Clowns Branch Out

July 25, 2006 7:59 AM

Seattle clown crime spree! It seems that clown makeup is the New Black for robbers. Besides those Seattle clowns, clownish robbers have hit San Francisco, Tucson, Arizona, Manchester, England, and Sao Paulo, Brazil. The resourceful clowns have apparently even invented a new crime - posession of "simulated weapons of mass destruction". Where will it end?
posted by Kirth Gerson (44 comments total)

Where will it end?

In space. After the ice cream truck explodes.
posted by loquacious at 8:06 AM on July 25, 2006

Zombies = clowns?
posted by stokast at 8:18 AM on July 25, 2006

I blame these guys
posted by jonmc at 8:22 AM on July 25, 2006

Who would ever think that followers of a band called "Insane Clown Posse" would go nuts and run riot?
posted by clevershark at 8:23 AM on July 25, 2006

I thought ICP had revealed that their ultimate message was "love God and Christ". Christians don't go robbin'.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 8:30 AM on July 25, 2006

It seems that clown makeup is the New Black for robbers

Not that new: the BBC article on Manchester dates back to 2002 and the Brazil one to 2004. Too lazy to check the rest...
posted by TheDonF at 8:34 AM on July 25, 2006

In the history of U.S. law enforcement, no police officer has ever over-reacted to any situation.
posted by wfc123 at 8:36 AM on July 25, 2006

...a machete-wielding gang in angry clown make-up...

Face paint wearing crooks have come a long way from Bill Murray's "crying on the inside" clown crook in Quick Change .
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 8:38 AM on July 25, 2006

Christians don't go robbin'.

Unless they're robbing Peter to pay Paul, of course.
posted by NationalKato at 8:39 AM on July 25, 2006

Yeah. (I think loquacious may already be referring to this, but can't remember all the details. Cheers!)
posted by zoinks at 8:50 AM on July 25, 2006

2006, 2006, 2005, 2002, 2004. Too lazy to put any commentary around these years...
posted by runkelfinker at 9:00 AM on July 25, 2006

"Woo, Woo, Juggalo!"
posted by sharksandwich at 9:11 AM on July 25, 2006

I'll see your 1988 Bill Murray and raise you a 1972 Michael Caine (not exactly as depicted, but close enough):

http://www.flyingredhead.com/Art/costumedesigns/clown.jpg
posted by Mike D at 9:11 AM on July 25, 2006

Reminds me of that creepy Jack in the Box cinema verite-style ad a few years ago (sorry, couldn't find it on YouTube) where the surly hamburger mascot chased a customer into the backyard to menace him.
posted by twsf at 9:13 AM on July 25, 2006

Holy crap, I used to work a few doors down from that Brannigan's in Manchester. I had no idea it'd ever been robbed by clowns.
posted by terpsichoria at 9:15 AM on July 25, 2006

Clowns? Machetes? Robberies? Sounds like Cleon from Dead Presidents.
posted by Gamblor at 9:19 AM on July 25, 2006

Metafilter: I had no idea it had been robbed by clowns.
posted by jonmc at 9:21 AM on July 25, 2006

Hand over the money and nobody dies laughing.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:22 AM on July 25, 2006

The group, who said they were "juggalos," devotees of the Detroit-based rap-metal group Insane Clown Posse...

Clearly this must be a hoax, then, yes? This article is predicated on the idea that someone actually still listens to Insane Clown Posse.
posted by gurple at 9:23 AM on July 25, 2006

This article is predicated on the idea that someone actually still listens to Insane Clown Posse.

It turns out that several people still do. I had no idea -- and I think I was happier that way.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:28 AM on July 25, 2006

Clowns. Why did it have to be clowns. < *shiver*>
posted by lordrunningclam at 9:42 AM on July 25, 2006

BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When your down here with us, you'll float too!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:42 AM on July 25, 2006

*you're* Apparently insane monster clowns can't spell, either. Even scarier!*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:44 AM on July 25, 2006

If we have comic-book villians, then we're going to need comic-book heroes.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:54 AM on July 25, 2006

I forgot to use one of my favorite movie quotes: "GIVE THE BAG TO BOZO, DROP THE GUN, AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR."
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:54 AM on July 25, 2006

Can't sleep, clowns will sack city.
Can't sleep, clowns will sack city.
Can't sleep, clowns will sack city.
posted by eriko at 10:13 AM on July 25, 2006 [1 favorite]

I'm just a juggalo, and everywhere I go,
People know the part I'm playin'.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:22 AM on July 25, 2006

It's like Akira out there. I wish they were on motorcycles!
posted by rubyeyo at 11:24 AM on July 25, 2006

Right there with you KG
posted by Phantast at 11:27 AM on July 25, 2006

My take is that ICP is the L. Ron Hubbard of music - they've come up with the most asinine, lame-brained excuse for a "music cult" they could, and damned if a whole passel of morons didn't lap it up like ratdogs at a puke puddle.

I weep for humanity.
posted by Aquaman at 11:33 AM on July 25, 2006

When Namor cries, the ocean gets a little saltier!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:35 AM on July 25, 2006

That's Submariner.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 11:35 AM on July 25, 2006

Aquaman is the Clown Submariner.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:39 AM on July 25, 2006

Recitar! Vesti la giubba.
posted by Smedleyman at 12:42 PM on July 25, 2006

"Juggalos often dress in black and wear clown face paint."

They have also been known to eat Monopoly and shit out Connect-Four. Whether the perpetrators had weaves in their nut hair remains unknown.
posted by Durhey at 12:48 PM on July 25, 2006

Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want.
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're- Aauuggghhh!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:59 PM on July 25, 2006

Right there with you KG

Right there with you, Deadpool.
posted by terpsichoria at 1:04 PM on July 25, 2006

I bet they plead clown insanity.
posted by dhartung at 1:07 PM on July 25, 2006

Word is cannibals won't eat them.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:23 PM on July 25, 2006

I love clowns.
posted by austinc at 1:24 PM on July 25, 2006

On the Minneapolis Eyewitness News 5 page, which zombie gang are you referring to: the smilin' ones up in the masthead, or the unwashed group down in the image sidebar?

Seems like you see the same news team in every city: spooky how their expressions never change...
posted by cenoxo at 2:24 PM on July 25, 2006

Perhaps it's time for a remake of my favorite obscure (in the US, anyway) 80s movie!
posted by litlnemo at 3:01 PM on July 25, 2006

Recitar! Vesti la giubba.

Giubba giubba hey!

We accept you, one of us
posted by hangashore at 3:54 PM on July 25, 2006

Where will it end?
Pierce County Jail.

Clearly this must be a hoax, then, yes? This article is predicated on the idea that someone actually still listens to Insane Clown Posse.
Some people actually still listen to Insane Clown Posse.

Any more questions I can answer with Seattle Times links? Anyone?
posted by dw at 4:53 PM on July 25, 2006