Comments on: In the beginning there was the Computer.

In the beginning there was the Computer.

moonshine — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:03:59 -0800

And God said
"C:\>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH"

Oops.

By: bonaldi

bonaldi — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:06:13 -0800

Well that was written by someone who has hardly used a command line.

By: bonaldi

bonaldi — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:07:36 -0800

compare

By: NinjaTadpole

NinjaTadpole — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:09:48 -0800

Both examples equally uproarious.

By: riotgrrl69

riotgrrl69 — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:23:14 -0800

This is closer to funny. But they seem to have got rid of the Noah story which is the best bit.

By: riotgrrl69

riotgrrl69 — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:23:45 -0800

Humanity has left IRC (Excess flood)

By: riotgrrl69

riotgrrl69 — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:24:16 -0800

oh. the link vanished. it is here.

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:24:49 -0800

"Well that was written by someone who has hardly used a command line." posted by bonaldi at 9:06 AM AEST on September 25 Indeed.

By: furtive

furtive — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:26:43 -0800

Save some time and just view the source.

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:29:53 -0800

Since it takes forever to s l o w l y d i s p l a y a trite and pointless story, you can use view source to get it over with more quickly.

By: c:\awesome

c:\awesome — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:31:14 -0800

I am not amused.

By: Artw

Artw — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:31:49 -0800

This is so unfunny that I suspect it was created by Christians.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:40:21 -0800

So it's true that in the beginning there was the command line.

By: phrontist

phrontist — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:45:02 -0800

This makes no sense. I too suspect a christian hand.

By: jam_pony

jam_pony — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 15:52:09 -0800

This would be the protestant god, according to Umberto Eco.

By: jam_pony

jam_pony — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 16:05:15 -0800

The Unix god would get a better result with a 3-line script and go back to his other inscrutable shell.

By: moonbiter

moonbiter — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 16:07:20 -0800

Oh jesus, thank you furtive. That was taking forever.

By: localhuman

localhuman — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 16:12:08 -0800

while i might suspect a christian at work here, i found this link quite enjoyable. throughout history, creation stories have been made by humans in order to explain that nagging existential question: why do we exist? the athenians had their myths with titans and gods appearing from static, the christians their garden, the scientists their big bang. the absurdity of the explanations of athenians, christians, or scientists is demonstrative of any creation story, and indeed any idea which tries to explain something comin from nothing. personally i have no idea how something came from nothing, and do not suspect how i ever will comprehend this feat the universe has achieved. my props to the universe. regardless, i have always found creation stories to be incredibly interesting because a: its always funny, and b: it tells you a lot about the people who created the creation story. maybe we should all tell our own. it was fun and also other things to see the one linked to here. i'd be interested to know what story other users might tell... email me

By: loquacious

loquacious — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 16:13:40 -0800

"You have exceeded your allocated file space." I knew it. Hey, God? Let's see you divide by zero!

By: delmoi

delmoi — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 16:23:53 -0800

_{_{"In the beginning there was the Computer.",
"And God said",
"C:\>LET THERE BE LIGHT!",
"Enter user-id.",
"C:\>GOD",
"Enter password.",
"C:\>OMNISCIENT",
"Password incorrect. Try again.",
"C:\>OMNIPOTENT",
"Password incorrect. Try again.",
"C:\>TECHNOCRAT",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 1.",
"C:\>LET THERE BE LIGHT!",
"Unrecognisable command. Try again.",
"C:\>CREATE LIGHT",
"Done",
"C:\>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"And God created Day and Night. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:01:00, day 1.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 2.",
"C:\>LET THERE BE FIRMAMENT IN THE MIDST OF WATER AND LIGHT",
"Unrecognisable command. Try again..",
"C:\>CREATE FIRMAMENT",
"Done.",
"C:\>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"And God divided the waters. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 2.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 3.",
"C:\>LET THE WATERS UNDER HEAVEN BE GATHERED TOGETHER UNTO ONE PLACE AND LET THE DRY LAND APPEAR",
"Too many characters in specification string. Try again.",
"C:\>CREATE DRY_LAND",
"Done.",
"C:\>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"C:\>LET THE EARTH PRODUCE FRESH GROWTH, LET THERE BE ON THE EARTH PLANTS",
"Too many characters in specification string. Try again.",
"C:\>CREATE PLANTS",
"C:\>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"So it was; the Earth yielded fresh growth, plants bearing seed. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 3.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 4.",
"C:\>CREATE LIGHTS IN THE FIRMAMENT TO DIVIDE THE DAY FROM THE NIGHT",
"Unspecified type. Try again.",
"C:\>CREATE SUN_MOON_STARS",
"Done",
"C:\>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"These lights governed day and night and separated light from darkness. And God saw there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 4.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 5.",
"C:\>CREATE FISH",
"Done",
"C:\>CREATE FOWL",
"Done",
"C:\>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 5.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 6.",
"C:\>CREATE CATTLE",
"Done",
"C:\>CREATE CREEPY_THINGS",
"Done",
"C:\>RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"C:\>NOW LET US MAKE MAN IN OUR IMAGE",
"Unspecified type. Try again.",
"C:\>CREATE MAN",
"Done",
"C:\>BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY AND REPLENISH THE EARTH AND SUBDUE IT AND HAVE DOMINION OVER THE FISH OF THE SEA AND OVER THE FOWL OF THE AIR AND OVER EVERY LIVING THING THAT CREEPETH UPON THE EARTH",
"Too many command operands. Try again.",
"C:\>RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 6 errors.",
"C:\>INSERT BREATH",
"Done",
"C:\>RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 5 errors.",
"C:\>MOVE MAN TO GARDEN OF EDEN",
"File Garden of Eden does not exist.",
"C:\>CREATE GARDEN.EDN",
"Done",
"C:\>MOVE MAN TO GARDEN.EDN",
"Done",
"C:\>RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 4 errors.",
"C:\>COPY WOMAN FROM MAN",
"Done",
"C:\>RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 3 errors.",
"C:\>CREATE DESIRE",
"Done",
"C:\>RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 2 errors.",
"C:\>CREATE FREEWILL",
"Done",
"C:\>RUN FREEWILL",
"And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn",
"Warning: No time limit set. 1 errors.",
"C:\>UNDO DESIRE",
"Desire cannot be undone. File may be in use by Freewill.",
"C:\>DELETE FREEWILL",
"Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.",
"Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.",
"C:\>HELP",
"Desire cannot be undone. File may be in use by Freewill.",
"Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"Try again",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"cancel",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"quit",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"C:\>CREATE TREE_OF_KNOWLEDGE",
"And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn",
"Warning: No time limit set. 1 errors.",
"C:\>CREATE GOOD, EVIL",
"Done",
"C:\>ACTIVATE EVIL",
"And God saw he had created shame.",
"Warning system error. Missing or corrupt file: Man and Woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.",
"C:\>SCAN GARDEN.EDN FOR MAN, WOMAN",
"Search failed.",
"C:\>DELETE SHAME",
"Shame cannot be deleted. File may be in use by Freewill.",
"C:\>DELETE FREEWILL",
"Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.",
"Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.",
"C:\>STOP",
"Unrecognizable command. Try again",
"C:\>BREAK",
"C:\>BREAK",
"C:\>BREAK",
"ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR MAINTENANCE IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.",
"C:\>CREATE NEW WORLD",
"You have exceeded your allocated file space.",
"You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.",
"C:\>DESTROY EARTH",
"Destroy earth: Please confirm.",
"COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN.",
"SERVICES WILL RESUME day 8 AT 00:00:00",
"YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.",
"And God logged off at 23:59:59, day 6.",
" ",
"And God rested."}}

By: exlotuseater

exlotuseater — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 16:27:35 -0800

More like Zork than command-line execution. >Go west. You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike.

By: soundofsuburbia

soundofsuburbia — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:11:22 -0800

You are likely to be eaten by Esau.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:11:29 -0800

>Go John 3:16 It is dark here. You are most likely eating binder's glue.

By: riotgrrl69

riotgrrl69 — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:12:07 -0800

the athenians had their myths with titans and gods appearing from static, the christians their garden, the scientists their big bang. The big bang is not an attempt to explain why we exist, or why there is something rather than nothing. It's an explanation of why the universe is expanding.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:12:37 -0800

Damn you soundofsuburbia. I knew I shouldn't have slept through bible seminary.

By: odasaku

odasaku — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:19:54 -0800

"Well that was written by someone who has hardly used a command line." Kids these days don't know their MS-DOS from their MSG... pssh... KIDS....

By: NationalKato

NationalKato — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:34:11 -0800

I have God's password.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:36:09 -0800

Surely if God is omnipotent he wouldn't be stuck with a DOS prompt. God would use BASH, or at least sh (as 'root', of course).

By: unmake

unmake — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:50:41 -0800

> % "How would you rate Bush's incompetence? > Unmatched ". ...25/Jan/1995

By: khaibit

khaibit — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:05:25 -0800

Here's the original when it was just a UNIX joke

By: eriko

eriko — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:31:32 -0800

God would use BASH, or at least sh (as 'root', of course). God uses csh. Satan uses ksh. This is why Satan is winning. # cd ~/pub ; more beer # unzip ; strip ; touch ; grep ; finger ; mount ; fsck ; more ; yes ; umount ; done; sleep

By: clevershark

clevershark — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:33:14 -0800

But the eternal question is: does God use vi or emacs?

By: quin

quin — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:35:53 -0800

Thanks khaibit, I knew this was really old. I'm pretty sure I read this eight or ten years ago. Damn funny, but not new.

By: moonbird

moonbird — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:38:40 -0800

Cthulhu does not use command line. HE HACKS INTO THE SYSTEM, CONSUMES YOUR PRECIOUS FIREWALL WITH HIS DARK AND SWARTHY TENTACLES AND EATS YOUR SOUL.

By: eriko

eriko — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:48:42 -0800

But the eternal question is: does God use vi or emacs? TECO.

By: davy

davy — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 20:24:52 -0800

FPPs like this are why I desire Meatflitter carnally. And who cares how old the doohickey is when I've never seen it before? And by the way, davy likes Nano.

By: casarkos

casarkos — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 21:25:49 -0800

I would think the correct filename would be Eden.gdn, but eh.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 21:51:50 -0800

Cthulhu does not use command line. HE HACKS INTO THE SYSTEM, CONSUMES YOUR PRECIOUS FIREWALL WITH HIS DARK AND SWARTHY TENTACLES AND EATS YOUR SOUL. Cthulhu is then round-house kicked by Chuck Norris.

By: Kudos

Kudos — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 22:00:10 -0800

"meh" for about 8.5 seconds. though an idea was there

By: Hal Mumkin

Hal Mumkin — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 22:06:08 -0800

I hate myself for saying this, but... My God was that ever boring.

By: oxford blue

oxford blue — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 22:23:40 -0800

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 23:16:12 -0800

It was OK, but really the only great part was "And he saw there were 0 errors" instead of "And it was good."

By: darkstar

darkstar — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 23:54:52 -0800

agreed, blf

By: MrMustard

MrMustard — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 05:55:05 -0800

I kind of liked it.

By: talitha

talitha — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 06:16:51 -0800

I have God's password. posted by NationalKato Ah, but do you have a computer that can connect to his network? BEEP - you have prayers

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 09:38:31 -0800

What I don't get is why God logs off - what dies the bug guy do in his downtime? Presumably he's up for the marathon keyboard session of doing the entire thing at once.

By: quin

quin — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 09:50:07 -0800

Date: Sat, Mar 22 1997 12:00 am So, nine years. And better as a flat file, I must say. That terminal idea is clever but waaay to slow. C:\Insert man into woman ASCII porn.