Comments on: No rest for the dead...

No rest for the dead...

Blazecock Pileon — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 01:51:31 -0800

My post-mortem to-do checklist, so far: 1. Study marine biology. 2. Accessorize my hot, wealthy widow. 3. Relay a few spooky telegrams to my spooky new friends. 4. Try to look as suspicious as possible. And that's even before rigor mortis sets in!

By: rhymer

rhymer — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 02:16:55 -0800

Getting the terminally ill to memorise messages to pass on is a nice touch.

By: b33j

b33j — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 02:37:15 -0800

Nice post. Loved the telegrams.

By: -t

-t — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 02:44:31 -0800

You know, people are just creepy.

By: Operation Afterglow

Operation Afterglow — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 02:49:19 -0800

Someone, somewhere will be sending a mass telegram to the dead that simply states: "Baba Booey".

By: String

String — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 03:27:41 -0800

Accessorize my hot, wealthy widow made me think of this. Ever since moving to the UK, I've found their advertising somehow disturbing.

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 03:30:17 -0800

That afterlife telegrams thing isn't real, right? Please? It can't be.

By: cubby

cubby — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 04:14:33 -0800

you could also get plastinated and put into a museum.

By: micketymoc

micketymoc — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 04:31:56 -0800

Or, as Mary Roach describes in Stiff, you could also get composted.

By: pracowity

pracowity — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 04:46:37 -0800

you could also get composted. That's the one for me. Compost me and add me to the garden. When my family and friends bury me, I want them to know I will be the flowers at their funerals.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 04:46:56 -0800

Interesting post. Now I'm wondering, though, where's the comment(s) from The Ghost of Ken Lay? I mean, he's supposed to really know about this kinda stuff, right?

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 04:54:16 -0800

"But please don't bury me down in that cold cold ground no I'd rather have 'em cut me up and pass me all around" -John Prine

By: micketymoc

micketymoc — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 04:57:23 -0800

When my family and friends bury me, I want them to know I will be the flowers at their funerals. There are a few difficulties inherent in the process - among others, the need to be chopped up into bitty pieces, which might not go down well with most families.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:01:37 -0800

"There are a few difficulties inherent in the process - among others, the need to be chopped up into bitty pieces, which might not go down well with most families" Apparently no problem for John Prine. (See above)

By: briank

briank — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:11:08 -0800

This thread ain't goin' nowhere until The Ghost of Ken Lay weighs in.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:16:56 -0800

"This thread ain't goin' nowhere until The Ghost of Ken Lay weighs in" Hey! I said that already. Basically. (See above the above)

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:18:10 -0800

"This thread ain't goin' nowhere until The Ghost of Ken Lay weighs in" Hey! I said that already. Basically. (See above the above)

By: pracowity

pracowity — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:18:27 -0800

There are a few difficulties inherent in the process - among others, the need to be chopped up into bitty pieces, which might not go down well with most families. That's what they do -- freeze you, then break you up into little bitty bits, but still decomposable people bits, not ashes.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:20:58 -0800

"That's what they do -- freeze you, then break you up into little bitty bits, but still decomposable people bits Perfect for John Prine.

By: bim

bim — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:39:51 -0800

My mother's buddy/former (due to a divorce) sister-in-law sends her flowers every year on her birthday. Never mind that my mother's ashes are in a box up in my father's spare bedroom. My father rolls his eyes and sticks the flowers by the box every year.

By: quite unimportant

quite unimportant — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:41:36 -0800

It's the Body Farm for me. Second only to having my bereaved ancestors throw me into a bitch to rot.

By: quite unimportant

quite unimportant — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:42:01 -0800

ditch! I meant ditch!

By: ob

ob — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:45:26 -0800

A splendidly morbid post.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:48:51 -0800

"throw me into a bitch to rot" Way Freudian typo, dude. I don't think that'd work for John Prine, though...

By: the ghost of Ken Lay

the ghost of Ken Lay — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:50:39 -0800

where's the comment(s) from The Ghost of Ken Lay? Sorry for the delay gents, but we just got the Lindsay Lohan bikini video here in hell so things are a bit slow. Damned DSL. Needless to say the bossman has a special place for the afterlife telegram people. Sometimes we round them up and listen to their hilarious and sappy messages like "Uncle Jimmy loves you" or "Daddy still misses you, angel." That's an easy way to waste three or four hours. At five dollars per word, John D. Rockefeller is kicking himself for not thinking of this first.

By: equalpants

equalpants — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 06:18:55 -0800

Hey, I wonder what John Prine thinks of this? Anybody know?

By: lodurr

lodurr — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 06:20:40 -0800

My brother used to like to point out that cremation (while marginally more eco-friendly than embalming) destroyed a lot of nutrients that would be really useful to plants and soil organisms. He told us all years ago that he wants to be put into a pine box and have a tree planted on top of him.

By: rough

rough — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 06:22:56 -0800

This was so great -- thanks, Blazecock. But why oh why did I watch the autopsy videos??!! I'll never be able to carve the turkey again. (And no, that's not a euphemism.)

By: equalpants

equalpants — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 06:33:08 -0800

-Who are the terminally ill messengers? Can I meet them? -No. At this time we have only one messenger. She/He wishes to remain anonymous.

Wow, I hope she/he is going to be able to remember all the messages! But, hey, what a great way to pay the medical bills...

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 06:53:59 -0800

"Hey, I wonder what John Prine thinks of this? Anybody know?" Well, he's on record as saying "Give my knees to the needy", and I think that sums it up pretty nicely.

By: ninjew

ninjew — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 07:52:18 -0800

I'll settle for just making prank phone calls from beyond the grave.

By: pips

pips — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 10:11:57 -0800

I rather fancy the online cemetery. It seems a tad empty, though. No one except Federov and a former truck driver named Cox for company. And the Jewish star headstone turns into a cross when you click on it (afterlife conversion?). Still, for $3, it is quite the bargain (free if you're willing to answer a questionnaire). A pet cemetery site could be cool, too. I know the perfect theme song...

By: maryh

maryh — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 10:48:27 -0800

When I'm gone, I want my carbon worked into this ring design so future generations can roll their eyes at my internet obsession.

By: Megafly

Megafly — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 11:11:19 -0800

I like the idea of being freeze dried in my street cloths and buried in a sealed plastic bin somewhere future generations and find the mummy and use me to learn about 21st century America

By: Megafly

Megafly — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 11:18:57 -0800

future generations *can* find

By: ninjew

ninjew — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 11:25:34 -0800

I like the idea of being freeze dried in my street cloths and buried in a sealed plastic bin somewhere future generations and find the mummy and use me to learn about 21st century America posted by Megafly No, all they'll really need to learn about 21st century Amerika is YouTube. It's all there.

By: gurple

gurple — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 14:40:16 -0800

That ev'n my buried Ashes such a snare Of Vintage shall fling up into the Air As not a True-believer passing by But shall be overtaken unaware.

By: gurple

gurple — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 14:41:07 -0800

(from the Rubaiyat)