Jesus as Rabbi

September 6, 2006 11:29 AM

Jesus as Rabbi paintings were found unacceptable because the interpretation is controversial; but perhaps these images of our Lord would be as offensive to others?
posted by Mur (50 comments total)

posted by riotgrrl69 at 11:34 AM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Jesus really seems to be looking forward to some pie.
posted by jonmc at 11:37 AM on September 6, 2006

I wish I could see what she painted.
posted by owhydididoit at 11:41 AM on September 6, 2006

Insurance? [snort] That's Satan in disguise, methinks.
posted by CynicalKnight at 11:41 AM on September 6, 2006

You'd think Jesus would be supportive of the person buying the insurance policy.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:42 AM on September 6, 2006

Jesus really seems to be looking forward to some pie.

Who took my pie?
posted by jefgodesky at 11:43 AM on September 6, 2006

Is the hospital displaying these other pictures of Jesus that you link to? If not, then this post doesn't seem to make any sense whatsoever.

A Lutheran hospital isn't keen to display depictions of Jesus participating in Jewish ceremonies: where's the controversy? I doubt a Jewish hospital would be willing to display pictures of Abraham that highlighted his connections to Islam.
posted by wabashbdw at 11:46 AM on September 6, 2006

Everyone's fingers are all inhumanly creepy in the image that CynicalKnight posted... brrrr!
posted by hermitosis at 11:48 AM on September 6, 2006

A hospital is a place for healing, not for starting controversy.
posted by caddis at 11:50 AM on September 6, 2006

Jesus: "15 25 12 53 7 66 62 63 68 99!"
Teller: "Goddamn it! Stop that! I keep losing count! Jesus H Christ!"
posted by NoMich at 11:51 AM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Xtians don't like their bloody jesus death porn having to compete with the wimpy helpful jesus.
posted by 2sheets at 11:51 AM on September 6, 2006

posted by quonsar at 11:54 AM on September 6, 2006

I find voyeur Jesus to be a little creepy.
posted by graventy at 12:00 PM on September 6, 2006

Man, Jesus really needs to just back off. How am I supposed to concentrate on my welding with Nature Boy hovering around and pawing my shoulders? Boundries, Christ!
posted by maryh at 12:11 PM on September 6, 2006

Eight year olds, Dude.
posted by NationalKato at 12:20 PM on September 6, 2006

Rabbi Jesus is watching you recuperate.
posted by gigawhat? at 12:23 PM on September 6, 2006

Clown: "Come to me, little girl."
Jesus: "No, little girl, come to me."
Clown: "You can honk my nose."
Jesus: "Damn it, kid, I died for you."
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 12:26 PM on September 6, 2006

Jesus needs more fiber.
posted by NationalKato at 12:29 PM on September 6, 2006

I just got back from Peru, where I saw two giant paintings of The Last Supper (not my photo) with cuy (guinea pig) as the main dish.

That Jesus, he holds up just great in any old setting.
posted by gurple at 12:34 PM on September 6, 2006

Jesus is going to smash his fucking fist right down the bell of that fucking horn if you don't shut the fuck up!
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:37 PM on September 6, 2006

You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
posted by Mister_A at 12:40 PM on September 6, 2006

Jesus: Huh! Who's that supposed to be? Saddam?"
Artist (seethes): "Bruno Kirby. Like I told you 2 freaking minutes ago."
Jesus: "Huh! Looks more like Saddam to me. I know a guy who does this stuff on computers. How come you're not doin' it on a computer?"
Artist: "Back off, Jesus...."
posted by maryh at 12:49 PM on September 6, 2006

Jesus: "Uh, I don't think the problem's in his mouth; I think it's related to his OBSCENELY LARGE HAND!"
posted by Turtles all the way down at 12:58 PM on September 6, 2006

Jesus: I'm here to save you.
Ozzy: Fuck off.
Jesus: Seriously. It's me, Jesus of Nazareth.
Ozzy: Fuck off.
Jesus: I know you don't mean that, my son.
Ozzy: Fuck off.
Jesus: Come to me.
Ozzy: Fuck off.
Jesus: Since I'm here, can I sing harmony on Crazy Train?
posted by turducken at 1:06 PM on September 6, 2006

ObIzzard:

But they went down to get the Moslems out, the Islamic people out of Jerusalem, I believe it was that. And they were hacking into them, "I kill you! I kill you in the name of Jesus." But the Moslem people, "No! Jesus is a prophet in our religion. We kill you in the name of Jesus." "Do you? I didn't know that. Jesus in your… oh right! Well, I kill you for your dark skin, for Jesus was a white man from Oxford." "No he wasn't! He bloody was not! He was from Judea, dark-skinned man, such as we." "Really? Look, we've come all this way… Would you mind awfully if we hacked you to pieces? Just for the press back home."

posted by PontifexPrimus at 1:15 PM on September 6, 2006

What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus.
posted by Mister_A at 1:16 PM on September 6, 2006

You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!
posted by Mister_A at 1:21 PM on September 6, 2006

Oh, and:
Jesus: Yes, they took your stapler. Your pretty red stapler. So what are you going to do now?
Milton: ...burn the b-b-building down...
posted by PontifexPrimus at 1:22 PM on September 6, 2006

posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:29 PM on September 6, 2006

Jesus: "Shit lady, I don't know. Have you tried hitting control, alt, delete yet?"
Secretary: "Control, alt, what?"
Jesus: "I can't believe that y'all are still using WordStar. That's what I used back in college."
posted by NoMich at 1:33 PM on September 6, 2006

I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead.
posted by basicchannel at 1:34 PM on September 6, 2006

Damn you Mister_A. :(
posted by basicchannel at 1:35 PM on September 6, 2006

Yea I think I've covered most of Jesus' good lines ;)
posted by Mister_A at 1:39 PM on September 6, 2006

someone definitely found this before we did
posted by snofoam at 1:48 PM on September 6, 2006

It's nice to see that Jesus has taken a corporate job and become a truly useful member of society.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 1:58 PM on September 6, 2006

What a weird link HFMB! Try again or explain please.
posted by Mister_A at 2:14 PM on September 6, 2006

Laughing Christ, if you'll forgive a slightly Pepsi Blue-tinged link. One of my pastors and I really grooved on the idea of a Jesus who enjoyed a good belly laugh -- it made a nice counterpoint to the Crucifixion.

I've long suspected that if He was truly both fully human and fully divine, He almost certainly had a sense of humor, and it probably would've been on the gentle, humane side. He'd have liked puns and wordplay, being highly literate (a rabbi), and if the 21st chapter of the Gospel of St. John is to be believed, He didn't mind playing a minor practical joke on His disciples in order to make a point.
posted by pax digita at 2:16 PM on September 6, 2006

any chance we could see a picture of the offending painting?
posted by nola at 2:39 PM on September 6, 2006

i looked around for an image of this , but found nothing. why the hell can't one of these news organizations send a guy with a camera to photograph said painting? nothing against you Mur, not your fault . but really wtf is with no pictures of a news story about pictures?
posted by nola at 2:48 PM on September 6, 2006

This image was shot and used as advertisement in 1973 by Oliviero Toscani, a world know photographer also known for his exploitation of whatever was otrageous at the moment. Apparently the image caused an immense outrage in many italians ..including my grandma :) Curiously enough the only explanation of the emotive response was that "it is not proper ! it's scandalous, it is an outrage and distasteful "

So deeply was (and to an extent still is) sexuality affected by fear and prohibition of "impure toughts and behaviors" ; yet few ever questioned the wisdom or the nature of the fear reaction _in public_ except a few brave individuals. The social pressure, the conformity was way way too much to handle, expecially and not surprisingly here in Rome.
posted by elpapacito at 2:54 PM on September 6, 2006

Yes nola, a picture of the paintings would be interesting.

Since no-one knows what Jesus looked like, I must conclude that we only know it to be Jesus in those pictures because the artist said so (or put a plaque on the frame, whatever).

If the artist would only say "Ooops, there's been a mixup down at the atelier - these aren't my Jesus-as-rabbi paintings, these are just paintings of regular rabbis."
Then, presumably, everything would be fine since no-one could object to paintings of rabbis.

Context is a bitch.
posted by spazzm at 2:54 PM on September 6, 2006

Ewww. Jesus looks like one of the bastard hippies that sit in the park on Commercial Drive and play bongos and wear patchouli instead of bathing. Agh! hippies!

"I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about "protectin' the earth" and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!" -Cartman
posted by Zack_Replica at 3:09 PM on September 6, 2006

Jesus has a pretty pimp MySpace profile.
posted by LordSludge at 3:15 PM on September 6, 2006

You can see the paintings in question here.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 3:22 PM on September 6, 2006

Trying to find out the painting - could it be the middle painting on the top row?
Er, what Holy Foxy said.
posted by batgrlHG at 3:26 PM on September 6, 2006

thanks for the links guys. now that i have looked at them i still don't see what the fuss was about. but what do i know, i'm just a carpenter. well really a drywaller but . . .
posted by nola at 3:35 PM on September 6, 2006

In "the middle painting on the top row" his head is covered, which as we know from the Bible is not correct: "Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head." (1 Corinthians 11:4.) It's also ludicrous that Christian artists keep picturing Jesus with long hair, as verse 14 of the same rant says "if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him." Would Paul preach such things if they contradicted and insulted the very image of The LORD?
posted by davy at 6:30 PM on September 6, 2006

well since paul only met jesus in a vision some time after christ had risen to heaven, and not in person, maybe jesus had gotten a hair cut.
posted by nola at 8:37 PM on September 6, 2006

The "always with you" pictures are a little creepy, but the interpretation links were great. If all the articles on "religion-online" site are that good, I have a lot of reading ahead of me.
Thanks!
posted by feersum endjinn at 1:37 PM on September 7, 2006

You have a lot of reading ahead of you, religion-online is incredible!
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:40 PM on September 7, 2006