Your Band Name Sucks

August 13, 2006 7:40 PM

Your band name sucks:50 of the Inexcusably Worst. (via Fark)
posted by mr_crash_davis (97 comments total)

hmm, apparently he doesn't like band names.
posted by doctor_negative at 7:45 PM on August 13, 2006

They missed "Godspeed! You Black Emperor" Everything that sucks about a band name, even though the band is quite good.
posted by solid-one-love at 7:45 PM on August 13, 2006

This is dumb
posted by thirteenkiller at 7:46 PM on August 13, 2006

Funny, I always thought Limp Bizkit had to do with Fred Durst having trouble getting a boner.

I wonder what constitutes a good band name? Did he ever get that part?
posted by fenriq at 7:50 PM on August 13, 2006

No, and he didn't even try that hard to find 50 bad band names. These are the 50 he tossed off the top of his head.
posted by ?! at 8:00 PM on August 13, 2006

I think a bad one might be Via Fark.
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 8:00 PM on August 13, 2006 [2 favorites]

I actually thought up a great name for a band a few weeks back.

When you have a broad, flat sheet of plastic explosives with one side against a metal panel, an overwhelming majority of the force goes in the exact opposite direction of the metal. This is how shaped charges in explosive warheads and landmines work. The United States' Claymore, for example, is pretty much just that with 700 steel balls in front of the explosive sheet.

The name of the principle upon which this is based is "The Misznay-Schardin Effect."

"The Misznay-Schardin Effect" would make a fucking awesome name for the right sort of band.
posted by Ryvar at 8:05 PM on August 13, 2006

Hmm. What about Sex? And Hitler Stole My Potato? And Scruj MacDuhk? And motherfucking Barenaked Ladies.

At the other end of the spectrum, there's JFKFC.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:06 PM on August 13, 2006

A much better list of bad band names, courtesy of The Onion (sneak preview: Sh-Sh-Sh-Shark Attack!!!!, The Delaware Stringasm, Bandits of the Acoustic Revolution).
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:10 PM on August 13, 2006

Seven band names that would be impossible to book.
posted by Iridic at 8:14 PM on August 13, 2006

Some day I will front "Freddy Mercury's Moustache."

We will sell shirts that say "I was rocked by Freddy Mercury's Moustache."
posted by drezdn at 8:14 PM on August 13, 2006

Ha! I read the whole thing.
My band (bluegrass) is desperately struggling to name ourselves right now.

We started out as Aunt Mama, then changed to The Revelators (which I guess has been used many times before) then we changed to Barefoot Runnin, then it was Fish in a Barrel... fuck. I think we're called In Cahoots now.

suggestions?
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:20 PM on August 13, 2006

Baby_Balrog, my suggestions are Creampuff Surprise and Tastes Like Chicken.
posted by fenriq at 8:30 PM on August 13, 2006

Jello Biafra has a few suggestions, Baby_Balrog.
posted by starkeffect at 8:36 PM on August 13, 2006

I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness may be the best named band ever.
posted by sourwookie at 8:43 PM on August 13, 2006

My pretend bluegrass band is Pluckin Willie and the Red River Skinners

you can't use that
posted by thirteenkiller at 8:50 PM on August 13, 2006

There is a sign in Boston's South Station that always made me want to start a band: Elevator to Alewife.
posted by Biblio at 8:51 PM on August 13, 2006

What? no Butt Trumpet?
posted by Balisong at 8:52 PM on August 13, 2006

Oh, and as for bad band names, Death Cab for Cutie always makes me think of Flesh for Lulu. Do you suppose Cutie and Lulu know each other?
posted by Biblio at 8:53 PM on August 13, 2006

Does it warrant mentioning that some friends and I once played a gig as The Nuclear Sniffles?
posted by Schlimmbesserung at 8:58 PM on August 13, 2006

Apparently Archers of Loaf is named after taking a shit off the top of a vertical rock face
posted by greta simone at 8:59 PM on August 13, 2006

I think ... Trail of Dead is a great name for a band--though I hate the band. And I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness is indeed a good name. Again, not a fan of the band.

I love the name Tight Brothers From Way Back When--and they're a good band as well. Eagles of Death Metal is another fave as is Slutarted.

My band (bluegrass) is desperately struggling to name ourselves right now.

Flaccid Niggaz would be a great name for a bluegrass band, imo.
posted by dobbs at 8:59 PM on August 13, 2006

I've found that Ralph Wiggum quotes can easily be cobbled into a band name (Tastes Like Burning/Grandma, Super Nintendo Chalmers, I Bent My Wookie, That's Unpossible, Go Banana!, Now I Have Two Owies, A Moon Rock In My Nose, So... Do You... Like... Stuff?).

After that, it's just a matter of getting that emo bowl haircut and a striped polo shirt, and yer good ta go!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:03 PM on August 13, 2006

Anytime someone asks me for band name suggestions I tell them: "Flaccid Penis". Although I think I'll be stealing "Flaccid Niggaz". Thanks dobbs.
posted by bob sarabia at 9:03 PM on August 13, 2006

Blet.
posted by 517 at 9:15 PM on August 13, 2006

Hey... it's my buddy mortal enemy, Mike. I liked this article better.
posted by zennie at 9:16 PM on August 13, 2006

I like the seven band names that would be impossible to book list. The forgot my favorite, TBA.

It does seem like the 50 list was kind of random, although I do agree with some of the more ridiculously pretentious ones like "!!!" and "You Will Know Us By Our Name Is Too Long."

Finally, I'm baffled by the omission of .
posted by justkevin at 9:20 PM on August 13, 2006

Sweet. sweet wookie: I was going to mention that if you didn't. Though I've never heard what they actually sound like I love reading about them!

German minimal-ambient-dub-techno producer Various Artists is maybe not the worst name every but it's certainly a pain in the ass.
posted by aubilenon at 9:32 PM on August 13, 2006

Needs more Douglas Adams.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:36 PM on August 13, 2006

I think I remember a Canadian band back in the '90s that went by the name Special Guests (as in Live at _____'s, _________ with Special Guests).
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:37 PM on August 13, 2006

You remember correctly Card Cheat, there was indeed a band called The Special Guests.
posted by Grimgrin at 10:06 PM on August 13, 2006

"Service Temporarily Unavailable" does suck as a band name.
posted by trip and a half at 10:09 PM on August 13, 2006

Okay, Baby_Balrog:

Vendetta Smith and the Shivs
Turgid
MuthaPluckah
STFUHaterz!
The Davis Gloryhole
Death of Perspective
Cargo Cult Science
Obsolete Weinermobile
Farmer John's Hog Heaven

In fact, on any given day, I'll bet the front page of MeFi has at least two awesome potential band names.
posted by maryh at 10:19 PM on August 13, 2006

Hey Baby_balrog, how about Your Band Name Sucks?
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 10:37 PM on August 13, 2006

We've been doing this for years around here, so why not just tap the well?
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:45 PM on August 13, 2006

The most awesomest band name in the word is obviously and irrefutably Puppet Show.
posted by oncogenesis at 10:49 PM on August 13, 2006

They missed "Godspeed! You Black Emperor" Everything that sucks about a band name, even though the band is quite good.

It only sucks because you have the exclamation point in the wrong place. It's "Godspeed You! Black Emperor," and it used to be "Godspeed You Black Emperor!" as you can see on their releases page.

Interestingly enough, it moved not out of pure pretentiousness, but because they found out that the second was a better translation of the Japanese movie title.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 10:52 PM on August 13, 2006

The most awesomest band name in the word is obviously and irrefutably Puppet Show.

Actually, it's "The Brady Bunch Lawn Mower Massacre".
posted by pompomtom at 10:56 PM on August 13, 2006

The most awesomest band name in the word is obviously and irrefutably Puppet Show.

I'm partial to Blazecock Pileon. Or maybe It's Raing Florence Henderson. What the hell, just go through the user names here, it's a veritable buffet of band name goodness. Jonson! (Add a couple of umlauts and it goes from Wiggles to death rock.)
posted by maryh at 11:11 PM on August 13, 2006

Kudos, crash. it takes a ballsy man to vehemently shout down YouTube links yet tout a "via FARK" tag on his own submission!
posted by jonson at 11:11 PM on August 13, 2006

and by the way, maryh, who told you about my Death Metal Wiggles cover band?
posted by jonson at 11:12 PM on August 13, 2006

That Onion list is awesome. I can't decide whether I like the Internet or Mariospeedwagon better, but they're both so bad they're good.
posted by anjamu at 11:14 PM on August 13, 2006

(no one had to tell me, jonson.... I just looked deep into the eyes of a profoundly disaffected Australian toddler, and there it was)
posted by maryh at 11:21 PM on August 13, 2006

The Card Cheat,

Heh...I used to jam with Jeremy Walsh in Victoria, on occasion, back in the mid-90s. One night he told us he was going out to Winnipeg to join a band named 'Scruj MacDuhk'. We all thought it was a terrible name, and sounded like an even worse idea for a guy with so much talent.
posted by jimmythefish at 11:34 PM on August 13, 2006

I always wanted to start a band called The Saturday Suits.
posted by jimmythefish at 11:38 PM on August 13, 2006

DO NOT MOCK OF MONTREAL!
posted by redteam at 11:41 PM on August 13, 2006

I once belonged to a pretend band called The Triple Lindy.
posted by oflinkey at 11:48 PM on August 13, 2006

for totally stoopid, it's hard to beat troubled hubble.
posted by Hat Maui at 11:57 PM on August 13, 2006

In deference to the glut of similarly named bands out there at the moment, I always thought The Plural Nouns would be a winner.
posted by tim_in_oz at 12:21 AM on August 14, 2006

Stinkin' Lincoln & the Logs? The Shaved Peachies? Bullnipple? Ultra Men? The Eggfarts?
posted by bullnipple at 12:53 AM on August 14, 2006

I once (for four years) belonged to a real band called The Virgin Connie Swail.
posted by jtron at 1:14 AM on August 14, 2006

A long time ago, in the Twin Cities, there was a band named the Master Beaters. They changed their name to something that nobody laughed at but also nobody remembered.
posted by jiawen at 1:27 AM on August 14, 2006

If I ever started a band, I would call it Billstickers Will Be Prosecuted, because then I could stick posters everywhere and nobody could ever paper them over.
posted by randomination at 2:21 AM on August 14, 2006

MetaFilter: Flaccid Niggaz.
posted by Mikey-San at 2:51 AM on August 14, 2006

Regarding the "impossible to book" names, there was a SoCal band that went the other way, with a name that would look good on the marquee: "Free Beer".
posted by planetkyoto at 2:58 AM on August 14, 2006

Worst name, currently popular band: Hoobastank.
Worst names, one-name bands going for the "we're so bland it's hip" angle: Love, Bread, Train (last two mentioned by article).
Worst name, band I dig, despite it's moniker: Meshuggah.
Justifiable mispelling missed by article: Led Zepplin. No, the "Led" isn't mispelled to look hip. Zep's manager chose "Led" fearing "Lead" would be mispronounced as "Leed" (cf. Rolling Stone Aug. 10, 2006).
posted by Gordion Knott at 3:53 AM on August 14, 2006

Peanut Butter Conspiracy. Every bit as bad as their name. Spencer Dryden had the good sense to bail out and join Jefferson Airplane.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:00 AM on August 14, 2006

Maybe Baby_balrog can name his band "404 band not found".
posted by clevershark at 4:23 AM on August 14, 2006

I submit "Jackie O Motherfucker!" as the worst bandname backed up by the worst music I have ever heard live.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:36 AM on August 14, 2006

I submit "Jackie O Motherfucker!" as the worst bandname backed up by the worst music I have ever heard live.

I have all their albums.
posted by dobbs at 5:01 AM on August 14, 2006

I submit "Jackie O Motherfucker!"

And they are a pain in the ass to announce on the air. You can't really use "Jackie O" because there's some other group by that name. So you end up saying "Jackie O MF" which just sounds dumb.

Another woe- when I tell people I'm a fan of Him, they think I mean Him.
posted by Dr-Baa at 5:13 AM on August 14, 2006

Glad to see "Anal Cunt" made the list...

When I first heard about them, it was about 12 years ago and someone at the uni was passing out flyers for them. I thought to myself "if there's a band that was ever doomed to be stuck in the college circuit forever, that would be the one". It seemed to me to be a gimmick band whose name would probably be the only thing memorable about it. Surprisingly enough they're still around, although I can't imagine they could possibly get marquees in too many places -- except perhaps in Montreal, partly because it's a French-speaking city, and also partly because other Montreal favorites include The Porn Flakes, Nashville Pussy and Me, Mom and Morgenthaler (Morgenthaler is the name of the first Canadian doctor to provide abortions on demand).
posted by clevershark at 5:41 AM on August 14, 2006

Don't forget Montreal favorites The Vaginal Croutons.
posted by jon_kill at 6:17 AM on August 14, 2006

I once (for four years) belonged to a real band called The Virgin Connie Swail.

For quite a while, my group was called Pep Streebeck Swings. We never got a single booking under that name. Not a one.
posted by Dreama at 6:32 AM on August 14, 2006

If I were going to name a band, I'd try really hard to sell the band members on "Flaming Datum." I'd be willing to bet it's been used, though.


In all seriousness: Given the advent of the Internet, has anybody ever tried to do a universal band-name registry?
posted by pax digita at 6:42 AM on August 14, 2006

As far as I can tell, the best band name on the linked site is Service Temporarily Unavailable. Not so catchy, is it?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:46 AM on August 14, 2006

In the Olympia section of Columbia, SC (where Hootie and the Blowfish hail from), there's a business on Whaley street called General Jack and Grease Gun service, so natch, there was a band called General Jack and the Grease Guns.

Another band name I like: The Windbreakers.
posted by pax digita at 6:48 AM on August 14, 2006

Thanks for the Onion link - much better then the FPP.

Mariospeedwagon is just awesome.
posted by rsanheim at 7:28 AM on August 14, 2006

The Shitty Beatles is my favorite band name.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:31 AM on August 14, 2006

A much better list of bad band names, courtesy of The Onion

It's shame about Gnarls Barkley, then.
posted by kittyprecious at 8:14 AM on August 14, 2006

> Mariospeedwagon is just awesome.

There was also a REO Speeddealer at one point.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:52 AM on August 14, 2006

Indeed, redteam. This will not stand. You go high, I'll go low.
posted by gramschmidt at 8:54 AM on August 14, 2006

I gotta say, my friend's ska band who went by the unfortunate name of Skanorrhea and the Burning Sensations is the leader in the current race for best worst name in my humble lifetime.

Too bad I hate ska, because they were probably pretty good at it.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 9:25 AM on August 14, 2006

I don't know from "worst," but I always thought Scraping Foetus Off the Wheel was the band name with the most chutzpah.
posted by blucevalo at 9:30 AM on August 14, 2006

I thought JonBenet Stranglehold was the best of the worst.

The worst of the worst? Pretty Flowers. Just typing the name makes my teeth hurt.
posted by fandango_matt at 9:33 AM on August 14, 2006

Holy shit. I'm in the position of defending Mr. Mister, who I despise.

Mr. Mister was actually named after a character from Marc Blitzstein's "The Cradle Will Rock," which was featured prominently (no surprise) in Tim Robbin's "Cradle Will Rock."

Mr. Mister is the evil capitalist villain of the piece.

While I can't stand the band Mr. Mister, I at least give them a bit of credit for taking their name from a mostly obscure (if highly regarded due to the circumstances involving its staging) play.

That being said, the name is still silly and the band kind of bit, in my opinion.
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:42 AM on August 14, 2006

I was briefly in a band in high school called "A Bunch of Guys Who Just Happen To Have Instruments." I may still have an mp3 somewhere of our hit single, "Robbed of My Thing." Good times.
posted by ZachsMind at 12:23 PM on August 14, 2006

My vote for the best band name is "JFKFC". They had posters which perfectly halfway morphed the Colonel and JFK with their name in the KFC typeface...brilliant.
posted by joshiz at 12:46 PM on August 14, 2006

I like the Progressive Boink post if only because it's written from the viewpoint of somebody who takes the processing of naming a band very seriously. On the other hand, there were probably some names from 1960s psych bands, 1970s wimp rock bands, or 1980s hard core punk acts that also deserved a good thrashing.
posted by jonp72 at 12:54 PM on August 14, 2006

I tried to convince my friends to call our band "Free Beer". They thought it would be bad faith to put out a poster that said "Free Beer at the music hall Friday night!" And then when you get there it's just us wise-asses.
posted by Mister_A at 12:56 PM on August 14, 2006

I think calling a band "Free Beer" would only be a good idea if you like having things thrown at you while on stage. Like free beer.
posted by ZachsMind at 1:08 PM on August 14, 2006

Free Beer.
posted by Iridic at 1:28 PM on August 14, 2006

I've always liked The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets. "They're on a Lovecraft binge of madness, and they mean to take you with them."
posted by Zack_Replica at 3:57 PM on August 14, 2006

"Anal Cunt" is just proof that anal-genital sex can produce offspring...

and any band that puts "Fuck" or some variant (fuck, jackie o motherfucker) in their band name is just trying too hard.
I recall a review i read at the time for Van Halen's "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge" album: "I remember a Van Halen where the FUCK was in the music, not on the record sleeve..."
and for someone to put it in their band name, well...meh.
posted by I, Credulous at 4:01 PM on August 14, 2006

Oh! and "Weretable and the Undead Chairs" is a rockin' good name for a bar band.
posted by I, Credulous at 4:47 PM on August 14, 2006

Shitty Shitty Band Band.
posted by JDC8 at 5:20 PM on August 14, 2006

"16 Bitch Pile-Up" is a favorite of mine from The Onion's list and appeals to my So-Cal roots, but I really like anything involving "Joybooth"
posted by Joybooth at 6:16 PM on August 14, 2006

Beauty's in the eye of the beholder and all that. Half the names on the list I happen to like, even if I don't like or don't know the music. What's in a name, anyway?

Before it was Boingo, it was Oingo Boingo. Before that, it was The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo. A brilliantly disturbing euphoria of cacophonic sound by any other name...

Chicago was originally "the Chicago Transit Authority" but was told by The Chicago Transit Authority to cut it out, so they shortened it to just Chicago. I don't think anyone in Chicago was ever from Chicago. Likewise, I don't think anyone in Boston (isn't it, like, ONE guy?) is from Boston. Pretty much every band is a stupid name for a band.

Y'know what makes good names for bands? Names that actually tell you who's IN the band. "The Ramones" is a great name for a band, cuz that's who they were. Of course, that's not REALLY who they were but don't tell nobody.

Buddy Holly & the Crickets. now THAT was a name!
posted by ZachsMind at 6:35 PM on August 14, 2006

I guess he's classifying "When People Were Shorter and Lived Near the Water" and "We've Got a Fuzz Box and We're Gonna Use It" as generic too-long band names in the "Trail of Dead" category?

I always loved the first one, myself.

And I always wanted to name a band "The Fishguards and the Ripley Snells" (I think they should be some kind of twangy alt-country group)--comes from a list of people who stayed at Gatsby's house during the summer in The Great Gatsby.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:09 PM on August 14, 2006

I always wanted to name a punk band Rut Gonad and the Bleeding Stumps.
posted by GoatCactus at 8:11 PM on August 14, 2006

I've got a little running list of punk band names that I just come up with from time to time. A few selections:

The Mechanical Codpiece, Old Ladies Lifting Cars, Gigolo Pensioners, Stoopid Fresh Nazi Apartheid, Pabst Smear, Low Carb Toilet Paper, Defenestrating Callipygians and Idiot-Savant Insurance Scam.

If anybody starts a wildly successful band with one of these names, then you have to write a song about me or something.
posted by Clamwacker at 9:12 PM on August 14, 2006

Boone Doggies?
posted by owhydididoit at 9:53 PM on August 14, 2006

"12. This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb

I'm not sure if the band's fans think it's funny or annoying when they put the band's sticker on their actual bikes & then get asked about it by every authority figure ever..."

Try explaining to each of your parents (and later several family members) in separate conversations why you're going to see a band called Burning Airlines in NYC just a few days after the WTC was killed by airplanes.
posted by Eideteker at 3:39 AM on August 15, 2006

Who knew that after two years of reading this site religiously without bothering to sign up, this would be the thread to inspire me to finally shell out $5? I couldn't go without sharing what I think would be the greatest bandname ever; 37 Pieces of Flair.
posted by Bageena at 10:04 AM on August 15, 2006

something corporate?

I always thought "The Band" was the most retarded name evah.
posted by sandking at 2:41 PM on August 15, 2006

Well, you're ret- damn.

Anyhoo:

They wanted to call themselves either "The Honkies" or "The Crackers", but these names were vetoed by their record label, who dubbed them "The Band"...

Initially, they disliked the moniker, but eventually grew to like it, paradoxically thinking it both humble and presumptuous.

posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:55 PM on August 15, 2006

This post is getting a little old, but for the sake of future searchers, allow me to add that I once went to and have a poster from a double-billing of Wesley Willis (great in his own right), and "Raft of Dead Monkeys"
posted by hoborg at 12:34 PM on August 16, 2006