I tried that once, but I was kicked out of Denny's

September 6, 2006 10:47 AM

Interesting confessions from otherwise boring people
posted by Blazecock Pileon (54 comments total)

Cheap rip-off of postsecret (which was posted previously)?
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:54 AM on September 6, 2006

Can you point out some of the "interesting" ones? Because I'm mostly seeing stuff like:

After an injury, i was prescribed Lortab. I liked it so much, I came dangerously close to addiction.

Fascinating.

Sometimes when I see other couples, I picture them having sex in my mind. I have no idea why.

Shocking.

Looks like a relatively dull, christ-themed grouphug.us or postsecrets.com.
posted by ook at 10:56 AM on September 6, 2006

My confession: I keep reading the URL as "My Secret Transvestite".
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:56 AM on September 6, 2006

I struggle with pornography and masterbation daily

Please pray for me

Don't fight it.
posted by itchylick at 10:57 AM on September 6, 2006

When I am reading MetaFilter, I imagine you naked.

Yes, you.
posted by briank at 10:57 AM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Meh. This is more interesting, and in the same vein.
posted by clevershark at 10:57 AM on September 6, 2006

As confessions go, the 'sexuality,' ones are distressingly mild compared to most people I know. As glimpses into the thoughts of deeply conflicted people, they are interesting, even a little moving.
posted by jonmc at 10:58 AM on September 6, 2006

Oooh, it's just like grouphug except everyone is hung up on God and you can't tell where the stories end.
posted by jon_kill at 10:58 AM on September 6, 2006

When I am reading MetaFilter, I imagine you naked.

Yes, you.

I hope I don't give you a complex.
posted by jonmc at 10:59 AM on September 6, 2006

LifeChurch.tv.

This explains all the religion hangups.

As a Catholic boy, I unserstand the power of confession, but to use it as propoganda seems a little unseemly. However, the cofessions, if they're genuine are still interesting.
posted by jonmc at 11:01 AM on September 6, 2006

I hope I don't give you a complex.

Thanks, but I already have delusions of grandeur.
posted by briank at 11:05 AM on September 6, 2006

I have gone farther than I wanted to before marriage. Even though it was six years ago, I still think about it. I dread having to tell my husband someday about it, even though I am forgiven.

By interesting do you mean boring and sad? Religious people sure love their arbitrary guilt complexes. What would faith be without them?
posted by xmutex at 11:24 AM on September 6, 2006

Religious people sure love their arbitrary guilt complexes.

Non-religious people, too. They just redirect all that guilt towards politics.
posted by jonmc at 11:28 AM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

The list of categories (no misc.) seems to have a certain bias:
Addictions
Double Life
Eating Disorders
Gambling
Pornography
Adultery
Hurt
Lying
Stealing
Relationships
Sexuality
Past Humiliation
Regret
Shame
Abuse
Lust
Substance Abuse
Self Harm
posted by sonofsamiam at 11:30 AM on September 6, 2006

Religious people sure love their arbitrary guilt complexes

I confess I find admissions of arbitrary guilt fascinating in an Attenboroughesque way.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:35 AM on September 6, 2006

My favorite:

I have a hard time not looking at my girlfriend's anatomy. Not that we sleep together or that she intentionally exposes it before me, but I stare and imagine her naked all the time. I want to overcome this before our relationship goes any further.
posted by joedan at 11:48 AM on September 6, 2006

In celebration of the 50th year since it was introduced, Secret deodorant has been sponsoring Share Your Secret on the web. Thousands have been submitted, almost all by women of all ages.

If you read them, you will know more about women than you want to know.
posted by hexatron at 11:52 AM on September 6, 2006

This is very sad. All these people upset for no good reason.
posted by callmejay at 11:55 AM on September 6, 2006

My marriage is sad. I do not love my husband. He is verbally abusive to me and our children. He has hit me and given me a black eye. Now my teenage sons are verbally abusive. I don't know what to do.
posted by sonofsamiam at 11:58 AM on September 6, 2006

In celebration of the 50th year since it was introduced, Secret deodorant has been sponsoring Share Your Secret on the web.

I use my wife's secret - it works better than my deoderant.

Will someone explain to me why I find this more disturbing than if the dude like wearing his wife's undies?
posted by jonmc at 11:59 AM on September 6, 2006

Hey, we could post some of these as anonymous on AskMe!
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 12:02 PM on September 6, 2006

The self-loathing is palpable in the confessions about gay tendencies or bisexual tendencies.

That was depressing.
posted by whimsicalnymph at 12:03 PM on September 6, 2006

The self-loathing is palpable in the confessions about gay tendencies or bisexual tendencies.

The self-loathing is palpable in the confessions about sexual tendencies of any kind, sadly.
posted by jonmc at 12:04 PM on September 6, 2006

I had neighbor female friends that lived next door to me. I stole their panties sometimes to masterbate with. I felt it was the closest thing to actually being with them. It was a turn-on to know that I was holding in my hands something that was sceneted by their privates. I even had one bought with beastiality. It was shameful.


Preach it, brother!
posted by mr.curmudgeon at 12:06 PM on September 6, 2006

I even had one bought with beastiality

wait a minute...

the panty jerkoff is shameful, but the bestiality is a footnote? say what?
posted by jonmc at 12:07 PM on September 6, 2006

Even the late night ads for Girls Gone Wild (NOT Bible Style) leave very little to the imagination.

What, what whaaaat? Oh.
posted by mr.curmudgeon at 12:08 PM on September 6, 2006

I even had one bought with beastiality.

I just don't understand this sentence. Even taking a misspelling or two into account, I still don't get what they are trying to say. The only ways I can read it are, as JonMC mentioned, far worse than panty-sniffing.
posted by milovoo at 12:57 PM on September 6, 2006

milovoo, I think they meant "bout" in place of "bought".
posted by utsutsu at 1:06 PM on September 6, 2006

I am a woman who lusts after men and women. I'm in a serious relationship with a child. But I often wonder what it would be like to be with a woman, I never have. But I imagine it with random women that I see. I also do the same thing with men, I have a fireman obsession and it really doesn't matter what they look like just the title turns me on a lot. When I have sex with my boyfriend I almost always imagine he is someone else.
I don't really enjoy sex with him - not that he's bad at it, I just want something else with someone else.

I'm the same way with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Please pray for me.
posted by cowbellemoo at 1:06 PM on September 6, 2006

I agree, nymph. How depressing. On the one clevershark posted some guy confessed to beating a cat to death. Then he felt bad about it. Gee, really? The vision of that is gonna haunt me for a while, actually.

Bleh. I don't want to know all of other people's inner nastiness.
posted by Jess the Mess at 1:08 PM on September 6, 2006

milovoo, I think they meant "bout" in place of "bought".

Aha! that does make sense. Sort of.
posted by milovoo at 1:14 PM on September 6, 2006

I struggle with pornography

Once you chloroform it and use plenty of lube, no struggle at all.

Oh you said pornography, not kittens. My bad. Do I need to confess now?
posted by lalochezia at 1:15 PM on September 6, 2006

Everyone knows God does not forgive you unless you kneel in that little box in the church and confess to a bona fide priest. It doesn't work if you do it on the internet.




.. and people make fun of Scientologists....
posted by wfc123 at 1:31 PM on September 6, 2006

CaveCanum can be good.
posted by look busy at 2:09 PM on September 6, 2006

Wow, could these be any more dramatic?

"One page turn into a magazine was all it took in middle school for me to become addicted to pornography. Since then I've not been able to stop lusting after these images."

I like porn too. Do these people stop to think that maybe if they stopped dwelling on the subject and feeling guilty about it it wouldn't be such a big deal?
posted by kableh at 3:18 PM on September 6, 2006

When I am reading MetaFilter, I imagine you naked.

No wonder you are distressed.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 3:32 PM on September 6, 2006

Greeings fellow heirs of the kingdom of God. I am addicted to pain killers. I am a Minister of Music.
God, I just want to write a song based on that line. Inspiration comes from the least likely sources I guess
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 3:33 PM on September 6, 2006

I have a hard time not looking at my girlfriend's anatomy. Not that we sleep together or that she intentionally exposes it before me, but I stare and imagine her naked all the time. I want to overcome this before our relationship goes any further.

Poor girl.
posted by delmoi at 3:39 PM on September 6, 2006

"If I ever want to binge on porn, I don't have to go online or to an adult bookstore, I just close my eyes!"

Show-off.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 5:34 PM on September 6, 2006

My husband's secret became my secret almost three years ago. On a Thursday night, God compelled him to confess his 10 year pornography addiction to me. I was devastated. Not devastated like people mean when they don't make the cheerleading squad. Devastated like Hiroshima.

These people sure have a good sense of perspective.
posted by piratebowling at 6:19 PM on September 6, 2006 [2 favorites has favorites]

how is it that most of humanity isn't eaten by bears?
posted by ab3 at 6:30 PM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

how is it that most of humanity isn't eaten by bears?

Sympathy on the part of the bears, no doubt.
posted by chudmonkey at 6:51 PM on September 6, 2006

MetaFilter: I imagine you naked.

(and you have such lovely blue skin, like a Hindu god)
posted by Sparx at 7:19 PM on September 6, 2006

S/he who imagines me naked better have good gag control, or at least a strong stomach.
posted by davy at 8:18 PM on September 6, 2006

I imagine all of you naked at your computers.


However, in my imagination your heads are attached to exact copies of my own body, so there's no need for anyone to feel uncomfortable or weird.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:30 PM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Bah. So said the ex-christian. Holy CRAP!
posted by WaterSprite at 8:45 PM on September 6, 2006

I liked Ted Rall's The Worst Thing I've Ever Done for guilty admissions.
posted by JDC8 at 9:12 PM on September 6, 2006

I am a woman who lusts after men and women. I'm in a serious relationship with a child.

I marked this one for Best in Show until I realized she is in a relationship and has a child and is not in a relationship with a child. doh.
posted by RobertFrost at 9:47 PM on September 6, 2006

I hope I don't give you a complex.

Come a little closer and you can get a simplex.
posted by fleacircus at 10:44 PM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Sometimes, late at night, I read Metafilter.
posted by A dead Quaker at 11:52 PM on September 6, 2006

I imagine all of you naked at your computers.

I am naked at my computer.
posted by lovecrafty at 1:29 AM on September 7, 2006

Meh. Gillian Wearing's video works Confess All On Video. Don't Worry You Will Be in Disguise. Intrigued? Call Gillian Version 1 & Version 2 featured far better confessions:

A young man describes his sexual fantasies through the mouth of a middle-aged man sitting opposite the interviewer who disappears slowly from the shot as the man overcomes his barriers. A naked midget, with a child’s voice, scolds his lesbian mother and finally closes the door of his bathroom.

(source)

"Confess all… was different from the religious context because people felt they just had to confess anything, so they could have made it up," Wearing told curator Donna De Salvo in 1999. "They all wanted to wear a mask, none of them wanted to be revealed. People wanted to exhibit some emotion, but not be identified." The video detailed several people making clean breasts of actions that ranged from petty revenge activities to sexual fantasies.

The speakers all wore crude disguises: shoddy wigs, latex masks of famous politicians and facial features distorted with the use of Sellotape bandages. As portrayals, they tottered on an edge between pathos and bathos and one knew that Wearing’s video was going to access a dark humor.

"The last person who talked about his problems with his sexuality when he was 16 was a middle-management type. He had money, he didn’t need to be an exhibitionist," Wearing continued. "He was seeing a psychiatrist at the time, but he came to me, as he says himself in the video, as part of the therapeutic process … It was definitely a form of exorcism. Therapists know your identity because they see your face, whereas he and I were never going to set eyes on each other again."

(source, page 2.)

Unfortunately, I can't find a transcript of the video.
posted by infravires at 5:47 AM on September 7, 2006

I'm naked at my computer and sitting on the john. How about that? (Yay for laptops and wifi)

Also:

MetaFilter: Devastated Like Hiroshima
posted by jammer at 6:14 AM on September 7, 2006

I imagine all of you naked at your computers.

I am naked at my computer.

Me too. I'm naked at your computer. You really need to get new locks.
posted by jonmc at 6:21 AM on September 7, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]