Leisure Suit Larry

July 5, 2006 5:04 PM

Revenge of the Third World Virgins!If you were worth $600 million by age 40, how would you spend the rest of your life? For Larry Hillblom, the "H" in DHL, the plan wassimple: move to the tax haven of Saipan, fly restored WWII seaplanes, restore colonial-era resorts in Vietnam, and -- of course -- bed as many teenaged virgins as possible. When the apparently unmarried and childless Hillblom died in 1995, after the seaplane he was piloting crashed into the South Pacific, his will left nearly his entire fortune to establish a foundation for medical research at UCLA (in gratitude for their treatment of him after an earlier plane crash). But claims on his estate were almost immediately made by several of Larry's virgins, who claimed to have borne children by him. Thus began a bitter court battle for Larry's millions, which resulted in four previously penniless children winning $90 million each after DNA testing proved his paternity. The money may be a mixed blessing for his kids, but considering that Larry almost certainly knew that he could have disinherited them with a few words, he probably wanted it that way.
posted by banishedimmortal (33 comments total)

This looks interesting, but I don't have time to click through all of the links. Which one explains why, if he really wanted to leave the money to his kids, he left it to UCLA, instead of just leaving it to his kidS?
posted by Afroblanco at 5:18 PM on July 5, 2006

By examining genes from an octet of Pacific Asian dance-hall orphans, a team of Bay Area sleuths has solved the mystery of whether Hillblom was merely a misunderstood eccentric, or a deadbeat pedophile.

One wonders if all those nouns had ever before appeared in a single sentence. To paraphrase Selma Ritter, "What a tale! Everything but the ghost of Elvis snappin' at his rear end."
posted by rob511 at 5:38 PM on July 5, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Guy sounds like a total prick. Glad his kids ended up with some of it.
posted by wilful at 5:42 PM on July 5, 2006

The post title made me bitchsnort.

Livin the dream, Larry. Livin the dream.
posted by ninjew at 5:53 PM on July 5, 2006

Guy sounds like a total prick. Glad his kids ended up with some of it.

Hmm, from the sounds of it his son is turning out to be a prick as well. From the article:

[Junior Larry] Hillbroom allegedly initially refused to exit his truck after he was stopped, and was quoted in the prosecution-filed court document as having told Police Officer II Brian D. Awa: "I have enough money to own you."
posted by ktoad at 6:00 PM on July 5, 2006

what wilful said, and i'm glad those kids got some of the cash.
posted by amberglow at 6:06 PM on July 5, 2006

Someone who is sexually attracted to post-pubescent young people, which teenagers mostly are, is not a pedophile.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 6:26 PM on July 5, 2006

I guess I have to ask, what's so great about banging teenaged virgins? I mean, aside from them not knowing enough to laugh at your "angry inch"?

Money, apparently, allows some people's inner assholes to fully bloom.
posted by fenriq at 6:31 PM on July 5, 2006

"Third World Virgins" - Shudder!
posted by liquorice at 6:33 PM on July 5, 2006

Wow, what a story. Can anyone dig up more information about this from the DNA testing link?: The story of what happened in his search reads like adventure fiction – dead of night sabotage by agents of DHL working to frustrate the judge's pursuit of truth, refusal by a high-ranking official of the California Department of Justice to obey the court order of a California Appeals Court judge, a brilliant attorney handing Hillblom's mistress/widow $1,000,000 for goodwill and a few weeks later obtaining a 5000% return on his money.
posted by exhilaration at 7:02 PM on July 5, 2006

I do know if extreme wealth is really beneficial in this situation. That is not to say the kids should not receive feduciary compensation, it is a difficult situation. Something tells me that a poor, uneducated family are oblivious to maintaining their wealth. I hope, somewhat futilely, that large amounts are not being swindled from them.
posted by geoff. at 7:13 PM on July 5, 2006

As a Third World Virgin myself, I heartily support this initiative.
posted by Meatbomb at 7:21 PM on July 5, 2006

a brilliant attorney handing Hillblom's mistress/widow $1,000,000 for goodwill and a few weeks later obtaining a 5000% return on his money.

Is b-r-i-l-l-i-a-n-t an alternate spelling of "predatory"?
posted by vacapinta at 7:36 PM on July 5, 2006

I guess I have to ask, what's so great about banging teenaged virgins?

Well, it's a mystery to me why some guys like to suck another dudes dick, but there they go.
posted by HTuttle at 7:50 PM on July 5, 2006

All attorneys are predatory. Well, all the good ones.
posted by puke & cry at 7:51 PM on July 5, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Someone who is sexually attracted to post-pubescent young people, which teenagers mostly are, is not a pedophile.

Not just any post-pubescent young people. Asian post-pubescent girls. From third-world countries. I don't know about these girls, but when I was 14, I looked a good three years younger than my American classmates, and I knew damned well that creepy old men who targeted me weren't under any misconceptions about my legal status.
posted by snickerdoodle at 8:31 PM on July 5, 2006

I actually saw a "Dateline" about this years ago. Apperantly he spent time with the kids, but had never bothered to update his will.
posted by delmoi at 9:21 PM on July 5, 2006

This looks interesting, but I don't have time to click through all of the links. Which one explains why, if he really wanted to leave the money to his kids, he left it to UCLA, instead of just leaving it to his kidS?

Again, according to the 'dateline' I saw he never bothered to update his will after the first accident, not thinking he was going to die (he was not that old, and died in a plane crash)
posted by delmoi at 9:24 PM on July 5, 2006

Not just any post-pubescent young people. Asian post-pubescent girls. From third-world countries. I don't know about these girls, but when I was 14, I looked a good three years younger than my American classmates, and I knew damned well that creepy old men who targeted me weren't under any misconceptions about my legal status.

Couldn't be the fact that he, you know, lived in Asia or anything...
posted by delmoi at 9:25 PM on July 5, 2006

Each one of these kids will turn into a miniature Nauru, with streams of money flowing out of their doors. Geoff, if one of them manages to actually get an education or make any serious investments with the money I'd be shocked.
posted by 1adam12 at 10:28 PM on July 5, 2006

Someone who is sexually attracted to post-pubescent young people, which teenagers mostly are, is not a pedophile.

Yup. As any student of Nabokov knows ... the correct term is ephebophile.

Which one explains why, if he really wanted to leave the money to his kids, he left it to UCLA, instead of just leaving it to his kidS?

Apparently he didn't care one way or the other about his kids, but under Saipan probate law (the article says California, but the litigation took place in Saipan), they have the right to petition the court. In effect, by taking no action to disinherit them, he guaranteed they had this right. So maybe he did leave it to them after all.

btw, banishedimmortal should have better pointed out the fascinating mathematical model that seems to show that one kid, at least, should have taken the first offer.
posted by dhartung at 11:36 PM on July 5, 2006

I predict we'll see the same thing happen to Rush Limbaugh's estate in the future resulting from his recent viagra-fueled teenage virgin sex party in the Dominican Republic.
posted by wsg at 12:14 AM on July 6, 2006

If he's the "H" in DHL, I wonder what the "D" has been up to....
posted by three blind mice at 1:09 AM on July 6, 2006

Am I the only one heartless enough to be sorry that the random offspring of sue-happy gold-diggers got the $360m instead of medical research?
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 3:50 AM on July 6, 2006

No. And his son sounds like he inherited his father's charm too.
posted by inoculatedcities at 4:52 AM on July 6, 2006

If you were worth $600 million by age 40, how would you spend the rest of your life?

Like I spend it now.
Money does not equal choice.

Okay, maybe a few thai virgins, but that would be about it.
posted by spazzm at 4:58 AM on July 6, 2006

Apparently he didn't care one way or the other about his kids, but under Saipan probate law (the article says California, but the litigation took place in Saipan), they have the right to petition the court.

Yes, but "not caring one way or the other" is, in my opinion, pretty far removed from "probably wanting it that way."
posted by Afroblanco at 7:13 AM on July 6, 2006

Am I the only one heartless enough to be sorry that the random offspring of sue-happy gold-diggers got the $360m instead of medical research?

Maybe. Let's see, who would I rather see get a paltry $360M.... the offspring of teenage sex-slaves in a what sounds like a near third-world US Territory that served as a tax haven for a sociopathic hebephiliac billionaire, or a multi-billion dollar medical research firm, er, University, that probably gets all the money it needs, plus money for alot of unneeded research?

Hmmm, hard to say. How 'bout I hold the money until I can make a firm decision?
posted by illovich at 7:55 AM on July 6, 2006

When is the CSI episode (or have they already made it)?
posted by KirkJobSluder at 10:57 AM on July 6, 2006

I can't help thinking he might have wanted to spend a little more time/money on that restoring seaplanes thing.
posted by sfts2 at 11:48 AM on July 6, 2006

Wow, wonder if he managed 40 virgins before kicking off.
posted by Talanvor at 12:36 PM on July 6, 2006

Like I spend it now.

Only I'd be surfing metafilter at home instead of work.

(work has an annoyingly low tolerance for hookers and blow, I've discovered)
posted by Sparx at 2:17 PM on July 6, 2006

"Am I the only one heartless enough to be sorry that the random offspring of sue-happy gold-diggers got the $360m instead of medical research?"

No, you're not.. especially after reading more about what the offspring have been doing with the money. They're simply blowing it all.
FTA: "His lawyers have already whisked him away from Palau and put him in an elite private school in Guam.
He lives in a gleaming white house with his grandparents and nine other family members.
He has already indulged in a trip to America. He flew to New York City and saw the Knicks play.
Now he's pondering his next vacation. "Maybe the Bahamas," he said. "Nice girls there, I hear."
Junior's mom, who gave birth to five other children by different men, rarely sees her suddenly rich son."

Wow. Must be nice. Yeah, I would rather have seen the money go to medical research. Or, failing that, it would have been nice to see it (c'mon.. 90 milion!) used to help the people of Palau. Rather see it help many people than to see this kid blowing it as fast as he can on crap like trips to NY to see the fucking Knicks.
posted by drstein at 5:26 AM on July 7, 2006