No more than two shakes.

July 1, 2006 6:40 PM

The problem with public restrooms; a monologue for both men and women. [Flash animation; no pun intended].
posted by Effigy2000 (22 comments total)

For someone who claims to avoid public bathrooms at all costs, he sure does seem to have a meticulous understanding of their inner workings.
posted by generichuman at 7:39 PM on July 1, 2006

The music sounds like the Runaway Five from EarthBound.
posted by danb at 7:41 PM on July 1, 2006

Having never been in a public restroom, I found this fascinating.
posted by fatbobsmith at 7:52 PM on July 1, 2006

See Also
posted by hatsix at 8:02 PM on July 1, 2006

And what's the deal with airline food?
posted by Gator at 8:02 PM on July 1, 2006

One time, I was driving somewhere with my wife, and she was like "you should totally ask for directions," and I was like, "no way."
posted by Citizen Premier at 8:19 PM on July 1, 2006

i've never read a bomb threat on a bathroom wall--is it common?

we have those push sinks at work that only run for 2 seconds at a time--so annoying.

you should have seen the variety of sinks and toilets with fancy features in Tokyo--some were totally intimidating. (there was one sink where the dryer was built into it too)--they put us to shame.
posted by amberglow at 8:45 PM on July 1, 2006

The wonderful philosophical rants on my university stall walls are the only reason I poop anymore.

Oh, and because I have to too.
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 9:01 PM on July 1, 2006

I feel that one to many people are talking in the "Male Restroom" monologue.
posted by chudmonkey at 9:18 PM on July 1, 2006

Pop-up advertisement = unhappiness.
posted by eccnineten at 9:20 PM on July 1, 2006 [1 favorite]

I think the handicapped would really disagree with his advice to always go for the handicapped stall first, just because it's bigger. Yeah, and while you're at it why not take that nice parking sport right near the door too, I sure don't see anyone around that needs it, do you?
posted by Rhomboid at 9:43 PM on July 1, 2006

The cookie is round. The mug is round. It should be called Roundtine.
posted by Krrrlson at 9:57 PM on July 1, 2006

In all of my years of using the handicapped stall, I have never, to my knowledge, inconvenienced someone who required it.
posted by stavrogin at 10:01 PM on July 1, 2006

Rhomboid : "I think the handicapped would really disagree with his advice to always go for the handicapped stall first, just because it's bigger. Yeah, and while you're at it why not take that nice parking sport right near the door too, I sure don't see anyone around that needs it, do you?"

It's a slightly different dynamic, though. Using a restroom takes little time, parking takes much more. But, even then, there are always cases where a person could argue that they're only parking long enough to dash in, drop off some film, and dash out. The thing that makes the two cases really different is expectations of usability. That is, one doesn't know how long a car will be parked, so one doesn't wait for the owner to come out. Plus, in general, people don't expect to wait to park anyway. So if you park in a handicapped space, you're basically forcing the handicapped person to park somewhere further away and then struggle to get to the store.

In a restroom, though, there is an expectation of waiting (it's nice not to have to, of course, but everyone knows, regardless of how bad they have to go, that there is a non-zero chance that the toilet is occupied), and everyone knows that the restroom won't be occupied for more than, say, 5 minutes. Sure, if you've really got to go, that's a long time, but that's a problem suffered by all restroom users, handicapped or otherwise.

So, in the end, if you use a handicapped restroom and a handicapped person comes up intending to use it, they're going to be stuck waiting for maybe 5 minutes tops, which is the same wait as a non-handicapped person would expect.

This is probably why the handicapped parking space is reserved for use by the handicapped, but the handicapped restroom is not reserved but marked as "preferential". That is, if there's a guy in the handicapped restroom, and you're waiting in line to use it next, and a handicapped person comes up, you give up your space to him.

I think it's also similar to the "silver seats" they have on trains here in Japan: they're for the elderly, pregnant, folks with small babies, and injured, but they're not reserved for them. That is, you can sit on the seat if you want, but if one of the aforementioned folks shows up, you have to give your seat up to them.
posted by Bugbread at 11:24 PM on July 1, 2006

Most restrooms in large public buildings have more than one stall. The critical difference between a normal person and a handicapped person is that a normal person can use any of the half-dozen stalls, whereas the disabled person can only fit his wheelchair into that one stall, or requires the handrails to be able to sit down. Therefore this:

that's a problem suffered by all restroom users, handicapped or otherwise.

is a crock of bull, because when a non-disabled person chooses to use the handicapped stall just because he likes the extra space (or he has some childish poop phobia or whatever) despite the other stalls being open he is inconveniencing only the disabled, since any abled person that walks into the restroom can use a regular stall with no waiting.

It is an act of pure selfishness and thoughtlessness to use the handicapped stall when others are available. I am sure that handicapped parking spots also started out as just a preferential thing, but after too many assholes decided that "I'm only going to be in there for a minute", they had to rethink it.
posted by Rhomboid at 12:06 AM on July 2, 2006

Rhomboid:

Your argument makes sense. I guess I haven't given it enough thought, as I've never actually seen a handicapped person entering or exiting a handicapped stall (or, to be more accurate, I don't think I've seen a handicapped person anywhere this whole year, come to think of it).
posted by Bugbread at 1:04 AM on July 2, 2006

i hate those handicapped parking spaces right outside buildings.

IM the one WALKING, so I should park closest.
posted by lemonfridge at 3:22 AM on July 2, 2006

IM the one WALKING, so I should park closest.

Heh.
posted by jahmoon at 4:32 AM on July 2, 2006

How about when a men's room has that little foyer where you have one last chance to make sure you're zipped up before you step through the portal to Public View. That thing is great!

Also, I like how they put a trash can in there, for the people who grab a paper towel on the way out to use to open the doors with. Why stop at the bathroom door, people? You think those pee-hand freaks aren't touching the copy machine or the coke machine? Or shaking your hand? Why not just wear latex gloves?

Yeah!

Also, how disgusting is it when people leave newspapers in the stall? Like I'm going to touch that thing after it's been sitting on the toilet floor? With pee drops on it? What about when people print out articles from ESPN.com and bring them in there? Let's see, Page 1 of 4, Page 3 of 4....

Who's with me? Right? That guy knows what I'm talking bout, yeah!

This link did not meet my needs.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 6:44 AM on July 2, 2006

and there i was considering myself fortunate that someone left a paper so that i'd have something to read while occupied...
posted by jungturk at 8:50 AM on July 3, 2006

Um, I'm a woman and related more to the men's than the women's monologue. I constantly encounter the risk of having to step into the toilet in order to close the stall door and the ever-present person-who-uses-the-next-stall-over peeking at my underwear and shoes.

Which brings up another question: do you drop your drawers to the ankles or keep them around the knees?
posted by sian at 11:02 AM on July 3, 2006

If you don't want me using the bigger stall Rhomboid, give me a 500$ ticket for illegal dumping or go away.

one handicapped guy works in my entire office building, there are 4 parking spaces and every floor has a men's room (and probably ladies room) with a wheelchair capable stall.

So do we really need 4 crappers and 4 parking spaces for one guy who works 40 hours a week?

At the most he uses on toilet for 100 minutes a week.
cant the rest of us at least use the shitter at some point during the other 166 hours per week?

why should (maybe) 1 percent of people get 2 percent of the parking and 25 percent of the toilet stalls?
posted by Megafly at 3:59 PM on July 3, 2006