Babies!

September 6, 2006 7:42 AM

Babyfilter: Suri exists! And the Japanese can stop worrying they'll have to be ruled by a woman!
posted by thirteenkiller (71 comments total)

That's gotta be an avatar
posted by mcstayinskool at 7:46 AM on September 6, 2006

I tossed and turned all night, but had I known these two facts, I'm sure that I would've slept like a baby.
posted by graventy at 7:50 AM on September 6, 2006

Lizard baby!
posted by slimepuppy at 7:52 AM on September 6, 2006

That creepy little Cruise baby has some crazy fucking hair.
posted by mckenney at 7:53 AM on September 6, 2006

This is so important I ....bah
posted by elpapacito at 7:55 AM on September 6, 2006

That creepy little Cruise baby has some crazy fucking hair.

I was about to say.

That looks like a dye job to me. Or a wig. Kid's what, 2 months? 3 months? That hair just looks off.
posted by dw at 7:58 AM on September 6, 2006

How old is that child they've got?
posted by bonaldi at 7:58 AM on September 6, 2006

Whoa, dude, they do plastic surgery on babies now?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:58 AM on September 6, 2006

Apparently baby Suri wears a wig. No 5 month old baby has that much hair, period.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:00 AM on September 6, 2006

It's quite common for kids to have lots of hair when they are born and the kid looks cute.
posted by zeoslap at 8:00 AM on September 6, 2006

Did you read your link Pastabagel? BabyCenter reader Julie Carlson's son Will was born with a full head of thick black hair. "He looked just like Elvis — he even had sideburns," says Carlson. "

I will now leave thread because I honestly have no interest in either of these nippers
posted by zeoslap at 8:02 AM on September 6, 2006

Yes, but not that much, not that long, and not that thick. And babies lose their hair around 4 months (they may not lose it all, but they lose some).
posted by Pastabagel at 8:03 AM on September 6, 2006

Not all of them!
posted by thirteenkiller at 8:05 AM on September 6, 2006

So it took them this long to buy a healthy baby, even with all their money and connections?
posted by fleetmouse at 8:05 AM on September 6, 2006

Whoa. The baby looks like Derek Zoolander.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:05 AM on September 6, 2006

Yes, I read it:

He looked just like Elvis — he even had sideburns," says Carlson. "Both my husband and I are blond, and we briefly wondered where the dark hair came from. Almost immediately after birth, though, it started falling out.

posted by Pastabagel at 8:05 AM on September 6, 2006

Okay, I didn't leave yet. I didn't quite get that far in the article Pastabagel :) Anyway my friends kid was born with a big old black mop of hair and didn't lose it so there.
posted by zeoslap at 8:10 AM on September 6, 2006

Surely this will be the straw that breaks the... wait, no, wrong thread type.
posted by boo_radley at 8:16 AM on September 6, 2006

While I was the first to post that the kid is a fake, babies can have lots of hair at 5 months. My daughter at 5 months. She was born with it and never lost it. She's 2 years old today and it's even crazier. Not Tomkat crazy, but crazy.
posted by mcstayinskool at 8:18 AM on September 6, 2006

I'm sorry, but people saying they bought that baby: it looks just like him! If they bought it, they certainly did a good job finding one that bears an amazing resemblence to ol' Tommy!

In other news - I didn't even know that Japan still HAD an emperor/imperial family. Learn somethin new every day.
posted by antifuse at 8:20 AM on September 6, 2006

My pet conspiracy theory:

part 1) It seems to have been Parson's friendship with Hubbard that spurred him to undertake what he considered his greatest magical feat--the attempt to bring the "Whore of Babylon" down from the Astral Plane and incarnate it in the womb of a living woman. On the first three days of March 1946, Parsons performed various incantations and had repeated sexual intercourse with a willing devotee while Hubbard acted as scribe. Upon hearing of Parson's project, a mystified Crowley wrote to the head of the his US O.T.O operation: "Apparently Parsons or Hubbard or somebody is producing a Moonchild. I get fairly frantic when I contemplate the idiocy of these louts." - Satan Wants You by Arthur Lyons

part 2) "The Moonchild" by Crowley was the basis for "Rosemary's Baby"

part 3) nobody sees Suri (or should I say ADRIAN!) for months, and when they do, it's an obviously FAKE PLASTIC BABY!

Cruise has produced the Anti-Christ. QED.
posted by sonofsamiam at 8:23 AM on September 6, 2006 [2 favorites]

mcstayinskool - cute baby! But the Cruise kid has way way more hair than than - look at the sides, for example.

I could be wrong of course, and I'm glad their baby is healthy, but I'm not buying anything these two are selling. It annoys me to think that they worked on the kids hair for this stupid photo op.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:26 AM on September 6, 2006

Yeah, and to get those photos it only took 21 days of shooting and 3 days of retouching! Man, if you're willing to spend three days in Photoshop, you can produce a baby without going through labor.
posted by salvia at 8:32 AM on September 6, 2006

That kid does look kind of weird.
posted by delmoi at 8:33 AM on September 6, 2006

I mean the kids hair.
posted by delmoi at 8:34 AM on September 6, 2006

Cruise has produced the Anti-Christ

I suspect the Scientologists saved L. Ron Hubbard's semen for this very purpose.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:34 AM on September 6, 2006

The kid is cute. There, I said it.
posted by CRM114 at 8:35 AM on September 6, 2006

Suri: The photo you won't see in Vanity Fair.
posted by mattbucher at 8:42 AM on September 6, 2006

Bleah. Now that SuriWatch is over, the fun has been ruined.

And I was really hoping the Japanese baby would be a girl. Now they can go back to "all worship the mighty penis" again. Whee. Yay for lack of equality. Oh well, hopefully SOME day in the next few decades it can still come back to bite them in the ass.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:45 AM on September 6, 2006

My sister and I had full heads of hair when we were born and both of us did not lose it to regain it later.

That baby looks asian. Weirdness.
posted by agregoli at 8:56 AM on September 6, 2006

Pastabagel writes "Yes, but not that much, not that long, and not that thick. And babies lose their hair around 4 months (they may not lose it all, but they lose some)."

Our baby is 6 months old. That means I am exposed to a lot of babies 4 to 7 months old through my wifes' maternity class friends and the like. Some (like my kid) lost a lot of hair and have it coming back slowly, nothing like Suri. But some of them have big, thick bushy heads of black hair, to a startling degree. So maybe that isn't Suri's hair, and maybe it is, but it's far from impossible.

Quite unrelatedly: I envy almost all of you, because you could turn the TV on today without having every goddamn channel tell you what Mr Future Emperor's birth plant was or what kind of medical equipment was used or how this or that member of the extended royal family feels or the like. All baby, all day, and if you complain about it out loud, you're likely to get booted by some right-winger.
posted by Bugbread at 8:57 AM on September 6, 2006

I wish I had enough money to buy a stunt baby after tricking a girl into giving birth to a cyclops.

Then again I never stared in days of thunder. So I guess you get what you give.
posted by I Foody at 8:59 AM on September 6, 2006

I fart in your general direction.
posted by 2sheets at 9:03 AM on September 6, 2006

I dunno... I think pregnancy changes a woman's face. Look at Gwyneth Paltrow (before/after) and Debra Messing (before/after). I don't think it's weight or makeup, I think something happens in the cheekbones. I don't see this with Katie.

Perhaps I should mention here that I'm of the camp that thinks ikkyu2 might be on to something.
posted by frecklefaerie at 9:17 AM on September 6, 2006

Does anyone else here think Suri looks Inuit/ Canadian Eskimo?
posted by GoodJob! at 9:17 AM on September 6, 2006

FAKE PLASTIC BABY!

I love that song.
posted by CynicalKnight at 9:18 AM on September 6, 2006

And I was really hoping the Japanese baby would be a girl. Now they can go back to "all worship the mighty penis" again.


posted by snofoam at 9:26 AM on September 6, 2006

notice the possibility of std?
posted by GoodJob! at 9:28 AM on September 6, 2006

Little-known fact #237: No human babies have been born in over five years.

Suri is proof.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:33 AM on September 6, 2006

...or, what if, right, TomKat and Japan swapped babies?
posted by slimepuppy at 9:35 AM on September 6, 2006

The kid is not cute--
1. she doesn't look female or male- ( bad sign by age of 5 months)
2. the more pics I see, she looks combo of eskimo/korean/south pacific/ or possible Jakartan -- or even indo chinese> huh?
posted by GoodJob! at 9:43 AM on September 6, 2006

total Hair Club for Babies--too weird. The eye color looks photoshopped too.
posted by amberglow at 10:11 AM on September 6, 2006

I always thought jrossi4r's idea might be right.
posted by salvia at 10:15 AM on September 6, 2006

I like this from The Superficial's comment section:

"yea beautiful. but fake, hes a homosexual dummy. the semen can't break through poo. bought the baby, thing is too developed for its age. naive is u."
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:26 AM on September 6, 2006

1. she doesn't look female or male- ( bad sign by age of 5 months)

My mind, it is boggled.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:40 AM on September 6, 2006

I think Suri looks Asian too. My first thought was that they adopted her. Further tinfoil hatdom - wasn't Tom in Asia promoting MI3 around the time Katie was due? Hmmm. ; )
posted by SisterHavana at 10:42 AM on September 6, 2006

So, I work for evil people who deny me access to celebrity gossip sites and flickr, but I saw the picture on CBS news-lite last night and while I personally think the child has extensions a la Paris Hilton, I have to admit that I had a big ol' mop of curls at that age that never fell out too.
posted by echo0720 at 10:49 AM on September 6, 2006

well we know tc is already fond of adopting
posted by GoodJob! at 10:51 AM on September 6, 2006

I really thought this baby would be cute! Kate is cute after all-- why is this baby so strange looking? oh well-- maybe we need more time. ie- Chelsea Clinton took years to bloom into conventional prettiness/cuteness.
btw- I normally lurk on meta for the most part-- but I am particularly disappointed by the lack of cuteness of Suri--so the result of numerous posts. Sorry to all offended. Bye.
posted by GoodJob! at 10:55 AM on September 6, 2006

I have a feeling that Suri looks odd in these shots because of overzealous stylists and photoshopping. All the usual visual signifiers of infanthood (blotchy skin, 'old man face', patchy hair growth, maybe even wacky head shape, etc) have been scrubbed away, leaving the poor kid looking like a tiny TV-ready mannequin. I'll bet she's cute in the usual sense when the cameras aren't rolling.
posted by maryh at 11:04 AM on September 6, 2006

I hate to say it because the Cruise's annoy me but I think Suri is gorgeous. The hair weirded me out but I've seen babies with just as much so I know it can happen.

I'm sorry, but people saying they bought that baby: it looks just like him!

She really does. Looks exactly like him. I can see a good bit of resemblence to Katie Holmes too. So, it's either actually their baby or they hired a really good retoucher. I'm going with actual baby since I haven't bothered to put on my tinfioil hat yet this afternoon. Either way I think she's a beautiful baby.
posted by LeeJay at 11:13 AM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Suri looks fine. Show me the goddam DNA test results!
posted by DenOfSizer at 11:15 AM on September 6, 2006

Sure she looks fine now -- lizard babies don't start shedding until a year after hatching.
posted by eddydamascene at 11:38 AM on September 6, 2006

Oh didn't you see V? Obviously the lizard looking twin died, and we're left with the human looking one with a lizard tongue.
posted by witchstone at 11:46 AM on September 6, 2006

semen can't break through poo

But mucus covers poo. And semen is protected by mucus. Now all we need are hand symbols for each of these.
posted by CynicalKnight at 12:47 PM on September 6, 2006

That's one cute baby, I gotta admit. But a mix between Tom and Katie, how could it not? It's amazing what they can do with an ovulating woman and a turkey baster.
posted by crunchland at 12:54 PM on September 6, 2006

You know, hate on the baby's parents all you want (i'll be the first to admit they are wierd), but you people should be ashamed of yourself hating on the baby. What has she done to deserve such scorn? Pretty or ugly, she's still a human being.
posted by ramix at 12:56 PM on September 6, 2006

Dakota Fanning is pissed.
posted by bardic at 1:01 PM on September 6, 2006

ramix: Pretty or ugly, she's still a human being.

I remain unconvinced.
posted by I Foody at 1:10 PM on September 6, 2006

It's amazing what they can do with an ovulating woman and a turkey baster.

You can also do some interesting things with a hibernating bear and a stick blender.
posted by jefbla at 1:12 PM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

My conspiracy theory is as follows:

Ken Lay (remember him) was a secret scientologist. He paid off TomKat to have a genetically perfect child, left his body and has now ensouled baby Suri. Just think about it people.....
posted by elwoodwiles at 1:16 PM on September 6, 2006

Suri looks fine. Show me the goddam DNA test results!

Ha ha, DenOfSizer.
posted by salvia at 1:18 PM on September 6, 2006

That baby is cute (who says babies look male/female at five months? nonsense!), that baby looks just like tom (especially their noses), and lots of babies have lots of hair at that age (I did).

The end!
posted by Kololo at 1:58 PM on September 6, 2006

...or is it?
posted by eddydamascene at 2:04 PM on September 6, 2006

Suri is very pretty.

To all of you saying that it's weird for a five-month old baby to have that much hair: I heard on the radio today that Suri is actually only three months old in those pictures. She'd be five months today, but the pictures were taken a while back. (I don't know if this is true; it's just what I heard....)
posted by painquale at 2:25 PM on September 6, 2006

I'm no fan of either Cruise or Holmes, and I've no doubt the pictures have been enhanced - all pix for mags like VF are.

However that's definitely their kid, its quite cute, and it is possible to have a kid with that much hair by that age. And no, the stuff doesn't fall out.

I just had my second baby last week, and like his brother, he was born with a full head of hair - 2 inches long all around. His is still laying flat; his brother's hair stood straight up after a few days and stayed that way for a couple of months. Everyone figured I styled it (ha! who has time to style a baby's hair, I ask you?) or something.
posted by Zinger at 2:58 PM on September 6, 2006

It's so obvious: Suri Cruise is the next Emperor of Japan!
posted by donkeymon at 3:05 PM on September 6, 2006

Looks a little like Kim Jong Il...
posted by spilon at 5:50 PM on September 6, 2006

Show me the goddam DNA test results!

"I'm sorry, Miss Holmes, it appears your child was conceived by parthenogenesis."

"There's another way?"
posted by Sparx at 7:13 PM on September 6, 2006

Kinda interesting that in a post about some celebrities having a kid and about another kid whose birth has forestalled changing an entire country's constitution, the movie star kid gets all the discussion. Understandable, but interesting.
posted by Bugbread at 7:45 PM on September 6, 2006

Pastabagel: "Yes, but not that much, not that long, and not that thick. And babies lose their hair around 4 months (they may not lose it all, but they lose some)."

Total nonsense. There is no iron clad rule of baby hair. I was born with a forest of hair and had serious hair loss; I've seen the pictures.

Indeed, while I now have dark brown hair, at birth it was jet black.
posted by spaltavian at 8:51 PM on September 6, 2006