mod, from piercing to sex change. I may not dig it, but to each their own. It's the way he goes about it that is unhealthy.
posted by brundlefly at 11:56 PM on May 28, 2006


I can't really criticize the desire to look like that.

I can. That's gross. And all because he stopped growing at 5'6".

It's basically the same as any other kind of body mod, from piercing to sex change.

Yep. Other links I won't click.
posted by pracowity at 12:23 AM on May 29, 2006


Honestly, the video is NOT that bad. You can see much worse on an episode of CSI.
posted by papakwanz at 12:35 AM on May 29, 2006


Grotesque.

And I'm not talking about the needle.
posted by bwg at 1:23 AM on May 29, 2006


He fails cause he want's to drive a Porsche, and he don't. Compensation for other things and all that.
posted by bardic at 1:24 AM on May 29, 2006


I was more grossed out by his biceps, PERIOD, than the popping of them. I mean, to each their own, but that just looks BIZARRE.
posted by antifuse at 1:53 AM on May 29, 2006


God, there's no way in hell I'm clicking that video link.
posted by JHarris at 1:59 AM on May 29, 2006


antifuse: "I was more grossed out by his biceps, PERIOD, than the popping of them. I mean, to each their own, but that just looks BIZARRE."

Yep, that's exactly what I thought. I mean, different strokes for different folks and all that, but near the end of the video he started complaining about the "scar" that had left him with a dimple in his muscle mass and I couldn't for the life of me see how the one side of his body, covered with those grotesque lumps of pseudo-muscle tissue, differed from the other. It just looks as if he's trying to smuggle oranges subcutaneously on both of his arms; it's so far removed from a "normal" arm that I just cannot focus on details like that.

And I keep wondering how anyone could ever think that self-surgery could have any advantages over the professional kind.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 3:44 AM on May 29, 2006


Then his biceps popped.

And by "popped" what is meant is that he got an infection because he used dirty needles. He then used a syringe to try to drain the infection. When that didn't work, he went to the hospital and got cut to drain the infection.

Pop pop pop.
posted by Bort at 4:54 AM on May 29, 2006


I keep waiting for Barry Bonds' head to do something similar. That melon is looking swollen and ready to go at any minute.
posted by Frank Grimes at 5:37 AM on May 29, 2006


PontifexPrimus: It just looks as if he's trying to smuggle oranges subcutaneously on both of his arms

Oranges? More like melons of some description.
posted by antifuse at 7:35 AM on May 29, 2006


You know, while it isn't very graphic, I am finding myself, an hour after watching it, becoming increasingly queasy. And I have a high tolerance for this kind of stuff.
posted by ghastlyfop at 7:47 AM on May 29, 2006


Anyone notice anything unusual about this fella? I can't quite put my finger on it.
posted by Robson at 8:16 AM on May 29, 2006 [1 favorite]


Some more pictures of Valentino, over the years. He was still pretty huge, even before he started using steroids. Though he wasn't "As seen in X4: The Attack of the Arms" big.
posted by antifuse at 8:48 AM on May 29, 2006


I think guys who naturally have bigger nipples are more prone to getting bitch tits than guys with small nipples. I always had small nipples. I have a lot of theories on shit.

awesome
posted by nomad at 9:14 AM on May 29, 2006


As was said by brundlefly, yes there is no point in criticizing the look as there are far worse/different forms of self mutilation/modification out there. But in the grand scheme of things what happens to that body if you live to be 80 or so? Not everyone will continue to look "fabulous" and eating 7000 calories a day to support a body at that age... well... doesn't sound too healthy to me.
posted by pezdacanuck at 9:21 AM on May 29, 2006


Metafilter: More prone to getting bitch tits.
posted by papakwanz at 10:51 AM on May 29, 2006


That penis was really bizarre. Part of me wonders why on earth someone would want to do that, the rest of me is quite glad to never ever know.

(And yeah, those biceps were gross, but I was hoping to see them actually POP. I was a little underwhelmed. Still grossed out, but underwhelmed.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:56 AM on May 29, 2006


I can't see why anyone would need arms thicker than thier own waist- it looks he's carrying two pigs on his shoulders.
posted by D J Robertstein at 10:58 AM on May 29, 2006


My husband, who has worked out (steroid free) for twenty six years relayed the following to me after I shared this with him: "I don't talk much to people in the gym when I go-I'm there to work out. I love bodybuilding, and it is part of who I am. But if I saw this dude in the gym, I'd take my headphones off, walk over to him, and tell him "What the fuck, you sick bastard!! I daresay I'd never call anyone a freak, but here you stand."
posted by annieb at 4:30 PM on May 29, 2006


Holy shit, he used to be human. Quick, somebody Quantum Leap back to that shit and set the universe right again.
posted by dgaicun at 9:18 PM on May 29, 2006


As discussed before, although the site cited in the FPP (Valentino's Bicepmania.com) no longer exists, so this isn't a double.
posted by TedW at 10:11 AM on May 30, 2006


Oh, thanks TedW. Don't know how I missed that -- maybe its the 'Greg' vs. 'Gregg' spelling -- probably didn't search just on 'Valentino'.
posted by Rumple at 10:40 AM on May 30, 2006


Whoa! That interview was really interesting.
posted by OmieWise at 12:07 PM on May 30, 2006


Freaky Legs, too.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:03 PM on June 2, 2006


OK, that's just creepy, fff. The music totally adds to the creepiness, too.
posted by brundlefly at 12:14 AM on June 3, 2006


When the fish down the pants make their way under the skin. Eeeeew.
posted by Rumple at 9:01 AM on June 3, 2006


We need a freak who not only has 28 biceps and 48 inch thighs, but a silicone-injected penis and huge man-tits.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:08 AM on June 3, 2006


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