It's funny because it's true.

August 2, 2006 8:43 AM

Bush Grants Self Permission to Grant Self More Power. Also, Bush Postpones 2008 Election. "Legally, it's simple," Mr. Gonzales said. "It depends on what the meaning of 'four years' is. The Constitution says the President 'shall hold his office during the term of four years.' It does not say 'only four years' or 'four years and not a day more.' The Framers intended 'four years' to be a preference, not a rigid number. We should not take it literally any more than the words 'hold his office' means no woman can be President. A woman is running now."
posted by empath (34 comments total)

Can Bush give me a free subscription to The Nation?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:45 AM on August 2, 2006

Non-subscription link. Not that you're missing much.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 8:46 AM on August 2, 2006

That's wierd, the link worked when I clicked it from google, and I don't have a subscription, but the link from the FPP doesn't.
posted by empath at 8:47 AM on August 2, 2006

Links to the Onion? Really?
posted by boo_radley at 8:47 AM on August 2, 2006

He can, but he won't. However, as part of the Massive and Incredibly Fair Tax Reform Initiative of 2006, you can now read the Onion, just like empath.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:48 AM on August 2, 2006

AND The Nation.

In one post, even.
posted by empath at 8:48 AM on August 2, 2006

It's funny because it's true fictional satire?
posted by Plutor at 8:50 AM on August 2, 2006 [1 favorite]

The second one was almost too frightening to be funny.

But the Onion story is just absurdist fun. Certainly Dubya doesn't need to grant himself anymore power, since he already believes that he has the power to do whatever he wishes.

See you in the concentration camps, fellow suspected terrorists.
posted by bshock at 8:52 AM on August 2, 2006

The only way to stop Mr Bush is a full and unconditional surrender of all higher mental faculties. As soon as we're all as dumb as he is, he'll stop molesting the Constitution, or we'll stop caring, either way we win!
posted by fenriq at 8:53 AM on August 2, 2006

Bonus points for trashing Lieberman. God, he sucks.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:53 AM on August 2, 2006

this fpp is useless without animated gifs I haven't seen before.
posted by boo_radley at 8:54 AM on August 2, 2006

Here is something terrifying:

U.S. citizens suspected of terror ties might be detained indefinitely and barred from access to civilian courts under legislation proposed by the Bush administration... According to the draft, the military would be allowed to detain all 'enemy combatants' until hostilities cease... the broad definition of enemy combatants is alarming because a U.S. citizen loosely suspected of terror ties would lose access to a civilian court -- and all the rights that come with it.
posted by ND¢ at 9:01 AM on August 2, 2006

You can have a country without civil rights, but you can't have civil rights without a country.
posted by empath at 9:05 AM on August 2, 2006

But will the Supreme Court still rule?
posted by brain_drain at 9:07 AM on August 2, 2006

Vanity fair exclusive: 9/11 Live: The NORAD Tapes

How did the U.S. Air Force respond on 9/11? Could it have shot down United 93, as conspiracy theorists claim? Obtaining 30 hours of never-before-released tapes from the control room of NORAD's Northeast headquarters, the author reconstructs the chaotic military history of that day—and the Pentagon's apparent attempt to cover it up.

Also see: Washington Post: 9/11 Panel Suspected Deception by Pentagon
posted by Unregistered User at 9:10 AM on August 2, 2006

unregistered, can you please stick to the conspiracy theory at hand?
posted by empath at 9:13 AM on August 2, 2006

The best thing to do with the Onion is to just go there once a week or so and read all the headlines. Then it's really great.
posted by reklaw at 9:14 AM on August 2, 2006

The conspiracy theory at hand being that this post is pretty lame? That's no theory, my friend.
posted by prostyle at 9:15 AM on August 2, 2006

You can have a country without civil rights, but


Here in New England, we have a little saying that goes "live free or die." I'm somewhat fond of it, myself.
posted by rxrfrx at 9:15 AM on August 2, 2006

Poor post.

Doesn't mean the possibility is all that remote.
posted by grabbingsand at 9:16 AM on August 2, 2006

The conspiracy theory at hand being that this post is pretty lame? That's no theory, my friend.

Only someone embedded deep within the heart of the cabal would call this unfunny.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:18 AM on August 2, 2006

Oh come on, a lame bush onion piece? Personally, I would have linked to this piece about my corpse, but hey that's me. Even the ghost of Oscar Wilde can't even get into this. Well, to be 100% fair Oscar doesn't like theonion much at all.
posted by the ghost of Ken Lay at 9:21 AM on August 2, 2006

Hey I've never seen the onion before!

Check this article out, it's really striking and unknown!
posted by cellphone at 9:23 AM on August 2, 2006

meta
posted by cellphone at 9:27 AM on August 2, 2006

this fpp is useless without animated gifs I haven't seen before.

I have the next best thing, boo.
posted by fleetmouse at 9:28 AM on August 2, 2006

Third of Americans suspect 9-11 government conspiracy - scrippsnews.com
posted by Unregistered User at 9:39 AM on August 2, 2006

Third of Americans suspect 9-11 government conspiracy - scrippsnews.com

72 percent of Americans believe the government is not telling the public everything it knows about UFO activity, and 68 percent think the government knows more about extraterrestrial life than it is letting on.
posted by the ghost of Ken Lay at 9:44 AM on August 2, 2006

The conspiracy theory at hand being that this post is pretty lame? That's no theory, my friend.

No, but we should teach the controversy.
posted by athenian at 9:47 AM on August 2, 2006

Angels, Aliens Battle For Imagination Of American People
posted by brain_drain at 9:48 AM on August 2, 2006

63.9 percent of Americans (+/- 14.3% sampling error) believe Ken Lay faked his death and is currently managing Elvis' comeback tour.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:50 AM on August 2, 2006

More conspiracy theory...

Will Bush and Gonzales get away with it?

The pilot and Vietnam POW -- a staunch Republican -- who pushed through the War Crimes Act of 1996 is appalled that the Bush administration, facing possible prosecution for war crimes, is devising a legal escape hatch.

posted by Unregistered User at 9:50 AM on August 2, 2006

well, that one is at least on the same topic of presidential over-reach.

btw, I'd respond to the meta thread, but i haven't seen it because I can't get to metatalk (or ask, or projects, or music) for some reason.
posted by empath at 9:52 AM on August 2, 2006

You know, 8 years ago, the Onion piece would have been funny.
posted by clevershark at 9:53 AM on August 2, 2006

The Nation one is not really a joke--it's entirely conceivable that they'll try it, and get away with it, especially if there's a conveniently-scheduled attack.
posted by amberglow at 9:56 AM on August 2, 2006