Skip

I'm beginning to think you come here just for the finger.
October 5, 2006 9:14 PM   Subscribe

Termination of Intractable Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage. The Annoying Frequency of Fingernails on a Blackboard. How Many Blinking Photographs Does it Take? The 2006 Ig Nobels.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium (33 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
I went to the emergency room for intractable hiccups, and all they gave me was thorazine. :(
posted by owhydididoit at 9:17 PM on October 5, 2006


Termination of Intractable Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage.

Yes, freaking me out by having a total stranger stick his finger up my anus might well cease the hiccups, if temporarily. On the other hand it might cause the treating physician to quickly become a victim of violence...
posted by clevershark at 9:20 PM on October 5, 2006


it might cause the treating physician to quickly become a victim of violence

I think they probably kind of chit-chat about it with you, let you in on the theory, before they just jam it up there.
posted by chococat at 9:30 PM on October 5, 2006


The awards event (including webcast) was tonight and the website is mostly unresponsive. It'll probably improve by tomorrow morning, at least until it gets posted to Slashdot, and then you'll be able to use mirrordot.org for the pages that Slashdot links to.
posted by intermod at 9:32 PM on October 5, 2006 [1 favorite]


I always found the analog rectal massage worked better for me, but maybe I'm just old-fashioned.
posted by JT at 9:47 PM on October 5, 2006 [1 favorite]


You mean anal log?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:17 PM on October 5, 2006


What's the bad news?

The doc said you're gonna die of the hiccups.
posted by docpops at 10:17 PM on October 5, 2006 [1 favorite]


Actually intractable hiccups are/can be pretty horrific for patients. The available drug therapy hasn't changed much in years (metoclopramide, baclofen, thorazine), so this is extraordinarily interesting. A finger up the ass is a pretty good trade off to drug side effects if it helps.
posted by docpops at 10:19 PM on October 5, 2006


Yes, JT, and I find that tubes give the massage a warmer, more mellow feeling ... not everyone can tell the difference, though; I have a "golden ass".

intermod: The Coral CDN is also a good way to deal with overloaded sites.
posted by hattifattener at 10:20 PM on October 5, 2006 [1 favorite]


Terminate... with extreme prejudice.
posted by dreamsign at 11:25 PM on October 5, 2006


Plus, anodigital stimulation is still available without a prescription.
posted by jtron at 11:33 PM on October 5, 2006


Hattifattenner, why not link to it by way of demonstration?
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:54 PM on October 5, 2006


I was gonna save this for a desperate AskMe thread, but here is my -damn-near-infallible-cure for the hiccups-: (And I once had them for 7 days)

With the theory that they are a diaphram spasm, walk your victim thru this simple yet, amazingly hard to follow path:

1. Breathe in deep, hold it
2. Take in a little more, hold it....
3. A ittle more... 5 seconds... (like a hit on a joint if you know what I mean and I think you do)
4. Just a bit more, if you can, do not expell yet
5. Count to at least five

You are cured. I've never seen this process fail
posted by OneOliveShort at 12:52 AM on October 6, 2006


Am I the only one who was hoping that Digital Rectal Massage was going to be some kind of Web 2.0 thingie?
posted by lekvar at 12:55 AM on October 6, 2006


Plus, anodigital stimulation is still available without a prescription.

I could have sworn that you wrote "Plus, anecdotal information is still available without a prescription."

Also true.
posted by dreamsign at 1:18 AM on October 6, 2006


There's a muscle in the chest that, when tensed, cures my hiccups without fail (except they sometimes return, exactly one, if I cough afterwards). I'm not sure what this muscle is called, but I bet if others knew about it they could do it too.
posted by Earl the Polliwog at 1:32 AM on October 6, 2006


That's not a muscle, Earl, and are you sure it was you who was coughing?
posted by dreamsign at 1:35 AM on October 6, 2006


The finger up the anus cure is amazingly good news but that's only half of what I need to know. How can you give yourself hiccups?
posted by srboisvert at 5:17 AM on October 6, 2006 [2 favorites]


Well, having had intractable hiccups after a kidney stone surgery, it's one of those things that is funny in retrospect but painful in person. Couldn't sleep, eat, or drink for 12 hours. The usual cures did work, for all of about 3 minutes before they started back up again. Eventually I checked myself into the hospital under the advice of my surgeon because due to the fast the night before, I had not been able to hold down any food or water for over a day. If a rectal massage could have saved me a night in the hospital with an IV drip, I would have gone for it.

And why are guys such big wimps when it comes to medical procedures involving the ass?
posted by KirkJobSluder at 5:45 AM on October 6, 2006


Termination of Intractable Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage.

To really get rid of hiccups quickly, try stuffing a gerbil up your ass. I heard it works every time. If the gerbil has hiccups, though.... it's a whole other story.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 6:06 AM on October 6, 2006


I was at the award ceremony last night, and the guy getting the award for the digital rectal massage research was definitely the guy who best understood the proceedings. He gave a good-natured acceptance speech in which he recognized the absurdity of the research at face value, and then handed out free samples of his kit (latex glove and lube) at the door.

Things nearly broke down when the MC, directly after giving him the award, announced 'We have a demonstration!' and one of the Nobel laureates in attendance stepped forward wearing a giant foam finger and carrying a bottle of lube.

Ah, Ig Nobel.
posted by Mayor West at 6:09 AM on October 6, 2006


I have won more dinks in bars this way......place a napkin or a papertowel over the top of the glass and take a sip or two of water through the napkin/papertowel. Works EVERY time. I have never seen it fail.
posted by winks007 at 7:05 AM on October 6, 2006


dinks, Sorry, I haven't won any "dinks", but oh...the drinks, man I have won some "drinks". Hiccup...scuse me.
posted by winks007 at 7:15 AM on October 6, 2006


That must be why I never get hiccups...
posted by PigAlien at 7:35 AM on October 6, 2006


What's the cure for chronic humiliation?
posted by horsewithnoname at 8:09 AM on October 6, 2006


Digital massage of one's self-esteem?
posted by aerotive at 8:48 AM on October 6, 2006


Am I the only one who was hoping that Digital Rectal Massage was going to be some kind of Web 2.0 thingie?
posted by lekvar at 2:55 AM CST on October 6 [+] [!]


No, but it would make a hell of a band name.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:37 AM on October 6, 2006


I don't know if they really help hiccups, but digital rectal massages have done nothing for my posting on MetaFilter.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:17 AM on October 6, 2006


I think we can now explain to the public, in a way they'll truly understand, why the DRM that the RIAA and MPAA are forcing on us is a bad thing.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 12:00 PM on October 6, 2006


OneOliveShort, that method SOMETIMES works for me.

It's what I usually try, but it now rarely works. Go figure.
posted by flaterik at 3:02 PM on October 6, 2006


Most of the things that work just are various ways of raising the blood carbon dioxide levels. You can accomplish this by breathing into a plastic bag for a few breaths.

JT for the win.
posted by unrepentanthippie at 6:53 PM on October 6, 2006


docpops: Is that a way of accessing the vagus nerve?
posted by unrepentanthippie at 6:57 PM on October 6, 2006


Real Men (tm) aren't afraid to be "tail gunners" when it comes to medical stuff.

Now, the recreational stuff, well, that's nunna.

"vagus nerve" was what I flashed on too...need to read the F'ing link, I guess.
posted by pax digita at 4:05 AM on October 7, 2006


« Older The irrationality of a thing is no argument...   |   Miracles You’ll See In The Next Fifty Years Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments



Post