Comments on: You Got the Touch

You Got the Touch

bivouac — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 12:40:47 -0800

I don't want to get all fanboy about the upcoming Transformers movie. Even if they did get Peter Cullen to reprise his role as the vox of semi-truck-autobot-leader Optimus Prime. I mean Michael Bay is directing it, people. However, perhaps it's possible Stan Bush could revamp his famous 'You Got the Touch' anthem. Couldn't be as bad as Mark Wahlberg's version (or John C. Reilly's dancing).

By: poppo

poppo — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 12:53:37 -0800

Well you did, you got all fanboy about it.

By: chunking express

chunking express — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 12:53:57 -0800

Megatron is gun god damn it. Fuck you Micheal Bay. I'm waiting for the re-release of the original movie on DVD. That was the greatest film ever. One shall stand, one shall fall.

By: chunking express

chunking express — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 12:54:57 -0800

Megatron IS a gun. Damn my English. I must be extra mad at Micheal Fucking Bay.

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 12:57:32 -0800

Megatron looks like he's got just the right amount of spikes to properly rape my childhood with the correct amount of pain that abortion of a design would force upon it.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 12:58:09 -0800

THIS THREAD AND MOVIE IS USELESS WITHOUT SOUNDWAVE

By: Iridic

Iridic — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 12:59:26 -0800

You got fanboy all over the front page, bivouac. It's gonna leave a hell of a stain.

By: grubi

grubi — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:00:46 -0800

Yes, this live-action movie of an 80s cartoon... somehow, it will not be good. *ahem*

By: poppo

poppo — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:01:11 -0800

Agree with that robocop. Remember those little jaguars that would fold up for Soundwave to carry around as tape cassettes. I bet in the new movie they would make them into iPods, so it would kind of suck to have Soundwave afterall. And might I add, they are making Bumblebee a Camaro...wtf

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:02:01 -0800

Optimus Prime? Don't you mean Convoy? /more retro than thou

By: NationalKato

NationalKato — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:02:38 -0800

Don't shit on the brilliance of Wahlberg and Reilly.

By: chunking express

chunking express — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:03:26 -0800

Are they still going to call him Bumblebee? Because that would be a whole other kind of stupid. And yes, Soundwave is the only decepticon that seemed to know what he was doing. What are they going to do without him. Fuck. Fuck.

By: poppo

poppo — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:03:50 -0800

~~retro~~ nerd

By: ryoshu

ryoshu — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:04:31 -0800

Grimlock is going to be so pissed when he sees this...

By: Iridic

Iridic — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:05:14 -0800

BTW, what was that old animated series where miniature internet-robot-soldiers disguised themselves as common household objects? Is that going to be a major motion picture anytime soon?

By: bivouac

bivouac — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:05:41 -0800

I wouldn't calling it shitting, per se. I think that's got to be one of the best clips in the 'Boogie Nights' - I think its hilarious though, just as much as I think the Steve Bush guitar that shoots lasers is hilarious.

By: KirkJobSluder

KirkJobSluder — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:06:42 -0800

I mean Michael Bay is directing it, people. Is this a misguided recommendation of a chronic shitmaker, or a cry of dispair?

By: mckenney

mckenney — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:07:35 -0800

Soundwave isn't in the fucking movie? That is total bullshit. Also, the fact that Starscream's voice won't sound right at all is almost enough to keep me away. Almost. If they don't make that ch-ch-ch transforming sound, I am out, baby.

By: bivouac

bivouac — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:09:37 -0800

KirkJobSluder Cry of despair.

By: interrobang

interrobang — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:10:28 -0800

Geez. This (from the trailer) is a really good way to make it look like something does not happen on Mars:

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:16:46 -0800

By: Uther Bentrazor

Uther Bentrazor — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:18:15 -0800

As big as I was of Transformers when I was a wee lad, I just can't seem to be upset that this live-action translation is going to differ from the 20+ year old cartoon. I must be doing something wrong.

By: quin

quin — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:19:50 -0800

While I want this movie to be good, my money is on suck. What I am looking forward to, however, is a big budget computer rendered shot of a Transformer transforming. That alone will make me (eventually) see it. As to the characters who transform into stupid shit; guns, tape decks, etc. My guess is that they won't be in the movie or they will change into something else. My hunch is that the studio producing this doesn't understand that there are purists out there who might be offended if Megatron changes into a jet or something. (Actually, now that I think about it, I bet they will suggest that the Transformers are advanced robots who mimic whatever environment they are in and can change into multiple things to this end. That way they completely get around people complaining about this sort of thing.) (Not that that would stop us :)

By: a3matrix

a3matrix — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:20:22 -0800

I have the original movie on DVD Chunking. Another shoutout for Soundwave!

By: jefbla

jefbla — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:21:17 -0800

WATCH SOUNDWAVE BREAKDANCE!

By: uftheory

uftheory — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:23:19 -0800

This movie should have just been 2 hours of Soundwave talking and ejecting tapes from his chest.

By: brownpau

brownpau — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:27:18 -0800

quin - Here you go. By the way, no Soundwave in the movie and Megatron not a gun means I don't pay money to see it. Not to mention the multiple astronomy errors in the teaser trailer alone putting me off this sure-to-be-overmarketed piece of crap. Beagle 2 wasn't a rover, idiots.

By: chunking express

chunking express — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:28:05 -0800

a3matrix, they are making an anniversary edition: Remastered and colour corrected, 16 x 9, etc, etc.

By: bonaldi

bonaldi — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:30:44 -0800

Megatron. Is. A. Gun. fuckwits.

By: bonaldi

bonaldi — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:33:14 -0800

Bay apparently wants this to have "real world" physics. In a world where robots can evolve and be sentient? In a world with transforming robots? fuck off. Megatron can connect his cannon to a black hole for a power source. This means changing the amount of space he takes up is trivial. If Dracula can become a bat, he can become a Walther.

By: octothorpe

octothorpe — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:37:44 -0800

This all makes me feel pretty old. You-all are getting nostalgic about a series that I'm only dimly aware of, I must of have been in college at the time. I guess that the 60s and 70s have been completely culturally strip mined by now so Hollywood has moved on to the eighties.

By: sparkletone

sparkletone — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:44:29 -0800

On the one hand, part of me is sad that there's no Grimlock in the movie ('cause he's hilarious and awesome). However. Most of me is glad there's no Grimlock, because that's one less robot design to get fucked up, and one less element for Michael Bay to completely screw up. Michael Bay needs to have his crayons taken away. The only movie of his I can stand at all is The Rock, and that's pretty much entirely Sean Connery's fault. The man should've had his crayons taken away after Pearl Harbor.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:47:09 -0800

That's not Megatron, that's the Shrike.

By: Durhey

Durhey — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:48:25 -0800

As much as Michael Bay is fucking up the Transformers, the fact is that they've been fucking them up in Japan for years now. To wit: Pepsi Optimus Panty Optimus Yes these are real toys.

By: bonaldi

bonaldi — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:56:55 -0800

Here's hoping some British genius firm takes a hold of the US film and only uses the good bits, wrapping a whole new genius universe around the rest (non-comic geeks won't get this)

By: KirkJobSluder

KirkJobSluder — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:04:38 -0800

Megatron can connect his cannon to a black hole for a power source. This means changing the amount of space he takes up is trivial. If Dracula can become a bat, he can become a Walther. This thread, and this comment in particular provides excellent justification from keeping fanboys away from the process of creating, talking about, or even thinking about cinematic adaptations. It's a shame that we don't have automatic straight-jackets for those moments when you suffer these psychotic breaks, and your cognitive skills temporarily drop below those expected of the intended audience of the teletubbies. Yeah, this movie is going to suck, because it's being directed by a lowest-common-denominator director who can't do character, dialog, or even plot beyond excessively big explosions. It will suck because it is yet another adaptation of a television show. Bitching about whether a character based on a toy line is going to be portrayed a jet or a gun, or the sound effects used for the transformation is profoundly delusional and psychotic. These things are fanwank trivial. The movie isn't being made for you anyway (thank goodness, because that would certainly suck).

By: rzklkng

rzklkng — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:07:23 -0800

The movie will be nothing more than 90-minutes of product promotion. I believe several new-ish cars and consumer products are prominently featured. So far I've seen Mustang, Camaro, Xbox, and iPod. Also, the car blogs are all over it (Jalopnik and Autoblog).

By: nickmark

nickmark — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:12:04 -0800

"Bay apparently wants this to have "real world" physics." As I recall, the first issue of the Marvel comics claimed that the Transformers evolved from "naturally ocurring gears and levers."

By: damn dirty ape

damn dirty ape — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:13:31 -0800

The movie will be nothing more than 90-minutes of product promotion. The cartoon likewise was 30 minute ads for toys. Sure the toys were neat, but lets not pretend the cartoons were anything but ads for them. Same with GI Joe and Gobots.

By: damn dirty ape

damn dirty ape — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:16:07 -0800

Megatron isn't a gun. He's a toy gun.

By: bonaldi

bonaldi — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:16:10 -0800

KJS: It could easily suck *and yet still* not shit all over the original. If the changes were going to make it better in any way, fine. But they're not, as far as I can see. And if you can't see that the black hole thing is tongue in cheek ... jesus. Transformers has always been ludicrous, as nickmark points out. There are about eight timelines as well. Any film should play on that, not try and make welch into something straight-faced. That will result in a rotten film for non-fans and a rotten film for fans

By: Iridic

Iridic — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:17:20 -0800

Here's hoping some British genius firm takes a hold of the US film and only uses the good bits, wrapping a whole new genius universe around the rest The first issue of "Machines of Loving Grace" (title changed from "Beast Machines of Loving Grace" to avoid copyright infringement) is expected to see British publication in February '07, assuming Alan Moore can be roused from bed to script it. It will be a gnostic interpretation of Sophocles' Theban Cycle as played out through the intrigues and passions of giant robots.

By: tkchrist

tkchrist — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:18:49 -0800

People. IT IS A TOY COMMERCIAL!

By: chunking express

chunking express — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:26:45 -0800

The fact the shows were long commercials doesn't make them any less compelling. I can't imagine what sort of person I'd be if not for Thundercats, He-Man, Transformers, GI-Joe, etc, etc, etc. I'd certainly have had less cool toys.

By: empath

empath — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:34:52 -0800

I loved the transformers when I was a kid, too, but let's not pretend that it was anything other than it was. All these movie needs to have is giant robots transforming into vehicles and lots of explosions in order for it to be true to the spirit of the original. I could give a shit if any of the original characters are in the movie or not, but it would be nice if they were.

By: tkchrist

tkchrist — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:37:37 -0800

The fact the shows were long commercials doesn't make them any less compelling. Uh. Sure it does. At least to me. Then again I wasn't the target market since I was well in to College when it came out.

By: Squid Voltaire

Squid Voltaire — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:38:33 -0800

Iridic-- is that an in-joke that I just don't get? If not, where can I find out more?

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:39:26 -0800

~~A BELOVED TOY COMMERCIAL~~

By: Gary

Gary — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:43:03 -0800

The cartoon likewise was 30 minute ads for toys. Sure the toys were neat, but lets not pretend the cartoons were anything but ads for them. Same with GI Joe and Gobots. Which is why Michael Bay is not a bad choice for the director. I don't want to see the Transformers tell a thought provoking science fiction story that makes us all examine our own lives. All I want to see vehicles turn into robots who shoot lasers at each other. This cartoon seemed fitting for this thread, though.

By: zennie

zennie — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:48:34 -0800

This movie will have: 1. Big robots transforming into slick vehicles, 2. Big robots beating the crap out of each other. So it's probably going to do well. But for 80s nostalgia, I'm still betting on Ninja Turtles.

By: PontifexPrimus

PontifexPrimus — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:58:24 -0800

ROU_Xenophobe: "That's not Megatron, that's the Shrike." Argh, that's the first thing I thought when I saw this a couple of days ago! Although the number of arms is wrong, this is how I would imagine that beast... <rant> And I really, really hated the end of Rise - the "consolation prize" for Raul is something I find completely unacceptable in any way, shape or form, and to say it left a bitter taste in my mouth would be an understatement of monumental proportions. Sorry, but I really hated that part and had to share.</rant>

By: bivouac

bivouac — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:58:40 -0800

Who knew the posts would be so polarized. I was posting it: a. to make fun of fanboys b. to make fun of michael bay c. to show everyone how mark wahlberg can't sing and john reilly can't dance (when in character or course....or not?) Who cares about the movie...the YouTube clips are priceless and the real point behind the post.

By: Iridic

Iridic — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 15:01:32 -0800

Just an in-joke, Squid Voltaire. I was riffing off of Bonaldi's comment, which I assume referred to Alan Moore's ability to breathe complexity and profundity into simple American pulp archetypes, a talent that resulted in comic books like his Swamp Thing run, Watchmen, and Marvelman. (Marvelman was called Miracleman in the U.S. to avoid copyright infringement). I just imagined how Transformers would look if it was Moore delivering the update instead of Bay.

By: davros42

davros42 — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 15:07:23 -0800

RUMBLE IS RED, FRENZY IS BLUE

By: quin

quin — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 15:08:08 -0800

Heh, thanks brownpau. I've actually had that commercial on my MP3 player for a year or so. It's the primary factor in me wanting to see what they can do with this movie. Though now that I think about it, I really doubt they are going to be able to top this advert. I will say, however, if they have a Decpticon Dance off (ala Robot Chicken), I will retract any dismissive statements I've made about this film.

By: KirkJobSluder

KirkJobSluder — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 15:16:50 -0800

bondali: It could easily suck *and yet still* not shit all over the original. Well, there is the core problem. Any adaptation will have to adapt the original (or in your terms, "shit all over it.")

By: mr_roboto

mr_roboto — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 15:18:33 -0800

chunking express writes "Megatron is a gun." I've always thought that was kind of stupid.

By: bonaldi

bonaldi — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 15:27:59 -0800

Any adaptation will have to adapt the original (or in your terms, "shit all over it.") this isn't a book we're talking about, it's a TV cartoon. There are transition changes to live action, sure, but it's not like taking something people have imagined. Either way, I'm fine with adaptation, and I do not use "shit all over it" to mean that. I mean "shit all over it" when I say that. And taking out the essential nonsense of it is part of that, as is removing key characters.

By: greycap

greycap — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 15:34:02 -0800

I like the idea of Lazerbeak et al transforming into iPods. Makes you wonder what other post-80s inventions could be featured - Prime turning into a Segway? Soundwave as a digital camera? But if they're going to mess about with it, I wish they'd go for an Alien vs Predator style cross-over - Decepticons vs Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors in the Mysterious Cities of Gold, or something like that.

By: beno

beno — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 15:36:30 -0800

quin, brownpau: have you seen this one?

By: Chuckly

Chuckly — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 16:10:18 -0800

By: clevershark

clevershark — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 16:23:01 -0800

I really don't "get" the fan base of this. For that matter I don't get why GI Joe (the cartoon) had so many grown fans when the Cartoon Network started showing it as part of its late-night lineup. To me those two shows were just half-assed shills for toy sales. Am I alone in thinking this?

By: quin

quin — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 16:42:36 -0800

quin, brownpau: have you seen this one? Shit, no I hadn't. But at the end of that video I actually choked from the laugh I got. Gotta figure it's the same production house. To which I say "Excellent!"

By: starman

starman — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 16:44:48 -0800

If Megatron and Greedo were sitting across from each other at a table, who would shoot first?

By: X-00

X-00 — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 16:49:28 -0800

This will be an astrotrain weck. The robot modes look awful.

By: quin

quin — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 16:53:48 -0800

Hmmm, now that I look a little closer at the video that beno linked, I don't think it was the same people. This X-Bam group is definitely talented though. They captured the essence of the original very well.

By: tkchrist

tkchrist — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 17:10:37 -0800

There was a GI Joe toy BEFORE the insipid cartoon. And he killed Nazis. And. Communists. Not wimpy COBRA "terrorists." I still have the original GI Joe and a GI (Action Man .in England) that came with a Nazi uniform. Oh. How Joe HATED Nazis. And on weekends there was a well deserved leave with my sisters Barbie collection. A grateful village of lonely liberated french girls. Ahhh. Those were the days. Of course it was no picnic back at the front once Joe got his first burning of the clap. Barbie was SUCH a whore.

By: Gary

Gary — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 17:15:02 -0800

According to Family Guy, Soundwave is Christian and Optimus Prime is Jewish. I'm not sure what that has to do with this thread, but I'm sure the new movie can use these facts to produce box office gold. To me those two shows were just half-assed shills for toy sales. Am I alone in thinking this? The original movie had voice over work by Orson Welles. They were clearly using their whole ass.

By: sohcahtoa

sohcahtoa — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 17:52:23 -0800

Well, when I saw the teaser in Yonkers before Pirates I felt a little funny in the pants.

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 18:56:56 -0800

re: gi joe : I remember going to a convention a few years ago (Anime expo, if you're really curious) and there were a bunch of Original In Box OMG Transformer toys right next to some 12" GI Joes. Bullshitting with my friend, I asked him, "hey, do you remember that special when GI Joe and the Autobots teamed up against the Decepticons and Megatron was wielded by Hitler?" We cracked up, but the guy next to us was all "oh yeah! that was great! I haven't seen that episode in years!". Ha, ha. Good times.

By: kosem

kosem — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 19:31:54 -0800

The real Robot Chicken Transformers sketch. I'm with John Waters. They should only be allowed to remake bad movies.

By: nightchrome

nightchrome — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 19:42:23 -0800

If that's really what the faces of these robots are gonna look like, I think people are going to have a tough time relating to them as individuals. The pic of the supposed Bumblebee face does not look humanoid enough for people to really connect to. It's hard to really tell that the eyes are eyes, for example.

By: zennie

zennie — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 22:26:21 -0800

By: biffa

biffa — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 01:35:15 -0800

Beagle 2 wasn't a rover, it was just a solar powered fold-out thing the size of a BBQ. Also, it didn't launch from the US, so why an American counting down? That's ruined it for me.

By: antifuse

antifuse — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 04:53:27 -0800

Bumblebee is not a god damned Camaro, you bastards! WTF!

By: davelog

davelog — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 06:52:51 -0800

For his next project, Michael Bay will bring Polly Pocket to the big screen, brilliantly portrayed by Roseanne Barr.

By: COBRA!

COBRA! — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 07:04:01 -0800

Not wimpy COBRA "terrorists." Sir, would you care to step outside?

By: longbaugh

longbaugh — Sat, 02 Sep 2006 08:03:59 -0800

I will step outside as long as I get to lose to the Baroness. Hubba hubba!