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Slow crow...and other animals
October 2, 2006 6:31 PM   Subscribe

Blood-painting the inside of your car has got to suck. Ever wonder what happens when you hit a moose? Hint: it appears worse to your car than hitting a kangaroo. (warning, if you can't stand the sight of dead animals [even when they look cute in deathly repose], stay away)
posted by Kickstart70 (39 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

That's an odd picture...
posted by Rhomboid at 6:51 PM on October 2, 2006

C-130 versus bald eagle, C-130 wins
posted by growabrain at 6:52 PM on October 2, 2006

I shot a moose, once.
posted by ColdChef at 6:52 PM on October 2, 2006

That deer in the grill didn't die, it was alive, taken to the vet, but needed no care, so it was released.

I saw it today in Fortean Times.
posted by hllclmbr at 7:13 PM on October 2, 2006

I'm surprised the person who hit the moose was ok. I generally think of hitting a moose like hitting a brick wall.
posted by Hactar at 7:21 PM on October 2, 2006

No, hitting a moose is like hitting a brick wall on stilts.
posted by furtive at 7:33 PM on October 2, 2006

The dead moose made me sad.

I suppose I asked for it.
posted by Alex404 at 7:36 PM on October 2, 2006

Wow. This post belongs on Ogrish, or something. Freshly dead mangled or wounded ungulates? Post it to some gross-out site.
posted by longsleeves at 7:59 PM on October 2, 2006

No, hitting a moose is like hitting a brick wall on stilts.

exactly, I don't see any mention on that site that the driver was 'ok' and I seriously doubt thats the case. Having lived in northern Alberta, I've unfortunately seen this many times and the outcome is rarely 'ok' for either the moose or the occupants of the car.
posted by jeffmik at 8:10 PM on October 2, 2006

Yeah, if this was a link to 1000 pictures of car-moose collisions, it would be fp worthy, but as-is, I agree with longsleeves.
posted by Citizen Premier at 8:40 PM on October 2, 2006

Yeah, hitting a moose takes out their legs and then they usually roll-up onto your hood and through your windshield. The crushing and the impaling and the pain and the oh it hurts. (/pseudofrink'd)

When my wife moved up here to Edmonton from Michigan, we drove back through Sault Saint Marie, and from there to Thunder Bay along the shores of Lake Superior. Great drive, except when it got dark, and started to rain, and there were "watch out for moose" signs every 300 feet. Most white-knuckle driving experience ever. I don't know what we were thinking driving in that. :-)
posted by C.Batt at 8:42 PM on October 2, 2006

... watch out for moose" signs every 300 feet
That's nothing - how about this body count.
posted by dg at 9:07 PM on October 2, 2006

Tommy Boy:
Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer?
Richard Hayden: I dunno, the vet?
Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet?
Richard Hayden: Why not? I'd take you to the vet.
Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...
Richard Hayden: Got that?
Tommy: Shut up.

posted by ericb at 9:23 PM on October 2, 2006

it's pretty much a tradition, especially in northern michigan, that the passenger side person in front be the deer spotter ... i've hit them twice ... i've lost count of how many times i've almost hit them ... last time was 1/4 mile from my apartment in the middle of the city

thank god we don't have moose in sw michigan ... that is not something you want to hit
posted by pyramid termite at 9:36 PM on October 2, 2006

by the way that's the first time i've ever seen a crow get hit by a car ... they're usually a lot smarter than that
posted by pyramid termite at 9:37 PM on October 2, 2006

Vincent: Whoa!
Jules: What the fuck's happening, man? Ah, shit man!
Vincent: Oh man, I shot Marvin in the face.
Jules: Why the fuck did you do that!
Vincent: Well, I didn't mean to do it, it was an accident!
Jules: Oh man I've seen some crazy ass shit in my time...
Vincent: Chill out, man. I told you it was an accident. You probably went over a bump or something.
Jules: Hey, the car didn't hit no motherfucking bump.
Vincent: Hey, look man, I didn't mean to shoot the son of a bitch. The gun went off. I don't know why.
Jules: Well look at this fucking mess, man. We're on a city street in broad daylight here!
Vincent: I don't believe it.
Jules: Well believe it now, motherfucker! We gotta get this car off the road! You know cops tend to notice shit like you're driving a car drenched in fucking blood.
Vincent: Just take it to a friendly place, that's all.
Jules: This in the Valley, Vincent. Marcellus ain't got no friendly places in the Valley.
Vincent: Well Jules this ain't my fucking town, man!
Jules: Shit!
posted by jam_pony at 9:54 PM on October 2, 2006

There was a Canada goose in the dumpster at work today.

Not sure why, but it just seemed appropriate to mention it here, even if I don't get why animal snuff is worthy of an FPP.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:19 PM on October 2, 2006

God, that Slow Crow blog is horrible. I looked at a handful of photos before giving up for fear of vomiting.
posted by stray at 10:21 PM on October 2, 2006

In Northern California where I live there are deer on the roads everywhere. Dusk is about the worst time, thought even late at night they will run out in front of your car.

Once I talked my wife into driving my car, which she never does, on a stretch of Highway 128 coming off of Highway 101 near Cloverdale, California. About five minutes later a medium sized deer ran in front of us and she smashed into it at about 25-30 mph. The deer tumbled over on its side and slid off the road, and as we pulled over I thought for sure the front of the car was going to be mangled. You couldn't even tell we had hit anything, except for a slight bend to the license plate frame. She refused to drive any further, and hasn't driven my car again since. I'm just grateful the airbags didn't inflate!

By the way, around here everyone has a hitting an animal with the car story. The absolute worst are skunks, which can leave a painfully bad odor on your vehicle that lasts for days. And those deer whistles people put on their cars seem pretty pointless. The best thing is to honk your horn, which at least gives them the idea to run from the sound. There are no guarantees, though . . . .
posted by birdhaus at 10:29 PM on October 2, 2006

I hit a deer once. It made me sad. This fpp makes me sad.
posted by Nquire at 11:31 PM on October 2, 2006

I hit a bunny a few months ago and it was shocking. Popped out of nowhere. I pulled over immediately to drag its carcus off the road, since it didn't explode, and then realized i'd locked myself out with the key still in the ignition. Karma, i guess.
posted by wumpus at 11:45 PM on October 2, 2006

posted by brundlefly at 12:19 AM on October 3, 2006

I'm surprised at the number of animals that ended up INSIDE the cars. I guess I didn't know that happened.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 12:57 AM on October 3, 2006

A hall of fame for people who eliminate stupid animals that won't stay off of our roads where they belong.

posted by srboisvert at 1:35 AM on October 3, 2006

During my driving exam my instructor helpfully informed me that most people who die in collisions with moose (meese?) actually drown in the entrails of the moose that is now lodged in your car windshield, tearing itself apart and kicking wildly. Not sure if this is true or not, and I never, ever intend on finding out.

(Oh, we actually have elk in Finland. Same thing, but slightly smaller. Afaik.)
posted by slimepuppy at 5:01 AM on October 3, 2006

Jules: Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain I'm SUPERFLY T.N.T, I'm the GUNS OF THE NAVARONE. In fact, what the fuck am I doin' in the back? You're the motherfucker should be on brain detail. We're fuckin' switchin' right now. I'm washin' the windows and you're pickin' up this moose's skull.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:33 AM on October 3, 2006

We're always on the deer lookout in this part of New Jersey and we just missed one by a matter of inches a couple of months ago. No moose around here, and from the looks of what a Moose will do to your car, that's no bad thing.
posted by ob at 7:28 AM on October 3, 2006

what's up with the text on that blog? why does he hate animals so much? he is stupid.
posted by snofoam at 8:28 AM on October 3, 2006

I don't have to wonder. The brother of one of my best friends, who lives in rural Vermont (is there any part of Vermont that you wouldn't call rural?) hit a moose and is now a parapalegic.
posted by spicynuts at 8:39 AM on October 3, 2006

I know I'm late to the party and all, but I brought snacks.

posted by djeo at 8:46 AM on October 3, 2006

The deer tumbled over on its side and slid off the road, and as we pulled over I thought for sure the front of the car was going to be mangled.... I'm just grateful the airbags didn't inflate!

Nice priorities. Glad your metallic car is okay.
posted by salvia at 9:14 AM on October 3, 2006

Gross. I didn't want to see the dead animal pic, so I just read the comments thread. But someone posted that freaky horse picture. Oh well.
posted by washburn at 9:39 AM on October 3, 2006

I think that's Neidermeyer's horse. Someone get a chainsaw.
posted by stbalbach at 11:00 AM on October 3, 2006

A moose crossed the road in front of a 15-passenger van I was in once, and I felt like if we had hit it, it would have been about even.

It's really hard to get an idea how big a moose is from pictures. I also found myself following one up a dirt road in a Jeep Wrangler once (I was in the Jeep, not the moose). He (believe me, it was infinitely clear that he was a he) didn't care to leave the road, and I didn't care to press the issue, in any way. He just sauntered along ahead of me for a mile or so, then wandered off the road. In moose vs. Jeep, moose definitely wins.
posted by rusty at 11:09 AM on October 3, 2006

Nice priorities. Glad your metallic car is okay.

deer are a dime a dozen where i live ... cars cost more than that
posted by pyramid termite at 11:21 AM on October 3, 2006

Macabre though the subject matter may be—and aren't the writeups oddly humorless and bitter, like a shrill agenda blog?—I have to admit that I find this sort of highly niche blog attractive. This is the web. This is the future of slim-demographic content provision.

(I was in the Jeep, not the moose)

So you weren't in the moose, then. Got it.
posted by cortex at 4:57 PM on October 3, 2006

I almost hit a moose in Vermont once. I came around a corner on a small, rural road, saw it, braked *hard* and came to a stop about 10 feet away from it - my heart pounding. It then turned around, calmly walked towards the car, and LICKED MY WINDSHIELD. I turned on the wipers and laid on the horn, and it would not leave the road. After another 30 seconds or so, it meandered off.

Several years later, a friend of mine won a moose hunting license in a VT state lottery. Needless to say, if you can actually find one, shooting it isn't much of a challenge - as they are stooooopit. And lemme tell you, steak from a wild moose is the BEST THING you will ever eat in your life - assuming you're a vile carnivore.
posted by MaxVonCretin at 5:37 PM on October 3, 2006 [1 favorite]

Saab used to (still do?) claim they were "moose-proof" which gave us quite a chuckle. Apparently they are designed to hit the moose without it taking out the upper part of the vehicle, thus saving the passengers. Quite an issue here in LA...
posted by johngumbo at 6:40 PM on October 3, 2006

deer are a dime a dozen where i live ... cars cost more than that.

Oh, I see! It's cheaper to buy a replacement deer!

(I also should have said I'm glad birdhaus and his wife were okay, since that was probably the point of the airbag comment.)
posted by salvia at 9:38 PM on October 3, 2006

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