Yahoo 9

July 12, 2006 12:16 PM

The 9: Metafilter with tits.
posted by cillit bang (97 comments total)

Those are definetely tits.
posted by QuarterlyProphet at 12:18 PM on July 12, 2006

Refreshed Daily by PEPSI

AHAHAAHAHAHAAA!
posted by monju_bosatsu at 12:19 PM on July 12, 2006

those are definitely links to yahoo-owned websites.
posted by sergeant sandwich at 12:19 PM on July 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

Awesome, and I had exactly the same reaction as monju.
posted by OmieWise at 12:23 PM on July 12, 2006

What a disrespectful title, women are not tits.

If you want Metafilter with tits, go to Fark. You may be more at home there anyhow.
posted by parallax7d at 12:24 PM on July 12, 2006

I thought that you meant that the young lady's name was Tits Youtubefilter. That would be a funny name for someone to have.
posted by ND¢ at 12:24 PM on July 12, 2006

I cry a little because I've been avoiding the advertisement on Yahoo.com -- in fact going so far as to figure out whatever greasemonkey code necessary to kill the 'New' Yahoo video campaign, and because it was MetaFilter I clicked it first while I was reading it.

The refreshed by Pepsi bit made me giggle gleefully, tho..
posted by cavalier at 12:26 PM on July 12, 2006

I'll take Famous Titties for 400, alex.
posted by shoepal at 12:26 PM on July 12, 2006

Eck. The web-as-television paradigm does not work.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:26 PM on July 12, 2006

All the stupid forwards from your hampsterdance loving coworkers all in one place now with viral marketing. Thanks yahoo!
posted by skallas at 12:27 PM on July 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

Tried loading it three times; crashed my browser (Safari) every time. Thanks ever so much.
posted by mcwetboy at 12:28 PM on July 12, 2006

"Tits Youtubefilter": Another fine entry for my current project, Name Your Sock Puppet While You're Drinking.
posted by maryh at 12:30 PM on July 12, 2006

Beg your pardon, T.Y.!
posted by maryh at 12:30 PM on July 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

Those are definetely tits.

Indeed.
posted by a3matrix at 12:31 PM on July 12, 2006

Maybe the poster meant tits in the English sense, i.e. "Oi. wotta tit"

It's not really analogous to metafilter, with the exception of the claim to pointing to the "best of the web" referenced on their page. However, it's presented in a hierarchical fashion as a top 9 countdown, with a non-transparent anonymous process creating the day's content (who knows who thinks those 9 sites are the best of the web).

So it's really yahoo's version of VH1's webcrap show hosted apparently by the same woman who "hosts" the pay-per-view preview channel for Comcast.
posted by illovich at 12:33 PM on July 12, 2006

Tits Youtube (MNSFW)
posted by shoepal at 12:35 PM on July 12, 2006

Pepsi Yahoo!? (Sorry, I just couldn't resist).
posted by retronic at 12:38 PM on July 12, 2006

These aren't the ornithology links you're looking for.
posted by loquacious at 12:42 PM on July 12, 2006

She's really a babe. "Maria Sansone", eh? Definitely one to keep an eye on. (Ahem)

They appear to have recruited her from MTV.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 12:44 PM on July 12, 2006

It's not really analogous to metafilter

Totally. This place is a sausage fest. If only we had more sweet sweet titties.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:54 PM on July 12, 2006

Ugh, I hate that type of girl. She is graceless and annoying.

VH1 has a better show than this already and they didn't even have to use boobs.
posted by redteam at 12:55 PM on July 12, 2006

Wait, did she say she kept in "tit top shape"?
posted by papercake at 12:55 PM on July 12, 2006

That site instacrashes my Safari.
posted by Addlepated at 12:59 PM on July 12, 2006

those dogs in leotards frighten me very, very much.
i dont even know why.
posted by fidgets at 1:07 PM on July 12, 2006

holy crap she's hot. im watching.
posted by xmutex at 1:10 PM on July 12, 2006

VH1 has a better show than this already and they didn't even have to use boobs.

Are you saying Patrice O'Neal doesn't have boobs? Because I've seen them.
posted by dhammond at 1:10 PM on July 12, 2006

oh you bet ill vote below you.
posted by xmutex at 1:10 PM on July 12, 2006

If this thing didn't lock up every 15 seconds, it might be interesting, despite the Brooke Burns wannabe.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:12 PM on July 12, 2006

She's cute but I still could not watch more than a few minutes of that.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 1:13 PM on July 12, 2006

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_Sansone

She is also a contributor to ESPN, MTVU & NESN (New England Sports Network) covering the Boston Red Sox. She is known for being the youngest TV reporter in the history of network television (12 years, 6 months old), doing sideline reporting for the ABC broadcast of the Little League World Series. She started at age eleven when she hosted her own children's sport show, Down to Size on WJET-TV ABC in Erie, Pennsylvania. She went on to interview Jim Kelly of the Buffalo Bills; Michael Jordan; Bill Cowher (coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers); baseball legend Tommy Lasorda; and others, all before her 13th birthday.

And her degree is from the Newhouse School (prestigious media/journalism program) at Syracuse University, so apparently she's not a 'brainless bimbo' and has wanted to be a reporter since before she even had breasts.
posted by SenshiNeko at 1:14 PM on July 12, 2006

I don't think it works with Mac. Crashes both Firefox and Safari on my laptop.
posted by cell divide at 1:15 PM on July 12, 2006

You know what's really interesting?

To read this whole post/thread without clicking on a single link. Boy I'm confused.
posted by ryran at 1:15 PM on July 12, 2006

Fine, she's not a Brooke Burns wannabe, then. She just has Brooke Burnsesque mannerisms and vocal inflections.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:25 PM on July 12, 2006

In my opinion it's crap, but just so you know it loads fine on my Mac running Camino.
posted by pwb503 at 1:26 PM on July 12, 2006

Pete (North Dallas Forty) Gent's take on Richard Simmons: "A skinny fag who used to be a fat fag, explaining the difference."
posted by pax digita at 1:26 PM on July 12, 2006

She has dead eyes.
posted by craniac at 1:26 PM on July 12, 2006

So I broke down recently, tossed Solzhenitsyn across the room and ordered 'Girls Gone Wild: Best of Blondes' on pay per view. Possibly the hottest tits I have ever witnessed.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 1:39 PM on July 12, 2006 [2 favorites]

Because no one seems to have said it so far:
Metafilter: The 9 without tits.
posted by uosuaq at 1:45 PM on July 12, 2006

craniac: She has dead eyes.

Never, never in my life have I snorted while giggling. Until just now.
posted by damnthesehumanhands at 1:52 PM on July 12, 2006

Metafilter: The 9 with a bunch of dicks.
posted by Lillitatiana at 1:55 PM on July 12, 2006

A bureaucracy chose that photo-fit face, I don't believe any natural process could create it. Despite the inherent inefficiencies and compromises committee decisions entail, you will be glad to know I'd hit it. Best of all I'd have no idea quite why. I shall medibate on this. If that's the spelling.
posted by econous at 2:02 PM on July 12, 2006

All I can say is she's no Amanda Congden.
posted by crunchland at 2:04 PM on July 12, 2006

are americans normally that perky at 9 in the morning?

works on safari on my mac fine.
posted by muthecow at 2:07 PM on July 12, 2006

Cool streaming video. Check. Cool blonde with titties. Check. Cool Web 2.0 Interface. Check. Cool useless content. Check.
posted by homodigitalis at 2:32 PM on July 12, 2006

Metafilter? Nah. Rocketboom with a tan.

I think the tits are about the same.
posted by dhartung at 2:33 PM on July 12, 2006

are americans normally that perky at 9 in the morning?

Sure..."morning perk" is sort of a nipple-equivalent to morning wood...

Oh wait, are we still talking about her tits?
posted by First Post at 2:33 PM on July 12, 2006

Link #2 for July 12 was dancingpaul.com gets jiggy.

Dancing Paul has been around for at least 5 years.
Wil Smith stopped pushing "get jiggy" when it came up for inclusion in the OED in 2002.

The 9 is way past its sell by date.
posted by paulsc at 2:34 PM on July 12, 2006

Take it to pornotube, you slavering dorks. Sadly pornfilter.com is taken. Is anything on that "show" not something that was on MetaFilter years ago? Except for the tits, possibly.
posted by jessamyn at 2:39 PM on July 12, 2006

We got those too!
posted by ND¢ at 2:44 PM on July 12, 2006

*sigh*
posted by raedyn at 2:51 PM on July 12, 2006

If you want Metafilter with tits, go to Fark.

Actually Drew moved the tits to Foobies (NSFW).
posted by MikeMc at 3:04 PM on July 12, 2006

Her, hot? yak.
posted by 517 at 3:11 PM on July 12, 2006

tossed Solzhenitsyn across the room

Jesus, hasn't the man been through enough?
posted by staggernation at 3:21 PM on July 12, 2006

meh. corporate media garbage.
posted by moonbird at 3:25 PM on July 12, 2006

Actually Drew moved the tits to Foobies (NSFW).

Whattabout wieners?
posted by moonbird at 3:26 PM on July 12, 2006

It bears repeating:

WHAT
ABOUT
WIENERS?
posted by jessamyn at 3:32 PM on July 12, 2006

Works for me. Um, in Safari, on my Mac, I mean....
posted by spilon at 3:34 PM on July 12, 2006

*votes furiously below her*
posted by emelenjr at 3:46 PM on July 12, 2006

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_Sansone

She is known for being the youngest TV reporter in the history of network television (12 years, 6 months old), doing sideline reporting for the ABblah blah blah meow meow meow meow arf arf arf

I've always said that's the big problem with wikipedia: Show one of its editors a nice pair of boobies and the so-called "neutral point of view" policy goes right the fuck out the window.
posted by mph at 4:03 PM on July 12, 2006

Metafilter: the land of slavering dorks.
posted by blucevalo at 4:07 PM on July 12, 2006

Can we make a new rule that interviewing athletes and pointing out crap on the internet does not make someone a reporter? Thank you.
posted by dhammond at 4:08 PM on July 12, 2006

Dancing Paul has been around for at least 5 years.

Plus Mariko Takahashi’s poodle fitness video is old, it was posted here on mefi 2 years ago.

Yahoo tries hard, I guess.
posted by zarah at 4:22 PM on July 12, 2006

just goes to show, tits aren't everything.
posted by crunchland at 4:25 PM on July 12, 2006

Is this a bunch of immature boys giggling out behind the shed or what?



(Hint: choose "or what" ...more options)
posted by taosbat at 4:36 PM on July 12, 2006

what, nobody's mentioned this yet?

Shit, wrong thread. Or is it?...
posted by chrissyboy at 4:52 PM on July 12, 2006

"Tits Youtubefilter": Another fine entry for my current project, Name Your Sock Puppet While You're Drinking.

That's a fun game.
posted by Paris Hilton at 5:08 PM on July 12, 2006

The first time around I couldn't get the video stream to load properly. So for some inexplicable reason I gave it another go.

The whole reason the internet is so unquestionably awesome is because I don't have to put up with obnoxious "talent" presenting stale, over-mediated "content" with ridiculously condescending "dialog" and "banter".

Guh. The best thing I can say about it is that the crappy giant Flash video makes her twitch and stutter all over the screen like some kind of Tourettes-fugued side-show specimen. This amusement lasted for approximately 15 seconds, though the glitching continued apace. Granted this has a lot to do with the ancientness of my computer, but I don't have these problems anywhere except in the heaviest of flash/shockwave files.

The content is almost entirely ancient and obviously self-linking. The presentation is stale, unconvincing and lifeless. The format and interface is excruciatingly painful.

And frankly, she's more plastic than cute, more RealDoll than Persona, and much more annoying than tolerable.

Yahoo, I've been with you since the very beginning. Since the days when you were in a dorm room closet and you could print out your entire index on a few sheets of paper. I was there when you rolled out webmail, and I still have that account. I hardly ever check that account anymore. I remember your first redesign and your first banner ad. But frankly you suck diseased donkey butthole, and you've been sucking at it real hard for a long, long time. You didn't just jump the shark, you copulated profusely with it's diseased corpse while riding some kind of giant Ferris wheel of shark-jumping, donkey-butt sucking festival of unrelenting crapulence.

In short: good riddance. Best of luck staying aloft on the liferaft that is Flickr.
posted by loquacious at 5:39 PM on July 12, 2006 [2 favorites]

The whole reason the internet is so unquestionably awesome is because I don't have to put up with obnoxious "talent" presenting stale, over-mediated "content" with ridiculously condescending "dialog" and "banter".

What he said. the only thing that could make this presenation worse is if it were Bob Saget doing the commentary.

When are the folks supposedly in the know about these kinds of things going to realize that the reason why we're spending more time on the Internet than the TV is because it's not TV?
posted by Zinger at 5:58 PM on July 12, 2006

Hey Yahoo, why don't you go fuck yourself.

oh, wait, I see that you already are... nevermind then.
posted by Hanover Phist at 6:09 PM on July 12, 2006

Woman != Tits. Tits != Women.
posted by dejah420 at 6:16 PM on July 12, 2006

Woman != Tits. Tits != Women.

Yup. What's your point?
posted by chrissyboy at 6:53 PM on July 12, 2006

forgot to add:

/wind up
posted by chrissyboy at 6:54 PM on July 12, 2006

As somebody who respects women for their personalities, intelligence & achievements, I am especially in awe of this lady, who seems to have succeeded despite a total absence of either looks in general, or boobies in particular, if the wikipedia promo shot is anything to go by.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:57 PM on July 12, 2006

When are the folks supposedly in the know about these kinds of things going to realize that the reason why we're spending more time on the Internet than the TV is because it's not TV?

Actually VH1 has a show now where they just recycle videos from youtube while a rapper (Proof, IIRC) makes bannal commentary about.
posted by delmoi at 7:28 PM on July 12, 2006

Metafilter with tits


posted by dgaicun at 8:33 PM on July 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

Actually VH1 has a show now where they just recycle videos from youtube while a rapper (Proof, IIRC) makes bannal commentary about.

This guy is a rapper? That's not racist at all, no... /tease
posted by dhammond at 8:40 PM on July 12, 2006

Why pick 'nine'? Is it arbitrary? There's some tv show coming out this fall or something called "the Nine." Is that related? Is it cuz Sansone's supposed to be a nine? Who said Pepsi was a ten? I never understood why Bo Derek was a ten. I wanna be on the planet where Janeane Garofalo is a ten.

I kinda wish somebody would whip up a daily video that summarizes MeFi for me so I won't have to click so much. And someone could define all the big words for me.
posted by ZachsMind at 8:45 PM on July 12, 2006

From Maria Sansone's 360 page:

Hey 9ers, you have to check out today's show.... Richie Simmons, "The Hoff" (as in David), a talking chimp, and poodle aerobics. Does it get much better than that?? I love my job.

So, "The Hoff" is out with a new music video (awesomely bad!). We couldn't show you the whole thing, but it's in YOUR best interest to watch it all (maybe twice). You won't be sorry.

See you tomorrow!!
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 9:10 PM on July 12, 2006

so apparently she's not a 'brainless bimbo' and has wanted to be a reporter since before she even had breasts.

So? I'm sure there are plenty of similar I've-been-doing-this-since-I-was-a-tot stories out there, but you never hear about them, do you? Know why? 'Cause of the tits.

You think it's some kind of amazing coincidence that the people who are most successful with television are also good-looking (at least, in the traditional sense)? Yeah, yeah, talent ambition intelligence hard working Fulbright fellow in television anchoring... sure. But hot, too. If you don't have the "good looking," it's all for naught. And if you do have the "good looking," the rest of that stuff is just gravy so they can fall back on the position that "We only hired her because she's so talented" bullshit.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:22 PM on July 12, 2006

This will be the only time I ever see that webpage in my entire life.
posted by moonbiter at 10:06 PM on July 12, 2006

"Viewsers" - oh dear god, that is a horrible word.
posted by greycap at 10:31 PM on July 12, 2006

SenshiNeko: "apparently she's not a 'brainless bimbo' and has wanted to be a reporter since before she even had breasts."

Not for anything, but she's reading the Yahoo 9 from a teleprompter. For the time being, anyway, she's about as much of a reporter as Ze Frank. One could even argue less.
posted by rafter at 10:33 PM on July 12, 2006

Just jump in Hoff's car, already.
posted by arcticwoman at 11:10 PM on July 12, 2006

HURF BURF BUTTER EATER TITS
posted by scrump at 11:26 PM on July 12, 2006

I don't think it works with Mac. Crashes both Firefox and Safari on my laptop.

You're not alone, same with my laptop.
posted by bobo123 at 1:31 AM on July 13, 2006

I wanna be on the planet where Janeane Garofalo is a ten.

Then come to my planet. It's a wonderful place. And there's still plenty to peruse in the tits department.
posted by grubi at 6:07 AM on July 13, 2006

"over-mediated "content" with ridiculously condescending "dialog" and "banter"."

YES. It's the smuggish pseudo-snark on both this and the VH1 that makes me unable to watch it. It's like being at a party and not being fucked up enough to find all of your brother's friends funny.
posted by klangklangston at 6:46 AM on July 13, 2006

"I wanna be on the planet where Janeane Garofalo is a ten."
posted by ZachsMind at 11:45 PM EST on July 12

Now that's some serious kink.

Respect.

Revulsion, sure, but, damn...

Respect!
posted by paulsc at 6:55 AM on July 13, 2006

"I wanna be on the planet where Janeane Garofalo is a ten."

From what I've seen, that planet is called New England.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 7:53 AM on July 13, 2006

From what I've seen, that planet is called New England.

REPRESENT!!
posted by jessamyn at 8:29 AM on July 13, 2006

*packs up and moves to New England*
posted by everichon at 8:57 AM on July 13, 2006

Come on, Jessica Simpson, ditch the cataract patient glasses and dorky hat.
posted by dsquid at 9:09 AM on July 13, 2006

That "website" sucks so hard I don't even care about the hot chick. My computer even tried to kill itself. It's the first thing that has ever crashed Firefox so completely that it actually took down Windows XP with it.

What happened to you, Yahoo? You used to be cool.
posted by Tubes at 9:18 AM on July 13, 2006

yahooboom.com wasn't available?
posted by junesix at 1:23 PM on July 13, 2006

metafilter: you copulated profusely with it's diseased corpse while riding some kind of giant Ferris wheel of shark-jumping, donkey-butt sucking festival of unrelenting crapulence.
posted by macmac at 2:27 PM on July 13, 2006

Nice rack-- and so far she is the only American presenter who pronounced Zidane's full name correctly.
posted by wfc123 at 6:22 PM on July 13, 2006

This thread redeemed the Blue for me. Thanks, tits!
posted by SpecialK at 8:27 PM on July 13, 2006