Can't we just bronze the whole family?
August 31, 2006 9:30 AM   Subscribe

Tom Cruise's baby just took a healthy crap. Now you can buy a unique bronze cast of it. (One assumes the family kept the original.) Has celebrity worship finally gone too far? I say, "no!"
posted by StrasbourgSecaucus (57 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Daniel Edwards, should, perhaps, do some research into what newborn poop looks like before he creates more "art".

Good social commentary, though.
posted by anastasiav at 9:35 AM on August 31, 2006


what a crock of shit.
posted by Peter H at 9:36 AM on August 31, 2006


I would think baby poo'd be far too soft to be cast.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:36 AM on August 31, 2006


What is wrong with the world?
posted by MythMaker at 9:37 AM on August 31, 2006


That looks to large to have come out of a baby.
posted by delmoi at 9:38 AM on August 31, 2006


For reference, the artist's best-known work.
posted by gleuschk at 9:38 AM on August 31, 2006


Attention artists: you can no longer make an effective commentary on celebrity by using Tom Cruise, Brittney Spears, or Paris Hilton as your subject in some way. It has all been done. Find new ground. kthxbye.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:38 AM on August 31, 2006


getouttahere...

(I did laugh)
posted by Sijeka at 9:38 AM on August 31, 2006


The piece, by artist Daniel Edwards (yes, that Daniel Edwards) will be shown for a week and a half at the Capla Kesting Fine Art gallery in Brooklyn.
posted by StrasbourgSecaucus at 9:38 AM on August 31, 2006


It's the same guy who did the Brittney statue?

Attention Daniel Edwards; double helping of what I said above, with potatoes on the side and gravy. This is now officially "Danny's wacky schtick", not art.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:42 AM on August 31, 2006


Look at the Q&A on the ebay site.
The sad thing is that people believe this is real.
posted by wfc123 at 9:43 AM on August 31, 2006


TomCruiseFilter!
posted by blucevalo at 9:43 AM on August 31, 2006


Baby-poop-bronzing was actually first invented by Buckminster Fuller as a way to satirize our wasteful, rampant consumerism.

No joke.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:43 AM on August 31, 2006


somewhere up there, my once neighbor Piero Manzoni is shitting himself in laughter


posted by matteo at 9:44 AM on August 31, 2006



"Turning "fine art" into what may be the most subjective term in the world" - Natalie Finn - E! Online


Oh, how wonderful!

1993 called - it wants its shock art back.
posted by Pastabagel at 9:50 AM on August 31, 2006


That doesn't look anything like baby poop.
posted by jefbla at 9:55 AM on August 31, 2006


Damn, what's that kid been eatin'?
posted by jonmc at 9:56 AM on August 31, 2006


Until I see uncontroversial proof otherwise, the spawn of Cruise & Holmes = lizard baby.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:56 AM on August 31, 2006


"The gallery says it supports Tom Cruise’s and Katie Holmes’s decision to withhold images of baby Suri from the public, though gossip magazines speculate the reason may be that Suri may be deformed. The gallery asserts its bronzed baby poop reinforces claims, made after celebrity sightings of Suri, that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have a healthy baby."

...'cause deformed kids can't poop? Honestly. Even for an artists's dumb joke this is a stupid statement amidst a stupid grab for money.

Not that I look down upon taking money from dumb people - by all means, if you can convince some dope to give you cash for no good reason, do it! L. Ron would approve!
posted by caution live frogs at 9:58 AM on August 31, 2006


Q: Is this Suri's actual poop which has been fully encased in bronze? Or is it an artist's sculpted impression of her first poop?
Aug-30-06

A: Unfortunately, organic material burns in the heat required to cast bronze. Therefore, Daniel Edwards rendered her first solid defecation as close to the artistic eye as possible.


Translation: No. He made it up.

I love how these "artists" write like lawyers.
posted by Pastabagel at 9:59 AM on August 31, 2006


That's some expensive fake poop.
posted by brain_drain at 10:01 AM on August 31, 2006


That? Is -so- not what a baby's first poop looks like. At all. In any way. That's not even close.
posted by FritoKAL at 10:07 AM on August 31, 2006


Everyone's an art critic, all of a sudden.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:09 AM on August 31, 2006


I wouldn't pay "25 or 30,000 dollars" for that piece of (bronzed) crap!

Mr. Edwards, your 15 minutes are up...
posted by clevershark at 10:09 AM on August 31, 2006


does anyone have a link to a place where i can buy some extra-strength stupid pills? ... i need them to understand this
posted by pyramid termite at 10:14 AM on August 31, 2006


Clearly this guy is bat baby shit insane.
posted by jeversol at 10:16 AM on August 31, 2006


That? Is -so- not what a baby's first poop looks like. At all. In any way. That's not even close.

Sure, if it was a human baby rather than a Thetan.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 10:31 AM on August 31, 2006


I am not an art critic. I am a shit critic. That is hardly good shit.
posted by ikalliom at 10:37 AM on August 31, 2006


Shorter everybody in this thread: I wish I'd thought of this first because I could really use several thousand dollars right now, but since I didn't that guy's an idiot.

OK, perhaps not shorter, but more accurate.
posted by aaronetc at 10:37 AM on August 31, 2006


Until I see uncontroversial proof otherwise, the spawn of Cruise & Holmes = lizard baby.

in an earlier thread, someone diagnosed Tom Cruise with a genetic condition on the basis of some dental work and suggested that because of it his offspring would have a high risk of birth defects.

I need hope finding it.
posted by eddydamascene at 10:40 AM on August 31, 2006


what the hell have they been feeding that poor little creature?
posted by owhydididoit at 10:43 AM on August 31, 2006


I need hope finding it.

Here.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 10:44 AM on August 31, 2006


gracias!
posted by eddydamascene at 10:48 AM on August 31, 2006


I'd rate that poo somewhere between 2 and 3 on the Bristol Stool Scale.
posted by horsewithnoname at 10:54 AM on August 31, 2006


Can it be a coincidence that the Bristol Stool Scale has the same number of levels as the OSI Network Model? I think not.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 11:01 AM on August 31, 2006


I think I'm the only person who finds this to be a great joke. It's the whole structure of the announcement and the marketing tied together that makes it work. The proceeds will be donated to the March of Dimes for pete's sake. (And IMO this is a much better one than the whole Steely Dan/Wilson affair over "Dupree".)
posted by KirkJobSluder at 11:08 AM on August 31, 2006


Oh, I get the joke. I just think he should have made something that actually resembled baby poop. It's like telling everyone you have a giant chicken egg and then showing them a bicycle wheel.
posted by jefbla at 11:17 AM on August 31, 2006


Does a baby eating solids have poop like that? Because they don't claim that it represents newborn poop at all. Doesn't anyone ever read?

I think this newest "art" is hilarious although I'll always enjoy the Britney statue more for pure bizarre-ishness.
posted by agregoli at 11:24 AM on August 31, 2006


Can we assume that one of the benefits of the Scientology Super Power is that yoiu can instantly bronze things by touching them?
posted by pmbuko at 11:25 AM on August 31, 2006


a poor man's Midas Touch?
posted by owhydididoit at 11:27 AM on August 31, 2006


Can someone remind me why we care about Cruise & Holmes' baby? I forget.
posted by ZachsMind at 11:28 AM on August 31, 2006


If we had enhanced timen colorn sight, we would have seen this bronzing thing a week ago.
posted by eddydamascene at 11:31 AM on August 31, 2006


In other important scientology news, here's John Travolta kissing a dude.
posted by brain_drain at 11:36 AM on August 31, 2006


I'm tremendously happy to know about the Bristol Stool Scale.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:38 AM on August 31, 2006


Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
posted by bim at 11:39 AM on August 31, 2006


That doesn't look anything like baby poop.


It certainly wasn't evacuated into a diaper, at least not as we know them. Perhaps the baby has four legs and simply squats like a dog, because this looks like it was modelled from a photograph taken somewhere in the Brambles of Central Park.
posted by CynicalKnight at 11:49 AM on August 31, 2006


You could polish that turd, at least.
posted by bardic at 12:28 PM on August 31, 2006


If he wanted to do this the right way he should have covered the subject matter in plaster of paris, when it sets wash away the afore mentioned subject matter and then filled the mold with wax for subsequent casting...
posted by zeoslap at 12:34 PM on August 31, 2006


Shorter everybody in this thread: I wish I'd thought of this first because I could really use several thousand dollars right now, but since I didn't that guy's an idiot.

OK, perhaps not shorter, but more accurate.


Bollocks. It's possible to believe that someone's art/humor/whatever has failed without it being because we've all been bummed by the green eyed monster.

Also by your logic, Daniel Edwards must just be jealous of Tom Cruise.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:35 PM on August 31, 2006


does anyone have a link to a place where i can buy some extra-strength stupid pills? ... i need them to understand this

Personally, I think it's an extremely interesting piece of dada/conceptual art. A comment by the artist on the nature of celebrity and the way that we consume it.

For years, we've been prepared to gorge ourselves by spending exorbitant amounts of money on metaphorical shit.

Here, the artist is attempting to discover how much we're prepared to spend in order to consume the real thing.

a poor man's Midas Touch?

A Midas Touch, for sure. I'd be interested to see a Marxian aestheticist contextualize this. Is it best explained by theories of surplus value or those of commodity fetishism? ;-)
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:37 PM on August 31, 2006


Is anyone else astonished that this wasn't done already with Brangelina's wee spawn?

"Cunning stunt," "shining wit," "smart feller" indeed!
posted by rob511 at 4:44 PM on August 31, 2006


Ah the idle rich, I wonder how this is playing in Tehran?
posted by scheptech at 5:15 PM on August 31, 2006


Thanks for the chart horsewithnoname, I've been looking for a poster to hang in the bathroom.
posted by tellurian at 7:28 PM on August 31, 2006


My pleasure, tellurian. May you enjoy a string of 4's in the near future.
posted by horsewithnoname at 9:05 PM on August 31, 2006


Personally, I think it's an extremely interesting piece of dada/conceptual art. A comment by the artist on the nature of celebrity and the way that we consume it.

or attempt to cash in on it

Here, the artist is attempting to discover how much we're prepared to spend in order to consume the real thing.

a little marketing trial ... who knows? ... he could start the hipster version of the franklin mint

but why should he care what we think? ... p t barnum didn't, as long as we kept paying
posted by pyramid termite at 9:06 PM on August 31, 2006


agregoli writes "Does a baby eating solids have poop like that? Because they don't claim that it represents newborn poop at all. Doesn't anyone ever read?"

Well, at 19 weeks old, Sunni is not going to be eating solids anyway. No teeth at that age. And my kid is 25 weeks old, and has never ever had a poop that looked anything like that whatsoever.
posted by Bugbread at 10:58 PM on August 31, 2006


Great. Here comes the voodoo.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:41 PM on September 1, 2006


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