light sleeper?

June 30, 2006 12:33 PM

Operation removes lightbulb from anus. Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus.
posted by three blind mice (78 comments total)

It seemed like a good idea, until it went south....
posted by Zozo at 12:35 PM on June 30, 2006

"Everything's gone all pear-shaped."
posted by Wolfdog at 12:37 PM on June 30, 2006

I read that as"Operation Remove Lightbulb from Anus", and thought it was part of a new military operation...
posted by das_2099 at 12:37 PM on June 30, 2006

What a dim fellow.
posted by stinkycheese at 12:38 PM on June 30, 2006

Wednesday night, doctors brought Mohammad's misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the [lightbulb].

The writer should have said how many doctors it took.
posted by If I Had An Anus at 12:41 PM on June 30, 2006

That's easy for you to say.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:43 PM on June 30, 2006

"Million to one shot, doc. Million to one."
posted by ninjew at 12:45 PM on June 30, 2006

I guess in Pakistani jails they don't have that huge "DO NOT CRAM THIS INTO YOUR ROSEBUD" label on the bulb?
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:47 PM on June 30, 2006

He had an idea, but it was total ass.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:47 PM on June 30, 2006

*pulls out a cig* "Hey Fateh, got a light?"
posted by Mach3avelli at 12:48 PM on June 30, 2006

Why do all these gay guys keep sucking my cock?
posted by bardic at 12:49 PM on June 30, 2006

The writer should have said how many doctors it took.

Teehee!
posted by EarBucket at 12:50 PM on June 30, 2006

posted by sonofsamiam at 12:53 PM on June 30, 2006

Symptoms: light bowel movements.
posted by brownpau at 12:58 PM on June 30, 2006

How could you not notice as it was being...um..inserted? Must be a heavy sleeper.
posted by bim at 12:59 PM on June 30, 2006

"He swears he didn't know the bulb was there."

Uh, yeah ... that's what they all say.
posted by ericb at 1:01 PM on June 30, 2006

So I guess I really got lit last night?
posted by yoink at 1:02 PM on June 30, 2006

...I read that and thought it was part of a new military operation

I read it and thought that Milton Bradley was just desperate to reach a whole new demographic....
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 1:03 PM on June 30, 2006

You know, it is awfully dark in there.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:05 PM on June 30, 2006

I don't understand why this is such big news... my mom is a nurse, and if I'm to believe what she tells me then PEOPLE STICK THINGS UP THEIR ASSES ALL THE TIME.

She had a patient once who "tripped in his garage" and somehow his "pants fell off" and he "landed" on a broomstick.
posted by Robot Johnny at 1:09 PM on June 30, 2006

C'mon now, perhaps his English isn't so good. Perhaps he misread the printing on the packaging which said: "This end up."
posted by Zinger at 1:11 PM on June 30, 2006

This post is nothing without pictures.

Last story like this I saw came with the Xray. Fortunately the bulb base was facing out, and they removed it by screwing on a socket and pulling.
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:12 PM on June 30, 2006

But wouldn't the light bulb shatter if he sat down? It sounds like something out of the movie Saw.
posted by tastybrains at 1:12 PM on June 30, 2006

To be honest, while not having played this particular game, I wiled away many an hour in my formative years playing "Who can get this action figure furthest inside their mouth and still be able to get it out again?"
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:14 PM on June 30, 2006

I think I figured out how they pulled it off...


posted by Mach3avelli at 1:14 PM on June 30, 2006

Fire in the hole!
posted by Robot Johnny at 1:14 PM on June 30, 2006

Pictures?
posted by IronLizard at 1:15 PM on June 30, 2006

There's an image of the lightbulb inside the patient. I presume the headline is miswritten; the bulb looks stuck in his rectum, not his anus. Please, please don't put breakable or losable objects in your rectum.
posted by Nelson at 1:16 PM on June 30, 2006

Maybe the guy was just lonely. I mean, Tom Hanks had Wilson.
posted by itchylick at 1:17 PM on June 30, 2006

how many anuses does it take to change a lightbulb?
posted by horsemuth at 1:17 PM on June 30, 2006

He should have gotten one of these. (That thread is pure gold)
posted by IronLizard at 1:18 PM on June 30, 2006

rectum? damn near killed 'em!
posted by ijoshua at 1:18 PM on June 30, 2006

"Prison authorities are deciding whether to charge him for having his tail light out."

Kevin Eubanks plays a chord and groans.
posted by horsewithnoname at 1:19 PM on June 30, 2006

There's an image of the lightbulb inside the patient. I presume the headline is miswritten; the bulb looks stuck in his rectum, not his anus. Please, please don't put breakable or losable objects in your rectum.

Rectum? Damn near killed 'em.
posted by beegull at 1:20 PM on June 30, 2006

.
posted by killdevil at 1:20 PM on June 30, 2006

Too slow :(
posted by beegull at 1:20 PM on June 30, 2006

Paging Jerry Lewis .....
posted by blucevalo at 1:23 PM on June 30, 2006

Energy saving?


posted by fire&wings at 1:26 PM on June 30, 2006

There is a crack, a crack in everything...
That's how the light gets in.
posted by gigawhat? at 1:39 PM on June 30, 2006 [1 favorite]

This guy really puts the "in can" in incandescent.
posted by crashlanding at 1:41 PM on June 30, 2006

gigawhat? wins--hands down.
posted by yoink at 1:42 PM on June 30, 2006

I read that as"Operation Remove Lightbulb from Anus", and thought it was part of a new military operation...

Hmm. . . Dubya's next project = "Operation Remove Head From Anus"? Now there's something I could get behind.
posted by veggieboy at 1:42 PM on June 30, 2006

Until the test results come in, he won't know if he caught the Clapper.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:43 PM on June 30, 2006

People with their head up their ass shouldn't get any bright ideas.
posted by CynicalKnight at 1:47 PM on June 30, 2006

posted by kumazemi at 1:52 PM on June 30, 2006

"I asked for a Bud light."
posted by kirkaracha at 1:53 PM on June 30, 2006

LarryC - you're my hero.

Good old human compassion. Yay Farkfilter!
posted by swerdloff at 1:53 PM on June 30, 2006

Fateh awoke with
lightbulb where sun does not shine;
yet still blind to past
posted by found missing at 1:54 PM on June 30, 2006

It can't be wrong
When it feels so right
'Cause you
You light up my life

posted by kirkaracha at 1:54 PM on June 30, 2006

Good thing there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
posted by Skygazer at 1:57 PM on June 30, 2006

I've had light bulbs break in my with gentle handling. How do you cram a lightbulb up someone's ass (sans lube) without a) waking them up and b) breaking it in their butthole?

I hope the prison authorities can shed some light on this.
posted by zerokey at 2:06 PM on June 30, 2006

oh crap...HAND..I left out HAND
posted by zerokey at 2:06 PM on June 30, 2006

Not that there's anything wrong with that
posted by zerokey at 2:07 PM on June 30, 2006

Nurse, there I was, sleepwalking in a Lamps Plus store sans pants, then you wouldn't believe what happened....
posted by mathowie at 2:10 PM on June 30, 2006

Removing his sunglasses The doctor treating Mohammad said he'd never encountered anything like it before..
posted by Skygazer at 2:16 PM on June 30, 2006

Where was he removing the sunglasses from?
posted by patricio at 2:20 PM on June 30, 2006

I bet you lot think the sun shines out of your arses, don't you?

On a more scary note, perhaps the Pakistani police were reading reports of events at a certain Iraqi prison but didn't have access to chemical glowsticks

/morally questionable.
posted by longbaugh at 2:24 PM on June 30, 2006

Like Robot Johnny's mom, I worked in a hospital once, and one of the radiologists had kept a film of a guy with a perfume bottle up the butt. He had been trying to put on his pants, and slipped and landed on his wife's dresser.
posted by hamfisted at 2:26 PM on June 30, 2006

About that Thing with Richard Gere and the Gerbil...
posted by ericb at 2:32 PM on June 30, 2006

Just imagine being that one-in-a-million poor bastard who actually DID slip and land on something pointy. It must have happened to someone...

Boy he must have got sick of hearing "of course I believe you..."
posted by yoink at 2:34 PM on June 30, 2006

Put a telephone in your butt
Say, put some dust in your butt
Say "it's a must" in your butt
Say, pizza crust in your butt
Say, put a telephone in your butt
Put a dinosaur bone in your butt
Put a radiator in your butt
I'll say "see you later" in your butt
Put an alligator in your butt
Say, put some money in your butt
Sure feels real funny in your butt
Say, squeeze it, please it, but don't tease it
Put it in your butt
Well, let me just say
Put a hot cup of Brim
Fill it to the rim
And put it in your butt
To the beat
Two sugars, stuff so sweet
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:36 PM on June 30, 2006 [1 favorite]

It was intended for Bush.
posted by brain_drain at 2:49 PM on June 30, 2006

"Light bulbs are seen at a museum in Idaho in a 2004 file photo."

I don't know what followup comment I should post for this.
posted by forwebsites at 3:07 PM on June 30, 2006

I too thought this was a snark by the liberal media about president bush and his "plans" to remove the troops from Iraq.

(plans is in quoteation marks because I dont believe he has any plans; just like his "plans" do discontinue that illegal torture facility called "gitmo")
posted by subaruwrx at 3:27 PM on June 30, 2006

What's the problem? I thought the whole point of light bulbs was to put them where the sun doesn't shine.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:09 PM on June 30, 2006 [2 favorites]

Well, damn that thing's worth at least a pack o' smokes and a bitch-boy. He had to smuggle it in somehow.
posted by zoogleplex at 4:37 PM on June 30, 2006

posted by Effigy2000 at 5:19 PM on June 30, 2006

It wasn't the sun shining outta his ass, but it sure was enough to read by.

(badoom, tish!)

(Sorry...)
posted by ninazer0 at 5:30 PM on June 30, 2006

How many lightbulbs does it take to change an arsehole?
posted by milkwood at 6:28 PM on June 30, 2006

My guess after being gang raped in prision, sticking a light bulb up his own ass was not that crazy.

Quote from Midnight Express (1978)
Billy Hayes: [voiceover] To the Turks, everything is "shurla burla", which means "like this, like that". You never know what will happen. All foreigners are "ayip", they're considered dirty. So is homosexuality, it's a big crime here, but most of them do it every chance they get. There are about thousand things that are "ayip", for instance, you can stab or shoot somebody below the waist but not above because that's intent to kill. So everyone runs around stabbing everyone else in the ass. That's what they call Turkish revenge. I know it must all sound crazy to you, but this place is crazy.
posted by xtian at 8:15 PM on June 30, 2006

posted by Effigy2000 at 8:29 PM on June 30, 2006

it's all perfectly obvious to me ... his roommate thought the light was too bright and wanted one of those amber colored ones
posted by pyramid termite at 8:33 PM on June 30, 2006

I'm betting this happened at Camp X-Ray.
posted by Dagobert at 11:11 PM on June 30, 2006

This thread cracks me up.
posted by blue shadows at 3:03 AM on July 1, 2006

More camp than x-ray, though.
posted by flabdablet at 3:08 AM on July 1, 2006

brown (hah) pau wins.

That's what I get for doing a Command-F for "brown" to see if anyone had posted brown out yet.
posted by emelenjr at 5:45 AM on July 1, 2006

Rectal Foreign Bodies.
posted by ericb at 10:02 AM on July 1, 2006

must be a light sleeper
posted by baker dave at 4:39 AM on July 2, 2006