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The Worst and Therefore Greatest Musical of All Time
July 24, 2006 7:36 PM   Subscribe

"Where Does He Get Those Wonderful Toys?" [MP3] A stupefying song (sung by the Joker) from a forthcoming Batman musical, written and sung by Jim Steinman of Bat Out of Hell fame. He discusses the matter in depth on his blog. If it's a hoax I fell for it. But a cursory Google search bears it out!
posted by BackwardsCity (17 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Okay, odd. More than that, actually. Mega-odd, even ignoring the Elvis bit, and the lyrics from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Slim Shady, and Ricky Martin...

One sample lyric, though you won't believe me:

"Where do all the country clubs get all of their goys? Where do all the Yiddish folk get all of their boys? Make a joyful noise! Where does he get all those wonderful toys?"

Haro, haro, haro...
posted by blahblahblah at 7:48 PM on July 24, 2006


I remember reading about Steinman's Batman musical in Wizard magazine at least 8 years ago...


There is not one part of my preceding comment which is not bitterly, horribly, sad.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:49 PM on July 24, 2006


Oops, mistyped, the song asks how the Yiddish folk get all of their oys. It also wonders where Abercrombie and Fitch get all of their boys.

Not that the correction makes the song any less, well, amazing.
posted by blahblahblah at 7:51 PM on July 24, 2006


Awful. But then again, Meatloaf was awful, too.
posted by wfc123 at 7:51 PM on July 24, 2006


This was amazing.
posted by motherfather at 8:52 PM on July 24, 2006


Awful. But then again, Meatloaf was awful, too.

YOU FUCKING TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW, MISTER.
posted by keswick at 9:35 PM on July 24, 2006


Okay. I adore Jim Steinman. The work he and Meatloaf did together will always hold a special place in my heart and even today Paradise By The Dashboard Light brings back a lot of fond memories, some of which involve multiple orgasms. Her not me. I was doing the alphabet. Hey don't laugh it actually worked. She really dug "L" and "T" during the baseball part.

I enjoy this performance, but while Steinman still has whatever it is that he has, at the same time this crap sounds like "Batman The Musical" was inspired from "Batman The Movie" with Jack Nicholson & Michael Keaton. That's like pee being inspired by vomit. I'd rather see Batman portrayed by Conan O'Brien, and Batman portrayed by Dominic Monaghan.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:49 PM on July 24, 2006


Didn't his Vampire musical (the one "Total Eclipse of the Heart was originally written for) go down in a ball of fiery rock opera death?
posted by PenDevil at 10:10 PM on July 24, 2006


Hmmm ... you've never been assaulted by writhed through "Starlight Express," have you? Sample "lyric" here.
posted by rob511 at 10:46 PM on July 24, 2006


Steinman's Tanz Der Vampire was actually really successful in Germany, where it was directed by Roman Polanski (it's based on Polanski's The Fearless Vampire Killers), but the Broadway adaptation (Dance of the Vampires) starring Michael Crawford (Phantom of the Opera) was laughed offstage. It was supposed to be sort of a satire, but all the elements turned sour and people tended to hate it, except for "flop collectors"*. (I missed out by mere minutes on getting free tickets one day from someone who was giving them away on a theatre message board.)

As for the matter of Batman? Well, "Wonderful Toys" sounds horrible. The song is busy, and from following the lyrics it doesn't sound like it has much, um, well, much to do with anything. Except for some cringeworthy moments like when he reminds you of better composers (Sondheim) and better cult shows (the moment from Rocky Horror). Downloading "Graveyard Shift" mostly out of pure unmitigated horror. More proof that American musical theatre is dead.

*After the travesty that was the Broadway production of Carrie, there has been a small crowd that follows really wretched musicals with a sort of ghoulish delight in having seen the worst of the worst.
posted by graymouser at 4:03 AM on July 25, 2006


The writing is pretty typical Steinman - love it or hate it - but the singer sucks it.
posted by Wolfdog at 6:34 AM on July 25, 2006


Wow, I never made the connection between Paradise and Total Eclipse before.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 6:44 AM on July 25, 2006


Finally! Theatre for the rest of us!

Man, I hope this hits Broadway the same time as RoboCop: The Musical. That will be a weekend to remember!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:08 PM on July 25, 2006


robocop is bleeding writes "Finally! Theatre for the rest of us!"

$100 a seat = theatre for the same people as before (tourists with lots of money to burn in the city), just without original plots or good writing, music, or direction. Broadway today is a theme park, complete with Disney.

"Theatre for the rest of us" would be something more on the order of $15 a seat.
posted by graymouser at 5:39 PM on July 25, 2006


"After the travesty that was the Broadway production of Carrie, there has been a small crowd that follows really wretched musicals with a sort of ghoulish delight in having seen the worst of the worst."

Would this be a bad time for a sorta-self-link to YouTube, where I recently posted actual video of "Carrie: The Musical", along with some B-roll footage, a bit of rehearsal footage, and two scathing TV reviews from opening night, one by Joel Siegel?

I <3 broadway
posted by Asparagirl at 10:50 PM on July 25, 2006


I cannot believe nobody mentioned Bonnie Tyler
posted by matteo at 7:25 AM on July 26, 2006


"Theatre for the rest of us" would be something more on the order of $15 a seat.

Fugazi: The Musical?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:31 AM on July 26, 2006


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