Comments on: Never Hug a Swiss Cow

Never Hug a Swiss Cow

mr_crash_davis — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 11:47:12 -0800

Keep your distance. Avoid eye contact. And even if it looks cute, never hug a Swiss cow. With helpful warning poster (PDF).

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 11:58:04 -0800

Shit, I thought that was just common knowledge. There's only two reasons a cow exists -- to eat grass, and to kill you.

By: spacewrench

spacewrench — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 11:59:19 -0800

That cow looks pretty, you know, mad.

By: bardic

bardic — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:00:52 -0800

Gruezi to all my Swiss-German homies rep'in Z-town.

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:01:00 -0800

Shit, I thought that was just common knowledge. There's only two reasons a cow exists -- to eat grass, and to kill you. posted by Astro Zombie at 1:58 PM CST on August 29 [+] [!] Neophyte. You forgot to tip over whilst they sleep and to burn down urban centers by kicking over lanterns.

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:01:42 -0800

Not even if they're laughing?

By: Mayor Curley

Mayor Curley — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:02:12 -0800

Das stimmt!

By: uncle harold

uncle harold — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:12:36 -0800

We are talking about a country where every man of age has his army-issued assoult rifle at home. What did you expect?

By: beaucoupkevin

beaucoupkevin — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:12:59 -0800

Especially if they're laughing, b_b. That victory laugh comes when they know they have you cornered.

By: Cranberry

Cranberry — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:13:00 -0800

Is it OK to hug cows of other nationalities?

By: zennie

zennie — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:14:49 -0800

If you're desperate to play with Swiss cows, rent one.

By: thouy1976

thouy1976 — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:17:25 -0800

So much for those "happy cow" commercials...

By: maryh

maryh — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:17:33 -0800

Cows are the new bears.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:17:41 -0800

I'm telling you, they'll cut you quick as look as you. They'll kill you six ways to Sunday.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:19:35 -0800

Based on the pdf, it appears the real problem is that some hikers are bringing two separate wives with them out onto the trails - one with a pony tail, one with short hair. Perhaps swiss cows are simply hyper-sensitive to bigamy, and are fed up with it?

By: clevershark

clevershark — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:35:53 -0800

"Given the chance, that cow would eat you and everyone you care about!" -Troy McClure, whom you might remember from such nature films as 'Earwigs: Ewwww' and 'Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory'.

By: jefbla

jefbla — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:37:49 -0800

"But dogs attract cow trouble, he warned." That's the best sentence I've ever read.

By: GrammarMoses

GrammarMoses — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:39:18 -0800

Why rent a cow when you can get the milk for free?

By: zennie

zennie — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:40:25 -0800

Problematic Scenario 1: Cow: *ruminate* Tourist: Hey, a cow! I THINK I'LL YELL REALLY LOUDLY TO MAKE IT LOOK! Cow: wtf? Tourist: Aw, it's moving away every time we get closer. Let's sneak up behind it! Cow: *ruminate* Tourist: Yes! We're right behind it! Let's pet it! Cow: *COW-KICK!* Tourist: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Problematic Scenario 2: Cow: *ruminate* Tourist: Hey, a cow and a calf on my path! But the cow has horns! It's a BULL! DANGER! DANGER! Cow: wtf? Tourist: I could go around, but instead I'll scare it off with my stick! Cow: *CHARGE!* Tourist: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

By: ninjew

ninjew — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:46:32 -0800

Next on Fox: When Animals Attack Magicians.

By: sfts2

sfts2 — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:47:14 -0800

Coupla things... First, cows have NO horns - this is a bull. Plus more trouble for hikers...did Deja fuck this bull too?

By: randomination

randomination — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:50:25 -0800

By: danb

danb — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:50:48 -0800

I parsed zennie's that with the thinking definition of ruminate rather than the more obvious cud-chewing one.

By: danb

danb — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:51:07 -0800

that = comment

By: randomination

randomination — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 12:56:33 -0800

Actually, looking at that sign I just posted, that cow has got horns and mammaries. Hermaphrodite bovine! RUN!!!

By: the cuban

the cuban — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:06:27 -0800

Plenty of cows have horns.

By: bitdamaged

bitdamaged — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:10:43 -0800

as the cuban said.

By: Skygazer

Skygazer — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:20:48 -0800

Those cows are eating the wrong grass.

By: Wylie Kyoto

Wylie Kyoto — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:25:47 -0800

Wow, Skygazer, think of the awesome shakes one could make from the milk from those Russian cows!

By: allkindsoftime

allkindsoftime — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:34:34 -0800

...is this cow's name Uncle John?

By: allkindsoftime

allkindsoftime — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:34:34 -0800

...is this cow's name Uncle John?

By: Floydd

Floydd — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:43:54 -0800

Actually, looking at that sign I just posted, that cow has got horns and mammaries. Hermaphrodite bovine! RUN!!! *shakes head* City kid.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 14:00:36 -0800

I've also learned that you should never roller skate in a bufallo herd.

By: idontlikewords

idontlikewords — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 14:20:52 -0800

Swiss cows, eh? Can I stick my arm into their holes?

By: Skygazer

Skygazer — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 14:24:56 -0800

Wow, Skygazer, think of the awesome shakes one could make from the milk from those Russian cows! posted by Wylie Kyoto 52 minutes ago Moo-rijuana shakes! *Hasty exit. Stage left*

By: Joeforking

Joeforking — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 14:54:59 -0800

Honi soit la vache qui rit

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 15:19:10 -0800

That poster is AWESOME. I'm printing that out and using it for all my upcoming birthday card needs.

By: onlyconnect

onlyconnect — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 16:18:25 -0800

Stupid humans. If everybody who walked up to me tried to tip me over, I'd be cranky too. Love that poster.

By: madamjujujive

madamjujujive — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 17:37:19 -0800

This doesn't surprise me. I keep my distance - a lot of cows are really pissed off.

By: illovich

illovich — Wed, 30 Aug 2006 07:31:10 -0800

Is it ok to hug a scottish cow? They're much cuter anyway.

By: Skygazer

Skygazer — Wed, 30 Aug 2006 11:01:13 -0800

Scottish cows have post-punk hair. How chic.

By: madamjujujive

madamjujujive — Wed, 30 Aug 2006 18:30:15 -0800

It's worse than I thought. They are even right in their own homes.