Comments on: confusing refuge

confusing refuge

four panels — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 15:25:47 -0800

Male Restroom Etiquette. For the public restroom inclined.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 15:36:58 -0800

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I've been enuring a long layoff-related drama at my job (short version: they laid me off three months ago but keep pushing the separation date back, so we know they don't want us but they wont let us leave.) The perpetrator of the layoffs, a dot-com gazillionaire who wears an asinine Indiana Jones hat on his bald dome and who's myspace page identifies him as a 'bisexual swinger,' cornered me in the elevator to look deeply into my eyes and say that 'uncertainty is very disarming.' He also like to talk to me at the urinal whenever we happen to be there at the same time. My simple rule is this: if I've had sex with you or you're a longstanding drinking buddy, we can conversate as we micturate, otherwise pee time is me time.

By: furtive

furtive — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 15:47:44 -0800

They lost me as soon as they said only 3/5 urinals could be used. IN THEORY you should be able to support more than one person on each urinal. Still no peaking or crossing streams though.

By: four panels

four panels — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 15:50:38 -0800

You have to watch the whole thing.

By: Citizen Premier

Citizen Premier — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 15:51:23 -0800

I'm sure this is a repost, where the original was a flash regular style animation. Looks like somebody with time on their hands simply redid it with the sims, just as "the internet is for porn" was redone for some reason with warcraft characters, as if that somehow made it better (the puppets were already perfect).

By: bonaldi

bonaldi — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 15:59:35 -0800

I've seen this in flash, and it was so dull I'm not going to bother with this one. I didn't know abuot the puppets, Citizen Premier, but the warcraft internet is for porn was utterly genius.

By: soundofsuburbia

soundofsuburbia — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:08:27 -0800

Nicely done. But now do one on female restroom etiquette, cos they like go two and two and wazzup with dat amirite hay guys lol

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:10:42 -0800

cos they like go two and two that's cause they're having wild lesbian sex in there. sorry you had to find out this way, dude.

By: soundofsuburbia

soundofsuburbia — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:13:27 -0800

Is that so? Well then, bring forth the italics: now do one on female restroom etiquette.

By: Phantomx

Phantomx — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:13:54 -0800

I'm still gonna chat with some friends while pissing if I decide to. It's not like I sit there after I'm done just holding it until our conversation is done. Also 3/5? All the rest of the videos break that very rule.

By: onlyconnect

onlyconnect — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:15:17 -0800

The center stall in our women's room is almost always the first to be occupied. Noone wants the first stall, which is the least private, or the last which is the huge handicapped stall.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:16:46 -0800

"They struck up a conversation about Linux, and lost all track of time."

By: armoured-ant

armoured-ant — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:23:07 -0800

I've always held the belief - nay, the knowledge - that the best and most accurate way to calculate the halfway mark between two points is by placing urinals at regular intervals between them, then seeing which one the third guy pees in.

By: tracicle

tracicle — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:27:25 -0800

Female restroom etiquette from Everything2.

By: BeerFilter

BeerFilter — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:28:51 -0800

Indeed, bonaldi, Tony-award winning genius. Too bad they hardly ever get credit for it on teh interwebs. Instead, millions think some WoW players came up with it. (Sorry, this is a pet peeve of mine. I'll go.)

By: kosher_jenny

kosher_jenny — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:33:31 -0800

Previously on Askme

By: sourmike

sourmike — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 17:30:12 -0800

This brings back horrible memories. At my last job, the CEO was also a bathroom talker. As someone who likes to keep to himself while at the urinal, I would cringe whenever he walked in and started firing questions at me.

By: CynicalKnight

CynicalKnight — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 17:42:33 -0800

On the contrary, the huge handicapped stall is the best one. Crippled dudes hafta wait while I stretch out and read the Globe and Mail on the Blackberry.

By: kfx

kfx — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 17:43:21 -0800

I have recently been showering at some nearby gym facilities, and of course changing-room etiquette is even more complicated than bathroom etiquette (well, not really - it boils down to, don't look at people's junk and don't make people look at your junk). However, anyone that's been to a changing room knows protocol violations are rife. Last week, though, I saw the most flagrant violation of masculine code of conduct ever penned. A guy walked out of the shower naked (he's one of the old guys you all know about), walked into the public bathroom, and took a piss. A piss. Totally naked. He finishes up and just turns around, dripping cock and all. There was a brief yet palpable cloud of discomfort in the room.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 17:53:21 -0800

kfx: it's the locker room, nudity's ok there as is the occasional throwing of feces at the walls.

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 17:56:56 -0800

Someone please explain to me the acceptable rules for pissing in my neighbor's shop where he works on his Harley. The urinal consisted of a funnel attached to a hose that went outside the wall. Was two at the funnel ok? Was it ok if you peed a bit on the fridge next to the hole in the wall (as long as you didn't get anything on the beer cans)? What a bunch of whimps... If you ain't peeing on the next guy's shoes, there's room for one more... damn, ya'll should be wearing dresses!

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 18:00:56 -0800

damn, ya'll should be wearing dresses! well, we could just flip the skirt up and pee rather than fiddling with button-flys...but I really don't have the legs to carry it off.

By: elpapacito

elpapacito — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 18:01:05 -0800

HuronBob writes "damn, ya'll should be wearing dresses!" Uhm you sure your big boy harley owner friend didn't set up the funnel to admire your tubes ?

By: moonbird

moonbird — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 18:04:13 -0800

butt pudding?

By: mhh5

mhh5 — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 18:08:48 -0800

This subject has been covered before, but I'll plug the International Center for Bathroom Etiquette yet again...

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 18:13:25 -0800

Was two at the funnel ok? true story: I was once out with a few friends at a crowded pool hall/bar. At the next table, was a suave motherfucker wearing a t-shirt reading 'I Fuck On The First Date.' Several beers later, I was behind him in the long line for the men's room. He saw me squirming, so when his turn came he said, "share the bowl?" "Not while you're wearing that shirt, dude."

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 18:22:50 -0800

What a bunch of whimps... If you ain't peeing on the next guy's shoes, there's room for one more... I was invited to lunch at the House of Lords dining rooms recently, and while I was there, I took the opportunity to take a piss. The bathrooms were completely deserted, so I didn't get the opportunity to check out the size of Black Rod's pink rod. What impressed me though, was the fact that all along floor at the urinals was a strip of glass some eight inches high that had the function of preventing splashback. I guess there's nothing worse than cleaning the piss stains out of your ermine robes...

By: fet

fet — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 18:59:35 -0800

Nowhere near as good as the original, the Kiwi Bloke's guide to taking a leak.

By: crowman

crowman — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 22:48:20 -0800

Bah. Take a urinal as remote as possible. If there's no choice go where you can. You're looking for the shortest elapsed time to emptying your bladder and refilling it with more beer, no? If some clown's homophobia is standing between me and my next beer that's his problem. Yes, chatting is problematic. I find it can reduce stress, if it's pithy and topical. Slagging the band or making fun of rude or overly drunk bathroom users are good examples. Keep it short and to the point. A couple of other things... anybody else tired of dudes sidling up to the next urinal and doing over-the-top hetero things like working up a big gob and spitting into the urinal as if to say "Ha, no fag would do that, huh?" Finally, the real objective seems to be to get whizzing quickly to prove you're not a little wieny with stage fright. The trick is to make a lot of splash or hit the pool in the bottom so everyone can hear you going. All's well here fellas!

By: tsarfan

tsarfan — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 23:46:44 -0800

although it has its flaws, im totally fine with it however it could have used a good editor. the second half was mighty drawn out. plus they should have explained Why you dont flush an unflushed stall-toilet - because its probably clogged and will overflow. learned that at the Bears game a few sundays ago - a bathroom that broke all the rules in this video since it was nearly halftime and all the men suddenly started singing and chanting "Da Bears" "Dit-ka" etc.

By: dreamsign

dreamsign — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 01:57:21 -0800

However, anyone that's been to a changing room knows protocol violations are rife. My fave, if that's the right word, had to be the guy who kept washing himself in the sink. Head to toe naked, using the hand soap and handfulls of water, getting it all over the bathroom floor on the way to the changeroom from the pool, showers a stone's throw away. Always there. Actually, that whole gym demanded a practice of keeping your eyes severely squinted so you could take note of these things, the better to avoid them, yet not see too clearly just what the hell was actually going on.

By: verisimilitude

verisimilitude — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 04:08:47 -0800

However, anyone that's been to a changing room knows protocol violations are rife. Here's the horror I witnessed recently: totally naked guy standing in front of a full length mirror attempting to dry his vast being with an electric hair dryer. Ok, so you're forced to improvise because you've forgotten your towel, but dont cock your leg up like a labrador and blow dry your arse hair.

By: pax digita

pax digita — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 05:26:22 -0800

Make it a point to whistle while you piss. Take that, Hagbard Celine!

By: hypersloth

hypersloth — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 07:40:05 -0800

The 3/5 thing is crap - if you have to stand next to someone, you just choose the one nearest the door. Taking extra steps to get between two guys is weird. Taking extra steps, period, is weird. Always go for the closest one. Talking is allowed, but only to someone who's doing the same thing. If there's a line, talking to someone else in line is fine. It's not generally wise to talk at the urinal, but as long as it's to someone else who's peeing, and there's no head-turning, it's admissable.

By: dreamsign

dreamsign — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 08:20:38 -0800

It's not generally wise to talk at the urinal, but as long as it's to someone else who's peeing, and there's no head-turning, it's admissable. It's permissible? Or are you saying that I can get those urinal statements into court? :P

By: rusty

rusty — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 11:56:36 -0800

hypersloth: I go the other way -- the rule is always position yourself as far as possible from other guys and then as far from the door, in that order. So in the 3/5 situation, I'd take the one away from the door. The theory is that the door represents a public space, and you want to be as far from public spaces as possible. I don't know. It makes sense to me.

By: Azaadistani

Azaadistani — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 12:15:32 -0800

My office floor, regrettably, has only two urinals side-by-side. I do like the 3/5ths rule and sometimes use the stall when one urinal is occupied or sometimes am too lazy to walk to the stall. And the two urinals don't have dividers between them which is annoying. The 3/5ths rule clearly need not apply if there are dividers. My biggest pet peeve: a trough instead of urinals.

By: lumpenprole

lumpenprole — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 12:29:30 -0800

May I present for you safety and comfort: The Bathroom Safety Guide

By: Secret Life of Gravy

Secret Life of Gravy — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 16:46:29 -0800

My husband wanted me to relate the story of "Dawg," alternately known as "Bro-Man," and occasionally, "Robert." Dawg worked with my husband and was by all accounts a helluva sweet guy but the ultimate Men's Room Mr. Bungle. Exhibit A: As Dave, my husband, is standing at the sink washing his hands, Dawg walks past him and stands at the urinal. As he unzips, he begins to speak in soft, coaxing tones, "Oh come out of there hog-head, come on, let's go now." Dave hears the urine splash accompanied by soft moans of "Oh Hoggie, Hoggie, Hoggie...yeaaahhh." Exhibit B: Again Dave is washing his hands. Behind him, visible in the mirror is a closed door to one of the stalls. From the stall comes the voice of Dawg, "Who's that?" Dave ignores the question having staunch rules about s[eaking to anyone who may be performing an actual body function. He moves over to the urinal, and Dawg-- apparently having detected Dave's footsteps-- cries out, "Dave, is that you?" "Yeah." "Okay." Dave finishes his business at the urinal, moves back to the sink to wash his hands, and hears from the stall, "Dave, is that still you?"