"Oh that."

June 7, 2006 12:58 PM

Christopher Hitchens, grumpy political type, on the blow job.
posted by Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson (63 comments total)

[NSFW-- text. In case that bears pointing out.]
posted by Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson at 1:02 PM on June 7, 2006

Well, they say "write what you know." At least it keeps him away from explaining how the US has permanently "routed" the Taliban in Afghanistan.
posted by soyjoy at 1:04 PM on June 7, 2006

Hitchens thinks people think blowjobs are too gay to talk about?

Well Hitchens also thinks Ahmen Chalabi cracked Iranian diplomatic codes all by himself too. So whatever.

And he's also saying that blowjobs are more popular now then they were in the past? Absurd.
posted by delmoi at 1:06 PM on June 7, 2006

This sentence is great:

"When you get to Da Nang ask for Mickey Mouth—she does the best blow job in South-East Asia."
posted by Mean Mr. Bucket at 1:06 PM on June 7, 2006

And yeah just look at sex art, blowjobs have been around longer than homosexuality.
posted by Mean Mr. Bucket at 1:06 PM on June 7, 2006

There's no job like a blowjob, there's no job, I know...
posted by jonmc at 1:09 PM on June 7, 2006

"I think next week I'll be able to send some more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin."
posted by Jart at 1:13 PM on June 7, 2006

It's because of shit like this that makes it really hard for me to dislike Christopher Hitchens, as much as I'd like to.
posted by stemlot at 1:26 PM on June 7, 2006

The illusion of the tonsilized clitoris will probably never die (and gay men like to keep their tonsils for a reason that I would not dream of mentioning)

Anyone dream of mentioning? And that's pretty coy from someone that just used a couple thousand words talking about head.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:27 PM on June 7, 2006

This soft-ball piece by the Hitch both is and isn't surprising, given another article in Vanity Fair's current issue detailing how the Niger yellowcake documents are (most likely) "black propaganda" with links to the Bush White House. Over the past year, Hitchens has used his Slate column as a soapbox to denounce Joe Wilson and assert that the "essential truth" purportedly revealed by the Niger documents is beyond reproach(here is a link to one particularly chesty article).

As a contributing editor to Vanity Fair, Hitchens surely knew about Unger's article well in advance, but apparently blowjobs are more important to him. Given his repeated assertions in his Slate column that "no one has answered him" regarding his questions on the Niger incident, it'll be interesting to see if he'll respond to someone who chose to do so within the pages of his "home" turf.
posted by Lee Marvin at 1:29 PM on June 7, 2006

To wit, this paragraph:

The United States is par excellence the country of beautiful dentistry. As one who was stretched on the grim rack of British "National Health" practice, with its gray-and-yellow fangs, its steely-wire "braces," its dark and crumbly fillings, and its shriveled and bleeding gums, I can remember barely daring to smile when I first set foot in the New World. Whereas when any sweet American girl smiled at me, I was at once bewitched and slain by the warm, moist cave of her mouth, lined with faultless white teeth and immaculate pink gums and organized around a tenderly coiled yet innocent tongue. Good grief! What else was there to think about?

I mean, it's sort of gross when you really think about who wrote it, but still...
posted by stemlot at 1:30 PM on June 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

I've got no idea who Christopher Hitchens is, but he sounds like a man seriously in need of some good head.

What is he talking about here? "Gay men like to keep their tonsils for a reason that I would not dream of mentioning". I'm gay men and I've got no idea what this is about.

PS: The Platonic Blow. Excuse the font.
posted by Nelson at 1:43 PM on June 7, 2006

It's fairly revolting how a couple people so far can read a piece about The Greatest Thing on Earth and still prefer to ride their derailing hobbyhorse of the Iraq war. How humorless can you be?
posted by dios at 1:44 PM on June 7, 2006

This would be a great title for an FPP: ""Jew Strangles Deb with Cock … Mocky Lawyer Held."
posted by dios at 1:49 PM on June 7, 2006

The Greatest Thing on Earth for guys. For girls, a variation on the everyday bulemia. One of the things that astonishes me about it is that in this so-called liberated time it's about as exciting for women as pushing a manual lawn-mower.
posted by Peach at 1:49 PM on June 7, 2006

Here's a fairly revolting thought: Chris Hitchens getting a blowjob.
posted by basicchannel at 1:51 PM on June 7, 2006

The Greatest Thing on Earth for guys. For girls, a variation on the everyday bulemia.

I don't dispute that. But how great is that for women? They can give me the Greatest Thing on Earth with such minor inconvenience! Just a few minutes!
posted by dios at 1:53 PM on June 7, 2006

"The Greatest Thing on Earth" is about right dios. The original post does itself refer to Hitchens' political writing (for good or bad) however, so the topic of discussion should be open - as long as it's related to the "Hitch".

As a man I promise to perform cunnulingual duties before/after/during receipt of "The Greatest Thing on Earth" if it makes anyone feel better.
posted by longbaugh at 1:55 PM on June 7, 2006

They can give me the Greatest Thing on Earth with such minor inconvenience! Just a few minutes!

Great. Now I've got the awful images of Hitchens and dios getting blowjobs. Thanks so much.
posted by RakDaddy at 2:00 PM on June 7, 2006

...it's about as exciting for women as pushing a manual lawn-mower.

You say that as universal fact. I'm pretty sure that isn't true for everyone.
posted by pardonyou? at 2:03 PM on June 7, 2006

Sorry about the made up spelling "cunnulingual". Got a bit tongue-tied.
posted by longbaugh at 2:05 PM on June 7, 2006

My ex-wife loves to give just ask, err.., everybody.
posted by Carbolic at 2:09 PM on June 7, 2006

Nice to see Hitchens returning to Monica Lewinsky, if only obliquely. It's like a washed up band playing variations on their old hits, because, let's face it, their latest album sucks.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 2:10 PM on June 7, 2006

Strangely, I've been looking for a manual lawn-mower in Da Nang.
posted by horsewithnoname at 2:16 PM on June 7, 2006

I think Hitch has become somewhat interesting as a critic of Anglo and American mores, if only because he's become so careless, if not reckless, in his foreign policy views (showing up to drunkenly heckle Juan Cole doesn't do much for his image).

Hitch on gay marriage (for it).

On the nanny-lobby and smoking bans in bars (against them).

Not bad here, but writing about sex is always a tough sell. And given that Hitchens makes no bones about his gay love affairs in his 20's, "coy" is a pretty good word for parts of this piece.
posted by bardic at 2:20 PM on June 7, 2006

Oral and anal sex increasing among teens abstinence defined. As for gay men and tonsils perhaps it has to do with antibody production?
posted by econous at 2:22 PM on June 7, 2006

You say that as universal fact. I'm pretty sure that isn't true for everyone.
No, I'm sure there are women who love it. But since it involves no actual erogenous zones for women (and can trigger the gag reflex), you gotta get your jollies from mental gymnastics.

Anyway, there's something pretty off-putting about the passive, uninvolved role of a male whose yearning is for the ultimate blowjob. An image kinda like the swooning female in the old romance novels. Back of hand to forehead, eyes closed, everything going black . . .

Bleah. :D
posted by Peach at 2:40 PM on June 7, 2006

The Greatest Thing on Earth for guys.

I don't recall ever having met a woman who didn't think being on the receiving end of oral sex was The Greatest Thing on Earth either.

But perhaps that's just the women who got it from me?

Besides. Blow jobs are really only the Second Greatest Things on Earth. Some women really *do* complain about doing the *true* Greatest Thing on Earth.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:42 PM on June 7, 2006

I wouldn't have thought blowjobs were Hitch's thing given the way he talks out of his ass.
posted by fleacircus at 2:43 PM on June 7, 2006

Some do, some don't. Exactly my point. And just because some do, that don't mean it's Hot Stuff for all.

We now return you to your original male-dominated programming.
posted by Peach at 2:45 PM on June 7, 2006

I prefer a little ass to mouth myself.
posted by econous at 2:56 PM on June 7, 2006

I've been doing the hard thinking for you.

Yeah, Hitch. We noticed.

Huh-huh. Huh-huh. He said hard. Huh-huh.
posted by Zozo at 2:57 PM on June 7, 2006

Great. Now I've got the awful images of Hitchens and dios

You could have an image of ParisParamus.

(Do you REALLY want that? Ask Squirrel for your copy, in case you lack one)
posted by rough ashlar at 3:05 PM on June 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

Thank you, rough_ashlar. I will now go and wash my brain in a vat of absinthe and battery acid.
posted by RakDaddy at 3:09 PM on June 7, 2006

Thank you, rough_ashlar.

You are welcome. Happy to reference deleted metafilter.
posted by rough ashlar at 3:10 PM on June 7, 2006

We now return you to your original male-dominated programming.

Thanks for checking in, Debbie Downer.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 3:13 PM on June 7, 2006

A hand job's a man's job - your job's a blow job
posted by pieisexactlythree at 3:33 PM on June 7, 2006

btw, I jiust remembered the following fantastic line from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.. "After my divorce from Luther I scraped by with baby-sitting gigs and odd jobs - mostly the jobs we call blow."
posted by Nelson at 3:52 PM on June 7, 2006

The Lolita example is irritating-- Humbert is hardly "squeamish" about revealing erotic details. The whole book is written as a subversion of obscenity: all of that sex and filth is described without his employing a single explicit profanity. One of the most interesting aspects of the whole book.

Not to run my mouth off over a small point...
posted by hermitosis at 3:59 PM on June 7, 2006

"It's because of shit like this that makes it really hard for me to dislike Christopher Hitchens, as much as I'd like to."

He's a pompous scheming drunkard. What's to like?

(from the article)
…the nation became obsessed, once again, with the subject of, well, fellatio.

That is such a crock of shit. The nation was not obsessed. The media was obsessed. The GOP was obsessed. They made it a point to ram that down everybody’s throat, then they released the Starr Report about two-weeks before the mid-term elections, thinking it would get them more seats.

If memory serves, they lost about three seats in the house and one in the senate.

Sexual repression and cruelty go hand in hand with the GOP.

Hitchens’ writing about blowjobs is sort of like a shark singing the praises of tossed salad.
posted by rougy at 4:13 PM on June 7, 2006

blowjobs have been around longer than homosexuality.

*points and laughs*

Prove it.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:17 PM on June 7, 2006

Christopher Hitchens once flicked his cigar ash in my wine glass. (wait for it) The cocksucker.
posted by goatdog at 4:20 PM on June 7, 2006

I prefer a little ass to mouth myself.

I've noticed in the last few years, in my careful studies of pornography, that there is always pressure in the industry to be harder, more extreme. What Max Hardcore and John Thompson are doing these days would have been considered unimaginably sick and perverted to all but the smallest niche consumers only a decade ago; now these guys are best sellers, and the mainstream follows their lead.

So now that blowjobs are passe, and therefore no longer put the woman in an unpleasant / degrading enough position, "throat fucking" and gagging are the big new thing. Bonus points if she cries and her mascara runs.

Ever forward, human progress!
posted by Meatbomb at 4:22 PM on June 7, 2006

still waiting....
posted by Flashman at 4:26 PM on June 7, 2006

Meatbomb, I'm sure this would still apply there
posted by Flashman at 4:29 PM on June 7, 2006

Agree that it's interesting how people have tried to pull the story around to Iraq. Hitchens is a bit like Julie Birchill - a sort of superficiality about them (after all, they're paid by the word), but at the same time they write well and tug at raw nerves often enough to cause comment.

I don't agree with him on Iraq, but then his irritation at the hypocrisy and bankruptcy of the liberal left is spot on, and it's difficult to know where to go after that. None of which has anything to do with blowjobs. Someone like Hitchens, you just have to choose, on an article by article basis, whether to spit or to swallow.
posted by Shinkicker at 4:31 PM on June 7, 2006

the idea of an oral swiftie was re-exported to Europe and far beyond by a
massive arrival of American soldiers.

Yes, it's true. Before the arrival of the yanks no-one in Europe had sex, let alone oral sex.

Seriously, bub: Just because your one-semester course on The World Outside USA did not include a lecture on European oral sex before WWII does not mean it did not exist.
posted by spazzm at 4:36 PM on June 7, 2006

Meatbomb, your comment reminds me of this article from The Guardian a few years back.
posted by Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson at 4:44 PM on June 7, 2006

Hitchens’ writing about blowjobs is sort of like a shark singing the praises of tossed salad.

intentional or not, roughy's comment still has me ROTFL...
posted by lilboo at 5:54 PM on June 7, 2006

Interesting article, Two Sheds. You don't mind if I call you "Two Sheds", do you? Interesting nickname.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:55 PM on June 7, 2006

spazzm: Christopher Hitchens is from Portsmouth, UK. So, if he's Amerocentric, it's not from lack of exposure to The World Outside USA.
posted by Captaintripps at 6:38 PM on June 7, 2006

Hitchens=lame.
Blowjobs=awesome.
posted by exlotuseater at 7:27 PM on June 7, 2006

Maybe ladies who don't enjoy watching someone writhe and moan with pleasure just aren't doing the job right.

And any lady who complains about blowjobs being a chore should stop and consider whether she likes receiving oral sex and remind herself that licking something that tastes like fishy peach isn't everyone's idea of a great time either, but watching someone get off is pretty awesome even if it tastes a little funny.

(Note: I am a lady who has performed oral sex on both genders. So don't try and tell me I don't know what other ladies taste like.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:50 PM on June 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

/rubs sore jaw
posted by bardic at 10:07 PM on June 7, 2006

No, I'm sure there are women who love it. But since it involves no actual erogenous zones for women (and can trigger the gag reflex), you gotta get your jollies from mental gymnastics.

When I've went down on my girlfriends the erogenous zones were their vagina and my mouth. Now I learn that mouths of women are not erogenous zones?

I get a thrill out of thrilling my partner. And yes, fuzzy peach pie varies in taste and texture.
posted by juiceCake at 10:25 PM on June 7, 2006

As a man I promise to perform cunnulingual duties before/after/during receipt of "The Greatest Thing on Earth" if it makes anyone feel better.

Ain't no duty about it! Hand me a pillow....
posted by quite unimportant at 2:32 AM on June 8, 2006

Metafilter: Looking for a manual lawn-mower in Da Nang.
posted by po at 5:35 AM on June 8, 2006

exlotuseater writes "Hitchens=lame.
"Blowjobs=awesome."

This bears repeating.
posted by OmieWise at 5:54 AM on June 8, 2006

Christopher Hitchens is from Portsmouth, UK. So, if he's Amerocentric, it's not from lack of exposure to The World Outside USA.

Well, slap my ass and call me Susan!
Replace "The World Outside USA" with "The World Outside The Anglosphere", then.
Happy?
posted by spazzm at 6:14 AM on June 8, 2006

What's Hitchen's appeal?
posted by sonofsamiam at 6:24 AM on June 8, 2006

What's Hitchen's appeal?

Well, he is a reasonably good writer and critic. More recently he's become something of a contrarian darling as someone who has "switched sides" (his actual position is a bit more compex.) I must say that I liked and respected him a lot better when his cognitive dissonance regarding the current administration's foreign policy contrasted with Nixon-era post imperialism was not the primary focus of his career.

Still, this is a reasonably good essay and its nice to see Hitch do something other than try to justify his double-standards.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 7:06 AM on June 8, 2006

Grapefruit pegs it-- giving head is all about the gift of pure pleasure for your partner. I can see how that could be exploited in casual sex, but any relationship without room for that is not one I want to be part of.

They made it a point to ram that down everybody’s throat

If that was unintentional it's a classic
posted by InfidelZombie at 12:52 PM on June 8, 2006

Hitchens’ writing about blowjobs is sort of like a shark singing the praises of tossed salad.

I'm yet to understand how tossing salad (as in combining leafy foods with a dressing) in any way compares to rimming someone. I must be doing one or the other wrong, though have never received complaints in either area.

Not to run my mouth off over a small point...

But that made me laugh.
posted by jack_mo at 5:25 AM on June 9, 2006