10,000 Reasons Can't Be Wrong

August 22, 2006 12:33 PM

Ten thousand reasons the world is doomed.
posted by keswick (51 comments total)

#328, eh, keswick?
posted by devbrain at 12:36 PM on August 22, 2006

I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.
posted by keswick at 12:37 PM on August 22, 2006

Peeps? Peeps?!
posted by ninjew at 12:38 PM on August 22, 2006

And one reason why the world is safe -- Love!

Man, I can't even type that with a straight face.
posted by bpm140 at 12:38 PM on August 22, 2006

Reason #1: Paris Hilton

My thoughts exactly.
posted by Zozo at 12:41 PM on August 22, 2006

.01% self-link. Ban him. A tiny bit.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 12:45 PM on August 22, 2006

The world is doomed because of PayPal. OK.
posted by Eyebeams at 12:45 PM on August 22, 2006

Can you really buy public hair on ebay (reason 90)? Is that like the southpark episode where Cartman bought Scott Tenorman's pubes?
posted by orthogonality at 12:49 PM on August 22, 2006

Can you really buy public hair on ebay (reason 90)? Is that like the southpark episode where Cartman bought Scott Tenorman's pubes?
posted by orthogonality at 12:49 PM on August 22, 2006

Ah. "Dios" was the last one on the list when I loaded it. I see metafilter has gotten their hooks into this already.
posted by Stunt at 12:53 PM on August 22, 2006

This would be a brilliant site if each user could click something to move each item up or down the list -- a sort of self-sorting mechanism. After many thousands of iterations we'd wind up with an aggregate vote on the Biggest (or Snarkiest) Problems. It would also be fun to do Greatest Things this way.
posted by argybarg at 12:54 PM on August 22, 2006

Reason #2: Orange County, California

My hometown? WTF?

Will Ferrell! No Doubt! Rage Against the Machine! It's not all bad.
posted by frogan at 12:55 PM on August 22, 2006

Reason #10,001: 10000reasons.org.
posted by blucevalo at 12:55 PM on August 22, 2006

It doesn't look like you can buy pubic hair on ebay.

At least, not today. Link is possibly NSFW.
posted by rachelpapers at 12:56 PM on August 22, 2006

That would be great, argybarg. Possibly, it would end up like chuck norris facts, though. Either way it would take on a life of its own, I'm sure. Hilarity, escaping all willy-nilly.
posted by Stunt at 12:56 PM on August 22, 2006

And one reason why the world is safe -- Love!

Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the number one reason why the world is doomed.
posted by magodesky at 12:57 PM on August 22, 2006

I second the Peeps?!. Any world without Peeps is a world I don't belong in.
posted by jimmythefish at 1:02 PM on August 22, 2006

Reason #380: dios
posted by monju_bosatsu at 1:07 PM on August 22, 2006

Also: Reason #407: dios
posted by monju_bosatsu at 1:08 PM on August 22, 2006

According to some, today marks the beginining of the "end days."

Neoconservatives Predict The Apocalypse Starts On August 22, 2006.
posted by ericb at 1:10 PM on August 22, 2006

Reason #456: dios
posted by yeti at 1:12 PM on August 22, 2006

You people. Even I will tell you that those turds of Satan are made of nothing but bone meal and earwig honey.
posted by peep at 1:14 PM on August 22, 2006 [1 favorite]

actually, he's loking for public hair.
posted by owhydididoit at 1:18 PM on August 22, 2006

Reason #503: Dios
posted by Wizzlet at 1:18 PM on August 22, 2006

Fergie from The Blackeyed Peas? I'm on board with that one.
posted by wfc123 at 1:18 PM on August 22, 2006

"We kindly ask for your support in maintaining a positive and engaging environment."

These folks wouldn't recognize doom if it bit them in the ass.
posted by Wizzlet at 1:22 PM on August 22, 2006

I count 4 times as a source of civilization's destruction? I guess being the first winner of Metafilter means you are promoting the on-set of civilization's destruction.
posted by dios at 1:23 PM on August 22, 2006

Frogan: I too am from there. All the reasons you listed plus this fact support the original hypothesis. (Really. No Doubt?! Reason enough right there.)
posted by dame at 1:25 PM on August 22, 2006

Reason #550: Dios
By Anonymous on August 22, 2006

What the heck did you do to piss off anonymous?
posted by Mister_A at 1:26 PM on August 22, 2006

Reason #513: Because CF is freaking hard!
By mathowie on August 22, 2006

Classic.
posted by yeti at 1:27 PM on August 22, 2006

I heart heart
posted by Postroad at 1:27 PM on August 22, 2006

Gonna have to second #341: Misplaced apostrophes on public signs.

It's rising to a crisis level. Lately, it's even creeping up in situations where you would think there'd be proofreaders.
posted by Charlie Bucket at 1:28 PM on August 22, 2006

NOTE: Link is now NSFW now that some dickhead's posted a picture of goatse to it. Maybe the mods could add that to the FP?
posted by Zack_Replica at 1:29 PM on August 22, 2006

haha, i wish i'd thought of that
posted by keswick at 1:35 PM on August 22, 2006

It says "civilization" is doomed, not "the world." There is a difference, really.
posted by davy at 1:39 PM on August 22, 2006

Oh, Goatse. Would you believe that I had avoided it all this time?
posted by mckenney at 1:40 PM on August 22, 2006

Reason #10,002: orthogonality's double-post in this thread.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 1:45 PM on August 22, 2006

it's funny how it takes me like five minutes on any other blog or public bulletin board to reinforce my belief that metafilter is the best thing around.

we've got our annoyances now and then, but thanks you guys for not being idiots.
posted by troybob at 2:18 PM on August 22, 2006

Given the US-centric nature of most of the posts, it'd probably be more accurate to call it "10,000 reasons why American civilization is doomed."
posted by Zinger at 2:52 PM on August 22, 2006

OK.

#9,986 -- Glue Sniffing Chavs

Feel better?
posted by jason's_planet at 3:27 PM on August 22, 2006

Actually, I don't think you can sell any kind of body parts on ebay, hair included. Cory Haim tried to sell his teeth and hair and got shutdown.
posted by bob sarabia at 3:44 PM on August 22, 2006

ZenMasterThis writes "Reason #10,002: orthogonality's double-post in this thread."

Yes, but that's because of

"Reason #513: Because CF is freaking hard!
"By mathowie on August 22, 2006"

Really, I'm pretty sure I hit "Post" only once. I did hit "Preview" first. Maybe "Preview" posted?
posted by orthogonality at 3:57 PM on August 22, 2006

The longer this list gets the more optimistic I get. I mean, with 9164 reasons to go, if the worst thing we can come up with for #836 is "Morons who actually put out food for birds with a pandemic pending", then things are looking up. By the time we hit 10,000, it'll be, like, "My ass is itching but I'm too lazy to scratch."
posted by beagle at 5:59 PM on August 22, 2006

Well, it was #836, but now it's gone. Beats me.

And, thanks, anonymous, since it's bound to be deleted as well: for posterity, at the mo', reason #829 is, "Beagle's ass is itching but he's too lazy to scratch."
posted by beagle at 6:21 PM on August 22, 2006

I like #37 (web sites with lists).

Also, Powerpoint has to be way higher up that list.
posted by clevershark at 6:34 PM on August 22, 2006

It says "civilization" is doomed, not "the world." There is a difference, really.

Exactly. Hence:
Reason #892: It's not really that fun anymore.
posted by Citizen Premier at 7:23 PM on August 22, 2006

#1. Civilization has always been associatedwith religion. This is actually the reason (tee hee) that civilization might survive. Collective deniability of the obvious.
posted by longsleeves at 11:28 PM on August 22, 2006

What is their problem with HFCS?
posted by delmoi at 5:48 AM on August 23, 2006

This is a great site for high-speed scroll-down to brush up on your subliminal speed-reading ability.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:43 AM on August 23, 2006

Bukkake (no 14) is worse than Holocaust deniers (no 22). I beg to differ!
posted by zorro astor at 7:22 AM on August 23, 2006

Well I saw Bukkake as well as "not enough bukkake", so it seems like civilization is screwed no matter what.
posted by knave at 3:27 PM on August 23, 2006