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Who would Jesus Slander?
August 1, 2006 6:51 AM   Subscribe

Pastor to Candidate: Prove You're Not Gay. The Religious Right and the Ohio GOP team up to address the important issues of the day.
posted by Otis (50 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
I would like Ken Mehlman to try to prove he's not gay. What's good for the goose etc.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 6:59 AM on August 1, 2006 [1 favorite]


As an aside: Dagmar Brown Celeste, the former first lady of Ohio and former wife of Dick Celeste, helped ordain twelve women as Roman Catholic deacons and priests on the three rivers of Pittsburgh yesterday. Dagmar was ordained on the Danube in 2004. I was there yesterday, it was amazing and really touching.
posted by parmanparman at 7:01 AM on August 1, 2006


Maybe the Pastor needs to prove he's not a Satanist. I'm pretty sure my father's cousin's second roommate's great-uncle by marriage saw him holding a Satanic ritual.

Seriously, fuck these so-called "men of God" who live in hate and reveal themselves to be just frustrated politicians abusing the pulpit. These assholes have no conscience.
posted by clevershark at 7:03 AM on August 1, 2006 [1 favorite]


Sometimes I wish I was religious so I could gleefully watch St. Peter hurl these assholes into the fiery pits when they die. I am so glad I left Ohio.
posted by Falconetti at 7:05 AM on August 1, 2006


How the hell does someone prove they're not gay? Let some dude blow you and act bored?
posted by jonmc at 7:12 AM on August 1, 2006 [5 favorites]


His name is Johnson. (/Beavis and Butthead snicker)

Johnson says, he's "withholding judgment" on the Stricklands' sexuality.

Good advice - too bad he isn't following it. With all the shit coming down so hard in the world, everybody needs a hardhat, this is what gets the focus? Glad to see yah got your priorities straight.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 7:13 AM on August 1, 2006


Maybe the preacher wants Strickland to prove his heterosexuality like Jimmy Swaggert did. You know, with a hooker and her nine year old daughter.
posted by orthogonality at 7:15 AM on August 1, 2006


It's a wonder more Ohio religious-conservative types don't have brown eyes: They're full of crap clear up to the hairline!
posted by pax digita at 7:21 AM on August 1, 2006


Whom.
posted by unSane at 7:22 AM on August 1, 2006


This is quite possibly the greatest political softball ever. All Strickland has to do is issue a statement along these lines:

"My political opponents claim that I am homosexual, and have challenged me to file a slander case against them if this is not true. While I am not homosexual, I am unable to accuse them of slander, for the simple reason that there is nothing in any way insulting, damaging or negative about being homosexual. Charges of slander in this case are as irrelevant as they would be if my opponents had made the equally untrue claim that I was, for example, born in Kentucky."

Strickland gets the moral high ground and the gay-rights vote in a single go.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:23 AM on August 1, 2006 [3 favorites]


With the US armed forces bogged down in Iraq (where dozens are killed every day by terrorists and Shiite militias), Afghanistan seeing increasing numbers of Taleban flare-ups, war in the Lebanon again, and personal bankruptcies being filed in record numbers because some people thought that variable-rate and interest-only mortgages were a good idea, the one thing you should worry about is if your political candidate is gay.

What could possibly go wrong with that approach?
posted by clevershark at 7:27 AM on August 1, 2006


The problem with pushing a libel claim is that the defense can always say, "well, the charges *might* be true" and start serving subpoenas by the score on friends and associates. In addition to the possibility that this might uncover a single mild regrettable incident that can be inflated into a full scandal, it also means that your lawyers spend hours doing their own research into these leads. This is one of the reasons the Blumenthals were forced into a settlment with Drudge. (And due to some procedural misconduct from their own lawyers, forced to pay some legal fees to Drudge.)
posted by KirkJobSluder at 7:28 AM on August 1, 2006


He should just screw his wife on stage.



"So there!"
posted by craven_morhead at 7:29 AM on August 1, 2006


I hereby volunteer to prove that I am not a homosexual with Reverend Russell Johnson's mom.
posted by ND¢ at 7:30 AM on August 1, 2006 [1 favorite]


More about Reverend Johnson.
posted by grabbingsand at 7:31 AM on August 1, 2006


It never ceases to amaze me how ungodly and unrepentant some supposed men of God can be.
posted by caddis at 7:32 AM on August 1, 2006


ND¢, you're a crazy motherfucker.
posted by jonmc at 7:35 AM on August 1, 2006


It never ceases to amaze me how ungodly and unrepentant some supposed men of God can be.

And how willfully their flocks follow them. That is the real amazement...as well as horribly frightening.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:38 AM on August 1, 2006


Remember Strickland, its not gay if you don't push back!
posted by Mach5 at 7:39 AM on August 1, 2006


ND¢, you're a crazy motherfucker.
posted by jonmc at 10:35 AM EST on August 1

No, I'm just volunteering to be a crazy-person's-mother-fucker.
posted by ND¢ at 7:39 AM on August 1, 2006


Ahh, yes, the good ol' 'pigf-cker denial technique', courtesy of Lyndon Johnson.
posted by bhance at 7:39 AM on August 1, 2006


For future reference, the Pharisees aren't in the Bible as role models, guys. Please don't let anyone confuse these people with Christians. They're Christians by name only. In practice, they're filthy, and go against every little letter of the books they preach out of.
posted by potch at 7:51 AM on August 1, 2006


"Gary Lankford, headmaster of a Christian home school, started in early July as the Ohio GOP’s 'social conservative coordinator.'"

Headmaster of a Christian home school? What does that even mean? That he's a dad who likes fancy titles? Do his kids call him "Principal Lankford"?
posted by adamrice at 7:52 AM on August 1, 2006


It never ceases to amaze me how ungodly and unrepentant some supposed men of God can be.

1995:


2006:
The Rise and Fall of Ralph Reed
"For a high-profile religious conservative like Reed, the stories of being paid millions by one Indian tribe to run a religious-based antigambling campaign to prevent another tribe from opening a rival casino made him look like something worse than a criminal--a hypocrite. He had once called gambling a 'cancer' on the body politic. And the e-mails to [Jack] Abramoff didn't help, especially those that seemed to suggest that the man who had deplored in print Washington's system of 'honest graft' was eager to be part of it. 'I need to start humping in corporate accounts!' he wrote Abramoff a few days after the 1998 election.

To Reed, it sometimes appeared, Christian voters were pawns in a game of power swapping. The Journal-Constitution reported that the man who had once condemned China for its one-child policy and its persecution of Christians had created a 'grass-roots' Christian group to lobby for freer trade with the superpower--an effort quietly financed by major U.S. corporations like Boeing that were the Georgian's true clients. The profits Reed collected from such dealings were not, by any indication, the wages of illegal behavior. But to some they were the wages of sin. 'He got nailed for being a phony,' says a fellow G.O.P. operative in Washington, with more than a little schadenfreude.

...Reed used to blame liberals and secularized politicians for treating religious conservatives as uneducated, gullible and easy to lead. He proved that religious voters were a potent force that shouldn't be ignored or condescended to. 'People of faith,' he once wrote, had become the new 'Amos and Andy,' and he was determined to push to the center of American politics their 'cluster of pro-family issues' so they could attract 'a majority of voters.' But Reed forgot his own lessons. In the face of incredibly damning evidence, he insisted that he hadn't done anything wrong and that he didn't know he was consorting with a friend nicknamed Casino Jack or taking money from gambling interests. He thought he could convince his base that they shouldn't believe their eyes and ears, that they should trust him instead. In the end, not enough did.

[Time | July 31, 2006]
:

posted by ericb at 7:57 AM on August 1, 2006


Well, everyone knows that pastors in Ohio cannot possibly be gay, right??

Right?
posted by newfers at 7:57 AM on August 1, 2006


Headmaster of a Christian home school? What does that even mean?
Probably the coordinator between several individual home schools. Shared resources and a unified curriculum. Stuff like that. That or a "home school" run by a church itself. I'm sure there are enough loopholes in the home-school regs to be able to avoid actually having to incorporate as a private educational facility.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:00 AM on August 1, 2006


Really: I don't see any way this guy can prove he's not "homosexual" other than by having intercourse with a woman in public -- which will prove that he is, at 'worst' (:-), bi.

Is that what those pastors want?
posted by baylink at 8:01 AM on August 1, 2006


It's not just in Ohio kids...

The Growing Threat of Right-Wing Christians
posted by Unregistered User at 8:01 AM on August 1, 2006


Dunk him like a witch!
posted by ericb at 8:01 AM on August 1, 2006


From grabbingsand's link:

the Rev. Johnson sees "the 2006 election as an apocalyptic clash between a virtuous Christianity and the evildoers who oppose Christianity's values."

"This is a battle between the forces of righteousness and the hordes of hell," says Johnson on his church's website, urging other evangelical clergy to get into the political fray and get involved with the electoral process.


Because, you know, every person that is not a Christian extremist is obviously an "evil doer" from "the hordes of hell". It must be exhausting to think like this.
posted by raedyn at 8:05 AM on August 1, 2006


Do these guys still get tax exemptions?
posted by Thorzdad at 8:08 AM on August 1, 2006


adamrice,
Mr. Lankford founded FamilyVision Schools. "FamilyVision Schools, an innovative, low-cost program that greatly improves both the quality of education and homeschooling experience for families – helping families homeschool longer and more effectively. Our vision is to help raise up leaders who 'intentionally live life to glorify God by impacting the culture for Jesus Christ.'”
posted by Otis at 8:11 AM on August 1, 2006


Strickland gets the moral high ground and the gay-rights vote in a single go.

He already has the vote of everyone adept at bipedal locomotion.

Unfortunately, I live about 10 miles from Fairfield Christian Church, and there are plenty of bigoted morons out here in the sticks to whom this will all seem reasonable.
posted by words1 at 8:14 AM on August 1, 2006


Our vision is to help raise up leaders who 'intentionally live life to glorify God by impacting the culture for Jesus Christ'

And for when the holme-schoolers are older: GOD AND COUNTRY - "A college that trains young Christians to be politicians."

Previous MeFi thread about Patrick Henry College.
posted by ericb at 8:22 AM on August 1, 2006


that pastor ought to prove he's not going to hell.

by dying right now.
posted by StrasbourgSecaucus at 8:31 AM on August 1, 2006 [1 favorite]



"This is a battle between the forces of righteousness and the hordes of hell," says Johnson on his church's website, urging other evangelical clergy to get into the political fray and get involved with the electoral process.

Because, you know, every person that is not a Christian extremist is obviously an "evil doer" from "the hordes of hell". It must be exhausting to think like this.
posted by raedyn at 11:05 AM EST on August 1 [+fave] [!]


You just know this guy has more porn on his computer than all of usenet.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:40 AM on August 1, 2006


Well, Lancaster is pretty much the registered sex offender capital of Ohio. There's a new sex abuse case, often involving infants, around here nearly every week.

Johnson is a twisted little fascist creep, so I bet his thing has to do with goats in SS regalia.
posted by words1 at 8:46 AM on August 1, 2006


thorsdad, otis: thanks.
newfers: how perfect is it that that guy is "Reverend Love"!?
posted by adamrice at 8:47 AM on August 1, 2006


Of course I’m not gay. Didn’t you just see me totally not blow that guy? I mean look at his cock. It’s beautifully sculpted, but I’m I going down on it? No way. Look, here’s a picture of Tom Cruise in a speedo. Just look at his magnificent ass! Am I getting a hard on? Hell no. I’m thinking about model railroading and forklifts and shit. Are you kidding me? You know any gay guys who wouldn’t jerk it over Tom Cruise’s fabulous buttocks? Not me buddy, and that’s ‘cause I’m straight as an arrow. I’ve got a tattoo over my ass that says “Exit only.” It’s tattooed! For life! You know why? ‘Cause I’m a straight guy. I like the sex with the women buddy and you better believe it or I’ll sock you one - that’s what us straight guys do. Delivering a little chin music with our knuckles is the only male contact us straight guys have. I’m all man here.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:23 AM on August 1, 2006 [1 favorite]


The only way to solve this is with a Fuck-Off at an Amsterdam brothel. Be There or Be Queer.
posted by perianwyr at 9:39 AM on August 1, 2006


Johnson says, he's "withholding judgment" on the Stricklands' sexuality.

Oh, good - I was worried he was going to pass judgment. Isn't that his God's baliwick, after all? I'd hate to see him do something stupid like that and jeopardize his very soul.

Guess he missed that whole "judge not, lest ye be judged" part in seminary.
posted by FormlessOne at 10:14 AM on August 1, 2006


I myself only have sex with men to remindmyself that I don't like it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:22 AM on August 1, 2006


Astro Zombie : "I myself only have sex with men to remindmyself that I don't like it."

That's the exact same reason I eat at McDonald's.
posted by graventy at 11:28 AM on August 1, 2006


Why does eating at McDonald's remind you that you don't like sex with men? Did the Hamburglar give you an Unhappy Meal there?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:37 AM on August 1, 2006


Is the pastor looking for some hot candidate-on-wife action? Does he want to see Mrs. Strickland slap Ted on the ass and say, "Who's the first lady now? Beeyotch!!"
posted by jonp72 at 11:41 AM on August 1, 2006


Strickland gets the moral high ground and the gay-rights vote in a single go.

That's all well and good, but that's totally immaterial. He wants to get elected in Ohio. If I want to fix my bicycle and someone hands me a soldering gun and an oscilloscope, I'll thank them for the gift, but it doesn't help me fix my bike.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 11:49 AM on August 1, 2006


Okay, ND¢, but have you seen Reverend Russell Johnson's mom?


posted by nlindstrom at 12:23 PM on August 1, 2006


Smedleyman: That's some goood satire!
But...didn't you mean to post it in the Mel Gibson thread?
posted by mer2113 at 1:05 PM on August 1, 2006


Nah, I was going to post this in the Mel Gibson thread:

Of course I’m not Jewish. Didn’t you just see me totally not l'chaim that goy? I mean look at his chiddush. It’s beautifully structured, but I’m I going to plotz? No way. Look, here’s a picture of Matthew Broderick, he’s my nephew. Just look at his magnificent smile! Am I getting nachas? Hell no. I’m thinking about model railroading and forklifts and shit. Are you meshuga? You know any jewish uncles who wouldn’t get the shpilkes over their nephews’s fabulous career? Not me bubby, and that’s ‘cause I’m as gentile as an uncut putz. I’ve got a tattoo over my ass that says “Harley Davidson.” It’s tattooed! For life! You know why? ‘Cause I’m not going to be buried in a jewish cemetery. I like the church with the choir bubby and you better believe it or I’ll give you such a klop - that’s what us menschs do. A shande I shouldn’t. Meh, Abi Meleibt. I’m all mavin here (plus I’m not a faygeleh).

*heads off to Amsterdam*
posted by Smedleyman at 4:11 PM on August 1, 2006 [1 favorite]


"This is a battle between the forces of righteousness and the hordes of hell," says Johnson on his church's website, urging other evangelical clergy to get into the political fray and get involved with the electoral process.

They walk among you and you do not recognize them.

I mean, you think they'd have the decency to look like religious extremists.

And they vote.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:54 PM on August 1, 2006


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