Saved by the T-Shirt?

June 17, 2006 11:40 AM

Screech Powersfrom the 1989-1993 teen comedy series "Saved by the Bell," is hoping to sell enough T-shirts with his photo on them to try to raise $250,000 so he doesn't lose his gray two-story house under a foreclosure order.
posted by Guerilla (53 comments total)

He claims to have a 10 inch penis by the way...
posted by A189Nut at 11:46 AM on June 17, 2006

Who.. Guerilla? Wow.
posted by econous at 11:54 AM on June 17, 2006

He should hook up with Jared Diamond (self-link). The way I see it, the homes of fallen-off-the-map former child stars are a shrinking ecology.
posted by Captaintripps at 11:57 AM on June 17, 2006

I ask you to join my fight against injustice by helping to save my house.

Heehee. Remember, you're not doing this to save his house, you're doing this to fight injustice! The saving of the house is just a side-effect.
posted by Bugbread at 11:58 AM on June 17, 2006

That's $25,000 / inch!
posted by anthill at 11:58 AM on June 17, 2006

He claims to have a 10 inch penis by the way...

Saved by the Bell-end.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:08 PM on June 17, 2006

So, I'm supposed to help this guy fix a bad situation borne out of his own lack of financial sense because..... he played the annoying kid on Saved by the Bell? I mean, Zack, maybe, but Screech? Kid's on his own.
posted by elwoodwiles at 12:11 PM on June 17, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

I want Arthur to lose his cushy job at NYCE where he screws over the working man then laughs at their expense.

Ah yes, the oppressed working man — the coal miner, the stockyard worker, the washed-up child star.
posted by IshmaelGraves at 12:13 PM on June 17, 2006

From the Story we have this nugget (much further down the page than I want to admit reading):
"If he doesn't call me back I'll go to Howard Stern and tell the world (New York especially) how he does business. Let's face it, if he can't find the time to work on a mortgage for a famous celebrity, how will he handle the average person?"

In more words than one I was told basically... "Go f... yourself!"

[less_than_thrilled]
posted by HyperBlue at 12:14 PM on June 17, 2006

PeterMcDermott, you are the master.
posted by Heatwole at 12:14 PM on June 17, 2006

He needs more shirt designs.
posted by delmoi at 12:39 PM on June 17, 2006

I love how the bottom of the page has all the Google ads for low-finance mortgages.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 12:43 PM on June 17, 2006

To hell with his house. He scored big early on as the most annoying character on one of the worst-written, most banally plotted sitcoms I have ever seen. After the show ended, he would have been wise to tighten the old belt, live within his means, and realize that former child stars have a hell of a hard time making the transition to adult working actor, particularly when they are associated with a one-note, gimmicky characterization. Between the various Saved by the Bell shows, he played Screech for almost a decade, and yet the role never seemed more than a hairstyle, a breaking voice, and a selection of awesomely bad shirts. He has not gone on to distinguish himself in any way, and I am supposed to care about and want to save his house?

Screw you, Screech. Where were you when I was fleeing New Orelans?
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:48 PM on June 17, 2006

Isn't syndication basically a money tree for actors, even lesser-known ones on lesser-known shows?

So yeah, there's probably a drug problem here.
posted by bardic at 12:53 PM on June 17, 2006

Why can't his brother Michael Diamond help him out?
posted by mullingitover at 1:02 PM on June 17, 2006

Let's face it, if he can't find the time to work on a mortgage for a famousmarginally well known celebrityout of work typecast b-lister, how will he handle the average person?

Man, I hated that show a whole bunch. It was truly terrible.

They're gonna take my house! I'm gonna be homeless! Dustin Diamond homeless in Wisconsin.

Uh oh, he's talking about himself in third person. Danger!

You shouldn't have f...ed with the Dman.

Gah, "Dman"? Defcon 4! Hey, Dman, it's the internet. You can say 'fuck' on the internet.

"Fuck Giraldo"

See, that wasn't so hard.

First we rallied to Free Wynona. The next time we Voted For Pedro. This time we'll Save Screeech's House!

I did not vote for fucking Pedro. And Winona is cute and not to mention someone I had a huge crush on in my hormonally formative years, but I didn't rally to free Winona. She screwed up and went shoplifting with a small illicit pharmacy in her purse. As a goddaughter of Leary I'd hope she'd know better.

And while losing your house is seriously terrible, but I doubt that "we" are going to save Screech's house. Hey, at least your credit was good enough to own one in the first place. And why, exactly, didn't you capitalize on that property value increase?

Meanwhile, most of us often have difficulty just getting into a decently shitty apartment - and that's still a life of luxury compared to the majority of the population of the world that struggles to just find clean water and something nourishing to eat.
posted by loquacious at 1:02 PM on June 17, 2006

Well, you're assuming he could make a syndication deal like that when he was given a contract for the show. That's not necessarily the case.

bardic: Isn't syndication basically a money tree for actors, even lesser-known ones on lesser-known shows?

So yeah, there's probably a drug problem here.
posted by Captaintripps at 1:10 PM on June 17, 2006

Quotes usually go above responses.

So yeah, there's probably a drug problem here.

Captaintripps : "Well, you're assuming he could make a syndication deal like that when he was given a contract for the show. That's not necessarily the case."
posted by Bugbread at 1:17 PM on June 17, 2006

He claims to have a 10 inch penis by the way...

If that's true, he really needs to move back to Thousand Oaks (or wherever he used to live when he was here. I can't count the number of people I met that told me they "knew" the Dman or his parents when I was living there.)

After all, it's only a stone's throw away from Chatsworth, pr0n capital of the world. There has to be a market for Screech porn.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:20 PM on June 17, 2006

Or he's just not getting much or any money from syndication, doesn't have a lot of other money coming in from his stand-up gigs, and is bad with money. Though for a former child star, a drug problem is not unheard of.

bugbread: So yeah, there's probably a drug problem here.
posted by Captaintripps at 1:26 PM on June 17, 2006

Hey, what is this bottom-quoting tomfoolery you two are engaging in? You're confusing my lizard hindbrain.
posted by loquacious at 1:29 PM on June 17, 2006

Other actors who were on Saved by the Bell that have gone on and been able to find paying gigs (partial list of actors from IMDB):

Mark-Paul Gosselear
Mario Lopez
Tiffani Theissan
Bridgette Wilson
Leah Remini

I'm not exactly feeling sympathetic to his plight.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 1:46 PM on June 17, 2006

Is that a mistake on the t-shirt for sale? "Screeech" spelled with three e's?

Oops, back to the silk-screeener!
posted by ericb at 1:54 PM on June 17, 2006

I wonder how his credit got so bad.
posted by b_thinky at 2:00 PM on June 17, 2006

Looks like elsewhere it does indeed contain an extra 'e' -- Amazon.com , TV.com and IMDB.com refer to his character as "Samuel 'Screech' Powers."
posted by ericb at 2:03 PM on June 17, 2006

*the t-shirt spelling does indeed contain and extra 'e'*
posted by ericb at 2:04 PM on June 17, 2006

Hmmm ... on second thought since he doesn't hold the copyright and other rights to the character 'Screech' this may indeed be intentional. It appears that NBC and Peter Engel Productions own all rights.
posted by ericb at 2:09 PM on June 17, 2006

He could have gone to law school. Instead he decided to fuck around and now he's the guy outside the gas station asking you fo' a dolla'.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 2:10 PM on June 17, 2006

ericb is right. The extra 'e' is definately intentional. That's the spelling he uses on his site and on the t-shirt. So yeah, it's probably to fly under any copyright/trademark violations.
posted by ruthsarian at 2:11 PM on June 17, 2006

Did he somehow miss the whole "Saved by the Bell on Adult Swim" scandal?
posted by Citizen Premier at 2:13 PM on June 17, 2006

Leah Remini was on Saved By The Bell?!?
God, she's so hawt.

Oh, and tough break with the house thing, Screech.
Not really.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:45 PM on June 17, 2006

I'd buy one if they weren't ugly.

He looks just like my friend Christo!
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 3:00 PM on June 17, 2006

Where's Zack Morris with his crazy money-making schemes when we need him?
posted by Down10 at 3:05 PM on June 17, 2006

I think he trusted the dust a little too long. Judging by the revelation back in 2000 I think he should have seen it coming. Maybe he can pawn the .net and use the profit to buy a few more shirts.
posted by Guerilla at 3:12 PM on June 17, 2006

Sorry he's gonna lose his house. But he ain't gonna be homeless.
posted by WCityMike at 3:50 PM on June 17, 2006

They've been using Outlook for too long.

loquacious wrote:
> Hey, what is this bottom-quoting tomfoolery you two are
> engaging in? You're confusing my lizard hindbrain.
posted by ArkhanJG at 3:57 PM on June 17, 2006

Today, he's selling t-shirts on the internet. Tomorrow, he will be portrayed by a girl in a hit Broadway play featuring singing, pornographic muppets. Just you wait and see.
posted by Afroblanco at 4:18 PM on June 17, 2006

*the t-shirt spelling does indeed contain and extra 'e'*

Maybe he can set up a phone line. Something like the old 1-550-PEEE, but with an altered tagline: 'The Extra E is for Extra SCREEECH.'
posted by maryh at 4:40 PM on June 17, 2006

I would respect him more if he was starting a campaign to help people keep their homes, not just his own.

I don't have a house. That's because it's not within my means. If you're a former actor, infamous enough to be recognized by literally millions, and you're not able to get a mortgage for a house in Wisconsin, this means something. It means you're not supposed to have a house, evar.
posted by Deathalicious at 6:01 PM on June 17, 2006

"Screw you, Screech. Where were you when I was fleeing New Orelans?"

Snorting coke off of a hookers ass?
posted by drstein at 7:36 PM on June 17, 2006

"Did you just let SCREECH in the fucking club? I'm waiting in line, and you just let Screech in the club?"
posted by Alexandros at 9:00 PM on June 17, 2006

Howard acknowledged he didn’t care about his house problems anymore, adding that “Dustin and his big d*ck could be homeless” for all he cared. Artie agreed with Howard’s assessment of the situation and advised Dustin to not bring up his 10-inch penis when asking people for money. (Stern show archive - obviously NSFW)

oh yeah, screw you, Screech
posted by badger_flammable at 10:32 PM on June 17, 2006

He claims to have a 10 inch penis by the way...

What's he waiting for handouts for? There's a lucrative Screech-based porn career in his pants. Can't be much worse than the decisions he's made so far...
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:35 PM on June 17, 2006

Today, he's selling t-shirts on the internet. Tomorrow, he will be portrayed by a girl in a hit Broadway play featuring singing, pornographic muppets. Just you wait and see.

I am interested in purchasing tickets to this hit Broadway show, especially if said girl has a 10 inch cock and has vocal cords like an industrial router.
posted by loquacious at 1:43 AM on June 18, 2006

What a weird situation. I'd never heard of land contracts until googling them after reading his little "story". Also it seems the main point of his story is that he was counting on some lawyer who bailed on him. Um ... ok, fine, pursue that later, but just get another lawyer in the meantime, is that so hard?

I feel bad for him, but sheesh, what an idiot.
posted by FlunkedFlank at 2:23 AM on June 18, 2006

Oh, and speaking of Saved By The Bell, check out this update on Mr. Belding not too long ago.
posted by FlunkedFlank at 2:26 AM on June 18, 2006

I'd always heard rumors that Diamond lived in Wisconsin, then that he lived in my home town in the basement of my friends ex-girlfriend's friend. As I followed the trail deeper, it turns out the story was probably true.
posted by drezdn at 7:10 AM on June 18, 2006

I'm still amazed at how many people liked that show. Watching it now, it's so freakin' terrible.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:20 AM on June 18, 2006

Even as a grade school kid I hated that show.
posted by sonofsamiam at 9:54 AM on June 18, 2006

When I was in grade school, that show coming on marked the end of the morning cartoons. My response was usually, "What the hell is this?"

Seinfeld for pre-teens.
posted by evil holiday magic at 3:56 PM on June 18, 2006

This is awesome. I've had to come up with tens of thousands of dollars that I can't afford to fight against unjust charges for child custody, and I'm probably going to lose. Meanwhile, Double D can sell T-shirts and save his house, because he was on a somewhat cult-fave TV show in the '80's and '90's. Everything makes so much sense now! I love life!
posted by byort at 11:48 AM on June 19, 2006

YOU MAY HAVE SEEN ME IN HIT TV SHOWS SUCHS AS "SAVED BY THE BELl" WHERE HE PLAYED THE CRAZY CHARACHTER "SCHREECH"
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:49 AM on June 19, 2006

I've heard he's a complete ass. No thanks.
posted by etoile at 10:16 AM on June 21, 2006