Comments on: It's like 10 000 spoons when all you need is a knife

It's like 10 000 spoons when all you need is a knife

mr.marx — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 03:55:00 -0800

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:05:57 -0800

sometimes "inscrutable" is just a polite way of saying "not very good." story of my life

By: handee

handee — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:07:18 -0800

they missed out duran duran: "it means so much to me Like a birthday or a pretty view" or even "You’re about as easy as a nuclear war"

By: parki

parki — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:09:24 -0800

"...plants and birds and rocks and things" But it's a *great* album by the Loud Family. "In this ever changing world in which we live in."

By: terpsichoria

terpsichoria — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:34:30 -0800

I don't want to see a ghost, it's the sight that I fear most.

By: MrBaliHai

MrBaliHai — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:35:18 -0800

They forgot: Hotblooded check it and see I've got a fever burnin' inside of me C'mon baby, do you do more than dance? I'm hotblooded I'm hotblooded -Foreigner

By: persona non grata

persona non grata — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:46:55 -0800

I'm sorta glad that when I listen to music I'm always focussed on the tune rather than the words. Some lyrics really are god-awful and ham fisted, but so is a lot of music criticism criticism. Now I'm gonna go download me some Spice Girls. Excellent house-cleaning music, I think.

By: Colloquial Collision

Colloquial Collision — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:49:15 -0800

Yyyyeeeaaaahhhhhhh! Oh~kaye! Of course, one could argue, anything issued from Lil' Jon's mouth does not constitute something remotely lyrical and therefore, would be exempt from such a list.

By: NeonSurge

NeonSurge — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:53:02 -0800

I know you've gotta make allowances for the fact that the authors are trying to be fashionably indie-snarky and all that but while there ARE some classic examples in there, many are "bad" simply because they're taken out of context. That's an easy way to make almost any lyrics sound ridiculous. Having said that, any lyricist who uses the phrase "like a knife" (following "life", "wife" etc.) deserves to be forced to write down all of the Spice Girls' lyrics 100 times.

By: bunglin jones

bunglin jones — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:57:31 -0800

Couldn't this have been written with at least some degree of wit and intelligence? I mean, if you're gonna take the piss out of a target as easy as Warrant's "Cherry Pie", then you ought to come up with something better than : the reason most people don't swing? Because they're too busy bitching. Makes sense to us. Must try harder.

By: GhostintheMachine

GhostintheMachine — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:07:53 -0800

Who is Relient K, and why does he think the sun rises in the west? Or does he just happen to be in that very small bend of Panama where the Pacific curls up to the east?

By: jack_mo

jack_mo — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:07:54 -0800

I believe that the worst lyrics of all time are, unfortunately, by my favourite artist of all time, Prince. From his song Girl: Caress the flower Warm, warm Bring it to the garden The garden Be poetic Tell me what it feels like... A sea of electricity? It's the 'be poetic' line and what follows that really tips this lyric from merely awful to so fucking awful you wish you didn't have ears, or at least didn't speak English. Hardly unique, either: Ronnie Talk To Russia is another contender.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:09:23 -0800

"He could throw that speed ball by you / make you look like a fool" I had always wondered how a good ole All-American blue collar guy like the Boss could blow a basic baseball term. This is a good catch. "Someone left the cake out in the rain/I don't think I could take it, `cause it took so long to bake it/And I'll never have that recipe again, oh no!" They're all wet here. This is obviously a metaphor for how the Mideast peace process unravelled after the promise of the 1979 Camp David Accords.

By: Lazlo Hollyfeld

Lazlo Hollyfeld — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:11:42 -0800

How can they leave out my favorite, Lenny Kravitz? I wish that I could fly Into the sky So very high Just like a dragonfly I'd fly above the trees Over the seas in all degrees To anywhere I please Oh I want to get away I want to fly away Yeah yeah yeah

By: deadcowdan

deadcowdan — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:15:22 -0800

The one that has gets under my skin more than anything else I can think of is from that blech song by Seven Mary Three from about ten years ago: "No, no, no, no, no, no, yeah."

By: dobbs

dobbs — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:17:18 -0800

They chose an R. Kelly track and it wasn't the one about the midget? WTF?

By: greycap

greycap — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:20:28 -0800

What, no Rhythm is a Dancer by Snap? I'm as serious as cancer When I tell you rhythm is a dancer

By: SteveInMaine

SteveInMaine — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:21:17 -0800

I think you can find "bad" lyrics in practically any song. I suspect thats because a word or phrase is occasionally needed to fit the melody. It's hard to pick just one song from one artiste, so I have to say practically every song from Squeeze has bad lyrics, but they're fun. ergo... Hes not into miracles Sees life all too cynical The cat has got his tongue Now she bangs on his drum He says pull the other one Bells ring, look what you have done Emotions leaking out Her paints all over town

By: grabbingsand

grabbingsand — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:21:28 -0800

Nope. No good. Can't have a "Worst Lyrics" without the most unwieldy rap bridge of all time: Too hot to handle, too cold to hold. They call the Ghostbusters and they're in control. Had them throwing a party for a bunch of children. When all the while, the slime was under the building. So they packed up, regrouped, got a grip, camera quick. Grabbed their proton packs on their backs and they split. Found out about Vigo, the master of evil. Try to battle my boys, that's not legal. -- "On Our Own," Bobby Brown

By: greycap

greycap — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:21:57 -0800

Oh and I second terspichoria - make myself a piece of toast, etc.... oh good grief, Desree.

By: beno

beno — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:24:41 -0800

Excellent title. That song should at least have made the top 5.

By: ibmcginty

ibmcginty — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:25:24 -0800

Hey, Lazlo, that sounds familiar... Your sandy hair floats in the air... To me it's like a lullaby... I'm just flying by... Oh so high... like a kite... tied to a skate... What always bugged me most about the Live & Let Die lyric was that it would have been so simple just so say, "but if this ever-changing world in which we're livin'/Makes you give in and cry..." Come on, man, you wrote For No One, She's Leaving Home, Eleanor Rigby, probably more of the Beatles songs with great lyrics than John. What happened there?

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:28:22 -0800

As an atheist who went to Church last Sunday to attend the dedication service of a friend's newborn baby I ask... dose this list of terrible lyrics take into account the songs they sing there? Because pardon the pun, the lyrics there were god-awful. Repetitive, boring and just plain dire.

By: ibmcginty

ibmcginty — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:29:04 -0800

Oh, no way, SteveInMaine, how can you not like Squeeze lyrics? I'm invited in for coffee and I give the dog a bone? Late evenings by the fire and little kicks inside her? Then they discovered my shipment of Maroccan, and said 'excuse me, sir, there's something you've forgotten'? We stayed in by the telly although the room was smelly? I mean, they have some lousy ones-- Some Americans is cringe-inducing all the way through-- but on the whole they're lots of fun. Oh, and what about Hot in Here by Nelly? "It's gettin hot in here/So take off all your clothes/It is gettin so hot/I'm gon' take my clothes off." It's an assault on the very idea of wit.

By: grubi

grubi — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:30:38 -0800

Great idea for a post. Makes me wish I had saved my old list of crappiest and awesomest lyrics from when I was 16. Or, upon further reflection, not so much.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:37:01 -0800

What happened there? Well, he didn't have John to tell him how lame his lyrics were anymore, and to help fix them. I have a very hard time believing that McCartney wrote the lyrics to "She's Leaving Home" and "Eleanor Rigby" all by himself. McCartney was a fantastic musician, performer (listen to "Oh! Darling" for proof) and composer, but anything that was lyrically complex and/or a little bit dark, that was all Lennon. It's true that they both sketched their songs out alone, but they did a fair amount of give and take (George Martin also had a huge influence) when they brought them into the studio.

By: bradth27

bradth27 — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:38:37 -0800

THE SONG: Spice Girls, “Wannabe” THE LYRIC: "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends” THE VERDICT: Okay, no guy is going to say no to that (as long as Gerri turns the lights off). Now, who in their right mind would ask her to do that?

By: Benny Andajetz

Benny Andajetz — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:39:19 -0800

Someone's knocking at the door Someone's ringing the bell Someone's knocking at the door Someone's ringing the bell Do me a favor Open the door and let 'em in (Even the greats just phone it in, sometimes)

By: tastybrains

tastybrains — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:43:48 -0800

They forgot pretty much everything from Nickelback. Look at this photograph Everytime I do it makes me laugh How did our eyes get so red And what the hell is on Joey's head ::: screams in rage :::

By: clevershark

clevershark — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:45:18 -0800

I guess the authors couldn't figure out that the lyrics they quoted for Rush's Xanadu were taken more or less directly from one of the better-known poems of the Romantic era (Coleridge's "Kubla Khan").

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:46:38 -0800

ibmcginty -- what you're failing to understand about the chorus of "hot in Herre" is that Nelly is actually using the old Jedi mind trick on the lady.

By: randomination

randomination — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:47:53 -0800

I don't want to see a ghost, it's the sight that I fear most, I'd rather have a piece of toast and watch the evening news.

By: grubi

grubi — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:48:30 -0800

It may be a better-known poem from the Romantic era, but that doesn't make them good lyrics. Bleargh!

By: Lazlo Hollyfeld

Lazlo Hollyfeld — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:50:00 -0800

No, I'm guessing they knew the Rush lyrics were a reference to Coleridge and thought it was pretentious and wanky.

By: The Jesse Helms

The Jesse Helms — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:54:53 -0800

I was expecting every NIN song.

By: kdar

kdar — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:56:31 -0800

I'm happy they pointed out the Spice Girls' Wannabe weirdness. When it came out I kept trying to convince my parents and friends of what it really meant; they all assumed it was something more innocent. Nearly 10 years later: validation!

By: swlabr

swlabr — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:58:40 -0800

"I am," I said To no one there An no one heard at all Not even the chair >> Neil Diamond, "I am . . . I said" Those are the lyrics as published all over the 'net. But I always heard it as "I am," I said And no one seemed to care Not even the chair

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 05:58:41 -0800

I'm just a singer of simple songs I'm not a real political man I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you The difference in Iraq and Iran But I know Jesus and I talk to God And I remember this from when I was young Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us And the greatest is love - "Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning", Alan Jackson

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:02:43 -0800

I hates me some unoriginal rhymes, but it's really about how you use the words, y'know? Dylan uses done/Highway 61 three times, for example, and The Magnetic Fields' "Yeah Oh Yeah" does the life/knife/wife thing, but both are so goldarn great that they can get away with it. On the other hand, what Lazlo Hollyfeld said. Lenny Kravitz could find a cure for cancer while rescuing me from an overturned SUV and I still wouldn't be able to forgive him for that song. I've always suspected that the "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" at the end is just an extra fuck-you-slap-in-the-face response to anyone who hears the song for the first time and is thinking, "Holy shit, he can't be friggin' serious!". MacArthur Park? In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)? Clearly these people don't appreciate brilliance.

By: Slack-a-gogo

Slack-a-gogo — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:04:50 -0800

Niel Peart wrote what is, for my money, one of the funniest lyrics ever: There is unrest in the forest There is trouble with the trees For the maples want more sunlight And the oaks ignore their pleas Bad lyrics are fun when the song or band is fun (Ramones, Jonathan Richman), but when the artist is deathly serious bad lyrics can be painful.

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:07:55 -0800

Obviously you've never spent time in a tree nursery, Slack-a-gogo, otherwise you'd know that Oak trees (They insist that I capitalize it) are indeed a gang of assholes.

By: Eldritch

Eldritch — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:08:35 -0800

Seriously? They manage to include America's "Horse With No Name," but miss the all-time worst lyric ever written? 'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain (Of course there's probably also Rick Springfield's Jessie's Girl: You know, I feel so dirty when they start talking cute I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot Are you kidding?! 'cute' doesn't even rhyme with 'moot'.)

By: psmealey

psmealey — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:15:30 -0800

.... and the trees were all kept equal by hatchet,... axe... and saw. I was expecting every NIN song. Head like a hole, black as your soul, I'd rather die than give you control... Yeah, that's about right. I guess if you put some driving beats and grinding guitars behind even the most juvenile of lyrics, it can end up sounding dark, twisted and angry. Though the same can be said for Led Zeppelin, ACDC, and so on. Let's face it though, other than who... Lou Reed? Arlo Guthrie? John Wesley Harding? Bob Dylan? Very few pop music lyrics can stand by itself as good poetry.

By: TwoWordReview

TwoWordReview — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:16:33 -0800

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you....Puff Daddy Tell me lies, time flies Close your eyes, come with me Or You said to trust you, you'd never hurt me Now, I'm disgusted, since then adjusted Certainly, you fooled me, ridiculed me Left me hangin', now shit's boomerangin' or And I don't wanna let you leave Can't say I didn't let you breathe Gave you extra G's (c'mon), put you in the SUV You wanted ice so I made you freeze Made you hot like the West Indies (that's right) Now it's time you invest in me Cause if not then it's best you leave ...good grief!

By: IndigoJones

IndigoJones — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:16:36 -0800

THE SONG: America, "A Horse With No Name" THE LYRIC: "There were plants and birds and rocks and things" Bad, admittedly. But surely not as bad as "the heat was hot". Now I hate that group with a passion, but to give them some credit, they were at least trying. Lyrics are tough. Among the other losers, I'm guessing, hoping, the composers were simply filling in space with nonsense that scanned. Scat singing, almost, and I do mean that to be taken both ways. Cf Yesterday, which began life as Scrambled Eggs. Clearly, the truly bad never finished breakfast.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:20:41 -0800

Lazlo Hollyfeld writes "No, I'm guessing they knew the Rush lyrics were a reference to Coleridge and thought it was pretentious and wanky. You're giving them a lot of credit. Remember, they're music critics.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:22:36 -0800

Actually any bad lyrics list that doesn't include "Fitty"'s "in da club" isn't worth jack.

By: Ironmouth

Ironmouth — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:24:05 -0800

That Drops of Jupiter song by Train is totally terrible.

By: biffa

biffa — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:24:55 -0800

I'm afraid of the dark, especially when I'm in a park Des'ree

By: Mid

Mid — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:26:49 -0800

The Red Hot Chili Peppers have so many bad lyrics it would take a day to track them all down, but the absolute worst might by from Green Heaven, which appeared on one of their earlier albums: (emphasis added for the really bad parts) Diviner than the dolphin, that there is none 'cause dolphins just-a like to have a lot of fun No one tells 'em how their life is run And no one points at them with a gun They have a lot of love for every living creature The smile of a dolphin is a built in feature They be movin' in schools but everyone's the teacher Someday mister dolphin, I know I'm go'n to meet you The best part is that Anthony Kiedis rhymes "teacher" with "meet you" by pronouncing the second word as "meetcha."

By: Ber

Ber — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:28:28 -0800

I listen to a lot of prog and they really blew it by just going after Peart and Gabriel. I'm not sure Genesis should be singled out for a few of Gabriel's excessive moments when you consider the lyrical abilities of Yes's Jon Anderson: The muses dance and sing They make the children really ring I'll spend the day your way Call it morning driving thru the sound and In and out the valley..... In and around the lake Mountains come out of the sky and they Stand there One mile over we'll be there and we'll see you Ten true summers we'll be there and Laughing too Twenty four before my love you'll see I'll be There with you

By: casarkos

casarkos — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:29:26 -0800

Why is that milkshake song not on the list?

By: Mid

Mid — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:29:31 -0800

Also, I'm always irritated when a songwriter simply repeats a word in order to make a rhyme, as in the Beastie Boys' Pass the Mic: Everybody's rapping like it's a Commercial / Actin' like life is a big commercial

By: Prospero

Prospero — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:30:49 -0800

I don't like cities, but I like New York. Other places make me feel like a dork. --Madonna, "I Love New York"

By: cillit bang

cillit bang — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:31:23 -0800

The 2nd one on the list is overtly nonsense, so calling it out for being nonsense is pretty meta.

By: orange swan

orange swan — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:35:00 -0800

And then there's this one: We got two strong hearts We stick together like the honey and the bee Honey is bee vomit. And if you want to go torture yourself, that was from "Two Strong Hearts" by John Farnham.

By: Richat

Richat — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:35:48 -0800

I have long since thought that George Harrison's "I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping" is about as bad as it gets. I do agree though, that many, many songs mentioned above are terrible too.

By: Kronoss

Kronoss — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:37:54 -0800

Anyone looking for lyrical cleverness shouldn't listen to AC/DC. Still, one of my favorite "bad" lyrics: Cover you in oil Cover you in oil Let me cover you in oil I wanna cover you in oil I'm gonna cover you in oil Cover you in oil Let me cover you in oil Cover you in oil Cover you....in...oil From the song "Cover You in Oil"

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:37:57 -0800

parki, I thought you were wrong, beause I always hear it as, "In this ever changing world in which we're living," but it turns out I'm the one mishearing it. I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me Twice on the pipe, if the answer is no Knock three times if I'm the one you wanna see Twice on the pipe, if you ain't gonna show

By: Wolof

Wolof — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:42:35 -0800

Fly, robin, fly.

By: mckenney

mckenney — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:48:28 -0800

Oh man, I don't know. Khia's "My Neck, My Back" is a combination of mindnumbingly stupid and gross as hell.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:51:23 -0800

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh You don't have to go oh, oh, oh, oh, oh You don't have to go oh, oh, oh, oh, oh You don't have to go Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, aye All those tears I cry ay, ay, ay, ay, ay Ooh those tears I cry ay, ay Baby, Please, Don't go oh

By: Floydd

Floydd — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:52:41 -0800

First date story. After dinner we went bar hopping, ended up in a little place just off State. We snuggled into a little table. Then I noticed the music. "Horse With No Name." "I hate America." I said "Worst lyrics ever." She said: "I'll ask him to change it." I said: "No, it'll be over soon." The next song was "Ventura Highway." They were playing the "Best Of..." CD. She got up, flirted with the bartender for a moment, and came back to the table. "I took care of that for you." "Thanks." That's when "Inna Gadda Da Vida" started.... I knew it then. She's a keeper.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:56:21 -0800

""It's gettin hot in here/So take off all your clothes/It is gettin so hot/I'm gon' take my clothes off."" No, you've confused "stupid" with "stupid genius." Nelly makes this exhortation and then the girls actually do take off their clothes. I remember when this song came out and I was in a sweaty Nashville club and it was like some sort of group hypnosis. Most lyrics are stupid. Even things like "Come Together," which I both really like and realize has an extra-textual explanation, are totally retarded if looked at on a page. But the real problem with lists like this is that it's much easier to come up with shitty lyrics than it is to come up with great ones. Working as a local music critic has made me pretty much ignore any lyric unless it's brilliant and makes me notice, because I see such a goddamned raft of shitty lyrics. (I just got sent a promo which started off with "If this van's a rockin', don't come a knockin'," and immediately pitched the album in the trash).

By: Herr Fahrstuhl

Herr Fahrstuhl — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:57:43 -0800

"Your least favorite band doesn't suck"?

By: Cyrano

Cyrano — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:57:53 -0800

Ain't no reason to be hatin' on "Cherry Pie." I mean, if you've never seen the video and therefore don't have a Bobbie Brown happy-place to flake into whenever you hear it I'd understand, but geez... (And if Van Halen's "Summer Nights" is the best example you can come up with then looking for the obligatory We're Trying To Score With Indie Chicks By Showing How Much We Care About The Plight of Women [Even Thought We're Really Just Hoping To Get Laid] then you're not trying very hard.) (Not that Hagar, of whom I am a huge fan, hasn't written a few lame-ass lyrics over the years. But I tend to treat the singer as just another instrument in most songs. I don't really care what he/she is saying, I just care how it sounds when they sing it.) And did you know that Wikipedia has a entry for songs about body parts? I didn't.

By: Decani

Decani — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:58:17 -0800

"Cuts like a knife". Anyone using that fatuous, lazy cliche should be publicly disembowelled. Slowly.

By: Cyrano

Cyrano — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:02:23 -0800

But it feels so right!

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:03:57 -0800

Here's a laughable sample from the Turtles' bubblegum pop hit, "Elenore": Elenore, gee I think you're swell And you really do me well You're my pride and joy, et cet'ra Elenore, can I take the time To ask you to speak your mind Tell me that you love me bettah Yes, that's right. "Et cetera" and "better" rhyme now.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:10:55 -0800

i've got a couple of lyrics that drive me up a wall every time i hear them, which is fairly often ... journey, "don't stop believing" born and raised in south detroit look, it's downriver or upriver, west or east, but south detroit would be windsor, which is in another country, guys and sammy hagar, "your love is driving me crazy" hot sweet cherries on the vine no, sammy, cherries grow on trees ... if you'd drive 55 once in awhile, you might be able to talk about the scenery intelligently

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:11:57 -0800

faint of butt ... that turtles song was meant as parody ... not that it stopped them from having a hit with it

By: psmealey

psmealey — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:14:18 -0800

Klangklangston is exactly right (again). On a related topic, one of my all time favorite lyricists is Morrissey, because he's so bloody pretentious and his constructions are so awkward, yet somehow it all works. Rush isn't pretentious; they are geeks. They quote and paraphrase the actual texts of Coleridge, Orwell and Rand. Morrissey is pretentious not because he quotes Keats, Yeats, Wilde and Byron, but because he talks about quoting them, and never gets around to it, because, we suspect, he's never really read them.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:20:30 -0800

You know, it's a given that "My Humps" is the worst song of all time. However, yesterday, I had the misfortune to hear the second-worst, "Beep," by the Pussycat Dolls. --Excerpt-- It's funny how a man only thinks about the... (beep) You got a real big heart, but I'm looking your... (beep) You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your... (beep) Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your... (beep) --Excerpt-- I later found out that this "song" features one of the members of the Black Eyed Peas, the "band" that purpetrated "My Humps." The Black Eyed Peas are now, officially, the most detestable band in popular music.

By: ao4047

ao4047 — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:22:11 -0800

My nomination from the musical theatre genre: from Sondheim's Company the duet 'Barcelona': (I consider this a blackhole in the show since the other songs are so tight and well-written) Where ya goin? Barcelona. Oh. ... Now you're angry? No I'm not. Yes you are. No I'm not. (full lyrics)

By: orange swan

orange swan — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:25:47 -0800

no, sammy, cherries grow on trees ... if you'd drive 55 once in awhile, you might be able to talk about the scenery intelligently Sheryl Crow needs to hear that speech as well, because of her "apples on the vine" line from "You Don't Bring Me Anything But Down".

By: sourwookie

sourwookie — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:26:19 -0800

ring-a-ding ding my dick tastes better than Burger King FTW, IMO.

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:26:38 -0800

Well, I'll be darned. pyramid termite, I did not know that. This manifested itself initially when Howard, in a fit of disgust, wrote the mocking "Elenore," that became a huge hit because record buyers responded to the sincerity of his voice rather than really reading into the tongue-in-cheek lyrics. [TheTurtles.com]

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:28:05 -0800

I'm an Alanis Morissette fan, but I'm still surprised that she seems to have gotten off scott free here. "Of All Time"? In general the people who made the list really didn't try very hard. I know everyone who reads one of these lists thinks, "I could have made a better one," but in this case it's obvious that anyone really could have.

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:29:29 -0800

I'm an Alanis Morissette fan, but I'm still surprised that she seems to have gotten off scott free here. Except in the title, I mean :) And that line barely scratches the surface.

By: Iridic

Iridic — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:30:34 -0800

Even though I know I don’t want to know Yeah I guess I know I just hate how it sounds From "One Thing," by Finger Eleven. I wanted to drive my car off the road every time I heard those plodding humorless lyrics.

By: Beefheart

Beefheart — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:33:44 -0800

So "You Gots to Chill" cause I "Kill at Will" like solid water dude; y'all n****** don't get it "Kill at Will," solid water? Ice Cube Ha ha, that's how hip-hop has evolved To make the bad pun and then immediately point it out? Lay-z.

By: clubfoote

clubfoote — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:38:29 -0800

Google Cache I couldn't get the link to load.

By: crumbly

crumbly — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:42:51 -0800

I tell myself, "Hey! Only fools rush in" an' only Time will tell If we stand the test of time

By: Turd Ferguson

Turd Ferguson — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:44:08 -0800

Eldritch, I'm curious. In what way does "moot" not rhyme with "cute"? They rhyme in my dialect, and according to dictionary.com. Which is not to disagree that that's an awful lyric.

By: wzcx

wzcx — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:44:54 -0800

I was hoping to see The Thong Song: She had dumps like a truck truck truck/ Thighs like what what what/ Baby move your butt butt butt/ Uh/ I think to sing it again (repeat) Gah.

By: edverb

edverb — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:51:57 -0800

The apex of bad lyrics: Creed, What's This Life For

I see your soul, its kinda grey You see my heart, you look away You see my wrist, I know your pain I know your purpose on your plane Don't say a last prayer Because you could never find What's this life for What's this life for What's this life for What's this life for

Bad grammar chorus and title, sung as seriously as Scott Stapp could muster, capped off with this pseudo-Christian band using "god damn" in their lyrics ("don't have to settle no god damn score"). Oh yeah...they'll take the Lord's name in vain. Just went ahead and did it. They're dangerous like that. They're serious. Ugh. btw...a vast proportion of bad lyrics are overly serious, unimaginative lyricists abusing the word "soul". If a lyric contains the word "soul", the song has an 85% or better chance of sucking. Using "soul" in the title of the song yields a 92% or better suckage rate. If a band name has "soul" in it and they're not signed to Motown, it has a 98% chance of sucking. I can produce charts if anyone's interested.

By: winks007

winks007 — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 07:58:30 -0800

Hope I am not alone when I think, disco = bad lyrics.

By: machaus

machaus — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:01:31 -0800

abra, abracadabra I wanna reach out and grab ya.

By: hangashore

hangashore — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:02:37 -0800

I keep holding out hope that "Horse With No Name" was some sort of allegorical reference to heroin withdrawal ("Horse," geddit?). Otherwise, whaaaa? And what earthly purpose was served by "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey"? "I had another look and I had a cup of tea and butter pie/(The butter wouldn't melt so I put it in the pie)"? What. The. CHRIST. PAUL? Hope I am not alone when I think, disco = bad lyrics. SACRILEGE. ("We're gonna boogie-oogie-oogie till we just can't boogie no more.") <earworm> Uh huh uh huh uh huh Da da da Da da da Da da da Da da da . . .

By: interrobang

interrobang — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:03:43 -0800

Eldritch, I'm curious. In what way does "moot" not rhyme with "cute"? They rhyme in my dialect, and according to dictionary.com. "Cute" rhymes better with "mute", but I wouldn't say that "cute" and "moot" don't rhyme.

By: ob

ob — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:07:37 -0800

This is a joy. I have to say that I agree with Klangklangston -most lyrics are shit. Oh yes and I'm also with afroblanco, I loathe and despise the Black Eyed Peas with equal measure, so much so that it might have to come to fisticuffs. They're the essence of shit. Still, having said that, discussing lyrical failings is truly mirthful.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:08:41 -0800

This manifested itself initially when Howard, in a fit of disgust, wrote the mocking "Elenore," that became a huge hit because record buyers responded to the sincerity of his voice rather than really reading into the tongue-in-cheek lyrics Noooooooo! I love that song! It's a perfect pop moment. I think the audience won that round, actually. And this list is nothing without Rod Stewart, Tonight's the Night: Let your inhibitions run wild. Oh yeah. NOW she'll put out, you betcha.

By: ob

ob — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:09:08 -0800

I doubt, however, that I'll ever meet the members of The Black Eyed Peas, so I'm sure that fisticuffs are really quite unlikely to ensue...

By: argybarg

argybarg — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:09:20 -0800

Yes, Springsteen's baseball gaffe is bad, but it's not as bad as Chuck Berry botching what could have been one of the all-time great stanzas: 2-3 the count, nobody on he hit a high fly into the stands rounding third and heading for home it was the brown-eyed handsome man.

By: doctorschlock

doctorschlock — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:10:12 -0800

Rubber Bisuit!

By: doctorschlock

doctorschlock — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:10:35 -0800

ooops! Rubber Bisquit!

By: cobaltnine

cobaltnine — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:10:46 -0800

Hey, edverb, back in the day when I was in high school, we tried to keep the pre-emo crap out of the literary magazine by giving submissions a -50 if they used the word soul or dark in the first few lines. My partner and I recently applied this to a HIM album and the entire record would have been thrown out, based on those qualifications. I was also listening to System of a Down while driving today...I mean, I know some of them are supposed to be ironically bad, but some of them just suck.

By: Eldritch

Eldritch — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:15:10 -0800

Turd Ferguson- I suppose it's just a difference of opinion. But the U sound from cute is not the same one as in moot. Some googling turns up "partial rhyme" or "near-rhyme" or "off-rhyme" and several other terms for an awkward choice of words that don't quite match right. I was just going by the fact that the vowel sounds are different, and every time I hear that lyric, I think "That doesn't sound right."

By: Mayor West

Mayor West — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:16:56 -0800

I was hoping to see The Thong Song: She had dumps like a truck truck truck/ Thighs like what what what/ Baby move your butt butt butt/ Uh/ I think to sing it again (repeat) Gah. I dunno, I haven't been nearly as offended by that particular bit of asshattery in lyrics ever since Will Ferrell did his Robert Goulet skit with it on SNL... now I just burst out laughing every time I hear the original. I'm holding out hope that he'll come back to guest host or something, and reprise the role with that godforsaken Black Eyed Peas travesty.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:17:08 -0800

cobaltnine writes "I mean, I know some of them are supposed to be ironically bad, but some of them just suck." I blame the hipster-influenced world we live in.

By: mr.marx

mr.marx — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:21:10 -0800

you mean "in which we live in"

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:21:59 -0800

If a band name has "soul" in it and they're not signed to Motown, it has a 98% chance of sucking. I can produce charts if anyone's interested. Do these guys fall in the 2%?

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:22:00 -0800

If a band name has "soul" in it and they're not signed to Motown, it has a 98% chance of sucking. I can produce charts if anyone's interested. Do these guys fall in the 2%?

By: teece

teece — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:24:00 -0800

This is going at it from the wrong angle. I love me my poetry. Because of this, it's really hard for me to like most lyric music that is released today. It is all shit poetry. The the top lyricists today are mediocre poets, at best. The very, very best musical lyricists today are generally just OK poets. If they weren't musicians, even the very best would not generally be remembered for their poetry. So the correct angle on this lyrical analysis thing is to identify the fleetingly small group of music from the last seven decades or so that does not have complete shit lyrics. That's a much easier task. But, this is fun, so what the hell. I hate that line from the Counting Crows (blech!) song, "She says she's thinking of jumpin' she must be tired of sumpin'..." Indeed, having to constantly use a sump pump would drive me to suicide, too. Argh! I hate artists that make mangled fake rhyme like this. And that non sequitur "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier" refrain is damn annoying, too.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:27:22 -0800

"I suppose it's just a difference of opinion. But the U sound from cute is not the same one as in moot. Some googling turns up "partial rhyme" or "near-rhyme" or "off-rhyme" and several other terms for an awkward choice of words that don't quite match right. I was just going by the fact that the vowel sounds are different, and every time I hear that lyric, I think "That doesn't sound right."" /kjut/ does rhyme with /mut/. /ju/ is a dipthong, but that doesn't meant that it doesn't rhyme unless you pronounce it /kʊt/ or something.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:29:07 -0800

My nominations? "Every rose has its thorn/ every cowboy sings a sad sad song/" (he clearly meant "every rose has its thong"). And nearly every "poetic" instance of Jim Morrison's, along with Stairway to Heaven (I'll bustle your hedgrow!)

By: tommasz

tommasz — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:29:51 -0800

Is it a coinkydink that America is responsible for both Horse With No Name and Muskrat Love (attributed to the Captain and Tenille)? I seriously doubt it. And I can't believe they forgot Steve Miller's rhyming "taxes" with "what the facts is".

By: teece

teece — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:31:46 -0800

"Moot" and "cute" don't rhyme in my dialect. "Moot" is a simple vowel. "Cute" is diphthong. Contrast "mute" and "moot:" those are not pronounced the same to me, for the same reason. "Cute" and "mute" share the same diphthong for me, "moot" has a different, non-diphthong vowel in it. Such rhymes, that trick your mind into trying to mispronounce a word, are generally considered very bad form in poetry. So, if "moot", "mute," and "cute" are the same to you (are they?), may I ask, what's your dialect, Turd Ferguson?

By: Clay201

Clay201 — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:32:50 -0800

I'd like to cast my vote for Eve6's "Inside Out." would swallow my pride I would choke on the rinds but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside, "Lack thereof" just shouldn't ever find its way into a serious, broken-heart sort of song. Not that I take this song seriously, mind you. But I figure Eve6 wanted me to. Just that I know the it was intended to swallow my doubt turn it inside out find nothing but faith in nothing want to put my tender heart in a blender A junior high garage band lyricist would be severely beaten if he tried to get his friends/bandmades to sing the lyric "tender heart in a blender." Now if we could just send Eve6 back to junior high...

By: ob

ob — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:34:30 -0800

Oh yes, how could I have forgotten Jim Morrison? I saw a great review of The Doors American Poet album once. This guy was talking about how the rest of the band 'set' Jim's poetry to music after his demise, and then he said "Jim Morrison. American Poet... Well one of those words is true. He was definitely American". Whenever I hear a Morrison lyric I always think of that quote.

By: scaryblackdeath

scaryblackdeath — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:34:32 -0800

Only about half of these critiques are amusing (and accurate). The rest are unimaginative filler. And yes... Black Eyed Peas must die. Fergie dancing in a short skirt is hot and all, but that's about all they got going for 'em.

By: blucevalo

blucevalo — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:37:26 -0800

"What the facts is" and "people's taxes" (from Steve Miller's "Take the Money and Run") is merely amusing in a dunderheaded, druggy way. It's not a worst-lyric candidate.

By: edverb

edverb — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:37:34 -0800

Do these guys fall in the 2%? No...and neither do these guys. But for every one that's good, there are 50 or more that are just bad.

By: blucevalo

blucevalo — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:37:59 -0800

Actually, Black Eyed Peas must die, but Pussycat Dolls must die first.

By: winks007

winks007 — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:38:38 -0800

Tomasz, it's TEXAS, not taxes on the Steve Miller song. Not that it helps the lyric in any form whatsoever.

By: winks007

winks007 — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:40:34 -0800

Retract my last comment. Sorry Tomasz. My bad.

By: solid-one-love

solid-one-love — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:42:21 -0800

"Moot" and "cute" don't rhyme in my dialect. "Moot" is a simple vowel. "Cute" is diphthong. In my dialect, "cute" has a consonant blend (ky), and no diphthong. Both words end with the same sound: "oot". Well, actually, in every dialect, since the Y sound in 'cute', just as in 'yellow' or 'yahoo', is a voiced consonant sound and not a vowel sound.

By: winks007

winks007 — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:42:42 -0800

Great, now I have to retract my retraction. Billy Mac is a detective down in TEAXAS, You know he know just exactly what the facts is, He ain't gonna let them two excape justice, he makes his living off of the peoples taxes.

By: orange swan

orange swan — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:44:21 -0800

I still remember how revolted I was the time I listened to Jim Morrison's version of "Gloria". (I had previously only heard the Van Morrison version.) At one point Jim asks "Gloria" what grade she's in. I switched the radio off immediately. Dude, if you have to ask....

By: jonp72

jonp72 — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:44:35 -0800

(I'll bustle your hedgrow!) I'll Gwyneth your Paltrow!

By: edverb

edverb — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:45:49 -0800

Wait...uh, yes. De La Soul is good. They don't fall into the 98% that suck, and neither do those other guys. I got confused, deep down in my soul.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:49:02 -0800

"And I can't believe they forgot Steve Miller's rhyming "taxes" with "what the facts is"." Except that's awesome. Pompetus of love is the Miller thing you're looking for, though that does have a pretty cool backstory. "Such rhymes, that trick your mind into trying to mispronounce a word, are generally considered very bad form in poetry. " Tell it to Shakespeare. Or do you freak out every time "eye" is rhymed with "rye"? The Eve6 heart/blender thing works because it's catchy, though the "lack thereof" is bullshit. Got nothing on Seven Mary Three though. "Cumbersome" ran like a three-year-old who's just learned his first swearword and doesn't know how to use it.

By: Floydd

Floydd — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:52:23 -0800

Is it a coinkydink that America is responsible for both Horse With No Name and Muskrat Love (attributed to the Captain and Tenille)? I seriously doubt it. No, tommasz, "Muskrat Love" was written by Willis Alan Ramsey as "Muskrat Candlelight." His version is actually listenable and not near as corny.

By: hoborg

hoborg — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:52:43 -0800

Let's face it though, other than who... Lou Reed? Arlo Guthrie? John Wesley Harding? Bob Dylan? Very few pop music lyrics can stand by itself as good poetry. About 50% of Paul Simon songs. Not his recent stuff though. And not this: Wish I was a Kelogg's cornflake floatin' in my bowl, takin' movies Of course, with more recent music that I actually listen to, I'm leaning towards Vast, which is pretentious tripe, but this (from "Evil Little Girl") wins: Take my heart and throw it in a fire Your mother must have run a school You were trained to make me cry

By: jewzilla

jewzilla — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:55:01 -0800

I have to give it to Live, in no small part because they were so above-it-all: Let's go hang out in a bar It's not too far We'll take my car

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:02:37 -0800

Let's go hang out in a bar It's not too far We'll take my car posted by jewzilla The cat Sat On the mat

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:03:18 -0800

I will say the incredibly dumb lyrics was what made me abandon Stabbing Westward after being a fan in my teenage years. Pretty much anything thing they wrote is dumber than fucking coke bottles.

By: wilberforce

wilberforce — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:03:54 -0800

I really do hate that Milkshake song. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard And they're like It's better than yours Damn right It's better than yours I can teach you But I'll have to charge When you say "And they're like, <something>" you're quoting them. Does that mean that the boys actually said "It's better than yours" to Kelis? Whose were they saying was better? Why would they go to the yard for her milkshake, if there's someone else whose milkshake is better? Doesn't that contradict the whole thrust of the song?

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:09:29 -0800

Also, I'm always irritated when a songwriter simply repeats a word in order to make a rhyme Back when everyone was hailing Eminem as the Great White Rhyming Hope, I pointedly recited the refrain to "Without Me": This looks like a job for me So everyone just follow me 'Cause we need a little controver-sy And it feels so empty without me Lame lame lame lame lame.

By: maryh

maryh — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:11:04 -0800

"Late Lament" is nowhere near as stoopid as a lot of these, but it's so freaking earnest I can't help myself: Impassioned lovers wrestle as one Lonely man cries for love and has none New mother picks up and suckles her son Senior citizens wish they were young Cold hearted orb that rules the night Removes the colours from our sight Red is grey and yellow, white But we decide which is right And which is an illusion Thank you, Moody Blues. Sometimes I like to recite this in a booming voice, just for fun. Try it!

By: teece

teece — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:13:45 -0800

Well, actually, in every dialect, since the Y sound in 'cute', just as in 'yellow' or 'yahoo', is a voiced consonant sound and not a vowel sound. They do not end in the same sound in my dialect (American English, Colorado), and I'll prove it to you with an oscilloscope if you'd like (well, OK, I don't have one, but they are not ending in the same sound in my dialect, I guarantee it. I have a very good ear for this stuff). They are different vowels: one simple (IPA [u], [mut]), the other not (IPA [ju], [kjut]). I was calling that a diphthong because I think of that [j] as a vowel, but it's not, technically ([j] after a vowel is a diphthong, not necessarily before). But in any event, putting the IPA [j] before the IPA [u] completely changes the vowel, the way I say it. [j] is a palatal voiced glide, and [u] is a closed central vowel, and combining the two in close proximity will make a different vowel, in essence. In any event, it's not the same sound, and they do not rhyme. I've never heard anyone say them so that they would rhyme, so I'm curious what dialect of English you speak if they rhyme to you. To rhyme, the have to share the same ending, both in vowel and consonant, and they don't. The [u] that is in "cute" is completely changed by the [j], so as to not rhyme with the simple [u] in "moot." "Mute" [mjut] and "moot" [mut] are not homophones to me, which shows pretty conclusively that "moot" is not the same vowel sound as "cute." (unless you artificially slow way down, and pronounce the [j] and the [u] separately, but I don't do that, I don't know anyone that does). Anyway, sorry for the pedantry.

By: solid-one-love

solid-one-love — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:19:53 -0800

To rhyme, the have to share the same ending, both in vowel and consonant, and they don't. Cute moot Yes, they do. And I don't know where you learned what a diphthong is, but you should try to get your money back.

By: redsparkler

redsparkler — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:21:49 -0800

"Yes! Cetera, you've done it again!"

By: luriete

luriete — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:24:54 -0800

"There's a bathroom on the rise" by Credence Clearwater Revival. I never did get that. I mean, who cares, right? Has been driving all night and he needs to pee? What's the deal?

By: lodurr

lodurr — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:25:58 -0800

Tomasz, it's TEXAS, not taxes on the Steve Miller song. "He makes his livin' off of other people's Texas"?

By: weston

weston — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:29:53 -0800

The Black Eyed Peas are now, officially, the most detestable band in popular music.

By: Floydd

Floydd — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:32:22 -0800

Two words here are under dispute whether "moot" rhymes nicely with "cute" In spite of what you all say at the end of the day my advice to you both is: stand mute.

By: Mid

Mid — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:35:44 -0800

When you say "And they're like, " you're quoting them. Does that mean that the boys actually said "It's better than yours" to Kelis? Whose were they saying was better? Why would they go to the yard for her milkshake, if there's someone else whose milkshake is better? Doesn't that contradict the whole thrust of the song? There was a Matt Yglesias post about this along time ago that was very funny. I can't find it now because he's moved sites.

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:40:11 -0800

I'll admit to having a soft spot a mile wide for LFO's Summer Girls and R Kelly's Ignition (Remix). And I'm not alone :)

By: lodurr

lodurr — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:40:18 -0800

the refrain to "Without Me":... This illustrates ScaryBlackDeath's point: Most of the critiques here are shallow wankery. Y'all mostly wouldn't know good lyrics if they bit you on the ass. "Without Me" is funny, dammit. (It's even funnier as ragtime.) The matching end rhymes are a JOKE.

Good lyrics are seldom good poetry, and for damn good reason. As an old musicology prof used to point out, they aren't meant to be heard without the music.
Good poetry hardly ever makes a good lyric.
As Jimmy Webb would readily point out, sometimes really egregious mistakes make for great lyrics. Viz: "And I need you more than want you / And I want you for all time / And the Wichita lineman / Is still on the line."
"I don't like it" is not the same as "it sucks."
Finally: Yes, the Black Eyed Peas must be stopped from recording again....

All that having been said:

Don't Don't you want me You know I can't believe it when they say that you won't see me

Then again, that's from the same mind that produced "The Black Hit of Space / Sucking in the human race..."

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:42:16 -0800

Speaking of Horse With No Name, have we done "For there ain't no one for to give you no fame" yet? I mean, even when I was 11, and dutifully cutting out the Top Twenty chart of the paper every week to glue in my scrapbook, I knew that was all kinds of wrong.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:45:17 -0800

luriete: on the off chance that you're serious and not making a joke about the (relatively) well-known mondegreen - the title of the song (and the lyric) you're thinking of is Bad Moon on the Rise

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:46:14 -0800

"Back when everyone was hailing Eminem as the Great White Rhyming Hope, I pointedly recited the refrain to "Without Me": This looks like a job for me So everyone just follow me 'Cause we need a little controver-sy And it feels so empty without me" Yeah, but the egoism is the point of that song. Ergo, it works. (And teece— they do rhyme. Why? Because the [ut] is the stressed part for both. Just like "persecute" can rhyme with "poop shoot").

By: ob

ob — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:48:16 -0800

Thank you, thank you all (especially weston) for sharing your hatred of The Black Eyed Peas. I was suffering in silence (well, apart from ranting to Mrs. ob) and I didn't realize that there were so many of us out there!

By: Floydd

Floydd — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:52:18 -0800

Actually, jokeefe, "For there ain't no one for to give you no fame" would have been a teensy bit less sucktacular than the ACTUAL verse, which is: "cause there aint no one for to give you no pain"

By: InfidelZombie

InfidelZombie — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:55:07 -0800

I just wanted to say that this thread is making me very insecure about the lyrics I was going to write this weekend.

By: lodurr

lodurr — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:55:48 -0800

Don't sweat it, Infidel, the audience will all be drunk.

By: drstein

drstein — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:58:07 -0800

What? No Spinal Tap?!

By: Floydd

Floydd — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:59:26 -0800

We've already covered The Turtles, drstein.

By: Skot

Skot — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:01:41 -0800

I second the nomination of Live. This has haunted me for years: Angel, don't you have some bagels in my oven? Lady, don't you know a man when you see one? Crazy lady with the shiny shoes, where are you? Kick you feet and calm the space that makes you hollow little swami's got his bowl to eat little swami always walks his beat, sweet feet little swami's got his bowl to eat and i sing the dirge song it's amazing how they come to see the little swami with his bowl to eat, sweet feet the little swami only wears a sheet and won't sing the dirge song anal, tight-assed soldier with that dogged heart put down your gun we are ready to explode, we gotta take it smart and take it slow

By: lodurr

lodurr — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:03:23 -0800

Final thought: In isolation, just about any lyric can be presented as though it were crap, just as you can produce excerpts from any novel to make it seem like crap. One of my favorite songs for many years was "Astronauts Have Landed On The Moon" -- the lyrics, in part, are:

Staring at a photograph of me at sixteen years I can still remember those feelings so new to me Astronauts have landed on the moon To-day there is nothing left to do

But it's a hauntingly pretty song, and the lyrics out of context tell you jack shit about that. Many poems, for that matter, when taken in isolation, are mind-numbingly mundane. "I ate the two plumbs you were saving." "I will grow old / I will wear my trousers rolled." (Or, for that matter "Them women come and go / and talk of Michelangelo.")

By: Wavelet

Wavelet — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:05:40 -0800

They forgot Dio's immortal "Rainbow in the Dark." Both lyrically terrible and physically impossible! There's no sign of the morning coming You've been left on your own Like a Rainbow in the dark

By: clevershark

clevershark — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:08:10 -0800

drstein writes "What? No Spinal Tap?!" It doesn't count if it's MEANT to be awful!

By: psmealey

psmealey — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:10:12 -0800

Count me in the school of thought where bad rhymes != bad lyrics. Hey, if you can get antichrist and anarchist to rhyme, more power to you. To call that bad, is empty pedantry. Why makes lyrics bad is when they are trying too hard to be profound but fail, are unintentionally factually inaccurate (or dumb), or are they just fail to make any kind of point at all. NIN and ACDC's lyrics aren't necessarily bad; they're just infantile. Given the criteria I have laid out above, practically Alanis Morrissette fits the bill. She basically sits down with her Kaplan SAT verbal review book and tries to cram as many words into those songs as she can, whether they work or not. They don't. As for the Black Eyed Peas, yhey are just so egregiously abysmal on so many levels (taste, for one), bad lyrics seem the least of their offenses.

By: kozad

kozad — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:10:13 -0800

Sorry, but this thread wouldn't be complete without a shout-out to Bobby Goldsboro and everything he ever wrote, including: See the tree, how big it's grown But friend it hasn't been too long It wasn't big I laughed at her and she got mad The first day that she planted it, was just a twig Then the first snow came And she ran out to brush the snow away So it wouldn't die Came runnin' in all excited Slipped and almost hurt herself And I laughed till I cried She was always young at heart Kinda dumb and kinda smart and I loved her so And I surprised her with a puppy Kept me up all Christmas Eve two years ago And it would sure embarrass her When I came in from workin' late 'Cause I would know That she'd been sittin' there and cryin' Over some sad and silly late, late show And honey, I miss you And I'm bein' good And I'd love to be with you If only I could She wrecked the car and she was sad And so afraid that I'd be mad But what the heck Though I pretended hard to be Guess you could say she saw through me And hugged my neck I came home unexpectedly And caught her cryin' needlessly In the middle of the day And it was in the early Spring When flowers bloom and robins sing She went away And honey, I miss you And I'm bein' good And I'd love to be with you If only I could One day while I was not at home While she was there and all alone The angels came Now all I have is memories of Honey And I wake up nights and call her name Now my life's an empty stage Where Honey lived and Honey played And love grew up And a small cloud passes overhead And cries down on the flower bed That Honey loved And see the tree how big it's grown But friend it hasn't been too long It wasn't big And I laughed at her and she got mad The first day that she planted it, was just a twig Personally, I crack up at "hugged my neck."

By: grubi

grubi — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:10:44 -0800

To wit: many lyrics suck, but it kinda doesn't matter. Discuss.

By: bruzie

bruzie — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:14:31 -0800

Intentional bad lyrics - Deja Voodoo "Beers" from the album "Brown Sabbath" Right Now! Yeah! Whoah! I'm a great lyricist I can write words like this I would give you one of my beers But I've only got six I would but I don't like to share And I've only got six Yeah! I like songs that always rhyme That's why I made this one rhyme I would give you one of my beers But I've only got six I would but I don't like to share And I've only got six I've only got five Only got four Three! Two! One! Words this good don't write themselves That's why I wrote them myself I would give you one of my beers But I've only got six I would but I don't like to share And I've only got six Only got six! Only got six! etc.

By: Brainy

Brainy — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:16:29 -0800

I wish someone would write an article about good lyrics so everybody could post really analytical comments about why the lyrics they like are so good. There is not an ounce of sarcasm. A deconstruction of a Magnetic Fields lyric would make me so happy and I'd probably forsake work all day just to keep adding posts.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:21:36 -0800

Any song that rhymes "girl" and "world" should be erased from history. And yes, I do know that this would obliterate the New Kids' entire catalog.

By: tommasz

tommasz — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:31:15 -0800

Floydd, I was careful not to say "written by". I knew their version was released before the C & T one, since I remember recognizing the song when no one else did. It doesn't excuse them just because it wasn't as popular, of course.

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:33:27 -0800

"Orphans" by Teenage Jesus and the Jerks is an awesome song, but the lyrics on their own are, well: LITTLE ORPHANS RUNNING THRU THE BLOODY SNOW LITTLE ORPHANS RUNNING THRU THE BLOODY SNOW LITTLE ORPHANS RUNNING THRU THE BLOOD THRU THE BLOOD THRU THE BLOOD NO MORE ANKLES AND NO MORE CLOTHES LITTLE ORPHANS RUNNING THRU THE SNOW LITTLE ORPHANS IN THE BLOOD IN THE BLOOD IN THE BLOOD They really need to be shouted by a 16 year old Lydia Lunch to work.

By: ibmcginty

ibmcginty — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:39:10 -0800

kozad-- Dave Barry pointed out that Honey by Bobby Goldsboro is much more tolerable if you imagine that it's the Hell's Angels who came for her. One day while I was not at home While she was there and all alone The angels came Now all I have is memories of Honey Dave Barry's column on worst songs ever.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:39:24 -0800

kozad ... some of us are trying to forget that song ... now you leave me no choice but to wreak revenge ... ladies and gentlement, terry jacks' "seasons in the sun" Goodbye to you my trusted friend We've known each other since we were nine or ten Together we climbed hills and trees Learned of love and A B C's Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees. Goodbye my friend it's hard to die When all the birds are singing in the sky Now that the spring is in the air Pretty girls are everywhere Think of me and I'll be there We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the hills that we climbed were just seasons Out of time...... Goodbye Papa please pray for me I was the black sheep of the family You tried to teach me right from wrong Too much wine and too much song Wonder how I got along. Goodbye Papa its hard to die When all the birds are singing in the sky Now that the spring is in the air Little children everywhere When you see them I'll be there. We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the wine and the song like the seasons Have all gone. We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the wine and the song like the seasons Have all gone. Goodbye Michelle my little one You gave me love and helped me find the sun And every time that I was down You would always come around And get my feet back on the ground. Goodbye Michelle it's hard to die When all the birds are singing in the sky Now that the spring is in the air With the flowers everywhere I wish that we could both be there We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the stars we could reach Were just starfish on the beach We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the stars we could reach Were just starfish on the beach We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the wine and the song like the seasons Have all gone All our lives we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the hills that we climbed were just seasons Out of time...... We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

By: prostyle

prostyle — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:40:07 -0800

Also, I'm always irritated when a songwriter simply repeats a word in order to make a rhyme... Bitch I'ma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me. Girls leave - you ain't nuttin but a slut to me Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef. We ain't gon' never stop beefin’ I don't squash the beef. Beef thriceforth! Violent Misogyny! No, seriously, fuck eminem.

By: unSane

unSane — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:40:56 -0800

Cute rhymes with mute And moot rhymes with coot So if moot rhymes with cute And coot rhymes with mute Then moot rhymes with mute And cute rhymes with coot. Which it doesn't. It's a half rhyme. And by the way, I can't believe we've missed Oasis out, perpertrators of some of the slackest lyrics in musical history. Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannonball what the fuck?

By: Mental Wimp

Mental Wimp — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:41:56 -0800

Doors "Riders on the Storm" "...like a dog without a bone, an actor out on lone..." C'mon, Jim, it's starin' you right in the face. WTF does an actor out on lone mean? Maybe "Hector out alone..." would communicate loneliness and loss, rhyme, and even get in extra points for a classical allusion. But this is lame.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:43:08 -0800

mental wimp, if your brain was squirming like a toad, you probably couldn't do any better

By: unSane

unSane — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:45:38 -0800

Bobby Goldsboro is genius. I won't hear a word said. If every man occasionally surprised his wife with a puppy the world would be a much better place.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:46:10 -0800

They forgot Dio's immortal "Rainbow in the Dark." Both lyrically terrible and physically impossible! There's no sign of the morning coming You've been left on your own Like a Rainbow in the dark Not quite... (Actually, I saw one for myself back when I lived on Hawai'i. It was incredible.)

By: Mental Wimp

Mental Wimp — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 10:48:41 -0800

loan, dammit, loan, not lone. Jeez!