I'm not kidding. I DO kinda feel sick right now...

August 1, 2006 8:32 AM

Bush = Christ?!William Smatt is under the impression that Dubya is the returned Messiah. More here. On behalf of all Christians everywhere, I'm going to go vomit now.
posted by Doorstop (53 comments total)

Add my puke to the pile.
posted by Atreides at 8:35 AM on August 1, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Well, that makes two of them. Let's see if he can walk on water and if he can't then let's let him drown.
posted by fenriq at 8:38 AM on August 1, 2006

Uh...so a crazy guy thinks up crazy shit. Who is this dude other than a random nutcase?
posted by Optamystic at 8:39 AM on August 1, 2006

Who gives a shit? Do we really need to hear about every crank and nutcase that thinks Bush is the Messiah or that Jean-Jacques de Mesterton is controlled by reptiles?
posted by monju_bosatsu at 8:39 AM on August 1, 2006

Funny, what eight years will do to a religion...
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:41 AM on August 1, 2006

Yeah, like who'd believe that Bush would ever curtail civil liberties and start a war? And win the 2004 election running on his lousy record?

Who'd believe that?
posted by black8 at 8:42 AM on August 1, 2006

Jesus W. Christ!
posted by brain_drain at 8:43 AM on August 1, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Pope John Paul II is said to have considered whether or not Bush was in fact the Anti-Christ, which is probably why Cheney had him killed and put Pope Palpatine in his place.
posted by briank at 8:43 AM on August 1, 2006

My puke contribution is being assembled.
posted by DragonBoy at 8:47 AM on August 1, 2006

Yeah, give me ten minutes to eat breakfast and you can have it right back.
posted by Zozo at 8:47 AM on August 1, 2006

Everyone knows Christ will return as an angry black woman.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:48 AM on August 1, 2006

This seems so moronic, it just has to be some sort of parody. There's a joke about him "only being famous because of his dad" in there somewhere.
posted by clevershark at 8:48 AM on August 1, 2006

The speeches of BushCo have become even more unhinged than usual as it is very difficult to claim one is for peace but against cease-fires.

Children provoke an automatic sentimental response, but a diffuse one.

Adults feel horror, pity, sadness, anger, but generally stop there, as they are not willing to confront the fact that no matter how you look at it, it is adults that are responsible for these child deaths. Dragging in children is thus an exercise in emptiness, affords the opportunity to be heard saying something while saying nothing at all.

Yet, the speech is well received as people feel sorry for children, all children, thereby satisfying themselves they are humanistic and moral; it permits them to feel that they make no distinctions between different races, peoples. The fact that children can be wept over as innocent victims covers up the hate for Hizbulla, Arabs, Israel’ s attackers, etc. To be human is to deplore children’s deaths and also....assert the right for Israel to defend itself.

"Today's actions in the Middle East remind us that the United States and friends and allies must work for a sustainable peace, particularly for the sake of children.”

George W. Bush
President Attends Tee Ball Game
July 30, 2006

"Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world,
Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world."

---a hymn I sang in Sunday School 35 years ago
posted by Unregistered User at 8:54 AM on August 1, 2006

Let's see if he can walk on water

that's nothing ... let's see if he can walk on puke
posted by pyramid termite at 9:01 AM on August 1, 2006

Wicked Smatt!
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:09 AM on August 1, 2006

If Bush is Christ then William Smatt is Santa.
posted by fire&wings at 9:10 AM on August 1, 2006

Does this mean we get to nail him to a cross some time in the future?
posted by PontifexPrimus at 9:12 AM on August 1, 2006

Obviously William Smatt is none too SMART.
posted by PHINC at 9:14 AM on August 1, 2006

These folks say Anti-Christ. Personally, I think the scriptural arguments favor the anti-christ analysis.
posted by mwhybark at 9:19 AM on August 1, 2006

From mwhybark's link: If you add up the name 'George Bush' in Hebrew letters it comes out: ... 666 (Antichrist)

I would challenge anyone to find another powerful world leader, either now or in the past, whose name adds up to 666 in Hebrew.

Well, I can think of one in the fairly recent past.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 9:24 AM on August 1, 2006

well, to be fair, he is the "Jesus fucking Christ!" president.
posted by madamjujujive at 9:24 AM on August 1, 2006

By the way, my brain replaced William Smatt with William Shatner when I first read this and I thought it was going to be a funny piece but its just sad that its "real".
posted by fenriq at 9:28 AM on August 1, 2006

Well, I guess that since Smatt's first name is spelled "Willam" under his picture, he shares the same insufficiencies in English that his mentor does.
posted by Gordion Knott at 9:29 AM on August 1, 2006

You're missing a "batshitinsane" tag.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:30 AM on August 1, 2006

On behalf of all Christians everywhere

You're wasting your life.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 9:32 AM on August 1, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

In Dec '79 a guy from work was earnestly trying to get us to believe that Reagan was the Antichrist because "Ronald Wilson Reagan" is a string of three six-letter names...666.
posted by pax digita at 9:40 AM on August 1, 2006

Let's see if he can walk on water and if he can't then let's let him drown.
posted by fenriq

If he cries out to be saved throw him a rock...a big one.
posted by taosbat at 9:50 AM on August 1, 2006

I'm not kidding. I DO kinda feel sick right now...

over this? come on. there are a lot of really very worrying and upsetting things going on in the world. Please feel sick over corrupt governments, environmental devastation, uncured debilitating diseases or any of the other things which are actually causing real pain for real human beings. Here, check out appalachian mountaintop removal. That's worth getting depressed over. Some nutcase who says something crazy to get some attention or be weird or even, as unlikely as it is, because he actually thinks it's true, is completely unimportant. It's depressing that 30% of americans still think bush is doing a good job. It is not depressing that .00000033% of americans think bush has magic power.
posted by mdn at 9:57 AM on August 1, 2006

I would challenge anyone to find another powerful world leader, either now or in the past, whose name adds up to 666 in Hebrew.

I've heard (although I wouldn't know how to demonstrate it myself) that Nero was a perfect fit, using the conventional methods of Hebrew numerology.
posted by saulgoodman at 9:57 AM on August 1, 2006

Of course including/not including middle names, adding the person's nationality before his name, and the inclusion of nickname are just so many ways to game the "name = 666" theory.

In War & Peace the main character (Peter Bezukhof, sp?) became dreadfully worried that he was the antichrist because "L'russe Bezoukoff" added to 666 using some arcane math. If you look hard enough for something, you're bound to see it eventually...
posted by clevershark at 10:05 AM on August 1, 2006

I just threw up a little bit.
posted by mike3k at 10:18 AM on August 1, 2006

In Dec '79 a guy from work was earnestly trying to get us to believe that Reagan was the Antichrist because "Ronald Wilson Reagan" is a string of three six-letter names...666.

The thing nobody realizes is that Reagan really was the Antichrist. The Apocalypse has already happened, it just hasn't sunk in yet.
posted by nixerman at 10:19 AM on August 1, 2006

It's not really much crazier than any of the other fairy tales that christians believe.
It's more credible than that stupid ark story, for instance.
posted by 2sheets at 10:21 AM on August 1, 2006

Wow. I could actually feel my brain liquidizing as I started to read that website. Thank goodness for the back button.
posted by kaemaril at 10:27 AM on August 1, 2006

"Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world,
Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world."

Funny, I learned it as
"Napalm burns the little children..."

Where? Boy Scout camp.
posted by oats at 10:30 AM on August 1, 2006

Is it a requirement for whacked out religious kooks to design the most hideous web pages ever?
posted by TheCoug at 10:38 AM on August 1, 2006

It's more credible than that stupid ark story, for instance.

The ark story is a well-known example of a recurring archetype in Levantine mythology. It served a purpose in explaining the world back in the old days (pre-web 2.0).

This Bush as Christ business is a whole other thing. The idea of the Christ as a pampered scion of an oil family is beyond insulting to the faith of any christian, and to the intelligence of any human being who has ever heard of either Bush or Christ.

This work fits right in with the persecution complex of the American right. These religio-industrial knuckleheads have owned the country for years now, and are still constantly seeking straw men to explain their failures (it was teh Clinton! Teh gayz! Teh gay Clintonz!!). That's because they are paranoid and incompetent.

Here we see that a fringe element of the paranoid right has elevated its most paranoid and delusional member to the status of messiah, but PEOPLE AREN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING HIS DIVINITY! Oh the divinity!! We suffer so, even as the meat-grinder of war consumes our children and legions of nameless arabs!

Anyway, most republicans don't REALLY believe that GWB is Jesus, but the hard-core dead-enders, the thirty-five percenters, you might call 'em, do have an irrational faith in this president and his self-proclaimed infallibility. Bush must think of himself as Jesus in a codpiece to let his administration speak words to the effect that, if he (GWB) did it, it is by definition legal. I wonder if Bush and Gonzalez find the teachings of Christ to be "quaint".
posted by Mister_A at 10:44 AM on August 1, 2006

Sorry Doorstop, sure most Christians still don't believe that Bush is Christ, but Bush & Co DO define what American Christians believe. You can call yourself Christian & believe other stuff, like all of South America & Europe, but American Christianity is effectively behind a Bush-like agenda.

If I were you, I'd give up on American Christianity for a while & be more specific about my beliefs.. anglicans are pretty sane.
posted by jeffburdges at 10:47 AM on August 1, 2006

It's not really much crazier than any of the other fairy tales that christians believe. It's more credible than that stupid ark story, for instance.

Good point. Faith-based believers should be careful about disparaging the faith-based beliefs of others. No matter how absurd the other's beliefs are, yours are as equally unsupported in reality.

Thus is the problem of not building your worldview on reason.
posted by jsonic at 11:10 AM on August 1, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Mister_A writes "Anyway, most republicans don't REALLY believe that GWB is Jesus, but the hard-core dead-enders, the thirty-five percenters, you might call 'em, do have an irrational faith in this president and his self-proclaimed infallibility."

Well, their response to the inevitable pointing out that whatever Bush touches turns to shit has been to deny the existence of shit, so you've got a point there.
posted by clevershark at 11:23 AM on August 1, 2006

anglicans are pretty sane.
posted by jeffburdges at 1:47 PM EST on August 1 [+] [!]

No they're not.
Anglicans believe that Henry VIII is Jesus, or something.
posted by Pastabagel at 11:25 AM on August 1, 2006

This thread smells like vomit.
posted by Stauf at 11:40 AM on August 1, 2006

It's depressing that 30% of americans still think bush is doing a good job. It is not depressing that .00000033% of americans think bush has magic power.

Actually, from what I've seen, and conversations I've had, this belief isn't as rare as you think. Most believers just aren't writing books about it. Bush campaigned to the religious right that he wanted to bring about the apocalypse, and the religious right happily fell in line behind him.

Essentially, where strongly-felt Christian Faith and far-right ideology meet, people are going to have this hope in the back of their heads. This is why Dubya's defenders always resort to the "Bush can do no wrong" argument.

Seriously though, I've known otherwise very intelligent people, partners at worldwide firms, who entertain this idea, and are preparing for rapture. (Incidentally, all of these people come from Houston, that cradle of batshit conservatism.)
posted by Navelgazer at 11:40 AM on August 1, 2006

For the record, I believe that it was recently demonstrated that the "real" number of the beast was, in fact, 616.
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:42 AM on August 1, 2006

I've built dozens of Novell NetWare servers with an internal IPX address of 666. Does this mean I'm the anti-christ?
posted by nlindstrom at 12:18 PM on August 1, 2006

For the record, I believe that it was recently demonstrated that the "real" number of the beast was, in fact, 616.

But, look! G-E-O-R-G-E W. B-U-S-H-J-R!!! It still works!!11!! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to egg a Freemason's car.
posted by the_bone at 12:37 PM on August 1, 2006

How dare anyone question that Dear Leader is God's Man!!

Treason. That's what it is!

Dubya was selected by God to lead his chosen people dammit!

May you heretics all burn in Hell! Where's the Inquisition when you need it?
posted by nofundy at 1:05 PM on August 1, 2006

I won't believe this is true until Rev. Moon confirms it. Or him. Whatever.
posted by hank at 1:54 PM on August 1, 2006

Wait a second! Are you telling me I shgould have been holed up in my basement clutching my rosary and praying for rapture for 24-hours straight on june first?

Well now I just look foolish.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:59 PM on August 1, 2006

to Jesse and Jeff on my own christianity -

listen, i'm not an idiot. i'm a christian only because some (not all) of the stories in the bible are good ideas to live life by. i'm also a christian because i was born into and raised as one. outside of my own faith, i am pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, anti-war, and pretty liberal all around. i can pretty much say the only thing i consider conservative about myself is my support of a traditional conservative economic plan. however this idiocy of continuous tax cuts, much less during a fucking war, is idiocy.

my main support in christianity is that it is (the way I intrpret it) a religion of peace. i know a lot of others are as well. let's face it, i'm a new age fucking hippie. just not the brain dead kind (i don't wanna hear about any crap of religion being brain dead. its as stupid as the reasons i have heard that religion is necessary.).

As for conversion, I'm Catholic. A pseudo-lapsed one at that. I don't find conversion as appealing as I do the effort to change the way people think from the inside.

Sadly, i DO realize the Christian Right loves ol' Dubya to death. My feeling sick is more of a reaction to the fact that they have elevated this mindless support of possibly the WORST president in history to that of idolatry.

...I hate people. that's the moral of this post. these people disgust me. why don't they just whip it out and piss on the Bible already?! God knows they probably wank off to it or pic of Dubya every night.
posted by Doorstop at 2:15 PM on August 1, 2006

"Napalm burns the little children..."

posted by oats at 12:30 PM CST on August 1 [+] [!] [↑] No other comments.

Red and yellow, black and white,
They're all the same when they ignite?
posted by internet!Hannah at 2:22 PM on August 1, 2006

The idea of the Christ as a pampered scion of an oil family is beyond insulting to the faith of any christian, and to the intelligence of any human being who has ever heard of either Bush or Christ.

And yet there is a common belief, among the wealthy, that Jesus was in fact an extremely wealthy man. I mean, look at the lineage: he's related to kings! His father was a business owner, a skilled carpenter and healthy profits. His robes were of finest quality, desirable enough to be auctioned after his death. The eye of the camel is something mumbojumbo. And so on.

These people are serious about it: they justify their wealth and privilege because they should emulate Christ's life.

They walk among you.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:39 PM on August 1, 2006

Doorstop, My poorly made point it: Its an issue of self-identification. It's your choice to view yourself as "Christian" and not simply "lapsed Catholic".

Just because being one technically implies being the other doesn't mean you must attach any value to the larger group, or communicate that value to others. Welsh don't identify as British either!

It aids the crazies when moderates self-identify in the same larger group. Your comment "On behalf of all Christians everywhere, I'm going to go vomit now" actually moderates & legitimizes their insanity.

Christianity & Islam pretend they are massive coherent religions for political reasons, such as legitimizing the "poltically useful" crazy. To fight the crazy, moderates must abandon the larger religion's imaginary unity & identify only as smaller sane sub-religions.

William Smatt is no more your problem than some Muslem suicide bomber, unless you pretend the term "Christian" is meaningful.
posted by jeffburdges at 4:52 AM on August 4, 2006