Paranoiac Party Time!

September 10, 2006 6:11 PM

Slate's ongoing "Survivalist" series lays out the steps that you can take to prepare for the disasters threatening to snuff out civilization in general (and, apparently, New York City in particular). Find out how to survive nuclear terrorism, an earthquake, a skyscraper collapse, an electronic apocalypse, and global warming.
posted by Iridic (21 comments total)

I went straight to the earthquake article (living in Japan and all) and while the article itself didn't offer much information new to me, some of the links within the article had a few suggestions I hadn't already heard. Those of you on the Pacific Rim, take note! Be prepared! Thanks for the post!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:40 PM on September 10, 2006

How would I survive everybody ignoring my asinine comments on Metafilter?
posted by davy at 6:40 PM on September 10, 2006

Time to get a gun / That's what I been thinkin' / I could afford one / if I did just a little less driiiiinkin'!
-- Fred Eaglesmith
posted by salvia at 6:51 PM on September 10, 2006

Cool. I never check Slate on a regular basis, but I'm usually entertained/impressed whenever I do. Thanks for posting this.
posted by Telf at 7:03 PM on September 10, 2006

The advent of so much disaster-porn these days -- I'm thinking also of the two or three series cut from similar cloth on Discovery channel, and Les Stroud (Survivorman)'s new urban disaster-prep shows -- is interesting from a cultural perspective. Packaged catharsis for free-floating fear, I guess.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:18 PM on September 10, 2006

On the survival guide for global warning, he mentions buying property inland, or in northern areas... So how come nobody's doing this? How come rich people are still building houses on the waterfront in Naples, Florida? How come movie stars still have houses in Malibu? Why isn't Donald Trump basically buying up Wisconsin? North Dakota? They're pretty cheap now, compared to what they'll be worth twenty to thirty years down the line, don't you think? I mean, why aren't we all migrating to Canada?
posted by Faze at 7:58 PM on September 10, 2006

Faze:

I'm guessing because people want their investments to gain money in their own lifetimes, and aren't too worried about investing on a long shot that might benefit their kids.
Also, much of America is in denial over global warming, and much of the rest are under the impression there are "two sides" to the "debate". :)
posted by -harlequin- at 8:02 PM on September 10, 2006

Dammit Faze! You're on to me.

Growing up in Alberta, I never feared global warming - I had plans of buying up vast tracts of land for my grandkids' banana plantations!!! (That or Kiwi fruit - mmmm....)
posted by jkaczor at 9:05 PM on September 10, 2006

Is Ted Turner still raising buffalo in Montana? Is the invasion by Hollywood types still going on? Will the Rockies keep Montana safe and dry when Washington, Oregon and California are under water? Will there be beach property in Denver?
posted by Cranberry at 9:23 PM on September 10, 2006

he mentions buying property inland, or in northern areas... So how come nobody's doing this? How come rich people are still building houses on the waterfront in Naples, Florida?

Because while global warming is real, most of the hard core doomsayers are the ones really full of hot air. There's a huge difference between "my beachfront property is 10 feet east of where it used to be" and "holy shit, the entire state is underwater." Oh, and this all happens 50 to 100 years from now.
posted by frogan at 9:30 PM on September 10, 2006

No preparations for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

Sigh. You'll all learn...
posted by Samizdata at 1:12 AM on September 11, 2006

No preparations for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

*waits for Astro's comment*
posted by flapjax at midnite at 1:30 AM on September 11, 2006

No preparations for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.
Samizdata
Not so, my friend!
posted by Sangermaine at 2:10 AM on September 11, 2006

I was surprised by the obvious lessons they skipped:
In a fire - go down by any means possible

many people in the WTC could have survived if they had gone down through the smoke and heat instead of up to the roof. In the Alps a tram tunnel fire killed everyone who went uphill away from the tram but those who went down through the smoke and fire lived. Shelter in place is an absolute last resort.

Don't trust other people's reports - see for yourself.

I remember reading that two men who made it down from above a point impact in WTC were told the route they took was impassable. It wasn't. It was just difficult.


Ignore assurances that everything is OK.

It is much better to err on the side of caution and be safely outside a building and feeling foolish than it is to be inside and feeling fire. At the very least you will have done a fire drill and will know if your evacuation technique needs more work. Besides, do you really trust the lobby security guard who is only looking at the flashing leds of a control panel with your life?



I am a big fan of the little keychain flashlight and I carry my leatherman juice wherever I can. They haven't proven to be lifesavers yet but they have earned their keep many times over simply as conveniences.

I would ignore the bottled wattle advice because of the inconvenience - the containers are a good idea but i would add a simple water purification system available at any camping store. I would also add a camping stove.
posted by srboisvert at 2:24 AM on September 11, 2006

Is Ted Turner still raising buffalo in Montana?

I don't know what Ted's state of affairs are in Montana, but I do know that he is the single largest private landholder in the state of Nebraska. And yes, he's raising Buffalo on the land.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:45 AM on September 11, 2006

Also, from the Surviving Nuclear Terrorism article:

A blinding flash of light will bathe the area, burning the retinas of all looking directly into it. (Permanent blindness for some; temporary for others.)

This is not entirely true. If you're looking at the flash behind a car windshield, for example, or out the windows of a building, you'll be fine. IIRC, it's the light in the ultraviolet wavelength that does the physical, long-term damage to the eyes, and this would be absorbed by the glass. If you were outside, however, it's a different story.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:54 AM on September 11, 2006

I have a (possibly unhealthy) fascination with post-apocalyptic paranoia of all kinds, so I will have to check this out.

I remember another good rule of thumb for surviving $DISASTER, "If you hear a freight train, run uphill." Turns out to be good advice for everything from tsunamis to lahars.

So I guess the ultimate rule to keep us safe from everything is trains up, fire down? Wait, that doesn't cover zombies or coups d'état..

Back to the drawing board then.
posted by Skorgu at 5:00 AM on September 11, 2006

one of the main reasons i got laser eye surgery is because i've been terrified of being that dude with the books at the end of that twilight zone episode since i was a kid. (my vision was REALLY bad)

i also don't like wearing sandals because if i need to spring into action they won't let me kick as much ass as if i was rockin some sneakers.
posted by teishu at 7:23 AM on September 11, 2006

Pay attention. Don’t panic. Observe, then act - covers about 99.9% of what you might run into. For zombies, just get a tough bike. Ooh, and a crowbar.
posted by Smedleyman at 7:32 AM on September 11, 2006

I can't wait until 2050 or so, with any luck all of this millenniarian doom will wear off and we can get on with our lives.
posted by darukaru at 7:39 AM on September 11, 2006

/also, wear a cup. Even if you're a girl.
posted by Smedleyman at 5:08 PM on September 11, 2006