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Hark, the Canadian Liberal Party Leaders speak!
July 20, 2006 7:23 AM   Subscribe

Comments that didn't get quoted because they weren't made.. Prominent Liberals have been jumping into the fray about the crisis in the Middle East and the evacuation of Canadians from Lebanon. Here are some (parodied) comments from them.
posted by orange swan (21 comments total)

 
Disclaimer: Please don't consider this post an endorsement of the blog Civitatensis, which I consider neither well-written nor insightful. I just thought this entry a reasonably good send up of the Liberals and their foibles — the blog author really nailed some of them. I'd love to see it extended to include "quotes" from the Conservative, NDP, and BQ parties, but don't expect the former at least from "an Albertan's point of view", because in Alberta you could run a bale of hay as the Conservative candidate and get it elected.
posted by orange swan at 7:23 AM on July 20, 2006


Do you have to be Canadian to find this funny?
posted by bshort at 7:58 AM on July 20, 2006


"Do you have to be Canadian to find this funny?"

Big time. #'s 1 - 11 are all candidates in the race to replace former Prime Minister Paul Martin as head of the Liberal Party of Canada. The statements pretty well reflect turf each has staked out in the campaign to date.

Former Montreal Canadiens' goalie Ken Dryden, for instance, was the Minister of Social Development in the Martin government and cobbled together a series of agreements with the provinces under which the feds would throw child care money at them and, in return, the feds would earn the right to claim Canada has a "National Child Care Program", something the Liberals failed utterly to deliver -- but repeatedly promised -- for 13 years.

Belinda's on about having a federal cabinet elected by an "inner ring" of Party caucus members, rather than appointed from among the Prime Minister's close friends.

Paul Martin's family holdings include Canada Steamship Lines.

Former Prime Minister Jean Chretien is a known mutilator of the English language and a known answer-avoider whenever he is asked a direct question.

Hedy Fry once raised the spectre of bigots burning crosses in her riding -- which wasn't happening, but certainly galvanized the media into giving her air / column time -- even if it was only to say, "You stupid idiot".

Scott Brison has been milking his coming out of the closet ever since he... well, came out of the closet.

Stephane Dion was Environment Minister and is a passionate advocate of Kyoto. The only thing that would have made this quote funnier was to throw in a sub-set blaming Quebec separatists for the problem and touting a strong federalist Canada as the only possible solution. (He was also federal Intergovernmental Affairs Minister and refuses to cede descriptors like "nation" to Quebec.)

Joe Volpe was nailed for listing an entire family, including 11-year old twins, as donors of $5,400 each to his campaign -- severely violating the spirit of Canada's Election Act while admittedly staying within its law. (Convincing Canadians that 11-year olds happily donated $5,400 each to his campaign has proven somewhat more difficult.)

Bob Rae is a former everything -- including NDP Premier of Ontario -- whose latest mantra is Get Canada out of Afghanistan.

I'll let someone else field Iggy, Lloyd and Maurizio but to answer your question, yeah, you really need to be Canadian and, if that's where you are, this is hilarious!
posted by Mike D at 8:24 AM on July 20, 2006


This is a snark that It's Raining Florence Henderson didn't make.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:39 AM on July 20, 2006


It's missing Steven Harper's guiding principle -- WWGBD? (What Would George Bush Do?)
posted by clevershark at 8:42 AM on July 20, 2006


Hedy Fry once raised the spectre of bigots burning crosses in her riding -- which wasn't happening, but certainly galvanized the media into giving her air / column time -- even if it was only to say, "You stupid idiot".

Great round-up, Mike D, but didn't the honourable member for Vancouver-Centre -- aka the biggest waste of skin since Stanfield -- say they were burning crosses in Prince-George "as we speak"?
posted by docgonzo at 8:53 AM on July 20, 2006


Excellent summation, Mike D! I really ought to have provided something of the sort, I guess, for this mostly American crowd. I'll do the remaining three:

Axworthy has published a book called Navigating A New World, which is about the uses of “soft power”, and he’s considered to be a politician who made use of soft power during his career.

Michael Ignatieff supported (and still supports) the Iraq war for humanitarian reasons, and was criticized for being too cavalier and removed from the lives and suffering that such a war would cost.

Maurizio Bevilacqua entered the Liberal party leadership race last April and gave a statement including the words, "I urge Liberals, don't panic, stay focused, stick to your principles, and let's dispense with the unite-the-left rhetoric."
posted by orange swan at 9:11 AM on July 20, 2006


Scott Brison has been milking his coming out of the closet ever since he... well, came out of the closet.

I haven't perceived his actions that way at all. Outside of the same-sex marriage debate, I've barely heard him mention the subject.

Then again, for some (not necessarily you Mike D) any mention of this at all would be considered throwing it in people's faces.
posted by Adam_S at 9:15 AM on July 20, 2006


Is it alright that this is funny and sad at the same time?
posted by purephase at 9:27 AM on July 20, 2006


"Do you have to be Canadian to find this funny?"

The proper question is "Do I have to own a Canadian to enjoy this?" and the answer is "yes."
posted by klangklangston at 9:49 AM on July 20, 2006


Isn't this just a poor and rather humour-impaired attempt at deflecting attention from the real "measured" statements of another politician (and the killing of eight Canadians)?
posted by Skeptic at 9:52 AM on July 20, 2006


"'Scott Brison has been milking his coming out of the closet ever since he... well, came out of the closet.'

I haven't perceived his actions that way at all. Outside of the same-sex marriage debate, I've barely heard him mention the subject."

Point taken. My snark was probably unfair to Brison. The same-sex marriage debate has been huge in this country (and will become so again in the Fall) and it always seemed to me that the Liberal Question Period philosophy was "Let the gay guy take this one" whenever it came up in the House.

It probably is not Brison's fault that he's been cast as the Liberal front-man on the issue.

(Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

:-)
posted by Mike D at 9:53 AM on July 20, 2006


"didn't the honourable member for Vancouver-Centre -- aka the biggest waste of skin since Stanfield -- say they were burning crosses in Prince-George 'as we speak'"?

Bingo.
posted by Mike D at 9:53 AM on July 20, 2006


You don't own Canadians, you rent 'em.
posted by Bearman at 9:56 AM on July 20, 2006


Do you have to be Canadian to find this funny?

I would hope that others would not judge the Canadian sense of humour based on this attempt. These "quotes" are totally bereft of any sense of irony that is needed to make them funny.
posted by Neiltupper at 10:42 AM on July 20, 2006


klangklangston writes "The proper question is 'Do I have to own a Canadian to enjoy this?' and the answer is 'yes.'"

You might need a whole two four though.
posted by Mitheral at 12:11 PM on July 20, 2006


Stephane Dion: “Our principal concern is that emanations from the many rocket explosions and airplane sorties during the conflict drive us further and further away from the commitment to clean air under the Kyoto Protocol.”

OOOH, I get it. He's the former Environment Minister so, you know, he'd be more concerned about the environmental impact of war than any other aspect. Uh huh.

What Neiltupper said. The only way that this is "Canadian humour" is: i) it uses Canadian political figures, and ii) the "u" in "humour".
posted by dreamsign at 12:13 PM on July 20, 2006


It's missing Steven Harper's guiding principle -- WWGBD?

Harper's not a member of the Liberal party.


The Chrétien quote is a send-up of this response to what would constitute proof of WMDs in Iraq: "A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven."
posted by joannemerriam at 12:17 PM on July 20, 2006


It's missing Steven Harper's guiding principle -- WWGBD?

That's not really fair. George Bush first action in office would not be to consider what was essentially an act of war against the United States.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 12:43 PM on July 20, 2006


"You don't own Canadians, you rent 'em."

Can't you do a "rent to own" type thing? I really want to get a Canadian but I don't want to pay rental fees forever.
posted by MikeMc at 1:16 PM on July 20, 2006


joannemerriam writes "Harper's not a member of the Liberal party."

Well duh.
posted by clevershark at 1:21 PM on July 20, 2006


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