AAAAGH!! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!

August 23, 2006 6:51 AM

DAMMIT, DOSED AGAIN! Well, once again I got a cup of full-strength this morning which she swore was decaf, and I'm jittery as a chimp on crack. But soon I won't have to worry; chemists at Washington University School of Medicine are working on a caffeine test strip.
posted by ZenMasterThis (28 comments total)

Yeah but is this a good use for all that surplus llama blood?
posted by handee at 6:54 AM on August 23, 2006

We could just tap into the US Strategic Llama Blood Reserve.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:02 AM on August 23, 2006

Metafilter: as jittery -- nevermind.
posted by NewBornHippy at 7:12 AM on August 23, 2006

Now I can test how well my kidneys keep caffeine in my body.
posted by rough ashlar at 7:16 AM on August 23, 2006

Who needs a test strip? I can smell decaf a mile away (it smells like a turd covered in burnt hair) so its relatively easy to distinguish between that and real coffee.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:20 AM on August 23, 2006

I'm sorry... decaffeinated coffee? What's the point?
posted by clevershark at 7:31 AM on August 23, 2006

it tastes good and is fun to make.
posted by rxrfrx at 7:33 AM on August 23, 2006

Clevershark beat me to it.
posted by Zinger at 7:37 AM on August 23, 2006

Chemists at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis are developing a quick, "dipstick" test that they say could represent the first home testing kit to detect the common stimulant.

It's called a "dipstick" test because that's what you'll look like when using it.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:37 AM on August 23, 2006

...chemists at Washington University School of Medicine are working on a caffeine test strip...
posted by y2karl at 7:43 AM on August 23, 2006

Metafilter: On the drip.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 7:55 AM on August 23, 2006

As mindblastingly fun as it is to laugh at people who want to avoid caffeine, the article does mention, "several studies have linked an increase in caffeine consumption with a higher risk of miscarriage among pregnant women." Cursory search of PubMed seems to confirm.
posted by zennie at 8:13 AM on August 23, 2006

As mindblastingly fun as it is to laugh at people who make fun of people who don't like putting funny chemicals in their bodies...


Seriously though? Sometimes you just can't have caffiene. It reacts badly, for example, with my meds. And I'll take being able to function in my job and relationship over a big cup of Joe.

Except I REALLY Like how coffee tastes, so ... sometimes, it's just necessary to get decaf.
posted by FritoKAL at 8:16 AM on August 23, 2006

MetaFilter: As mindblastingly fun as it is to laugh at people
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:25 AM on August 23, 2006

Decaf coffee is the second most useless thing in the world, hot on the heels of Paris Hilton.
posted by keswick at 9:10 AM on August 23, 2006

I've always been of the opinion that coffee doesn't have to taste good, it just has to work.

YMMV however.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 9:16 AM on August 23, 2006

Solution: YES!
Problem: Where?
If caffeine is a problem for you, probably you should not drink coffee. Even if you like the taste.
================================
I can smell decaf a mile away (it smells like a turd covered in burnt hair) so its relatively easy to distinguish between that and real coffee.

I think you've just described the salient characteristic of the entire Folger's product line.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:22 AM on August 23, 2006

I stopped drinking caffeinated stuff about a year ago, and other than the 4 day headache when stopping it feels great. I will probably buy this product partly because i really don't want to go through that again, and i have also discovered that i am now extremely sensitive to caffeine. I however love the taste of coffee. So, for example, when i got a cup of decaf coffee from a certain seattle based coffee chain and started vibrating i was a little pissed.
posted by Dr No at 9:27 AM on August 23, 2006

I actually think these test strips are kind of useful. I probably won't use them until after the first heart attack though.
posted by shownomercy at 9:31 AM on August 23, 2006

If caffeine is a problem for you, probably you should not drink coffee.

Except that caffeine can be found in tea, soda, chocolate, a whole mess of "herbal" products, OTC medicines... and it's usually not labeled in any conspicuous way like phenylalanine is for people with PKU. How many people can recognize theine, mateine, guaranine, methyltheobromine, 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine, any variants of those names, and all the ingredients that might contain caffeine?
posted by zennie at 9:41 AM on August 23, 2006

Damnit. So does this mean that the annoying woman who orders 3/4 decaf in her latte can take this test strip and find out that I'm really just giving her full decaf? [Or that my co-worker is really just giving her full caf?] She's already crazy. I think this is only enabling her...
posted by zorrine at 10:00 AM on August 23, 2006

Decaf coffee has trace amounts of caffeine present and will probably test positive with this strip.

I can smell decaf a mile away (it smells like a turd covered in burnt hair) so its relatively easy to distinguish between that and real coffee.

There are two types of decaffination processes, chemical process vs. swiss water process. I'd wager only one of these "smells like a turd covered in burnt hair". Also, I think all robusta beans smell a bit like that.
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:24 PM on August 23, 2006

This would be funnier if instead of being developed at Washington University in St. Louis, it were being developed at University of Washington in Seattle.

In Seattle, you can find street intersections with coffee houses on all 4 corners, 2 of them Starbucks!
posted by ilsa at 3:21 PM on August 23, 2006

I remember reading somewhere recently about a strip that you can stick in a caffeinated beverage and it would remove caffeine. My googlefu fails me, though. Otherwise, what BrotherCaine said. Make sure it's decaffeinated with the swiss water process, and make sure the beans are arabica and not robusta. An organic from a higher end coffee company is your best bet. Try a darker roast, too.
posted by booksherpa at 8:03 PM on August 23, 2006

Decaf coffee has trace amounts of caffeine present and will probably test positive with this strip.

Are you actually basing this on anything?
posted by rxrfrx at 5:10 AM on August 24, 2006

Well this would also be useful for a**hole customers to know if baristas are "decaffing" 'em as punishment--i.e., for those who want to make sure they're getting their full dose of caffeine.

And according to the link, it can tell the difference between caf & decaf.
posted by girandole at 3:25 PM on August 24, 2006

rxrfrx, no I pretty much spouted off without thinking. I do that on about 50% of my posts, but I'm working on it.
posted by BrotherCaine at 8:15 PM on August 24, 2006

We don't decaf (or caf) you as punishment, we just make fun of you after you leave and tell our coworkers what a bitch/bastard you were.

By the way, a latte with extra foam is a cappuccino. A cappuccino that's light on the foam is a latte. And an *iced* cappuccino is just stupid.
posted by booksherpa at 9:49 PM on August 24, 2006