Don't try this at home.

July 22, 2006 6:54 PM

This is what happens when you put on a banana suit, soak yourself in accelerant, and light yourself on fire.
posted by Meatbomb (108 comments total)

Kids, Don't do drugs.
posted by caddis at 7:03 PM on July 22, 2006

I was wondering.
posted by MetaMonkey at 7:04 PM on July 22, 2006

I was just so SURE that I'd have something clever to say after watching this, but...nothing. Just...nothing...
posted by slatternus at 7:04 PM on July 22, 2006

That kid would be better off in a foster home.
posted by ulotrichous at 7:05 PM on July 22, 2006 [2 favorites]

What, no 'shitheads' tag?
posted by Scoo at 7:05 PM on July 22, 2006

Wow!
posted by thirteenkiller at 7:05 PM on July 22, 2006

If you're going to engage in the time honored tradition of the single YouTube link front page post, at least link to the entire video.
posted by fatbobsmith at 7:05 PM on July 22, 2006

Darwin's(tm) Bananas Foster. A tasty treat that's good to eat!
posted by zerokey at 7:07 PM on July 22, 2006 [2 favorites]

I nominate that kid for a Darwin Award.

What's that? He can still breed?

I'm sure that can be fixed.
posted by lekvar at 7:08 PM on July 22, 2006

"Oh, my God, he's on fire!"

Well, like, duh.
posted by Meatbomb at 7:08 PM on July 22, 2006

ulotrichous: "That kid would be better off in a foster home."

A Bananas-Foster home?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:09 PM on July 22, 2006 [8 favorites]

the world's best break dancer. Hell, who needs cable when you got the Web?
posted by ZachsMind at 7:10 PM on July 22, 2006

Damnit zerokey!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:10 PM on July 22, 2006

"Oh, my God, he's on fire!"

Well, like, duh.

That was my favorite part. Her tone was just so...surprised.
posted by danb at 7:13 PM on July 22, 2006

The original is here in .wmv format, much better quality, and shows the kid in the emergency room.

Now then, what the fuck?
posted by Gator at 7:14 PM on July 22, 2006

A Bananas-Foster home?

Thanks, folks, I'm here all week.
posted by ulotrichous at 7:14 PM on July 22, 2006 [1 favorite]

MORE IDIOTS FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE!
posted by IronLizard at 7:15 PM on July 22, 2006

Thought so, ulotrichous. Nicely played!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:17 PM on July 22, 2006

Another idiot for your viewing pleasure(?)
posted by caddis at 7:21 PM on July 22, 2006

Nothing happened. WTF? Some guy gets burned a bit.
posted by fire&wings at 7:23 PM on July 22, 2006

more please! these are theraputic
posted by dydecker at 7:24 PM on July 22, 2006

The funniest things are always shot through with a sort of infinitely bleak sadness. This is a fine case in point.

"Don't play with matches". Indeed not, young sir.
posted by Decani at 7:29 PM on July 22, 2006

I thought it was common knowledge that water is pretty much useless for putting out flammable liquids. I guess not.

That being said, all the extinguishers in my university computer lab were labelled "Not for use on electrical equipment". So I guess stupidity isn't rare even in what is presumably a bastion of knowledge.
posted by bcveen at 7:32 PM on July 22, 2006

WTF WHITE PEOPLE?
posted by little miss manners at 7:33 PM on July 22, 2006

It's peanut butter jelly time!
posted by mazola at 7:34 PM on July 22, 2006 [5 favorites]

On the original site, they describe it as "a stunt gone wrong." I don't understand what they expected to happen. What, exactly, would have constituted success? It looked like that hapless self-immolating cavendish doofus got off pretty lucky, actually. Although, did you notice that he forgot to hold his arms over his head when he stop-drop-and-rolled? Maybe the filmstrip skipped that frame.
posted by ulotrichous at 7:40 PM on July 22, 2006 [1 favorite]

So those roof-jumping idiots -- are their backs broken? Anyone know?
posted by little miss manners at 7:43 PM on July 22, 2006

Rubbing alcohol makes instant flash burns you can't see. I suspect the flames in that vid were other stuff burning, like the suit and the hair. I think the flash went right as he was turning away.
posted by BeerFilter at 7:46 PM on July 22, 2006

what ulotrichous said. How, precisely, could this have possibly gone right?
posted by slatternus at 7:53 PM on July 22, 2006

I'm just trying to figure out why they chose a banana suit instead of, say, a carrot or apple, or whatever. I mean, what's cool about a banana on fire?
posted by paddbear at 8:08 PM on July 22, 2006

At least they had water.
posted by j-urb at 8:08 PM on July 22, 2006

Is there any information on how badly he was burned? Will he be performing again?
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 8:19 PM on July 22, 2006

Natural selection at work. Properly done, you can do this at home.
posted by cenoxo at 8:20 PM on July 22, 2006

Burning Banana Boy: How stoned, exactly, do you have to be before putting accelerant on polyester, then lighting it on fire, seems like a good idea?

Other idiots: Hysterical, in that Bob Sagat Take It In The Testes kinda funny. You almost feel sorry for them, and yet, you don't. I promise to feel duly guilty should it prove that they were seriously injured.


Another idiot for your viewing pleasure(?)
posted by caddis at 9:21 PM

Oh. my. What on earth could he have been thinking? That's the German Chancellor for god's sake, not some trophy wife of a contributor. Can you imagine? Oh, my.
posted by dejah420 at 8:20 PM on July 22, 2006

Do you ever see a video where someone just stands there and doesn't do something stupid? No. Why? Cuz that's not entertaining. Or at least if there IS a video out there where someone just stands there and does nothing, no one watches it. Why? Cuz that's not entertaining. I mean sure the banana-soul did something stupid but he got our attention for fifteen seconds didn't he? There's his fifteen seconds of fame. Good for him.

I have lived a comparatively stupid-free life. I can't recall ever breaking any bones or doing major damage to myself over some outrageously idiotic action. I've done some stupid things but nothing THAT stupid. Nothing that would be worthy of America's Funniest Home Videos. Nothing that's rip roaring funny. I never could be funny on cue for the cameras anyway. I always seem to not be funny when I want to be and when I don't wanna be funny I am.

That guy can look back on his life and wax poetic about having been on fire in a banana suit. He'll tell his grandchildren about it, they'll look at his burn scarred, wrinkly face and they'll hug their grandpa with this knowledge. They'll go off into their lives and they won't try to set themselves on fire while wearing a banana suit cuz their granddaddy told them not to. Some good will come out of it, and you and I got a good cheap laugh.

I wouldn't wanna trade places with the guy, but I kinda envy the bastard. If you're gonna live, sometimes you gotta take chances. Sometimes you gotta jump off the roof of a building or fail at skateboarding down a handrail. A lotta people in here are going on and on about ooh isn't that guy an idiot and oh dear can't believe they let guys like that breed and blah blah blah. Aren't we pious and don't we feel so much smarter now, having seen these men behaving badly with their grey matter?

He who is without vanity, cast the first stone.

*crickets*

Yeah. That's what I thought.
posted by ZachsMind at 8:27 PM on July 22, 2006

Could be these people are infected with parasitic suicide-inducing brain worms (video not safe for people who don't like parasitic brain worms).
posted by MetaMonkey at 8:28 PM on July 22, 2006

Artists are always misunderstood. Can't you see that the banana represents nature and the person inside represents all of us. If we try and destroy nature, in the end, we only end up burning ourselves. We can't just go around dumping flammable liquids all over our collective banana suit and not expect to get burned at some point. Sometimes, someone has to sacrifice themselves to remind us of that. I hope you've all learned something from this.
posted by fatbobsmith at 8:47 PM on July 22, 2006 [3 favorites]

MetaMonkey -
That video made my sister and I both start screaming loudly behind our fists, held tightly over our mouths.

"Oh look - he's killed himself."
"Yeah - wait! No he hasn't. See? He has a little tail."
"Wait... wait. Wha? NO!! NOOO!!!!"
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:53 PM on July 22, 2006

This reminds me of an old joke we tell down heah in Alabama.

What were the redneck's last words?

"Hey y'all, watch this!"


What were his brother's last words?
"Hell, I can do THAT."
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:02 PM on July 22, 2006

*Puts on banana suit and accelerant*
posted by dreamsign at 9:03 PM on July 22, 2006

"I've made a huge mistake."
posted by Zozo at 9:07 PM on July 22, 2006

Another question is at what point does my schadenfreude become a perverse enjoyment of the pornography of self-inflicted violence.

I'm going to go watch cartoons now.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:09 PM on July 22, 2006

He who is without vanity, cast the first stone.

vanity? ... there are many people who are vainer than you or me and somehow they manage to express that vanity without burning themselves up in a banana suit or jumping off a house roof with a buddy

two words go over and over in my mind as i watch these ... "motherfucking stupid"
posted by pyramid termite at 9:11 PM on July 22, 2006

FIRE BAD. FIRE BAAAAAAAAD. FIRE BANANA GOOOOOOOD.
posted by loquacious at 9:20 PM on July 22, 2006

I always said that people setting themselves on fire rules!
posted by twjordan at 9:25 PM on July 22, 2006

Ummm... this is very old and I'm still glad you posted it.
HA!
posted by ArsncHeart at 9:29 PM on July 22, 2006

You know... I've been on the internet for, umm... 15 years, I guess, if you count the old VAX terminal days at the U. Beavis and Butthead is 13 years old, Jackass is 7 years old. I've probably seen a couple of dozen videos online of people setting themselves on fire with various incendiaries and accelerants. Including this one before. And heard half a dozen other news stories on the same topic. And yet they still manage to amaze me Douse him with rubbing alcohol and apply open flame. Reaction? "Oh my God, he's on fire!" I mean, if you doused, I don't know, a kleenex in rubbing alcohol and put a match to it, would your reaction be "oh my God, it's on fire?" And I always wonder the same thing: what did they expect to happen? And why didn't anyone tell them you can't put that kind of fire out with a hose? Don't these people own fire extinguishers? I bet insurance won't cover that kind of emergency room bill.
posted by nanojath at 9:31 PM on July 22, 2006

so you think that's something, guys? ... "i'm gonna snort this egg like i was snorting cocaine" ... (warning - this is every bit as gross as you think it might be)
posted by pyramid termite at 9:32 PM on July 22, 2006

Great, so now in addition to asking for the block-a-users-comments pony, I have to ask for the block-a-users-FPPs pony?
posted by intermod at 9:44 PM on July 22, 2006

Joe cool
posted by caddis at 9:47 PM on July 22, 2006

So this is what the cool kids are doing, right?
posted by verb at 9:59 PM on July 22, 2006

People are fucking stupid.

How was this stunt supposed to have worked? They should have tried it out on a stunt banana first.
posted by bshort at 10:03 PM on July 22, 2006

So this is what the cool kids are doing, right?

only a moron plays golf with a baseball bat
posted by pyramid termite at 10:29 PM on July 22, 2006

MetaMonkey:

Holy Shit! That is proof that God does not exist.
posted by MikeKD at 10:32 PM on July 22, 2006

I blame Raffi
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 10:34 PM on July 22, 2006

Pyramid Termite: that was about the most awful, wretch inducing thing I've ever seen.

Got any more?
posted by moonbird at 10:38 PM on July 22, 2006

And to think, this country runs the world...
posted by gottabefunky at 10:42 PM on July 22, 2006

He who is without vanity, cast the first stone.

*bonk* (there goes the first or second stone)

Y'know what? My main irritation at this sort of thing is that the people involved survived. They should all be dead, they should have died horribly, and we should all have been able to watch their hideous painful death.

...because there are millions of people who deserve life more than these people, and they're going to starve to death in some perfectly miserable corner of the world. A nice young girl is probably dying, right now, after having been brutally raped and maimed in some godforsaken nightmare while people like this will probably live for the next fifty years in luxury.

This is why I like it when extreme sports people die -- you can just see the moment when they realize that the rules do, in fact, apply to them. If someone leaps off a roof onto a sidewalk, my first reaction isn't "wow, at least they truly lived" -- it's "wow, that was fucking stupid"
posted by aramaic at 10:47 PM on July 22, 2006

Crack don’t help people find wise answers.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:58 PM on July 22, 2006

aramaic: maybe karma is for real. maybe what goes around comes around. even if it doesn't, take comfort in the fact that the whole entirety of human experience is a fraction of a blip in cosmological time. and why care about people on the other side of the world? start with yourself and work your way out from there.

regarding the guy getting run over by his own car: omg.
posted by MarkO at 11:07 PM on July 22, 2006

Physics and chemistry own youthful indiscretion and enthusiasm basically every damn time. Bet on science!

I will never cry a tear for idiots that do stupid shit like this. I can only hope that these events act as a sort of signal to these idiots to change the way they live their life in the future.

For instance, the guy hitting the flaming honeydew melon with a baseball bat. I hope that hurt. I hope it hurt a lot. I hope it made him reconsider trying to propel a fruit-based molotov cocktail down his suburban street and I hope he had that moment of realization where he said "you know, that was really fucking stupid". Maybe put a different way, I'm glad he set himself on fire instead of accidentally setting one of his neighbors' houses on fire.

If someone leaps off a roof onto a sidewalk, my first reaction isn't "wow, at least they truly lived" -- it's "wow, that was fucking stupid"
posted by aramaic at 12:47 AM CST on July 23 [+fave] [!]

Precisely.

Regarding the guy being run over by his own car... I can't say I've ever enjoyed watching someone else harmed by their own stupidity more than that in my entire life. It simply could not have been more perfect. Well, it could have been, if the car had kept going around in circles while on top of him, keeping rescuers at bay while they wait for it to run out of gas. Yeah.

I also get what I realize is an unhealthy amount of joy watching "stuntas" on motorcycles crash. Someone doing a stoppie wrong and flipping end over end and then having their $10k bike that they can't afford to insure be further demolished with each successive tumble. Mmmm. It gives me a warm feeling all over.
posted by Ynoxas at 11:19 PM on July 22, 2006

This is so old I could smack it with my dirty diaper.
posted by persona non grata at 11:36 PM on July 22, 2006

This fire... it burns things?
posted by ninjew at 11:47 PM on July 22, 2006

He'll tell his grandchildren about it, they'll look at his burn scarred, wrinkly face and they'll hug their grandpa with this knowledge.

And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of bananas...

posted by pracowity at 12:16 AM on July 23, 2006 [1 favorite]

This is why I like it when extreme sports people die -- you can just see the moment when they realize that the rules do, in fact, apply to them.

Wow, that nicely encapsulates a similar reaction I have to a certain scenario. You may think me a shit for this, but whenever someone plunges into a raging river after their dog, I have to admit a certain amount of satisfaction when the would-be-rescuer occasionally doesn't make it. Because there seems to be this Hollywood movie ethic that bravery is always rewarded, so that when a brave enough, well-intentioned enough person acts... the rules do not apply. Failure acts as a wake-up call to others.

Not against personal risk, but you should realize that it's a risk.
posted by dreamsign at 12:34 AM on July 23, 2006

It reminds me of the people who got them selves killed sneaking into a helium filled balloon.
posted by delmoi at 1:20 AM on July 23, 2006

I kinda wish he had died.

Because now this idiot is going to get a "real" job, get hitched, sire some dumbshit mouth-dragging knuckle-breathers, and will eventually find some way to impede real people doing real stuff.

At the very least, God, could you have disfigured him so grotesquely that no chick would ever mate with him? Is that to much to ask?
posted by sourwookie at 1:32 AM on July 23, 2006

All of these people want to be this guy...
posted by Spacelegoman at 1:32 AM on July 23, 2006

That boy's dumb as a box of rocks. I second the motion for a Darwin Award.
posted by bim at 3:38 AM on July 23, 2006

I can't even being to imagine the thought processes that made the guys in the link IronLizard posted think, "This seems like a good idea." Shit, even "This is really fucking stupid but we're going to do it anyway," doesn't seem to cover it.
posted by Cyrano at 4:08 AM on July 23, 2006

"I feel that the time has come to project my own
inadequacies and dissatisfactions into the sociopolitical
and scientific schemes, let my own lack of a voice be
heard."

foom!
posted by 6am at 4:17 AM on July 23, 2006

nicky wire, he's on fire
posted by mr.marx at 4:22 AM on July 23, 2006

Setting yourself on fire: Bad decision

Not playing "Spanish Flea" in video of setting yourself on fire: WHAT WAS HE THINKING?
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 4:55 AM on July 23, 2006

like the [NSFW] tag, we need a [Fark] tag. Not safe for anytime.

Now I don't quite feel right anymore. eww.
posted by adzuki at 5:11 AM on July 23, 2006

The more obviously dangerous the mix, the more people seem to be inclined to take the risk. For example, here are a bunch of amazingly stupid fireworks* accidents.

This public service announcement provided by The Corporation for Public Knowledge that Grenades are Fucking Dangerous, Idiot.

* - Classic
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:45 AM on July 23, 2006

Guy gets shot at with roman candles while wearing nothing by a helmet.

Yes. Let's shoot fireworks at ourselves while wearing T-shirts. You can hear him shouting, "Ow! Fuck!" over the sound of the roman candles every time one hits him in the face.
posted by verb at 5:50 AM on July 23, 2006

My favorite part is when he's calling for water to be thrown on him after he throws his smoldering T-shirt on the ground, and the goofus dumps the water on the shirt instead of his friend.

Also, I can't believe there are fucking scissors sticking out of my arm.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:58 AM on July 23, 2006

Alcohol + Fire = bad.

Ok, I'm done for now. It's (sadly) just too easy to find this stuff all over the place.

Oh, alright, one more public announcement from the Department of Safari Jurisprudence, who'd like to point out that while it may seem like a clever idea to dress up like a Zebra in order to get closer to the animals, you might inadvertantly attract the wrong kind of attention.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:06 AM on July 23, 2006

You know next year this video will end up on Dateline with a bunch of people arguing that banana suits should no longer be allowed on tee vee. Rubbing alcohol will get in trouble too.

Civil_Disobedient, I must say I'm a little glad I don't have the right plug-in for your links. But I'm curious about the zebra outfit.
posted by dog food sugar at 6:17 AM on July 23, 2006

If only Buster had been there to pluck him out of danger with the crane.

Yes, that's an Arrested Development reference. Suck it, jonmc.
posted by UKnowForKids at 7:21 AM on July 23, 2006

how not to use a photocopier
posted by pyramid termite at 8:11 AM on July 23, 2006

He who is without vanity, cast the first stone.
*crickets*
Yeah. That's what I thought.
posted by ZachsMind at 8:27 PM PST

Let me get a video camera first.
posted by rough ashlar at 9:07 AM on July 23, 2006

I used to be a practicing pyro.
I'd get in zippo fluid fights with friends.
this is monumentally stupid, with predictably lame results.
the flame isn't vibrant, and the motive for dousing one's front and head, and ignoring the back is supremely dense.

He'll have a nice souvenir on his face to remember this.
I'm only surprised that he still had eyebrows.
posted by Busithoth at 9:35 AM on July 23, 2006

Dr. Monkey knows what you did. (Jeffery Roland)
posted by KirkJobSluder at 11:01 AM on July 23, 2006

aramaic: "*bonk* (there goes the first or second stone)"

Hey! That was my nose! Pick it up!

pyramid termite: "there are many people who are vainer than you --"

Woah there! You bite your tongue! You take that back!

ynoxas: "I will never cry a tear for idiots that do stupid shit like this. I can only hope that these events act as a sort of signal to these idiots to change the way they live their life in the future."

See this right here is the pious heresy I'm talking about. It's not like oh but for the grace of god go i. It's har har that motherfucker was pretty fucking stupid i'm glad I'm not that fucking stupid. Didja know that the king and queen of Spain were laughing their asses off at Christopher Columbus as he foolishly got on that boat and headed for what he thought was the New World and he missed and hit the West Indies, and he wasn't the first to do it but he was the first to get the spanish gov't to sponsor him. Why'd they sponsor him? They didn't think he could do it. They wanted to SEE HIM FAIL. That's why they sponsored him. If only Isabella had a video camera, she probably woulda given him that too. Here! Film yourself being eaten by dragons as you fall off the edge of the world! It'll be funny!

But Chris started a transport line which led eventually to the conquering of the western hemisphere. Some six hundred years ago, looking at a map and saying, "hey! Let's take a boat and head it to this place on the map where it says 'here there be dragons'." That was pretty fucking stupid. Everyone knew the world was flat. What lunatic would take a crew on a boat and sail off the edge of a map? But he did it, and now we have french fries and ice cream and tobacco and the Cleveland Indians. Thank you Chris C! For being an X-treme Sportsman!

And before the Wright brothers, there were countless idiots who tried to build a machine that would allow man to fly. Countless failures. Spectacular failures involving hospitals and morgues and funerals. Countless times when you'd hear the Wilhelm scream decades before it was recorded to film. Countless times when someone waved to a small gathering of wellwishers, and twenty feet and ten seconds later that small gathering of wellwishers would be chasing off after him to put the bastard's fire out.

And the Wright Brothers only managed to get off the ground a few feet for a few seconds but it was a start. Can you imagine how many people scoffed at two bicycle repair men trying to fly? What idiots!

Through the middle of the 20th century there were people trying to make rockets take off in their backyards and a lot of them failed, then a couple few succeeded, and then in the 1960s we got someone on the moon. That was a pretty idiotic, pointless thing to do -- but we did it! We can do it again too! Cuz we're idiots!

Yes we're all vain. This banana-soul in question is obviously a combination of vanity and desperation. He's a lad with few marketable skills and the girls only notice him when he's on fire, which explains why that girl was surprised. She didn't notice him with the banana suit. It wasn't until the banana suit was on fire that she even realized the boy existed. When a man is this desperate AND vain, he'll try anything. Just to get that woman to realize he's on fire.

Why else does man do these idiotic things? For the money? For power? Hell no! It's so you can boast to some babe that you flew in the air! Or that you orbited the planet! Or you discovered a new world! Or you set yourself on fire in a banana suit and lived! It's all the same drive, baby: SEX. Get that woman to notice you're on fire. That's what this is all about.

Guy snorts egg... Now THAT was effin' stupid. You snort cocaine to get it into your lungs NOT your stomach. You don't snort egg to get a lady's attention. No woman would then turn around and notice a nobody guy and say, "oh my god he's bleeding!"

ninjew: "This fire... it burns things?" Yeah that meme has pretty much been run into the ground I think.

gottabefunky: "And to think, this country runs the world..." Someone should get around to telling that to the rest of the world, cuz I don't think anybody knows it.
posted by ZachsMind at 11:26 AM on July 23, 2006

ZachsMind are you seriously comparing the exploration of the high seas, or early attempts at flight with wearing a burning banana suit?

I mean, I get your point about it being about attracting attention, and I don't disagree, but don't you think it's safe to say that the attention aspect was probably secondary to finding better trade routes and, you know, flight?

As others have said, what was this person's end game? When you look at some of the rudimentary flying contraptions that were attempted, sure you chuckle. But at the end of the day, you can look at the stunt and know that the person was actually trying to accomplish something.

What would the best case scenario been had the burning banana trick worked? Working cold fusion? Antigravity? If it's only about getting noticed, I think this guy needs to reevaluate what is going to get him the kind of attention he wants.

Maybe next time he can be part of a highly publicized botched bank robbery.
posted by quin at 11:51 AM on July 23, 2006

quin: recalibrate your Joke Detector.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:01 PM on July 23, 2006

Local news article about the stunt (mainly about the site that it's on).

"Some people say it was really stupid on my behalf," Silva said. "But I feel my one day of pain made the whole world laugh a little more, so I think it evens out."

Maybe ZachsMind is right, the kid is a fuckin' pioneer. A lone voice crying out in the wilderness, "Prepare ye the way of the jackass!"
posted by Gator at 12:04 PM on July 23, 2006

"ZachsMind are you seriously comparing the exploration of the high seas, or early attempts at flight with wearing a burning banana suit? "

YES I AM! ...and don't call me Shirley.
posted by ZachsMind at 12:18 PM on July 23, 2006

This isnt vanity. Its the stupid suburban culture of machismo dares filmed by fellow sociopaths for the rest of us to see. For every stupid video there are thousands of "I bet you couldnt get into her pants" or "I bet you couldnt beat that guy up" or "I bet you cant outrun that cop." Pioneers? Lets not go too crazy here.
posted by skallas at 12:49 PM on July 23, 2006

Ack, sorry. Hangovers throw my funny sensing instrumentation seriously out of whack.

And i would never call you Shirley, ZachsMind. Laverne maybe, but never Shirley.
posted by quin at 1:32 PM on July 23, 2006

ZachsMind: Everyone knew the world was flat.

A tip of the hat here. The joke is made even better by using a history of Christopher Columbus that is pure and obvious bullshit, transparent to all but the most ignorant and illiterate yahoos. And then following it up with an anatomical improbability just adds icing to the cake. Of course the odd-paragraph out is using the Wright brothers, perhaps you should have used the story of Icarus instead to stick with your pattern of mythology?
posted by KirkJobSluder at 1:42 PM on July 23, 2006

Orville and Wilbur were BICYCLE REPAIR MEN. They weren't pioneers or some kinda noble fancy pants men who were thinking only about the future. I know that if we could get in a time machine and go back there we'd see that their whole flights of fancy about flight was really a dare, probably one brother daring the other over drinks, and I bet a girl was involved.

You think Lewis and Clark were noble? They did it for the money, the fame, the machismo, and the babeage. Clark was only a second lieutenant, but Lewis tricked the men below him into thinking Clark was a captain. The two of them were pranksters and troublemakers. History has painted them heroes, but they were X-treme Sportsmen, before skateboards were invented.

The problem here isn't that we have stupid idiots. We've always had stupid idiots in our society. The problem is that now that the whole of this planet has been explored, and pretty much everything worth discovering has been discovered, the real scientists have no place to send these stupid idiots. That's why republicans feel they have to manufacture wars. They're trying to trick stupid idiots into joining the armed forces so they can give the stupid idiots some place to channel their idiocy. This is how mankind thrusts forward into its stupid future and absurd destiny.

You think we've gotten this far by being smart? We're obviously not reading the same history books.
posted by ZachsMind at 1:44 PM on July 23, 2006 [1 favorite]

KirkJobSluder, don't be such a stick in the mud. I'm not talking about facts here. We're discussing history. There's a distinct difference. The fact Chris Columbus could not actually find his own bunghole with a compass is not relevant. Or should I say that it is relevant in that stupid idiots throughout history have been the stalwart providers of progress, whether they actually made it anywhere or not.
posted by ZachsMind at 1:47 PM on July 23, 2006

What a fucking idiot.

Y'know, I can't even muster up a gram of sorrow or sympathy for him.

In fact, that was so stupid that I am honestly disappointed that he apparently managed to live through it.

The human race would be better off without him.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:55 PM on July 23, 2006

ZachsMind: KirkJobSluder, don't be such a stick in the mud.

Stick in the mud? I'm just laughing at your brilliant wit. It takes a true student of history to take such an obvious tall tale and spin it into such golden praise of stupidity. What do you do for an encore, the historical significance of Paul Bunyan?

I'm not talking about facts here. We're discussing history.

Heheee, pull the other one, it has bells attached.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 2:02 PM on July 23, 2006

That copier thing has to be fake -- most video security cams do not record sound because of laws that forbid it.
posted by Mid at 2:03 PM on July 23, 2006

In fact, having watched the other videos, I am now convinced that not nearly enough people get killed by their own stupidity.
posted by five fresh fish at 2:07 PM on July 23, 2006

posted by ZachsMind You think we've gotten this far by being smart?

Well, you're certainly Exhibit A in your own argument.
posted by fandango_matt at 2:10 PM on July 23, 2006

KirkJobSluder: "What do you do for an encore, the historical significance of Paul Bunyan?"

His ox wasn't the only thing that was blue, I can tell ya that much.

fandango_matt: "Well, you're certainly Exhibit A in your own argument."

Oh. You got me. Now I have to go lie down. Somebody catch me I'm a gonna faint!
posted by ZachsMind at 2:28 PM on July 23, 2006

This isn't vanity. Its the stupid suburban culture of machismo dares filmed by fellow sociopaths for the rest of us to see.

Suburban? You think folks (American and everywhere-else-on-the-fucking-globe. Because if you can honestly say you live in a country without bored, teenage dipshits, well, I was about to say send me your address because I'd like to move there but, really, I wouldn't. If I traveled to your Nirvana and bred with one of your women, and then didn't at some point catch our resulting brood trying to light a completely inappropriate item on fire, I'd have the little fucker paternity tested because he wouldn't be a son of mine [am I being a bit sexist here? Yes. I don't care]. Bonus points if he/she can keep it a secret and tell it to me at a drunken family gathering fifteen years later.)
posted by Cyrano at 2:56 PM on July 23, 2006 [1 favorite]

Aren't like this everywhere? (Yeah, I forgot to conclude my last point. Sue me.) The things that the "country-fied" kids I knew in high school and college did to cows... You don't wanna know.
posted by Cyrano at 2:59 PM on July 23, 2006

You snort cocaine to get it into your lungs NOT your stomach.
No you don't. From common knowledge and Wikipedia:-
Insufflation (known colloquially as “snorting," “sniffing," or "blowing") is the most common method of ingestion of recreational powder cocaine in the Western world. Contrary to widespread belief, cocaine is not actually inhaled using this method; rather the drug coats and is absorbed through the mucous membranes lining the sinuses. When insufflating cocaine, absorption through the nasal membranes is approximately 80 percent. Any material not directly absorbed through the mucous membranes is collected in mucus and swallowed (this "drip" is considered pleasant by some and unpleasant by others).
posted by Joeforking at 4:25 PM on July 23, 2006

(Yeah, I forgot to conclude my last point. Sue me.)

You also forgot to close (which is really annoying for reasons I don't think I should have to go into here on Metafilter, but suffice to say, it's like starting to tell a joke and then suddenly stopping without any punchline, a clause that will never come, in fact I should do the same to you right here just so you can see how irritating it is, but my own personal sense of the written aesthetic makes the notion so nauseating and wretched that I simply cannot, not even to teach your sorry, no-closing-parentheses-ass a fucking lesson) your friggin' parentheses.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 11:15 PM on July 23, 2006

Aside from the sadness that this video makes me feel for the future of humanity, it's bothersome that people are gaming the tagging system on Youtube.
posted by crunchland at 12:37 AM on July 24, 2006

The audio at the end of the banana-burning was lost on me, but perhaps the suit was supposed to be flame-retardant?
posted by etoile at 11:10 AM on July 24, 2006

No, the suit was as flammable as all hell. Sad to say, but the truth is that the guy was just dumber than a sack of hammers. Truly an accident of nature. Back before we had extreme medical interventions, stupidity like that died in the womb.
posted by five fresh fish at 12:59 PM on July 24, 2006

the suit was supposed to be flame-retardant?

No but the guy sure was.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:43 AM on August 2, 2006