Size Doesn't Matter... Size Doesn't Matter... Keep repeating...

August 14, 2006 11:43 AM

I've long felt that the U.S. of A. "jumped the shark" as a country when we rejected the Metric System. The price of gasoline would still be under a dollar (per liter). Yet, we'd drive less because a short 20 mile trip would become a long 32 km trip. Then there's the most important measurement of all [maybe NSFW animated graph], providing us with the joy of 12.9(!) while we try to ignore that Japan is .1 ahead of us and France is .1 more than South Africa. (And is that Korean average North or South?)
posted by wendell (65 comments total)

The data was acquired by Dr Eduardo Gomez de Diego who runs Andromedical, a clinic specialising in non-surgical penis enlargement and on other medical studies carried out worldwide.

Sounds like an extremely reliable source.
posted by uncle harold at 11:46 AM on August 14, 2006

And I guess the studies carried out worldwide are conducted by email.
posted by uncle harold at 11:47 AM on August 14, 2006

Huh. I always figured the United States was by far the cockiest.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:48 AM on August 14, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Wow. Unreliable penis size information on six countries. The best of the web, indeed.
posted by Dasein at 11:49 AM on August 14, 2006

"And is that Korean average North or South?"

Aren't all of these averages south?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:52 AM on August 14, 2006

GIVE THIS MAN $30
posted by thirteenkiller at 11:53 AM on August 14, 2006

That is the shittiest flash presentation I've ever seen, they couldn't even be bothered to design it so the moving elements were cropped at the stage correctly. You better apologize, wendell!
posted by prostyle at 11:53 AM on August 14, 2006

wendell - you're getting keehauled for this.
posted by casconed at 11:55 AM on August 14, 2006

Animated gifs in 5...4...3...
posted by Pastabagel at 11:56 AM on August 14, 2006

Sadly, my penis appears to be half-Korean.
posted by horsewithnoname at 12:03 PM on August 14, 2006

A long (herm herm) paragraph with a snoozorific web page linked in the middle, all wrapped around pontification on the metric system.

Should charge $30 to keep this up (oh my!).
posted by edgeways at 12:04 PM on August 14, 2006

It seems a measure of dickishness is now afoot.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:06 PM on August 14, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Half Korean or half a Korean?
posted by uncle harold at 12:07 PM on August 14, 2006

somebody's been dicking around on the Internet a bit too much today...
posted by matteo at 12:07 PM on August 14, 2006

health24.com is funded by hizbollah.
posted by jsavimbi at 12:14 PM on August 14, 2006

We're gonna cut your dick off, wendell.
posted by clockzero at 12:15 PM on August 14, 2006

jonson to aisle #53883 please, jonson to aisle #53883...
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:21 PM on August 14, 2006

VE GONNA CUT OFF YOUR CHONSON, LEBOWSKI
posted by stenseng at 12:22 PM on August 14, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

The US didn't just reject the metric system, it also got the Imperial system wrong. Twenty fluid ounces in a pint, you colonials!
posted by Hogshead at 12:27 PM on August 14, 2006

I was told it wasn't length but girth. How do those metric frenchies stand up in that department?

Not only that but if it is from the good Dr's patients, its self-selected and that means that Americans with shorter shlongs are confident enough not to pay for enlargement.
posted by Ironmouth at 12:27 PM on August 14, 2006

I dunno about you, but mine looks like an apple perched on top of a coke can.
posted by boo_radley at 12:28 PM on August 14, 2006

Well at least there's one field of endeavor where France still means something.
posted by Krrrlson at 12:30 PM on August 14, 2006

Is it just me - or is MeFi getting more and more farkish in recent weeks? Summer of crap?
posted by homodigitalis at 12:31 PM on August 14, 2006

A 16 cm French penis? I find that hard to swallow.
posted by Gamblor at 12:31 PM on August 14, 2006 [3 favorites has favorites]

as an african-american, you can thank my brothas for helping you white boys out AGAIN

just imagine what the average would be without us
posted by tsarfan at 12:32 PM on August 14, 2006

pontification on the metric system
Pontification?
Later today, I'm going to announce a partnership with Ken Jennings for a campaign to get the appropriate Internet organizations to add a <SARCASM> tag to HTML.

We're gonna cut your dick off, wendell.
You'll have to find it first! Wait, that doesn't sound right.
posted by wendell at 12:34 PM on August 14, 2006

Penii are measured in inches in the United States, Liberia and Myanmar. Well done all round!
posted by meehawl at 12:34 PM on August 14, 2006

Is it just me - or is MeFi getting more and more farkish in recent weeks? Summer of crap?

Well homodigitalis, I think that the quality of FPPs has been crapulent since the announcement of the $30 bounty. The quantity has been great tho!
posted by Mister_A at 12:35 PM on August 14, 2006

as an african-american, you can thank my brothas for helping you white boys out AGAIN

Lili Von Shtupp: "Is it true how zey say zat you people are... gifted?"
[Lights go out, sound of zipper opening]
Lili Von Shtupp: "Oh, it's twue! It's twue!"
Bart: "Lady, you're suckin' on my arm."
posted by Gamblor at 12:39 PM on August 14, 2006

A 16 cm French penis? I find that hard to swallow.

Here in hell, even Satan can't believe how big Voltaire's manpleaser is. Oscar Wilde has absolutely no problem swallowing that. Oh yes, if you just read this you're going to hell too.
posted by the ghost of Ken Lay at 12:39 PM on August 14, 2006

It's neither how deep you fish, nor how you wiggle your worm, but how badly you can mangle the meaning of "jump the shark."
posted by mds35 at 12:52 PM on August 14, 2006

Measure in millimeters and you'll feel positively HUGE!
posted by clevershark at 1:03 PM on August 14, 2006

Sharks have claspers.
posted by If I Had An Anus at 1:09 PM on August 14, 2006

The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 1:11 PM on August 14, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Hump the shark ?
posted by Pendragon at 1:17 PM on August 14, 2006

tsarfan: i hope you're joking. black men aren't actually larger than the average, it's just that they don't retract like turtles in their shells. So yes, you have larger penises when you aren't hard, but statistically speaking, there's zero difference when fully erect (statistically).

Now, the asians are another story entirely..
posted by Milliken at 1:17 PM on August 14, 2006

The metric system is the tool of the devil!

And how big is the devil's tool?
posted by pracowity at 1:23 PM on August 14, 2006

in case anybody is interested: here is some information on penis sizes around the world.
posted by Milliken at 1:24 PM on August 14, 2006

And how big is the devil's tool?

Much more than a mouthful. I was a very bad man when I was mortal.
posted by the ghost of Ken Lay at 1:30 PM on August 14, 2006 [2 favorites has favorites]

Once, while shopping at Boeing Surplus, I saw a small piece of masking tape with writing on it stuck to the edge of a drawer. I had to kneel down to see what was written.

"Metric will win", said the cryptic message.
posted by Tube at 1:40 PM on August 14, 2006

I remember back in middle school when there was this PBS TV series about the metric system, and considering the trouble a lot of my classmates seemed to be having with multiplication and division, the idea of moving a decimal point or tacking on a zero or two seemed a relative godsend. The only mind-bending aspect to it was getting used to Celsius vice Fahrenheit temperatures, but having known a few furriners since then, I've gotten used to thinking that 27 degrees is pretty comfy and 40 is really bad news.


Other than Liberia and Myanmar, we're still the only country around that wilfully refuses to adopt SI, although at least I've gotten to use it in high-school and college science classes.
posted by pax digita at 1:48 PM on August 14, 2006

I think usage of "jump the shark" in this context would prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that "jump the shark" as a meme has in fact jumped the shark. Actually it jumped the shark awhile back but apparently no one told Wendell.
posted by ZachsMind at 1:51 PM on August 14, 2006

You know who else jumped the shark? That's right: Fonzie.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:53 PM on August 14, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Meta-jump.
posted by Tube at 1:54 PM on August 14, 2006

Claiming that "jump the shark" has jumped the shark has, I'm afraid, jumped the shark.
posted by Zozo at 1:55 PM on August 14, 2006

Could be anything but the 1980 election of Ronald Reagan? That was when The Ruling Class of America basically announced to the world- "we proud to be assholes and we don't care what you poor people think about it."
posted by wfc123 at 2:00 PM on August 14, 2006

I measure my shit in fucking fathoms, the water's fucking cold AND deep too!
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:11 PM on August 14, 2006

What? The metric system caught on just fine in the USA. Haven't you ever bought any drugs?
posted by First Post at 3:23 PM on August 14, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Hee...actually, no, but I pretty much think metric when comparsion-shopping wine...

Especially the US miltary's participation in NATO during the Cold War, I thought it weird that the military didn't go exclusively metric -- US Navy, I'm lookin' at you from x thousand yards abeam....
posted by pax digita at 3:53 PM on August 14, 2006

Umm, Especially ^given^....
posted by pax digita at 3:53 PM on August 14, 2006

It hasn't caught on in the UK, much. Everyone under 40 was taught exclusively in metric, but according to the press and many rightish politicos, switching things like pints and miles would 'cause too much confusion'. Yeah, right.

In this, as in many things, the Republic of Ireland has shown us the way by switching from miles to km on road signs. Their civilisation has not been brought to its knees, and as far as I can tell, spontaneous brain explosions through distance confusion have been few and far between.

Anyone for a half-litre?
posted by athenian at 3:54 PM on August 14, 2006

Twenty fluid ounces in a pint, you colonials!

A pint's not a pound the world around? Some standard...
posted by owhydididoit at 4:10 PM on August 14, 2006

And (nudging the discussion in another direction), without the metric system, we'd all be listening to the song "Rubber Bullets" by .338oz.
posted by wendell at 4:17 PM on August 14, 2006

Hey, I moved to Japan and have had no problem adapting to the metric system. You can still order pints, although half the time they call a pint a "jockey" for some reason. It takes a while before you can intuitively understand length though. It was a little difficult to get used to girls exclaiming, "Wow! 20 centimeters!"
posted by donkeymon at 4:23 PM on August 14, 2006

MetaFilter: "Wow! 20 centimeters!"
posted by wendell at 4:31 PM on August 14, 2006

I loved the metric system when I was a kid. Mini Mouse. Centi Cat. Deci Dog. Meter Man. Deka Dolphin. Hecta Horse. Kilo ...phant. I drew pictures of them and everything. All the other kids in fourth grade rebelled against the math teacher. The posters I made became fodder for the war. Recesses were murder...
posted by ZachsMind at 4:32 PM on August 14, 2006

why was it hard?
posted by owhydididoit at 4:34 PM on August 14, 2006

donkeymon
posted by owhydididoit at 4:34 PM on August 14, 2006

donkeymon writes "It was a little difficult to get used to girls exclaiming, 'Wow! 20 centimeters!'"

So they were impressed by your shoe size...

While in Japan I was surprised to find that my feet (which I don't think of as that large) seem to be at the very end of the size chart for Japanese men. Some of the toed socks I bought are a little too tight to wear comfortably, but they were the largest ones I could find.
posted by clevershark at 4:56 PM on August 14, 2006

donkeymon : "You can still order pints, although half the time they call a pint a 'jockey' for some reason."

ジョッキ comes from "jug".
posted by Bugbread at 5:08 PM on August 14, 2006

Ha ha! I wish that my feet were that small! It would make buying shoes a lot easier. And going to bowling alleys. The worst part is, if you say to a Japanese girl, "You know what they say about guys with large feet, don't you?" they never know! By the way, if you wear toe socks in Japan, everyone thinks that you have athlete's foot, and that's why you have to keep your toes separated.

Really? Jug? That thing's barely a pint, much less a jug. Of course, I am just thinking of a jug as a big jar or something like that. For all I know, it may another unit of Imperial measure.
posted by donkeymon at 6:37 PM on August 14, 2006

IIRC the english unit for mass.. is a slug. Not to mention that metric newtons measure weight, not (kilo)grams.
posted by MrLint at 8:53 PM on August 14, 2006

^ (calling bullshit)
posted by jeffburdges at 4:49 AM on August 15, 2006

Tonto Goldstien wishes to refute those American statistics.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 8:15 AM on August 16, 2006

Has this ever been an AskMeFi question? Maybe I am using the wrong search terms (god forbid the I.T. department looking at my history today - snuff & penis size...) but I cannot find one if it exists.

To be honest I'm really just looking to gloat.
posted by longbaugh at 9:11 AM on August 16, 2006