The FBI is complaining

October 11, 2006 10:03 AM

The FBI is complaining because they lack people who speak Arabic. Yet, they discharged many people who did speak Arabic because they were gay. It seems boys kissing is more important than terrorism?
posted by omnithought (38 comments total)

I think you are confusing the FBI with the military.
posted by caddis at 10:05 AM on October 11, 2006

Well, it's certainly scarier than terrorism.
posted by you just lost the game at 10:06 AM on October 11, 2006

Those gay linguists certainly are cunning.
Cunning, I tell you.
posted by Floydd at 10:09 AM on October 11, 2006 [1 favorite]

caddis, perhaps in regular thought the FBI and military are distinct, but in omnithought everything is connected, one and the same, now and forever.
posted by brain_drain at 10:09 AM on October 11, 2006

brain_drain, reading that made totally rad wailing guitar noises go off in my head. I now understand the key to universe, which likely involves a bitchen van with a giant mural of an eagle being turned into a wolf by a bong-weilding wizard.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:15 AM on October 11, 2006

The FBI should hire all the gay, Arabic linguists the Army is firing.
posted by Captaintripps at 10:17 AM on October 11, 2006

Maybe it's because both the FBI and the Armed Forces are federal entities...

Also I very much doubt that the FBI would even consider hiring someone who's been dismissed from the Armed Forces because they were gay. "Blackmail risk" (basically a self-perpetuating situation caused by institutional stigma), you know.
posted by clevershark at 10:17 AM on October 11, 2006

The Military and FBI are two entirely different institutions.

Both, however, are under the ultimate control of the Executive branch, and Herr Bush, our very own great dictator.

It's no secret that he governs by evangelical principals, with no regard for expediency... or reality, for that matter. The firing of homosexual linguists by the military and concurrent shortage of such in the F.B.I. is simply another symptom of this unfortunate trait: the left hand does not know what the right hand is doing.
posted by The Confessor at 10:17 AM on October 11, 2006

FBI != Army.
posted by delmoi at 10:20 AM on October 11, 2006

I think the bigger question here is, why do so many homosexuals speak Arabic? Were they gay prior to learning the language, or is there something abou Farsi that puts a little sugar in your tank?
posted by jonson at 10:20 AM on October 11, 2006

I fail to see how a fired gay linguist from the military could be a blackmail risk. After all, each such firing gets a ton of press. How can you blackmail someone with information everyone knows?
posted by Captaintripps at 10:20 AM on October 11, 2006

Double.
Triple.
posted by LarryC at 10:20 AM on October 11, 2006

The only blackmail risks are those who refuse to take advantage of National Coming Out Day (today) like Denny Hastert. The risk comes from the fear of being outed. Once out there is nothing to fear, other than repression from gay haters.
posted by caddis at 10:21 AM on October 11, 2006

Those gay linguists certainly are cunning.
Cunning, I tell you.

But their work is fallacious...
posted by jonp72 at 10:22 AM on October 11, 2006

No caddis. If you've been fired from the military for being gay, you've already been outed.
posted by Captaintripps at 10:23 AM on October 11, 2006

Farsi isn't Arabic. Just sayin.
posted by the jam at 10:28 AM on October 11, 2006

um, that was my point Captain.
posted by caddis at 10:31 AM on October 11, 2006

I think the bigger question here is, why do so many homosexuals speak Arabic?

I'm sure this is mostly sample/confirmation bias, but most of the really skilled polyglots I've known have been gay. Go figure.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:35 AM on October 11, 2006

Does this remind anyone else of Jewish scientists fleeing Nazi Germany to the US and then helping the allies develop the atomic bomb? It's a race that the allies only managed to win by a nose. Persecuting those that would help the war efforts is a really bad idea. And liberals are supposed to be the ones who are leading us to defeat?
posted by SBMike at 10:37 AM on October 11, 2006

Captaintripps writes "I fail to see how a fired gay linguist from the military could be a blackmail risk."

There are a lot of things that are considered "blackmail risk" by federal agencies that don't pass the laugh test in the real world...
posted by clevershark at 10:38 AM on October 11, 2006

but in omnithought everything is connected

Damnit, I laughed so hard I swallowed my gum. make your gay double-entendre there I suppose
posted by GuyZero at 10:42 AM on October 11, 2006

Also I very much doubt that the FBI would even consider hiring someone who's been dismissed from the Armed Forces because they were gay. "Blackmail risk" (basically a self-perpetuating situation caused by institutional stigma), you know.

No, I don't think that would be a problem at all for the FBI, based on my limited knowledge of gay FBI agents.

I think the bigger question here is, why do so many homosexuals speak Arabic? Were they gay prior to learning the language, or is there something abou Farsi that puts a little sugar in your tank?

They were trained by the military. So, they were presumably gay prior to learning the language. And, they were smart enough to be able to choose a good MOS instead of being consigned to the infantry.

But my own relatively limited experience with Arab guys is that they tend to be pretty open about having sex with other guys, as long as they don't have to adopt a gay identity.
posted by me & my monkey at 10:44 AM on October 11, 2006

Actually maybe it's not "blackmail risk" so much as the lack of an explicitly honorable discharge from the military.
posted by clevershark at 10:45 AM on October 11, 2006

I'm sure this is mostly sample/confirmation bias, but most of the really skilled polyglots I've known have been gay. Go figure.

Could be that the lifestyle is more conducive to travel. And especially travel to exotic locations. No taboo on intercultural dating (as far as I know). Just a thought.
posted by SBMike at 11:04 AM on October 11, 2006

Metafilter: skilled gay polyglots
posted by ericbop at 11:10 AM on October 11, 2006

> why do so many homosexuals speak Arabic?

Cavafy explained that to E. M. Forster. All over the Middle East they separate the men from the boys with a crowbar.
posted by jfuller at 11:16 AM on October 11, 2006

I think the bigger question here is, why do so many homosexuals speak Arabic?

Awrens!
posted by languagehat at 11:23 AM on October 11, 2006

I'm not surprised by this at all.

As an Arabic speaker who the army tried to heavily recruit while I was still in high school (although I was only 16 my senior year). I was scared off of them with their incessant calling, sometimes twice a week - over the space of 3 years.

I've also been approached by companies that the government has outsourced their recruitment to and have been turned off by their apparent desperation, even though the salary they are waving in front of me - $200k/year plus $15k bonus each month I stay alive might sound appealing.

Turns out I only have a deathwish on Sundays. The army never calls me on Sunday.
posted by wilde at 11:24 AM on October 11, 2006 [1 favorite]

The Confessor writes "It's no secret that he governs by evangelical principals, with no regard for expediency... or reality, for that matter. The firing of homosexual linguists by the military and concurrent shortage of such in the F.B.I. is simply another symptom of this unfortunate trait: the left hand does not know what the right hand is doing."

I'm pretty sure that this paragraph contains no logic.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:31 AM on October 11, 2006

My little theory: gay arabs are most likely to hold an anti-middle east sentiment (because they aren't too keen on homosexuality over there), and are thus more likely to join a club which shares those sentiments.
posted by Citizen Premier at 11:36 AM on October 11, 2006

Omnithought is complaining because the FBI fired gay people. Yet she fired one of her own employees because he was gay. It seems boys kissing is more important than hotel management?
posted by Bugbread at 12:10 PM on October 11, 2006

Would you believe...Quadruple

Oh, and the Daily Show put it best [youtube]
posted by Deathalicious at 12:22 PM on October 11, 2006

I've also been approached by companies that the government has outsourced their recruitment to and have been turned off by their apparent desperation, even though the salary they are waving in front of me - $200k/year plus $15k bonus each month I stay alive might sound appealing.

$200k! Well I was going to post that if they're having trouble finding translators they're obviously not offering enough money... but $200k? What's the drawback, is it like Windtalkers were they take you out in the field and they have orders to kill you if you fall into enemy hands?
posted by bobo123 at 12:24 PM on October 11, 2006

I took a semester of Arabic in college, and I wasn't bad at it. Sometimes I regret not continuing. Now I really regret it - I could use a rare employable skill.
posted by Karmakaze at 12:24 PM on October 11, 2006

bobo123 - That's apparently the going salary if they place you in Iraq.

My mom doubts anyone actually makes it an entire year. I wonder if that includes a life insurance policy?

The thing is I can't read or write Arabic well - I only speak and understand fluently, but at this point, they'll take anyone with a moderate grasp of the language.

I'm only tempted to apply to see if they have some sort of dossier on my family. My grandfather was politically active in my parent's native country, and was granted political asylum in the U.S. ...and my mom watches Al-Jazeera.
posted by wilde at 12:57 PM on October 11, 2006

Jonson, excellent question. Methinks it's because Middle Eastern men are just really hot, reinforcing orientalist fantasies (viz., The Lustful Turk), prompting more gays than straights to start learning the lingo. Women here would if they weren't raised on a diet that implicitly states that the 'Arabs are the only misogynists in the world'.

Also, not sure how reliable our Associate Professor and head of Security Studies from Georgetown is, given that he called 'Pakistani' a language. There is no such thing, and as head of Security Studies, he should know that, or if he does not, he should at the very least stop pontificating on the limits of Arabic speakers as FBI agents.

The FBI's traditional mandate is internal intelligence and surveillance. The CIA operates abroad. Given that I believe such a division should remain (though it has been compromised of late), I don't see the lack of FBI agents per se as Arabic speakers a problem, as long as they have ready access to translators.

To use this issue to try and reverse the ban on LGB's in the military (not sure whether the armed forces tolerate trannies), I believe is silly. Banning people in any form of employment on the basis of sexual orientation is despicable. Period.
posted by Azaadistani at 1:13 PM on October 11, 2006

The Lustful Turk for those of you who continue to harbour such fantasies.
posted by Azaadistani at 1:20 PM on October 11, 2006

According to Robert D. Kaplan's The Arabists, the Foreign Service was purged of Arab sympathies, deemed to be elitist (Ivy League) and "romantic" in order to make way for pro-Israeli sympathies in the State Dept. As a former Israeli soldier, Kaplan blames the Arabists on the problems in the middle-east due to appeasement, but nonetheless documents their triumphs, including building goodwill (and universities) among Arabs that has served us even when waging war against their allies. I read his book and came away with an opposite reaction than its author. The romantic intellectuals, often sons of pioneering missionaries and raised in the region, were more correct in their assessment when the main strategic resource, oil, is factored into "American interests" (Kaplan's favored term).
posted by Brian B. at 1:39 PM on October 11, 2006