I Humped Your Hummer
August 1, 2006 4:36 PM   Subscribe

I Humped Your Hummer. Sticking it to the gas guzzling Republicans one thrust at a time or just a bunch of dudes humping SUVs?
posted by JPowers (42 comments total)

 
I'm leaning towards 'just a bunch of dudes humping SUVs.'
posted by JoshTeeters at 4:40 PM on August 1, 2006


Democrats don't have Hummers?
posted by bugmuncher at 4:48 PM on August 1, 2006


The people who are featured in these films just come across as fools who think they are clever.
posted by jayder at 4:50 PM on August 1, 2006



posted by HuronBob at 4:57 PM on August 1, 2006


i'd hit it.
posted by mrgrimm at 5:03 PM on August 1, 2006


What the fuck does political party have to do with this? There are loads of Democrats, Libertarians, you-name-its who drive these pieces of crap. Trust me on this. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, and I guarantee that far from all of the douchebags driving these things on the road are Republicans.
posted by scrump at 5:04 PM on August 1, 2006


You find me a Green who drives one of these suburban assault vehicles and I'll eat my organic hempseed hat.
posted by imperium at 5:08 PM on August 1, 2006


I thought they were talking about political parties not political punchlines.
posted by keswick at 5:13 PM on August 1, 2006


Another vote for "a bunch of dudes that think they're funny but really look like idiots."

I also heartily second the comment made by scrump. At least south of SF, your political party really has nothing at all to do with what you drive. I've seen plenty of 'liberals' and Democrats (just guessing because of the Kerry/Edwards stickers) driving Hummers, and I've seen Republicans (again, just guessing based on the "W in 04" stickers) driving hybrids.

The idea that just because you drive a Hummer means you're a gas guzzling environment hating Republican is just stupid. Obviously these guys haven't seen a Chevy Tahoe (10mpg) with a "Keep Tahoe Blue" sticker.
posted by drstein at 5:14 PM on August 1, 2006


The idea that just because you drive a Hummer means you're a gas guzzling environment hating Republican is just stupid.

The idea that just because you drive a Hummer means you're a gas guzzling environment hating Republican dickhead is just stupid close enough.
posted by wilful at 5:30 PM on August 1, 2006


I'm a registered Green, I hate fucking Hummers (sorry- I fucking hate Hummers) but these guys are complete imbeciles.
posted by wfc123 at 6:01 PM on August 1, 2006


.
posted by tomplus2 at 6:03 PM on August 1, 2006


bugmuncher writes "Democrats don't have Hummers?"

They don't have Hummers. They receive hummers!

*rimshot*
*audience groans*
*Kevin Eubanks shakes his head*
posted by brundlefly at 6:15 PM on August 1, 2006


Another vote for imbeciles.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 6:15 PM on August 1, 2006


I'm pushing 40. It's all I can do to let the air out of their tires. And yes, I do let the air out of Hummer tires every chance I get.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 6:59 PM on August 1, 2006


gesamtkunstwerk, you are my Hero of the Day.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 7:12 PM on August 1, 2006


I'm pushing 40. It's all I can do to let the air out of their tires. And yes, I do let the air out of Hummer tires every chance I get.

I appreciate the gesture, but doesn't that mean that every time you do that some tow truck or other mobile service driver who could be helping someone with a real problem is tied up reinflating the tires on a Hummer?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 7:19 PM on August 1, 2006


These hummer-rapists should be shot on sight.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 7:22 PM on August 1, 2006


But gesamtkunstwerk - less-than optimal tire pressure = increased gasoline consumption...
posted by porpoise at 7:47 PM on August 1, 2006


A lesbian couple on my street just bought an H3. I highly doubt they're rebublicans based on the political signs in their yard every election season.

I believe an H2 gets comparable gas mileage to other SUVs and an H3 is even better. They're also not nearly the most expensive cars on the road, so hating them for "materialism" doesn't make sense either.

I think Hummers are ugly, and there are soooo many SUVs I'd rather own than H1, H2 or H3. But to hate Hummers and their drivers is just an irrational loser with too much time on his hands (like gesamtkunstwerk, apparently).
posted by b_thinky at 8:03 PM on August 1, 2006


An H2 gets about 12 MPG - your Escalade or Tahoe will get about 17, highway. A modern half-ton pickup with DOD (displacement on demand) will get 19 highway.
posted by rfs at 8:25 PM on August 1, 2006


Actually, a proper Hummer (I guess they call it the "H1" now) has an air pump built-in that will inflate and deflate the tires with a switch inside, so you can go over different types of terrain. Letting the air out of the tires would merely remind the owner of how generally awesome his vehicle is.

I hate the new Hummers, but the old ones are still cool in my book, regardless of gas mileage.
posted by Clamwacker at 9:01 PM on August 1, 2006


Toddler killed by errant Hummer
Father was moving the vehicle when he felt a thud, police say.
By Crystal Carreon -- Bee Staff Writer
Published 12:01 am PDT Friday, July 28, 2006

A 2-year-old boy was killed Thursday morning after his father accidentally drove over the toddler while maneuvering a sport-utility vehicle near their Elk Grove home.

Elk Grove police and paramedics were called shortly after 8:30 a.m. to a home in the 8900 block of Capote Way, near West Stockton Boulevard, where they found the boy with his father and mother, said Officer Chris Trim, police spokesman.

Trim said the father had pulled his Hummer H2 into a next-door neighbor's driveway when "he apparently felt a thud." He got out and found his son by the right rear tire.

The toddler was taken to UC Davis Medical Center, where he was declared dead....

Janette Fennell of Kids and Cars, a nonprofit advocacy group in Kansas, said Thursday's death could be part of an unfortunate, national phenomenon called "front over" -- accidents that increasingly involve larger vehicles such as Hummers and other SUVs.
....
posted by meddeviceengineer at 9:06 PM on August 1, 2006


I would lay good money down on a bet that over 75 percent of the people who drive Hummers are Republican neo-con asshats. Just sayin'.

If you think that's stupid, then I doubt your intelligence.
posted by geekhorde at 9:33 PM on August 1, 2006


If you're gonna hump something, then fucking hump it. What's with this 5 second dry hump crap? Get up on the hood and fuck that shit. Show that Hummer who's boss.
posted by jefbla at 9:42 PM on August 1, 2006


Get some locktite:


And a tin can:


And then go find a Hummer's tailpipe:


Problem solved (if you do it often enough).
posted by Kickstart70 at 9:57 PM on August 1, 2006


Did you know that sales figures have shown that over 50% of the people that purchase Hummers are women. One article about it. Another tidbit. And here is a slightly older article, so if anything, the number of women buying the H2 and H3 has increased over time.

Hrm. And aren't the 'Republican neo-con asshats' mostly men? But, it's the women that are buying the Hummers.

I think it's safe to say that folks on both sides of the fence like to buy large vehicles.
posted by drstein at 10:03 PM on August 1, 2006


I laughed when I saw people making fake love to the big vehicles.
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 10:24 PM on August 1, 2006


I think it's safe to say that folks on both sides of the fence like to buy large vehicles.
posted by drstein at 10:03 PM PST on August 1 [+] [!]


Plus you gotta take into account all the people who own these things that don't even vote. The whole hip-hop/wannabe crowd isn't that politially active either way, but they're certainly not neo-cons.

An H2 gets about 12 MPG - your Escalade or Tahoe will get about 17, highway. A modern half-ton pickup with DOD (displacement on demand) will get 19 highway.
posted by rfs at 8:25 PM PST on August 1 [+] [!]


My escalade gets about 15mpg hwy.
posted by b_thinky at 1:07 AM on August 2, 2006


An H2 gets about 12 MPG

Crikey, I had no idea. And people actively seek out cars that inefficient? The only car I've ever owned did 50 mpg, and I still had to give it up because it cost too much to run. This means that petrol is too expensive in the UK or too cheap in the US ;-)
posted by jack_mo at 3:33 AM on August 2, 2006


Gotta top-it, give the hummer the fucking finger.

http://FUH2.COM !! I cant believe nobody has posted it yet.

And yeah, just a bunch of dudes humping hummers. Kinda lame.
posted by cdavidc at 3:54 AM on August 2, 2006


Talked to a lady car salesman who confirmed that most of the people buying the big SUVs are soccer moms, and they're quite competitive about having the biggest, most accessory-laden vehicles, heavy on the creature comforts. She was pushing Chevys, but she totally got the soccer-mom/Hummer vibe.

Real MenTM do not drive SUVs. Real MenTM drive pickup trucks -- the bigger, the better -- even if they seldom have an actual use for a truck bed.

Pristine pickup trucks with chrome on them have a certain crypto-homoeroticism to them that makes me chuckle. Whom are we trying to impress, and how, and above all why, Mr. Balding Beer Belly?

(Full disclaimer: I drive a little spitkit four-banger because I like convenience, maneuverability, front-wheel drive, efficiency and economy. I don't buy into the notion that "he/she who arrives first at the next red light wins" although most of the people I see in my morning commute seem to.)
posted by pax digita at 5:27 AM on August 2, 2006


b_thinky, What year is your Escalade ? The 17 MPG was real-world mileage that I got while driving a 2006 for 3 months as a company car (and no, I don't have any choice on what I am given to drive - I had an H2 back in 2003).
posted by rfs at 5:33 AM on August 2, 2006


People advocating vandalizing vehicles are dicks. I ride a bicycle. Do you think my flattening your tires or stuffing your tailpipe is justified because I pollute less/get better gas milage than you?
posted by Cookiebastard at 5:53 AM on August 2, 2006


Do you think my flattening your tires or stuffing your tailpipe is justified because I pollute less/get better gas milage than you?

I understand that. I'm against vandalism. But maybe I haven't been confronted with the right opportunity, the right balance of some minor vandalism that could effect a greater good or (we're all selfish) I haven't been confronted with a situation that would directly benefit me enough to turn me into a vandal.

For example, I dislike noise and light pollution, especially, of course, when it's near me. I dislike it in the abstract and in the concrete, in the general and in the specific and personal. If I lived next to something unnecessarily loud or overlighted that I could shut down with a little vandalism, a little annoying pranking that didn't disproportionately harm anyone or anything, I might be driven to do it. Or not. Maybe I'm past that stage.

But if a kid with an air rifle shot out a few unnecessary and annoying floodlights so she could stop that waste of electricity and look up at the stars at night, I might not hold it against her. She might convince me that letting the air out of a few tires now and then is also a worthwhile pursuit and a proportional response to a greater offense.
posted by pracowity at 7:06 AM on August 2, 2006


how to dis the H* driver
posted by Fezboy! at 7:52 AM on August 2, 2006


rfs: it's an '03 EXT. A great ride, but a gas guzzler indeed.

Before anyone looks down on an SUV driver, consider the number of passengers. If an H2 gets 12mpg but is carrying 3 people, it's driver is actually more fuel efficient than you are if your car gets 30mpg but you're driving by yourself. This is actually a very likely scenario, since someone above cited a source claiming 50% of Hummer owners are women (soccer moms, presumably).

When I'm faced with traffic and pollution on the highway, I tend to get more annoyed with the number of people in the cars than the actual cars themselves. Of course, the vast majority of cars out there are carrying just the driver.
posted by b_thinky at 10:13 AM on August 2, 2006


She might convince me that letting the air out of a few tires now and then is also a worthwhile pursuit and a proportional response to a greater offense.

What if it's your tires? Will you give your hypothetical vandal the thumbs-up for that, provided that her means of transportation is less polluting or more fuel efficient than yours?

I think Hummers are stupid vehicles, and I've put a lot of effort into setting up my living situation so that I can mostly get by on bicycling and utilizing public transit. But flattening tires and shooting out floodlights isn't going to make the pollution problem go away. It will, however, give these people significant "oppression cred."

Go to your city council meetings when they talk about funding public transit. Write letters to the editor. Vote. Encourage lawmakers to enact tougher gas-mileage laws. Work the system. It's possibly more effective than vandalism, and won't get you arrested or make you look like a dick and the Hummer owner look like a victim of oppression.
posted by Cookiebastard at 11:12 AM on August 2, 2006


What if it's your tires?

I walk and I take the bus and tram. If she starts letting the air out of bus tires, I'll have a talk with her to explain the value of public transport. If she tries it with a tram, well, good luck to her. If she disables my shoes, I'll kick her ass, because she ought to know there's a difference between walking and driving a hummer. (Unless she catches me wearing sweatshop-manufactured shoes, in which case she has a point, the little whippersnapper.)

This "oppression cred" you're talking about is besides the point. The goal of vandalizing hummers (I'm guessing -- almost no one in this country even owns one -- I think I've seen two in my life) is to discourage people from wanting to have them. If you're buying a car and you know that people despise hummers enough to key them, let the air out of their tires, jam shit up their tailpipes, and even set them alight, you might be inclined to buy something else instead. Only an idiot would be more likely to buy a hummer because people like to damage them.

And no one is stopping vandals from doing the other things you suggest -- city council meetings, etc. -- and oppressing the poor hummer-driving class by deflating their tires.
posted by pracowity at 12:27 PM on August 2, 2006


This past spring, a Hummer2 backed up onto the hood of my Civic while we were at a dead stop at a red light. The driver pulled forward and backed up on my car again. When I slammed on my horn so that he wouldn't drive right over the hood, he finally stopped. When I asked him how it was that he hit me twice, he said that he didn't know I was there and thought it was a curb. He was very polite but would not acknowledge the irony of his huge car running over my tiny car twice without even noticing. While I don't think all Hummer drivers are idiots, there is no doubt that they are dangerous vehicles; hopefully the insurance premiums they way balance out the damage that they do.
posted by ameliajayne at 12:55 PM on August 2, 2006


Didja see that episode of “Deadwood” where the guy was jerking off on the horse? Same thing.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:29 PM on August 2, 2006


Lick My Silent Sports Car
posted by homunculus at 11:47 PM on August 2, 2006


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